WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME TO DATE?

Teresa - posted on 02/29/2012

I've been single since the day my almost 4 year old son (third child) was born. I briefly dated one man in mid 2010. I am not interested in finding a long term relationship at this point and don't believe in dating just for dating.



If it happens some day... it happens. Otherwise, I'm fine just being a mom. I am a PERSON too, but my me time doesn't need to involve anyone else in order for me to be happy w/ my life. :)

Taylor - posted on 02/29/2012

i would also like to add something after reading these other posts.. i find it very sad that so many women are afraid to date... when i broke up with my kids father.. i started dating right away!! i wanted to be happy. and it wasnt mr right... it was mr right now lol. im sorry i feel the need to speak so open. but you know what... my daughter never even knew about it! i didnt get to spend much time with him... but oh well. think about it.. if your child goes to bed at a decent hour... say 7:30 8:00.. or even 8:30.. you put them to bed.. have a sitter come over (my baby sitter was always a family member) someone i trusted. and i get to catch a late movie with him.. be back home without my daughter ever knowing i was gone.. i did that for 6 months with this particular guy.. and he never met my daughter.. because i didnt want him to. im just saying... i love that everyone puts their children first... but you have to go out and meet people so you can eventually find a great guy to be in your childs life. it is HEALTHY! for you and your child!!

Taylor - posted on 02/29/2012

get a babysitter.. make some time for yourself!!! you have to get out to meet people... dont feel guilty.. your a woman and you have needs! as long as your kids are safe happy and healthy... then there is nothing to worry about. make a night to go out with some girlfriends.. put some cute heels on and youll meet some one.. maybe not mr right.. but dating is about trial and error. have fun with it.. but safe too. a happy mom makes a happy baby. remember that! :o)

Pamela - posted on 02/27/2012

I see that a lot of women have very young children or have been separated/divorced for a short time...but trust me especially with girls there will come a time when she does not want you around all the time and you get lonelier as time goes by. My daughters are 12 and 14 and now mommy is annoying and corny :-) I tried to date (only when the kids were with my ex) within the first year after a 13 year marriage and emotionally...I was so disconnected, stressed, hurt and confused. It has been 5 years now. The years, yes have been lonely...but I took the time to focus on me and my kids. I relocated...went back to school and focused on us. I feel am ready to date emotionally that is anyway...but yes Sherry, you are so right with the sickos and having developing girls, this is something I too am very afraid.

Megan - posted on 02/22/2012

I have been single for almost 6 years. My son is 6 years old. I left his father when he was 6 months. I am currently 27. I decided when I left my sons father to focus completely on my son which left little time for dating. My sons father did not have him much either so I had very little time to get out and meet people. On the weekends that my son was at his dads I would spend that time missing him like crazy and working and cleaning. August of last year I took my sons father to court and got permission to move out of state with my son. I needed to start over. Give my son and I am better life. Just recently I decided to consider dating because I did not want to be single forever. I ended up meeting a guy who has two kids of his own. I was very clear in the beginning. I have a son. His father does not live in this state so I have him 24/7 everyday all day. I have no family or friends to "babysit" and I wont leave him with random people. He understood. He met my son a lot sooner than I would have liked but with my situation I really had no choice. My son adores him. Little boys need a father figure and my son (which I have recently found out) was needing a man in his life. We go the Monkey Joes together, bowling, and watch kids movies. We have even met his kids. He is a wonderful daddy to his kids. I don't know where this is going and I hope for my sons sake he stays around. I was so fearful of bringing someone into my sons life to have them leave. But I also came to the realization that if I keep thinking like this I will be single forever. Of course as a mother I still question if I am doing the right thing. But as for now, my son has a positive role model in his life!

Tiffany - posted on 02/05/2012

Hi everyone, I've only been single for 6 months and I am in no way ready to date, but i do get lonely sometimes and would like to at least have a male friend. Strangely enough I just made a friend that is quite interested in both me and my daughter as a whole, as he has a son who is 3 years old, my daughter just turned 1 last month. I actually do enjoy talking to him and have told him already what i will and won't stand for and so far he seems to understand that. The last relationship I had was with my daughters' father and that didnt end so well, so now I have that worry with who to trust and also the simple fact of who to let into my daughters' life. He wants to be there for the both of us, but I'm just not ready for all of that and want to take things slow which he agrees with so i guess that isnt so bad. Hang in there ladies, I'm hanging in there too!!

Analy - posted on 02/04/2012

My son is 1 1/2. And I do not have anytime to date with school, and keeping up with him. I, however, fear that I will never find someone who truly loves be, because now it's not just me but also my son. I will not let just anyone come into his life. I am starting to be very picky when it comes to guys, and that will just not help me out either. I love my son, and I know it hasn't been long since I had a special someone, but I still get lonely and just seeing all the happy couples out there with there kids, makes me feel sad that I may never have that, or that my son will never really have an actual and complete family.

