when do you tell a guy your a mom?

Lea - posted on 05/27/2009 ( 20 moms have responded )

9

4

1

i met this guy and he is really cute. we flirted for a few minutes at a club and then he facebook-ed me the same day. but i didn't tell him i was a mom during our conversation so he found out about logan through facebook (horrible, i know).
im very, very proud of my son and my accomplishments and raising him but i don't know how others will judge me. i feel like guys should get to know me before they hear about my son.
i dont want some one to cross me off right away because im a mom- i'd rather we get to know each other first. and i know if that turns their heads away they are not worth my time... but one of my guy friends said i should tell people within the first 30 secs. am i supposed to introduce myself "hi, im lea and im a mom" or should i wait until the first date or first phone call? is it better in person? right away?
what is the right way to tell someone you are a mommy??

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Lauren - posted on 05/28/2009

4

13

0

I believe in letting them know right away. I believe that guy needs to love me for me, and being a momma is a big part of who I am. If he is so narrow minded that my being a mom matters, then he is not worth my time anyway. But I usually slip it into a conversation, not as part of my introduction. ;o) Something like "well my Facebook page is set to private because I have pictures of my daughter on it" or "Sure I would love to have coffee. Let me see when I have a babysitter next." That way I feel like its not throwing it in his face, but it lets him know I have a child.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

20 Comments

View replies by

Kelguevara - posted on 07/08/2012

25

0

3

Yes I'm starting to date and I feel the same way let me know how is it going for you?

Clare - posted on 06/07/2009

32

6

2

I have to say that when it comes to your kids - there's the deal breaker!!....For me there is none of this 'I have to make sure they like me enough before I tell him im a mom". Im a mum and im damn proud of it and any man should be honoured to be part of it. So.....I would say that if he is 'hesitant' then move along. Someone who accepts both of you 'as a package deal' is the one you want. :)

Christina - posted on 06/06/2009

1

15

0

Yes tell them right away. Either they will be cool with it or they won't, but if their not then your not wasting your time with someone that doesn't want kids. You can move on quickly before any emotions are involved. Most men will be fine with it. I do think you should wait until you really like the guy before your child meets him, but yeah tell them with in the 1st few minutes of meeting them.

Penny - posted on 06/05/2009

37

25

8

I always let them know right off hand. I didn't always do this though. I used to wait and get to know them first. but there were a few guys that I dated that ended up not wanting a woman with so much"baggage" so now I just cut the crap. I simply tell them. I am a single mother and if that is something that you can't handle then why waste our time. However I have only introduced one guy that I have dated to my son and he and I went out for a year and we are still together. I say just be honest with them.. it can save you some trouble.

Chasity - posted on 06/05/2009

2

29

0

tell him asap! some men are willing and able to date a woman with children... others.... you need not worry about because they are not for you!!!

Pauline - posted on 06/04/2009

6

7

0

Hi



I think you should tell them straight away that you are a Mum and clear the air, if they are really interested in you they will be interested in all of you, child included. If they run a mile then you will know that there was only one thing they were interested in

Lea - posted on 06/03/2009

9

4

1

wow thanks for the great advice!! i definitely feel more confident bringing my son up in the initial conversation.

thank you all for being honest and answering my question :))

Tonya - posted on 06/02/2009

19

7

3

I usually tell them in our first conversation. Usually asking how he feels about kids. If he is turned off from that then it doesn't waist your time or interest in him. Especially if you want something serious.

Kiva - posted on 05/28/2009

19

43

1

I believe that is a topic that needs to be address right away in the beginning. You are apart of your children and they are apart of you. So if the guy has a problem with that then he isnt the guy for you anyway.Next!!

Rachael - posted on 05/28/2009

115

3

25

I make sure it happens during that first meeting, basically I dont want to waste my or his time if thats not ok. Its kinda awkward but try to keep it casual. Ugh, I hate dating... what a pain in the beginning!

Amanda - posted on 05/28/2009

7

6

1

i told the guy i am seeing right from the start i also told him that if he couldnt accept that my daughter comes first and always will then there is the door cause nothing is more importand to me then my daughter and i see it as she comes before any guy

Kelly - posted on 05/27/2009

102

13

26

I usually work it into the first conversation (second for sure if the first one is cut short.) I'm a little more up front with it for a couple reasons. 1) I adopted both of my children so there is no "free" weekend or even night, 2) I am white, my daughter is of one racial group and my son yet another, 3) both children have special needs. Even with this I feel that most men respect the honesty that they can then make the decision to stick around or not. I have had some guys just walk away or just go MIA but at least I'm not wasting my time. Many men are really OK with it they just want to make sure you will have time for them as well.

[deleted account]

i usually let them know when i first meet them... when talking about life in general, i just say i have a daughter, their usually pretty cool with it.. like i think most of everyone has said, your kid is a big part of you, you guys are a package deal, and if they can't deal with it then their not worth your time. wait for the right time, not right one of the first things you say, but i dont think going a few dates and getting semi-serious then telling them, i think then they'll feel like you've 'lied' to them, and it'll most likely go downhill from there.... so i guess within the first couple convos, just bring it up... ask if he has kids... and they usually say 'yes/no... do you?" or just throw it in causually saying something like... "cant stay out to late tonight, my daughter is gonne be waking me up early for dance'' or whatever the reason is... good luck

Lucy - posted on 05/27/2009

13

9

3

Most guys these days are okay with the package deal. Half of them have children as well. You don't have to introduce yourself with the "oh, by the way I'm a mother." If you strike up a conversation with someone, what you do for work, and fun usually come up in the conversation, right? So my advice would be to just wait for the right moment in that first conversation to tell them. That way, if they can't handle it, you don't have to worry about it.

Lucy - posted on 05/27/2009

13

9

3

Most guys these days are okay with the package deal. Half of them have children as well. You don't have to introduce yourself with the "oh, by the way I'm a mother." If you strike up a conversation with someone, what you do for work, and fun usually come up in the conversation, right? So my advice would be to just wait for the right moment in that first conversation to tell them. That way, if they can't handle it, you don't have to worry about it.

Lil Mama - posted on 05/27/2009

4

0

0

i always let them know right away.. most of them are good with it.. I did meet a guy who said he was ok... with it but than when it actually came down to it.. wasnt he even went as far to move me and my son into his home and than had the nerve to tell me he loved me but not my son.. its a package deal... so always make that clear... if he doesnt accept ur child he doesnt care about u.. cuz he would like u for u and who u are.. Good luck

Courtney - posted on 05/27/2009

1

24

0

I always let them know when I first meet them. Most guys are pretty cool with it. But I feel like that's a big part of me and if they're not okay with it then I don't really want to waste my time. But I usually throw it in the conversation kinda casually. Like, "tomorrow I have to get up early and take my son to ball practice" or "if you'd like to go out my son is at his dad's next weekend".

Melissa - posted on 05/27/2009

1

3

1

Well I have five children and it becomes difficult each time I have to add a child to the statement "by the way I have 5 beautiful children, how about you." If you want someone to really get to know you then you have to at least introduce the kids into the equation otherwise are they really getting to know you. So to answer your question I would have to say if it is not brought up during your first conversation then I would definately work it in on your next following conversation.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms