When was the last time your child saw their biological dad?

Terri - posted on 02/07/2012

My daughter has never met her father and he is not on the birth certificate, Thank God! I live in the same area as the missing baby Ayla Reynolds and if it was not for establishing that relationship for her and for DHS paperwork purposes and possibly a few other circumstances, she may not be missing today... Actually she would not be missing today!

You protect your child the best you can an do not force any relationship on the father, right now you may not understand why but you may understand it more clearly later.

Christine - posted on 02/07/2012

My daughter is now 3 1/2 yrs old and her biological father has seen her maybe three times, but only because I woke her up since it was late at night when he came to bring a little money here or there before our court order was established. When I was pregnant, he said that "God told him I was suppose to put her up for adoption", and then later on, when when I was four months along, she was diagnosed having Down Syndrome and he said that was confirmation why God told him we were suppose to put her up for adoption. He has said a few times within the last year, that he wanted to see her, but what he really wanted, was for me not to try and modify our court order to include half child care because he started earning more money and has had a low income adjustment, but he never actually has seen her since our court order began last June. I finally gave up trying to encourage him to see her.

Julianna - posted on 02/07/2012

My son has never seen his father. Thank God he is to young to ask about a father or anything like that. He is 3 so next year he will go to school. I am sure that there will be questions at that time. I have written having a father off for him. I just hope that I can be enough for him.

Tanya - posted on 02/07/2012

My kids' dad is M.I.A. He seldom, almost never, comes or visits. On the very rare occasion when I do see him.... it's like I can't even afford to care. I once used to be begging him for financial support.... to no avail ( he can more than afford to play his role) After that , I just used to beg him to at least acknowledge them 9 for christ sake , they look everything like him) but that also was to no avail. At one point in time I used to get extremely upset over his neglegeance but now , I really don't care less what he does. The bottom line is that I make sure that I do what I have to do in order to make sure that my boys have what they need and I always let them know how much they are loved and appreciated and how great they are. The way I see it, is that it's his loss. Not theirs, not mine. His ! I don't give him the time of day to make him feel as though he is that important, or that I can't function as a parent without him or that the boys can't thrive without him. He cease to be a proper father to the boys when we broke up. I am a woman. An independent woman. I am mother and father to those boys.

Crystal - posted on 02/07/2012

my child has never seen her father.he wants nothing to do with her..but thats ok by me

Amy - posted on 02/06/2012

My daughters "sperm donor" has only spent 3 hours total with het and she is almost 3 years old. I told him he could come here to see het and he doesn't want to its his choice and I won't force it. I do politely send sperm donors mom emails every year around het birthday to give her the update. I say it might be easier to have him not be there

Wendy - posted on 02/06/2012

It has been 4 yrs and 2 months since my two youngest saw their father. My son has struggled horribly, (he'll be 13 on Feb. 8th) and my daughter doesn't talk about him. (she'll be 11 on Feb. 15th.)... I've tried to get her to open up about her feelings, but she seems like she really is dealing with it well.

Still worry about my son, and if the 'father' will just decide to show up again someday and break his heart again. We divorced when they were 2 yrs old, and 4 mos old... And he is a truck driver. The attorney general, makes sure that the 'cheap' child support is paid by taking directly from his check. Otherwise, he would lose his drivers license, which is his bread money. After so many broken promises to the kids and broken hearts, and me making excuses; they have come to realize (my son with the help of psychiatry), that they are better off without his "in and out" type of disturbances. It was horrible for quite a few years for my son. My oldest who will be 22 this year, hasnt seen his father (different father) since he was 11, and hates him. I feel so bad for my choices in "fathers" for them. We are making the best of it. I am all they have ever had, and they are awesome children :)

Eulalia - posted on 02/06/2012

It has been 6 months for my 8 year old daughter

I have given her dad 6 years of an opportunity to build a relationship with her and now i have finally decided to completely cut off all communication. It is doing her more harm than helping.