Zoe - posted on 02/03/2012

I have a 21 month boy- the father and I split 5-6 months ago and I moved back home while he stayed in Norway due to having to pay off the apartment he bought and renovated for us. Things were not going well for a long while and after about a month I realised I was happy without him and (like you mentioned) I started internet dating. At first I was just enjoying the attention, and hooked up with 2 guys. The influx of interest was astounding and I decided to just leave it and wait for someone to come along instead. After a few days of not using the application a guy had posted for 3 days "happy monday, happy tuesday, happy wednesday" and I told him I didn't use the app anymore and gave him an alterior contact seeing as he'd never said anything sleazy and he was a bit older than me which was a nice change (former partner was like a 10 year old and I was sick of being his mother as well as our son's) Anyway, long story short, we met, liked each other and though it has only been 2 months, it's so nice to have someone every now and then (weekends and sometimes a lunch during the week) to enjoy some company with. :) He was a normal one!

Elizabeth - posted on 02/03/2012

I was single for over 3 years. My son was 3 1/2 when I began dating my soon to be husband. I wasnt actively looking for anyone, it just happened.

There is no "right" time. You have to do it when you feel like its right, and when you find someone who makes you want to date again. I know I had no desire to date a man, after the experiences I had with my son's father, but my now fiance changed that for me.

Just be aware that when you decide its the right time, it can be a difficult adjustment for everyone to make. You, your kids, and whomever you are dating.

Good luck and do whatever makes you happiest :)

Heather - posted on 02/03/2012

I have been single for 4 years and my little girl is 3. I have recently started dating in the last year but I know on those dates if it is going to work or not. I think the question to me is not "when" to start dating but "who"? There are men that I have dated who like me but don't like my lifestyle. I have a full time day job and then I am home with my beautiful daughter on nights and weekends. We spend time with the family and my neices. I don't go out and party and I am very rarely without my daughter! I think it makes it difficult for someone to commit to not just me but to my daughter who is everything to me. I also think it is difficult for me to open up my life and structure to another person! I'm sure there is someone who will appreciate us as good mothers and will want to be apart of what we have, and maybe even build on it ;)

Tanya - posted on 02/01/2012

when the time is right when you are ready

Florence Marie - posted on 02/01/2012

It has been more than a year now since my ex and I broke up. I have been entertaining male friends in chat and text messages but that's it. For now, I'm still not ready to date -- I mean, real dating.

Maricella - posted on 01/29/2012

I have Been single for 2 years. I have the same feeling most of you have. I am scared to bring in a new person around my son, but i actually recently reconnected with a friend rom high school and i told him on our first date my son is first and if he ever harmed my son in any way i would hurt him and he knows im serious. As far as when to start dating its when you feel comfortable enough to start. it different for everybody. some of my single mother friends started dating within months of becoming single while othesr like me in that they have waited years.

Jade - posted on 01/29/2012

I know how you feel...I've only been single for not quite 7 months and I'm really feeling lonely. My daughter is 17 months old, and I'm 21...she takes up most of my time, and I'm also going to college through online learning, so by the end of the day, I'm exhausted and can't wait for bed. All my friends are in long-term relationships but don't have kids, so they're still in the going out and partying phase, which I've been over since I got pregnant 2 years ago. Can't help but wish I could meet a nice guy who loves my daughter like his own, but the only way I'll likely meet anyone would be at the grocery store lol. Valentine's day is coming up and I haven't had many boyfriends over the years, but it just so happens that this will be my first time being single for v-day in 7 years...and it would've been mine and my exes 4th anniversary. I guess we just have to keep our chins up until the right man finds his way into our lives :)

Soribel - posted on 01/29/2012

am with you, is so scary sometimes to date and i wonder how some women would put men in front of their kids or ignored signs when something is wrong. or worst bring them home after one night. or 2

Blair - posted on 01/29/2012

I'm with you sherry my daughter is only 4 months old so I have a way to go but the thought of another man in our lives makes me cringe. My ex loves the fact that I am alone. What he did to us isn't easily left behind.

Sherry - posted on 01/28/2012

I plan on dating again when my daughter is an adult. She wants me around all of the time, so I don't want to take any time away from her. She is only 7. Plus, I would never trust a man to be around her. Too many sickos. Not worth it to put my daughter at risk.

Soribel - posted on 01/28/2012

you are right! when comes to my kids just as you said the whole package and they are first

sometimes i feel really comfortable been on my own sad to say but i have a routine with my children and having some one is adding another thing to do ;) i just hope i don't get to confy ;) am young and is nice when someone tell you everynight those 3 little words ..and to be happy but right now my little one just say mommy lov... and that just bright my days and my nights

a friend of mine met her love she has 3 precious little girls and him 3 boys ! perrrrfect match so is Hope for me out there

Antoinette - posted on 01/28/2012

I've been single 3yrs and have a 3yo foster daughter & 2yo son. I'm with you on being ready for bed at 8pm LOL so I don't know how some single mothers find the time to meet people let alone date. For me though while I like the idea of having a special someone I am quite happy by myself (except for not being able to shower without little assistants LOL).

I don't think there are any specific time frames that can be put on these sort of things because everyone is different. It's just a matter of being open to possibilities, making sure you know what it is you want and being very clear about your situation & stance.

I think some people get too desperate they blindly pursue or fall into relationships that aren't right for them and consequently end badly and then they end up either depressed that they weren't good enough (not simply accepting that maybe it just wasn't right) or doing the same thing again without learning anything.

For me, I am not looking, but if I do happen to meet someone, they will know it's a package deal, all or nothing.