When is it ok to date if you are a single mom?

Barbara - posted on 05/04/2011

@ Susanne Young - I don't think it is only about sex. Finding a partner is about companionship. It is about someone to spend time with and enjoy life with. Sex is just one small part of it. If all relationships were purely based on sex, none of them would last.

I personally know I am not ready to date and am happy being single for now. My daughter is 16 months, and I haven't been with anyone since her daddy left when I became pregnant. Being alone has helped me define who I am, and what I want out of life. In the end this time to find myself with make me a better person, which hopefully will mean I end up with a better man in the future.

Susanne - posted on 05/04/2011

My personal opinion is when your children are 18. Your first priority should be to your kids not your sex life.

Gill - posted on 08/02/2010

To be honest my daughter is 2 and a half and still dont feel ready. i watch things on tv about meeting people and im scared i wil find the wrong persona and they will hurt my daughter does that seem weird

Michelle - posted on 07/20/2010

I am a single mom too and my daughter was about 9 months before I saw her father again, and then she was one when he really started to come into her life. I am not with her father but he is the only man I have ever showed any effection to infront of her. I have tried thet dating thing a couple times and have been to nervous to really get involved in a relationship too. I do not want my daughter to see that it is okay for me to have men in and out of our lives. So I say yes to dating no to bringing them home or meeting baby. At least not until you are really sure that you are serious about them and even then give it 6 months before introducing them.

Jessica - posted on 07/15/2010

I am a single mom of 4 year old twin girls. I haven't dated anyone since their dad and he and i broke up when i told him that i was pregnant with twins. It all depends on when you feel ready to date. I am just now feeling like i am ready to date now that my daughters are a bit older.

Karen - posted on 07/15/2010

I'm a single mum of a 4 year old boy. Not married to his father and have left him when my son turned 1+. Havent dated since. I guess it's ok to date whenever but I wanted to be fair to my son. I dont want to bring a man into his life unless I'm sure it is for the long haul. I guess I'm old fashioned that way

Alisha - posted on 07/14/2010

Ahh dating is hard enough, but when there is a child involved it's even worse! I think that women should be ridiculously careful at what point in their relationship they bring the guy around their child. Personally, I don't want my daughter to learn about men leaving her so she doesn't meet any guys until I'm engaged! (Well pretty close anyway). I think it is a sad mistake many women make of introducing the bf and the child too soon and it can scare some men away (which you wound't want that one anyway that runs away), but it is also damaging to the child if they get attached to multiple men and then never see them again. I think you have to be cautious but also upfront to guys that you have a child so they don't think you are trying to hide it. But really, now-a-days single mom's are pretty common that many guys won't think it's a huge deal but there are some that have been living under a rock and won't even look at a single mom, but then they would probably be a terrible influence on your child anyways. And something really crucial::: make your list of deal breakers such as doing drugs, abusive men (verbally and/or physically) and never choose a man that does those things over your child's safety. It sounds really obvious but once you are in love with someone you'd be surprised at what women will sacrifice for the men they love at their children's expense. So just be careful and patience will exceed immediate satisfaction. And last of all DON'T SETTLE!! Many single mom's think well at least this guy wants me so I should stay with him... not the case, always get out of unhealthy relationships. Good luck dear! Sorry if I made it sound so scary, some men are excellent and some are not. You will find someone great!!

Gretchen - posted on 07/14/2010

i have asked that same question atleast 100 times over. i have not dated since i was pregnant with my son who will be 7yrs old. Just have this fear of finding the right guy and my son getting close to him only to have it fall apart and who will get hurt my son. i would be too but my main concern is him. so i decided that when he is older and can take care of himself then it will be my turn. until then i really have no time for anyone. like somelese said that balance i just cant seem to find it. My son and work takes up all my time

Maria - posted on 07/14/2010

Who Is She ? is that the person your seeing at this time if it is that is a hot date

Alaneah - posted on 07/14/2010

My son is 20 months old, the babies father and i were very rocky until he was born. But we weren't together since March of 08. We did get bak together a few times in hopes it would last, but efforts failed. ive only dated one person since the break up was final. We are going on 5 months ♥ She still has not met my son, however i look forward to when she will.