I don't want her growing up thinking it's ok for anyone to come and go as they please into her life. They have to be part of it and cherish that relationship, respect her as she respects them.

I have full custody of her so now if he wishes to see her he will have to take me to court.

Jc - posted on 02/05/2012

With my 18yo son when he was younger I would take him to see his father. Basically making him be around. I stopped that when he was about 5. His father could have cared less. He never wanted my son in the first place. Then right before he graduated high school his father popped up. (Because out of his other kids my son is the only one doing something with his life) Stayed around for a couple weeks and went back MIA. Now my son is in college. I guess his father will try to pop up again when he graduates from college. SMH LOL My son can care less. He feels like he does not have a father anyway. And he knows I am not the reason.



With my 9yo daughter....... Her father is like a rolling stone. And actually went MIA for about 3 years. Even still she has only seen him a couple of times in her life. She wants more, but he can care less. I let her stay with him for a week last year. Big mistake. His "friend" ended up being a jealous girlfriend. And her kids tormented my daughter the whole time. SMH I trusted him to be her father. But you see how far that went. He had the nerve to once mention the issues he has with how I raised her. LOL I mentioned how I had to raise her alone and if he had issues he should have been there helping me raise her.



A man/woman is only going to be around if they want to. I have never pressed the issue for them to spend time with their kids. But TRUST they do know how I feel about it. Each of our scenarios are different but they both ended the same. Single mother, no father around.



You have to do what is best for you and yours.

Joanna - posted on 02/05/2012

My son's dad saw him for the first time when he was a month old. That was in 2002. The next time was in 2006 right before he turned 5 but only because they caught up with him for child support and he demanded visitations. During the next 4 months he was allowed a totally of 24 supervised visits, he made it to 6 and out of those brought his other kids to 5 of those. The last time he saw him was February 2007. When he finally contacted me in 2009 wanting to see him again it was an automatic no because he was wanted for kidnapping his other kids and taking them out of state. When i asked him why now after so long.... He responded by saying he had much more important things in his life to deal with than seeing a kid that he never wanted in the first place.

Jennifer - posted on 02/05/2012

My 19 month old has never met his father. Every couple weeks he says he wants to meet him and introduce him to the rest of his family then I don't hear from him again. My oldest 2 have a different dad and he might see them once every couple months if they're lucky.. He called me Tuesday this past week and asked if he could spend the day with them and I told him that was fine. Never called, never showed, still haven't heard from him and I'm the one getting the attitudes and picking up the broken pieces because "I lied" and said he was going to be here. Takes everything I have not to run his name in the dirt and tell my children what kind of father he really is. But I don't. They'll find out on their own. It hurts so much, not just for them but for me too. Him and I spent 7 yrs together, had kids and he was a good dad then but a terrible husband so we split. When I try to talk to him about this, he says it's my fault he doesn't see them everyday because I left him. It's really crappy...

Sherry - posted on 02/05/2012

@Serene....why did the state file for child support? I would be so irritated if they did that in my situation.

Stephanie - posted on 02/05/2012

I have been in some frustrating situations with my 3 boys' dad. He would take the older two but didn't want to care for the infant so he would claim he didn't know the child was his. I spent a lot of time concerned about him knowing his dad, feeling left out (as time went on), and wanting to avoid babysitting costs while I worked. I would call him off and on and ask him to take son#3 and he refused. In my situation I had to learn to be grateful he DIDN'T want to see him (unhealthy influence, alcoholic and poor parenting) and stop calling to ask. Eventually he did seek to see him along with him brothers at age 21 months but to this day son#3 is more well adjusted and developing better than his brothers who had regular contact with their dad. It was hard to see dad's lack if interest but let dad fight for the time and let go of trying to make it happen. It may be a blessing in disguise. I have been through two separations with childen and you have reason to be concerned. My boys were moved 500 miles away from me without my knowing it but God in His mercy did not allow it to continue. Many more stories to go with but I do hope

something in my note helps and I pray for safety for you and your son.

