What to do about exes and their dating lives??

Hope - posted on 08/10/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I have a 3 yr old girl named Marissa. Her dad has dated/lived with his girlfriend for 2 years. Marissa has gone over there everyother Friday night for the past year. Now the girlfriend broke up with him and still wants to be a part of my daughter's life. I told her no, that she had no place in my daughter's life if she was not with her father. The girlfriend says she will always be a part of Marissa's life no matter what. What is your opinion of the decision I made and how to handle it from here???? I don't want my child confused. Although she is only 3 she is very smart. Please help.

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14 Comments

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Hope - posted on 08/25/2009

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Her Dad says "You are her mom and I back what you decide 100%" Now that I have explained everything to him. At first he said he didn't understand what it would hurt, blah blah blah... But he has my back now. And that always helps out.

Samantha - posted on 08/19/2009

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No way! That is crazy...she was just a girlfriend not a wife that raised her with him for years...your daughter is young she wont even remember her...What's the dad say?

Maureen - posted on 08/19/2009

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My opinion is that you are the mother and what you say goes!!!!! The ex-girlfriend has NO RIGHT to think she is entitled to stay in YOUR childs life after she split with the father. How would that be handled long term...he will probably start dating someone else at some point and then there is one more woman for your daughter to deal with? Adds to confusion. I have been very vocal about this topic with my ex....our kids are not to meet any other girlfriend or boyfriend unless there is a marriage involved...If your daughter were much older and decided for herself that she wanted to stay in touch with the ex-girlfriend, then so be it. But you are her mommy...what u say goes!!!! Best of luck!!!

Jessica - posted on 08/19/2009

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I had a similar situation when my daughter was 4 (now 5). Her father signed over all parental rights and his girlfriend, who is friends with my sister, would like to still have visits. I do not encourage visits nor do I let her come to my house to see her. Since she is friends with my sister, she gets the opportunity to see my daughter when my sister has a function in which we are all invited to.

Stefanie - posted on 08/17/2009

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My ex seems to get girlfriends and let them move in with him only after weeks of dating them. Unlike your daughter my son is 7 almost 8 and understands what is going on. It breaks his heart when they leave my ex and move out and he never sees them again. I have tried talking to my ex about his habits with women and the effect it is having on my son and i think after his last girlfriend coming and going 4 times everythign I said finally sunk in.

Stefanie - posted on 08/17/2009

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Quoting Hope:

For one, I would not use this girl for a babysitter. this girl is 19 years old, she has a lot of living left to do. Say I did let this girl stay in Marissa's life. Then 2 years down the road she decides to get married or date someone that has a problem with her being a part of "her ex's" child's life. then she drops out of Marissa's life as she has "no strings attached" then Marissa would be old enough to understand better that she is gone. Am I just supposed to take that chance?? Marissa is 3 years old, she only thinks of this girl as someone to play with. Am I being paranoid or do I make since??? Please respond



I think you made the right choice if she is not with your ex she has no grounds to see your daughter anymore.Just stay strong and stand your ground. If you feel like she won't back off a restraining order might be something to think about.

Hope - posted on 08/17/2009

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Thank you all for your input... That helps to put my mind to ease. I am glad to see I am not just a crazy over protective mother, that this all makes perfect sense to me... Again Thank you all!!! It is a blessing to have a site like this where we can get advise from other mothers who have an incite to the things we go through!!

Pamela - posted on 08/16/2009

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that is most likely a phase the ex-girlfriend is going through and once she meets someone else she will move on-Don't confuse your daughter with his chaos--3 year old children do not have vivid memories so make it a clean break now-she will get over it(the ex)

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thats kinda weird! If my daughters dad's girlfriend and him broke up i wouldnt want her in the picture at all anymore. what about when dad gets a new girlfriend and what if she wants to stay in her life too? and then another?

Cathy - posted on 08/16/2009

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The ex girlfriend has no place in your daughters life. If she has not listened to you then get in contact with your ex and tell him to explain it to his ex that she is not related and has no business being around your daughter. She may have formed a bond with your daughter when she was with her dad but are you going to let every ex of her dads be a part of her life??

I would be weary of her and not let her have and access

Angelic - posted on 08/16/2009

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you will have to confront your ex on these I went through something very close to this. I finally had to tell himthat he need to ask her to stop trying to be part of the kids life if she is not part of his. Cause, I didn't want my kids confused and if she is not with him she is nothing but another women on the streets and my childern have a mother and don't need another. But, you have to make your ex stress that point to her.......

Hope - posted on 08/12/2009

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For one, I would not use this girl for a babysitter. this girl is 19 years old, she has a lot of living left to do. Say I did let this girl stay in Marissa's life. Then 2 years down the road she decides to get married or date someone that has a problem with her being a part of "her ex's" child's life. then she drops out of Marissa's life as she has "no strings attached" then Marissa would be old enough to understand better that she is gone. Am I just supposed to take that chance?? Marissa is 3 years old, she only thinks of this girl as someone to play with. Am I being paranoid or do I make since??? Please respond

Laura - posted on 08/11/2009

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Hmmm Hope's ex's girlfriend should maybe be a possible babysitter for her daughter Marissa... Something is wrong with that picture here... Seriously. If anything Hope's Ex should have something to do with Marissa as that is his daughter as well... something just not adding up here.. is she wanting a child of her own or something or acting like a sarrogate mother? Weird. I'd back off on her, and if you want a break or something call your ex to pick up his daughter so that he can visit her, this g/f of his sounds a little OFF.

Jessica - posted on 08/11/2009

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I would actually have to say just let her be a part of her life. Is there any reason that you don't like her or does she show a threat to your daughter? You don't want to just cut someone out of her life, she may react negatively to that. Just be the one to lay down the rules as far as visitation. You never know, the ex may come in handy as a babysitter :)

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