Susan - posted on 07/13/2010

I am a divorced single mom with a teenager of 17 years on her last birthday. After my divorce when she was 3, everything I read said to wait at least 2 years between relationships. This gives you time to work through any issues you have & to feel secure in your feelings as a mom, but you can also take time for yourself, which everyone needs and deserves, especially moms. Susan

Mary - posted on 07/13/2010

If you feel ready go for it. After I had my first I became a single mom when he was a couple weeks old. I started dating again when he was about 8 months.
After finding I was pregnant with my second, I was a single mom (of close to two) from the third month of my pregnancy on and he's 17 months old and I am still very much not ready to date again and suspect I won't be for awhile.
Just be responsible and make sure you are comfortable, and keep in mind there are others involved.
Good Luck!

Brenda - posted on 07/13/2010

Whenever you feel like you want to, don't start dating because you think you should or shouldn't based on others opinions, start because you want to and feel like you want to get out and meet. Personally I think this is a great time to connect with other moms for social connection and leave the dating until you're feeling energetic and yourself again but if you feel like you want to date then all the power to you! P.S. If looking for a father figure for your son (if his natural father isn't involved) is in any way a part of your decision, don't let it be. He's so young he's all about mommy for quite a while and male family members i.e. grandfather, uncles or even just male friends fill that void wonderfully so don't let that be a factor. We moms guilt ourselves to death and we are much better parents if we stop worrying and just love them without anxiety about if we're loving them the "right way".

Nicola - posted on 07/12/2010

Everyones needs are different I suppose. Whether you date, fling, casual etc.. Maybe keep it separate from mummy mode. Kids are number one. Xx

Timeka - posted on 07/11/2010

Its okay to date....I have a 15 month old and I have dated since she was about 6 months......I dont bring her around anyone who I just met......I havent found anyone to start a serious relationship with and that is what I am hoping to do one day

Angela - posted on 07/10/2010

I am in the same place you are. My son is about to be 4 months old. I've never been married either. I'm kind of doing the dating thing slowly, open to meeting other people. Some thing to think about more is who you want to expose to you kid. Thats where I am having the biggest issue... who, how soon, etc. Whatever you decide it will be right... :)

Amy - posted on 07/10/2010

Just take it slow and remember to keep your little one your priority. When you're ready, you'll know. Good luck!

Diane - posted on 07/10/2010

When you feel comfortable is when it should be right. I am a working, single mother & have no time for much of anything, I don't want to neglect my daughter in the process. I guess if the right one came around you would just no it. It is too risky to just bounce around with whomever esp putting your kids @ risk for anything that comes along with it. Good luck.

April - posted on 07/10/2010

I have to agree with the other ladies, it's all about when your ready. I am a single mother too, my son will be 4 in September. In the last couple years I thought I was ready a few times. I would be interested in someone, go out once or twice and not feel comfortable anymore. I did that to a handful of guys, which I felt really bad about because I was kind of being a heart breaker, but not on purpose. It just never felt right. Now I'm seeing someone that I finally feel comfortable with. I work with him so I was friends first, which probably made a huge difference. So my point is, you just have to feel comfortable. If it feel wrong, your probably not ready yet. :)
Good luck, I know this is a frustrating thing to go through.

Maria - posted on 07/10/2010

One in our shoes must find a [like the young girls say] f--k buddy not a lover or soon To B husband just someone to have sex with may it B over night or over the weekend then send them on there way

Leeanne - posted on 07/10/2010

My daughter is 31/2 now + i have been seperated from her father 4 2 years, i havent dated any1 since, the reason 4 this is that it scares me shitless because of the horror stories u hear bout woman finding love + then they turn out 2 b a rite phsycos.

Danielle - posted on 07/09/2010

I was dating a new man when I was 6 months pregnant and we have been together ever since and my daughter is 9 months old. I think it all depends on if the guy wants to be apart of that or if you are ready

Lea - posted on 07/08/2010

wow there are so many answers to this.....I have been a single mom now for five years. I have learned the hard way that slow slow slow is the best way. I went a little crazy at first and then worked my way through all kinds of scenarios. Just ended a relationship with a man half my age and kept him away from daughter until it was starting to get serious. But...that is my rule, they don't meet my kids until I am sure they will be someone around for a while. And of course, as soon as I did that - well things fell apart. So the risks are there but everyone is different and you have to trust your gut. Just make sure that your kids always come first and save some time for you as well.....balance is key. You need the girlie time trust me.

