What to do?...

Nicole - posted on 08/09/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I guess I am on here looking for opinions , it kind of helps to hear other people's thoughts on my situation, especially if you have gone through the same thing.

Basically to cut a very long story short, I rushed into a relationship with a man, who turned out to lie and cheat the whole way through our relationship.

I fell pregnant 5 months into the relationship as I really thought he was "the one" , he totally stringed me along the whole time, he is the type of man that hates being single.
whilst with me he constantly lied, met women on dating sites, cheated, and stole, when we finally broke up he ran off leaving me to deal with aload of unpaid debts.

His family do not even like him as his lies have hurt them in the past, he also lied very badly to my family, who hate him, friends who have met him took an instant dislike to him.

we have a six month old son together, and I never wanted to be the type of mum that denies the dad to see their own son, however he started letting us down on visits, one excuse was he was ill and didn't want my son catching what he had, little did I know he was in bed with a woman he had met from the internet the previous night.

He hasn't given me any money for our son, and asks about him by email.
I don't know what to do, I never want my son turning out like this man, he is truly awful and I honestly think he is mentally ill and the lies never stop.
I have had to go to an sti clinic too, as ex's of his have contacted me to tell me he did the same to them , full of lies and cheats, I feel like I can't trust my son anywhere near him, and unsure of what to do...

Any advice would be great

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I would suggest that you get a solicitor and make sure that a visitation schedule and child support is set down on paper. That way it can be dealt with through a third party. In the UK there's the Child Support Agency who can be the third party who deal with it. Useful in my case as I don't have to speak/communicate with my ex, though not getting anything at the moment as my ex is doing his best to hide from them. Anyway they're doing everything in their power to get me some maintance and are supposed to review my case every six months. Hopefully he'll make a mistake and/or get reported to CSA so that I can start getting some maintance again (though not holding my breath).

Also worth setting out some basic rules for your ex in relation to visitations - make sure that you keep a note of which dates you set, if he attends/doesn't. His reasons/excuses for not showing up/being late as well. Same goes for child support. Keep all the emails that he sends you (and your replies) so that they can be used as potential evidence of his past behaviour. (Same for text messages).

As for his family - what about forming links with them so that at least they are in your son's life.

For 'trusting' your ex - work on the assumption that he'll carry on with the same behaviour until he can show/prove that he's able to change his ways and does. Though don't have high hopes of him changing his ways.

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