Tiffany - posted on 02/05/2012

@ danielle:You are so right they really are a trip. My daughters' father own family talks about him and theyve been doing it since I was pregnant, comparing him to his own dad who was never around and did nothing to support any of his kids, but got plenty of women pregnant. Smh they all say stuff about each other it makes no sense at all, so it doesnt surprise me that they have said stuff about me. I really dont care, but what i do care about is my daughter and what ya'll do and say to her and whether or not they will give her back to me, thats exactly why she doesnt go over there now. I'm keeping him away from her, but have given plenty of oppurtunities for him to come over and see her, but he wants things his way as usual, but its not going to happen especially when ya'll act the way ya'll do and dont support her at all.

Tiffany - posted on 02/05/2012

@ Sarah: I don't blame you at all and that he'll finally get those papers. Some men jump through hoops and everything else just to avoid getting papers.

Tiffany - posted on 02/05/2012

@ Danielle: At least your finally learned your lesson. I always say it's better to learn than to never have learned even if it may have took you longer than you wanted. If you've probably read my other comments I gave my daughters dad a second chance and that was his last chance he'll ever get from me. He had nothing to do with me the whole time I was pregnant, but came around at the last minute. I gave him another chance for me and for my daughter, but after what him and his family did this time around I won't ever again.

Sarah - posted on 02/05/2012

Found out he was in jail last week and as soon as I found out I called the child support office so they could serve him with papers there(because were not able to locate him outside of jail) and I pulled out my big full folder of everything that's happened with us!

Sarah - posted on 02/05/2012

My sons father is a liar cheater abusive plays mind games and doesn't even care to see or talk to his son its more about getting in my pants as she said^^ of course I was together with him for over a year when I found out I was pregnant and he completely changed into a different person I found out he was doing drugs the whole time...you name it he probably did it to me. He had me cut off from my whole family and after I finally left him I realized how stupid I was to keep on trying to make things work with him to have the family I wanted. Now that he's gone every once in a blue moon when he does call he lies and says he's been trying to call me then is too worrried about talkking about us then my son. I

Tiffany - posted on 02/04/2012

@sarah: I noticed that I am at much more peace when he's not around or trying to contact me. Everytime he did contact me it was nothing but drama.

Sarah - posted on 02/04/2012

Oh we are definitely way happier without him in our lives!

Tiffany - posted on 02/04/2012

@ sarah: Unfortunately some people never do smh. At least your child doesn't have to be around that though.

Sarah - posted on 02/03/2012

My sons father hasn't seen him since last July for about 30 min. By his choice! My number hasn't changed and still haven't gotten a call for Christmas Thanksgiving birthday...nothing! & I couldn't be happier seeing that he is a drug addict! Now he just went to jail last week for drugs! SMH! Some people never change!

Serene - posted on 02/03/2012

My 3 year old sons father is involved in my daughters life. He is a wonderful man, he has been there for my daughter since she was 6 weeks old. My daughters bio father harassed me about the paternity of our daughter since I was 6 months pregnant because I didn't want to be with him. He wanted her to have his last name, I DIDNOT.... She has my last name, thank God the long run.... Now she is 20 months old and her bio father hasn't done shit for her. Didn't even buy her a christmas present.

I feel the same way as you ladies has mentioned that you would feel if your ex would take your daughter. My daughters biological father is wanting to come to my home and take our daughter to his house that is almost 2 hours away. I tell him that he can come here and visit with her and if his parents want to see her too they can drive down also. He yelled at me and told me that I was taking his Father Rights away from him because I wont allow him to take her to his home or I will not come to him. I got tired of him running his mouth. He disrespects me when I get on the phone with him he snaps at me and asks for our daughter. I had received numerous text from him harrassing me about coming to him and he wants to keep her over night. