What should i do when i am not getting any help from my kids dad financially

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Talina - posted on 08/31/2009

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To be honest, there's not much you can do. You can file for child support but if they can't find him or he doesn't have a job, there is nothing that they really can do. The only thing I can say do is PRAY and keep it moving. Your child/children will appreciate the sacrifices you make! Good luck and remember to have faith!

Heather - posted on 08/30/2009

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FOC doesn't do much these days. if you can do this on your own...you're better off. my ex ows lots and we finally did the felony charges...doesnt help he still doesnt pay.your child will be better off in the long run cuz that child will love and respect you more for all you do. good luck!!!

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Mandy - posted on 09/10/2009

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All i can say is get the state involved. My ex owed me like 5,000 in child supoort just for 8 months of being behind. The county i live in violated him because he owed so much. Now, he is paying and starting to pay his back support also.But the state filed a judgement against him so when he files his tax returns I get his money. If he fails to pay again I can have him arrested

Erika - posted on 09/10/2009

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honestly girl dont go after the sorry pos! i dont get anything from my daughters father and its very hard but in the long run you will b so much happier you didn't go there... i always worry that if i did get child support would her sperm donor of a father just try and take her for visitaions and such just in spite of me? or what if he has sum nasty witch of a gf that mistreats your children? is 100 a month if you even can get that much outta him worth the chance of your beautiful sons having emotion scares with them for the rest of their lives? i know i wont chance my daughters mind body and soul with something like that! i would rather have an extra job or go back to school or maybe shop at a good will store and wear hand me downs before i'm ever going to take and dirt bags money! if you show your sons how strong you are its going to teach them that when the going gets tuff the tuff get going and stand on their own two feet! i know is tuff! i pay for everything myself for my daughter and just recently had to move home with my parents because i cant afford daycare and health insurence all the ins and outs of kids... i even recently just got a 3rd job! but i'm doing it and i'm gunna make it! and you seem like a strong woman with 3 amazing gifts from god, and even tho the bank acount may never say your rich, your rich for the blessing of the 3 sons you were given!

Sonyia - posted on 09/09/2009

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well,its really nothing 2 do just keep doing what ur suppose 2 do and everything else will work cause deadbeats are just that @ life goes on!

Lisa - posted on 09/08/2009

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My son's sperm donor is over $20,000 in arrears and that's at less than $50 a week. He has been working for the last few years and I do get current payments now, but he is still in arrears. What you need to do is not rely on them paying, even with an order in place. When you get support praise the goddess and when you don't curse the idiot, but don't depend on getting the money you deserve and were ordered to receive to pay bills

D.Denise - posted on 09/08/2009

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Well, depending on your situation and the state you're in, you have a few options. Go to court and get court ordered child support based on his/your income and the number of children. If he falls behind/not at all, it'll become garnished from his wages automatically before he even gets paid (it's like that here in California). Go to the Social services office in your community and apply for Food stamps (based on your income and number of children as well), and Medi-cal (important for everyone involved). WIC if the child is under the age of 5. There's a ton of help out there, but you have to be patient, and keep looking. When I got divorced, I also lost my job, got evicted and ended up staying with a friend. I had to apply for unemployment, food stamps and financial aid at my sons school for free breakfast/lunch. It was a bit disheartening, but you do what you have to do to make sure the child has everything they need! I wish you the best of luck...and....keep your head up! :)

Christal - posted on 09/06/2009

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My ex is wants custody of our two kids just he doesn't have to pay support. I have filed with friend of the court and the county clerks office for custody and child support. If you can file before he does you are better off. My ex lives in another state with his pregnant girlfriend, he wanted a divorce but now he doesn't. I filed and because I did so first, that benefits me. It will take awhile to get support going and if you can do it on your own you're better off. But it is also retro active to when you filed, so I filed in June, that means when I do start getting it, they will go after him to that month.

Lori - posted on 09/05/2009

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Child Support has been no help to me.. They have an address.. phone.. etc.. on him, They did take his passport away... they threatened Jail.. he lives in S.Carolina, we are in NY.. he owns his own business and just bought a 1/2 million dollar home... with his new 24 year old wife.. He is 29K in arrears.. and I have done it own my own for a long time now.. its hard.. Let your kids know the truth, but never put him down to them.. when they are older they will make their own decisions regarding him. I am at that point in life now.. My son is 13 and wants nothing to do with him... he was 2 when I was divorced.. the girls are older and they do talk on the phone, but they also realize that he has not done anything to support them while growing up.