Carina - posted on 07/08/2010

When is a good question. Personally I like to take my time. Becoming a single mother, I learned that I did not want to get into that kind of situation again. So, I want to be sure the guy is worth it in the end. It is better to be single than in the wrong relationship. Any relationship does require you to risk your heart, but it is possible to reduce that risk and to be smart about it. The most important part is to be smart about your son. Be very careful about who you expose him to. The guy should pass some really rigourous personally set hurdles before he meets your son. The other trick is that the decision is not just for you in who you date, it is for you and your son, so the requirements list in a guy gets a little bit longer. Ultimately, if your son doesnt like him, or he doesnt like your son - he's gone-ski. I keep myself a happy single by avoiding love songs, romantic movies and kissy couples. These things make me miss the affection, and then I start looking for a relationship because I am lonely, rather than because he is the right guy. I find it easier also if i have a number [3 or 4?] of male friends who i am close to who can provide healthy companionship [no nothing remotely sexual], that way i am not missing out on male complany - this also provides a healthy model for my children about how men and women interact together, seeing as this is not a part of their family life. Timewise, I have my personal checklist, the main thing being: I must be emotionally free and not bringing any baggage into a new realtionship, so I need enough time to be sure of that. Enjoy being single, and dont worry about finding a relationship, If your successfully enjoying your life in a healthy way, you will attract other people who are enjoying their life in healthy ways, and you will be more likely to find someone worth dating and maybe keeping around :)

Sacha - posted on 07/07/2010

Hi there, I know what you are talking about I am a single mum to three beautiful children & i have been single for about 4 years. It hasn't bothered me being single for so long but I know when I am ready I will start dating again. You will date when you feel it is right no-one can tell you when it is right for you. Good luck when you are ready.

Jennifer - posted on 07/07/2010

my daughters dad and i broke up before i fpund out i was pregant in october x my old friend moved back to the area when i was 2 months pregnant at first we were just really good mates but then we satarted dating x he made everything so much easier x if u r happy and feel ready to start dating go for it x

Danielle - posted on 07/07/2010

When you find a man worth dating, lol. No seriously, I started dating when my daughter was 9 months old, and it was nice to get back out in the real world. I was suprised how many nice men are happy to date someone with kids. My daughter is 3 now and my partner loves her to death and cant wait to have kids, he said one of the things that attracted him to me is that im a good mum.

Gina G - posted on 07/06/2010

I would say as soon as you can arrange for someone you trust to care for your baby ;-)

Nichole - posted on 07/05/2010

its fine anytime girl go get out there

Charlena - posted on 07/05/2010

omg I love this question LOL , I have a 3 year old little girl and im 8 months pregnant with my son , Im a single mom I would love to date again but my kids and their safety comes first , I look at my daughter and I get really scared bringing a male around her , I wouldnt be able to live with myself if someone hurts her or my son when he gets here , i figured i can wait till my kids are both 18 and in college , it puts my love life on hold but Ive been in love before , im really not missing anything .

Amy - posted on 07/05/2010

i havent had a man for years but a little while ago i started seeing an old friend who i hadnt heard from in years he knew i had a baby but still wanted to get to know me again we hung out a bit then after a little while he met my son who was about 8 or 9 months at the time and they hit it off so it was good for a bit didnt last long and never got too serious but we had fun while it lasted. as long as you put your child first and find someone whos good to you and doesnt mind you have a child and even better gets along with your baby then y not go for it
it may take a few lemons to find the one that works best for you but if you wanna get back out there then you should

Robin - posted on 07/05/2010

Well, if you have good support (people you trust to keep your precious angel), then go ahead and get out there because it might take a while to find someone you like that will accept your child and possibly be a good role model if it comes to that one day. I have found that it's easier to date men with children who either have custody or are very involved in their children's lives so they understand that my children come first!