Nicole - posted on 09/05/2009

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Honey, as single moms we have to take care of our babies with out their help. Just keep on doin what your doin, working hard and loving your baby. Report his butt to Child Support a.s.a.p. If you receive assistance form the state, take that paper work with you. Set a court date with Child Support and they will help you go from there.

P.S. You have to stay on top of C.S. They will set you aside if you let them.

Tonya - posted on 09/05/2009

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U need to go talk to the child support office espically if he has a job...it is his resposibiltiy to help take care of them too. My daughter is 17 months old and I just started getting support from her dad a couple months ago so I would start now because sometimes depending on the state u live in it can take a while. Good luck and don't give up, you're kids deserve to be taken care of by both parents.

Candice - posted on 09/05/2009

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help him to learn the lesson to be a responsible dad financially if he nothing else. in that you teaching you child about respect and the inner strength of a Mother. he needs to pay - take him to court. and if he fails a payment take further action even if it means he needs to sit behind bars for refusing payment for your child. I wish you well as you journey into finding the inner strength to be a devoted mom. :-)

Denise - posted on 09/04/2009

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Child support enforcers wont do much. my oldest son father gets out of holding a job and he never filed for tax. its been 11yrs. Just do you and the kids. One day his contious will beat him and hell come around and it might be too late. But dont tell the child anything bad about the dad. keep that between u adults. Prey for strenght, and let the almight take care of everything.

Chele - posted on 09/04/2009

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Contact your local Child Enforcement Division which is a division of Social Services so if you do not know where to find address contact local Social Services and they can help get you started. When he gets too far behind his picture (which they ask for) will be posted and he can never get tax return etc...I have had friends that did this and they garnished the "sperm donor's" check....never could hurt.

Nina - posted on 09/04/2009

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I had the same problem....I'll tell ya what I did...took his @** to court, took him for all he was worth, go down to the court house to put a warrant on him every time he misses a payment...AND call the cops when I see him somewhere and I know he has a warrant for my child support.......it's tough but you HAVE TO DO IT

Amy - posted on 09/04/2009

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If he's in the military, you can go directly to them and they will automatically withdraw from his check without any question. If he's not in the military, you can still go through legal channels on your own without having to hire a lawyer. You can file yourself through the courts - costs like $30 or so for just child support. Pending on the situation, they will automatically take out from his pay check so that you don't have to wait for him to send a check. Check with your local city and county courts - I know there's things you can do yourself to get what you need and deserve financially.

Annie - posted on 09/04/2009

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I found it easier to go through child support, my kids dad has to pay, he helped me make my little boy!

Andraya - posted on 09/03/2009

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Hello My name is Andraya newly divorced and all the other stuff that goes along with it. However I'm happy and content my advice to you is to take him to court and be an adult about it. Stay positive and focus for you child or children. One day at a time is what i say to keep myself on the right track. Lots of love peace and happiness to you and yours.

Angela - posted on 09/03/2009

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Hey hun I am going through the same thing. I't is hard! I finally told my sons father you want to see him and not pay no way go to court you may not get much but it's a start. Hang in there girl. Any guy can be a dad but it takes a real man to step up and be a father.

Alison - posted on 09/03/2009

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every state is different with enforcing cs. my county is supposedly one of the top counties for going after deadbeat parents..well not my sons father. my son is 6 this year and he's over $5,000.00 behind and only obligated to pay $230.00 a month. we go back and forth to court numerous times and he gets away every single time. it's stressful and aggrevating, but i'm getting to the point now where i know i can't ever rely on him physically(since day one) or financially. they always threaten him with jail time, take away his license. 6 years this has been going on he's spent 2 days total in jail and they've taken away his license twice. everytime he asks for his license back he gets them. he's playing them. he gets a job long enough for our review hearings to stop then he quits and disappears til they pick him up. its ridiculous. i bust my rear off day in day out and he's allowed to do what he wants. my son will know all on his own when he's older i was there for him and that's what's going to matter in the end. just being there and taking care of your child. that's what matters. i believe all parents should be held accountable financially, because no one makes a baby on there own and they shouldn't have to raise that baby on there own, but that's the world we seem to be living in..good luck

Christi - posted on 09/03/2009

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File for child support thru the attorney general's office, report where he works to them and the money will start rollin in..i know i did it..gave my child's father 2 1/2 years to step up..he didnt so i did what i had to do. Things have been going good for the last 8 months financially!

Kourtni - posted on 09/03/2009

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Hi! you should file for child support, do it through your state or get a private lawyer! I know n GA they will find him, and if they cannot the family will be questioned to get him. I receive my sons support before his father gets his check himself and if he ever misses a payment you report it. Although there is not an amount of money to replace what u do on the daily but every little bit helps. Hold him accountable for the beautiful child that you all together made. You both dont have to talk or see each other if thats your choice but dont allow him to go on livin and not be accoutable. Just think of your child future... i have choosen not to spend my sons support i put it into his savings... but you r intitled to do wit it what u please. While going through the process dont be resentful or have any anger just do what has to be done with a smile on your face and peace in your heart.

Antoinette - posted on 09/03/2009

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File child support and depending on where u live will depend on the results. Like the others said he may not pay it but if he ever gets a job, it will come out of his pay check. Other then that do all that you can to take care of your kids. If you need to file for aide then go ahead girl there is a lot of help out there its just a matter of finding it and going thru the circus to get it

Michelle - posted on 09/03/2009

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Take him to court.They take A fathers licence now if he is behind in child support. Its a great method if the enjoy thier privledge of driving. :)

Eronne - posted on 09/03/2009

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Get a lawyer because your claim will last forever but that said the practicality of it is that you may never get any help. Many things have changed for women in the last 50 years but what hasn't is that the children so often are still our responsibility. This may hurt but expect that you will have provide for them on your own until they grow up....and it can be done! The internet has opened a huge amount of brand new earning potentials for young moms. Look into some of the opportunities that you might be able to take advantage of, while your kids sleep. The bottom line is - you have to be prepared to do it all. In the long run, I handled the financial but really missed the hugs and moral support when things got tough.

Suzanne - posted on 09/03/2009

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i dont get no money of my babys dad either he only brought my baby a 10 pound outfit wen i was preg n that was it i dont c my babys dad 4 over 4 months now so i reather not have his money so i aint got nothin to thank him 4 i reather him c his son than pay n not c him

Amanda - posted on 09/03/2009

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gurl i have been dealing with mine for a year. spent 10,000 in lawyer fees, we had a lot of issues, and he is supposed to pay 600 a month. i havent gotten a payment in 9 months. and the only thing they will do is put him n jail for a few days if he doesnt pay. and you have to pay to do that. so yea you just have to learn to take care of ur kids alone. its very hard but im sure u can do it. hope this helped. and good luck

Kadeidra - posted on 09/03/2009

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Im sure there are plenty out here in the same situation including myself. You have 2 choices, child support of just dismiss the deadbeat. The kids may be better off

Lee Ann - posted on 09/03/2009

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Mine just got picked up for drunk driving third offense!!! You know he will be in for awhile. The only things i can say is be a strong mom for your child's and do the best you can to support them. There will be a time where he will pay for all his mistakes of not being a father

[deleted account]

check if u qulify for rental assistance if u make under 30,000 or 35,000 they give u money 2 help just a thought

Kristen - posted on 09/02/2009

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Contact your local DFS office and ask for child support papers, if he has a job they will garnish his wages, he wont have any control over it... if he doesnt then the money will come out of his tax returns... but you have to file the papers or else get a lawyer and take his ass to court... then he'll ahve no choice but to pay... the only thing that sucks is before you can file charges, the amount that he owes you has to be greater than $2000.