April - posted on 07/04/2010

um,., whenever you want? lol

Sabrina - posted on 07/04/2010

you wait till your ready and when you find the right guy that won't hurt you and your lil one or ones. but make sure you really get to know them before you introduce whom ever to your child(ren) cause you don't wanna start dating a jerk that would hurt you or your child(ren) but when you find them you'll know don't be in a rush it'll happen when it happens

Teresa - posted on 07/04/2010

i'm am a single mum my daughter is 5year and i just start to dates again

Vanessa - posted on 07/03/2010

My reasons for waiting to date again were slightly different to other ppls - I wanted to, but I was shit scared of ending up pregnant again and ultimately raising two children on my own instead of one!
I had waited a few mths after my hubby came clean about our supposed open marriage (he forgot to tell me about it obviously!) and then I opened myself up to the possibility that I could love again ---- I met a lovely guy and we started sleeping together. I made it clear from the start that I had a 4yr old son who was part of the deal and he seemed to accept that and gave the appearance of trying to bond with him. A few mths in, we had the birth control talk and I said that nothing was 100% and I wanted his assurance that he would stand by me should anything go astray (and I wasn't planning on it!) - well he freaked and said "I like what we've got, but I can't guarantee that I'll stand by you if you got pregnant and I don't think I can raise another mans child if we ever got married" WTF?!... how antiquated was that! I showed him the door that very night and told him that if he couldn't handle the package I already came with then I wasn't going to put myself in a position of there being another package with a fucked up father! Bye bye!
Pretty much 8mths after hubby bailed, I met a single father who has 100% custody of his daughter - we never had to discuss children because he simply KNEW what it's like to come with one and the importance of accepting my son as I had to accept his daughter. We used birth control for about the first mth and then decided to let nature take its course - he came to me and said that the only way he'd ever leave me was if I told him to go. he said that nothing would make him happier than to have a baby of ours join the little team. we are due with our own little girl in October and I wouldn't change a thing we are in no rush to get married, but I KNOW he's not going anywhere! ------ I guess what I'm trying to say, is date if you want to but be upfront about what you'll accept and what you wont. If the man is worth anything he will rise to the challenge and if he's not - you'll see the backpeddalling! Single mums have to be careful who they introduce into their childrens lives and we do have to have the nasty conversations a lot earlier than other people do ----- we simply have to cover our butts so that our children don't get hurt in the long run!

Lana - posted on 07/03/2010

Hi everyone,

I agree with all advice above and want to highlight Clineta's advice about not bringing any man into the home until you're SURE that there will be a relationship! It messes with kids too much when there's different 'father figures' in the house all the time.

As long as he understands you have a child and that child will be part of the package if the relationship gets serious then that's fine.

Good luck!!

Clineta - posted on 07/03/2010

I agree with everyone else. Its all about how your feeling. I have older kids so its a bit harder, cause they know the deal, "who is that mommy" you know? But take your time, be safe, dont bring him around the baby til your sure your ready to take it to that level. And make sure he cool with you having a baby.

Julia - posted on 07/02/2010

Its ok as long as your comfortable, just take it slow.. dont rush yourself into anything and dont rush developing a relationship with the person you 'see' and your boy.
Me and my boys dad broke up 2weeks before he was born - i was seeing someone about 2months after the birth and i dont think there's anything wrong with that.

Maria - posted on 07/02/2010

any time your SINGLE ------- My husband past on sometime ago a month or so after he was in the ground I started dating ---I will never get married again but I bring one home ever now and then

Amanda - posted on 07/01/2010

Well sadly that is a question that can only be answered by you, no one can tell you when is a good time to start dating. My daughter is almost 20 months old and the last date I went on was with her father and we have not seen one another since I got pregnant in Feb. of 2008. My issue is trying to find a balance between dating and taking care of my daughter. I know people that cannot find that balance so their child gets neglected, I know I would never do that to my daughter, however, my fear is meeting a man and really liking him and the relationship falling apart because honestly I would rather spend my time with my daughter. The truth is that as a single mother we have the hardest jobs in the world and we never truly know all the right answers, just follow your instincts and you will find the answers. Good luck.

Alicia - posted on 07/01/2010

I know this isn't what you want to hear but it's ok when you feel ready!!! There is no set waiting period that women have to go by before they start dating again. People will talk no matter what I was married & got divorced about 7 years ago but really didn't start dating again until about 2 years ago. people started talking about how I still loved my ex or how I just couldn't find a man but all it boiled down to was I was just very hurt & it took me that long to feel comfortable dating again. So when every you feel comfortable than that is when it's ok!! Best of wishes