Misty - posted on 09/02/2009

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its the same here :-( I have 3 kids and their dad is worthless he would rather work under the table buy xbox games and stupid sh** like that rather then helping me with my kids....I have started the whole child support thing but that doesnt do any good when hes workin under the table....first they take his lisence then a week in jail and so forth hahaha so i gave up if he pays he pays i can take care of my kids on my own....just give it some time set up a budget try to follow it the best you can and cross your fingers.....we have faith in you you can do this

Denise - posted on 09/02/2009

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Time to act a private investigator,...get all the info u can on him. (job, address, SSN, bank accounts, assets(house, car, etc) File an order child support and have him served. If he doesn't show up for court, chances are you will get everything you are asking for. Now if he has a job, contact his employer with the order of assignment.(child support order) so they can take it out of his check. If he doesn't have a job, contact Child Support Enforcement and start a case with them. They can help but you have to stay on them. They can put liens on property, suspend licenses, etc. In the meantime, you are gonna have to do it alone. I know its tough. Done it myself. But don't give up. Keep your head up girl.

Wendy - posted on 09/02/2009

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I agree with the other mom's on here. If you can do it on your own, you're better off. Even if you are awarded child support, that doesn't mean he'll pay it. I've been divorced for 6 years and for the first 3 my son's father paid every month. Then he claimed he couldn't work and quit paying child support. Now, the state can't find him and he owes over $6,000. Things are very tight around our home, but we manage and you can too.

Emma - posted on 09/02/2009

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i dont get anything from my ex, he cant even be bothered to work to put a roof over his own head. your better of doing it by yourself. use your energy to look after you both

Candice - posted on 09/02/2009

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I became a Mary Kay consultant and was able to make enough money to provide for my son myself and it gave me the time to be a stay at home mom too which was really important for me. If you ex isn't paying then chances are that he never will. Its gonna cause you a lot of stress and resentment and its easier to just cut him out of you and your sons life. Once he is gone and you don't count on him for anything it opens up so many doors.

Jade - posted on 09/02/2009

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Well i am going through the same thing but i filled for child suporrt!! Thats the best thing you can do because they take it out his check. And lets say he recevied a short check you still get the same amount of money bc the state will pick up the difference and starta tab for him to pay them back or go to jail!! and even if he goes to jail for not paying you always get that check as long as you file with the state!! He needs to step up and be a dad and if not then thats when you do what you have to do to take care of ur kids!!

Inga - posted on 09/02/2009

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Probably your best bet is to file with child support enforcement in your state. Go to your state's website & find out what steps you have to take. Check with your local social service agency. Good luck

Vanessa - posted on 09/02/2009

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Dont worry about it. REALLY. You should act as though child support is a plus, b/c the truth is you dont have control over it. It is what it is. So do for yourself. Find government programs and aids for single mothers (google). There are plenty out there. I'm not saying it's easy, I'm just saying that unfortunately our society forces mothers to go at it ALONE. Make the best of your situation and dont be bitter, nothing good comes from being bitter. (I know I have a baby daddy that NEVER PAYS) =/

[deleted account]

I know it sucks. I am in the same boat. I started out by biting my tongue but it's getting to that point where enough is enough. He doesn't look for work and he has been unemployed for almost a year now. It's that extreme that now I am thinking maybe I should stop the freedom I have given him to come and see him whenever he wants, and this one whole weekend of having him every fortnight thing. If he loves his son, which he does, this might just make him get his ass into gear. Somehow, I don't think it'll work because his laziness will outweigh his love for bub.

Jen - posted on 09/01/2009

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Not much you can do when they get married and freeload off of someone else and adimately refuse to work, or make it look like they are not able to work to avoid paying support. The Dead-Beat-Dad thing does not work. They work under the table and they will not confirm nor deny they have any kind of income. You can take them to court and do everything in your power to get childsupport. In the end, you don't have any kind of support even from the system. Go for sole legal custody without visitation and call it a day. He's not worth it. Include in the order the child's name be changed to your's, if it is not already. Go for broke! Chances are you will find someone else who is more reliable and will love and care for that child's well being financially and emotionally better than his biological father. The child will love you for the caring environment you have raised them in and remember it. Keep a journal and share it with your child later when they are old enough to know the difference. :)

Tanya - posted on 09/01/2009

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the more u think about this, the more upset u get over this is the way he keeps that conrol over you. people can only affect you if you let them ....as u can see lots of us mums are looking after our kids with no financial support for them... file for support then put your thoughts about the matter into the trash basket located deep within your mind... who knows one day u might get lucky and recieve all that money he owe you ... but in the mean time u can do without the extra stress of wanting something ur more then likely never going to get...enjoy ur life, enjoy ur kids and stay focused on what u can do with the budget u do have... free spirit and clean mind is going to give you a great life...let him hold the guilt

Cindie - posted on 09/01/2009

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My kids dad don't pay a dime either. Friend of the court ordered him not to pay because he is on disability. He makes 4 times what i make on disability and i'm workin my butt off. Good luck.

[deleted account]

Hi, i have 4 kids dad don't paya penny, i kept giving him opportunity afta opportunity to keep in touch wid his kids, year afta year he promises to pay towards kids eg uniforms trips with school etc...not seen a penny yet, i have just myself today filed for child support afta years of broken promises, i think it finally snk in he was not gonna pay a penny or interested in his kids yesterday,when my younger twins turned 11 and we have not heard from their dad...so afta years of hoping he'll cum round mentally on his own i now have forced the situation (he's a building survyor getting good money) my other twins are 13 and this has been going on for 11 years...sometimes enuf is enuf....Good Luck xx

Heather - posted on 09/01/2009

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Quoting Lela:

The state of NC will put your behind in JAIL if you don't pay the child support. Of course, this is counterproductive, if he's in jail he can't work and therefore you won't get support. But it will open up his eyes if his freedom is taken.

Also, I agree with an earlier post to get in touch with the IRS. The IRS and state DOR will withhold tax returns for non-payment of child support. You have to be proactive. I don't agree with those who say, do it on your own. You didn't make the child/children on your own so you shouldn't have to care for them on your own. Just my 2 cents.



I agree with what you wrote about you dont make the children on your own so you shouldnt have to care for them on your own.......however, in some cases the fathers will try to make your life horrible if you make them pay child support.  Somes times its just easier...and cheeper (court costs) to just let it go.  I have heard too many times about fathers trying to take custody once the mothers try to get support.....in fact thats kindof what my sons dad is doing. Of course, he will never get custody because I have never done anything wrong, and his ill intentions are well shown in the court papers he filed.  However, i am spending thousands of dollars right now in court costs because he is still mad at me for leaving him and filed for custody.  I had no choice in getting child support though because I had the medical card, they automatically start it. However, he is five months old and I havent seen a penny because of the custody case.  They ordered temporary visitation.....but not child support.  What kind of bull is that?  The father actually had the nerve to suggest we work this out between us because its getting expensive!!!  He was the one that filed in the first place!!! So I told him that I have been providing everything my son has needed since he was born without any help so how dare HIM complain that things are getting expensive when he has not spent one penny on his son!!!!  



But still, I do agree with you.....as long as you know the father isnt a jerk and will turn around and do crap like what im going through.  I do know other guys that automatically give the mother money every month WITHOUT a court order and they are not with the mother.  These are the guys that know responsibility and are not hurting the child to get back at the mother.  



Oh I also wanted to say.....if the father lets say never works and owes child support....they will even take it out of his social security when he gets older...no matter how old the child is.  Its still your money no matter what.  

Candice - posted on 09/01/2009

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once again, i'm amazed at the lengths men will go to to avoid paying child support. it seems like a waste of time sometimes...but i am fighting for it anyway..and here's why:

the money isn't for YOU...it belongs to your child. it is their RIGHT. and if you don't go after it, (at least in canada) the CHILD can go after it when they are of age. you may not see a dime if you fight for it, but i agree, at least they are liable and will have that hanging over their head (and on their credit, and ruining their reputation) as long as the child is alive...and sometimes the bastards get caught and you see some money. Some is better than none. fight for it.

Juli - posted on 09/01/2009

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I work full time, but my ex lost his job in June. No more child support. I have applied for any kind of help I can think of (and I've never done that before). Childcare assistance, food stamps....I've also called my bank and creditors about lowering interest rates and they've all been willing to help. My mortgage was lowered $250/month. I'm trying to survive alone, so if he ever does get a job, it will only help. Good luck.

Joi - posted on 09/01/2009

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I agree with Kira. File for child support first Next - Here's what I've had to do: I went to the state to help until I can get help from my kids dad. The state should have programs that are designed to help people who are finanically struggling. I've received daycare assistance and insurance for my kids. Soon I will be getting assistance with my rent as well.

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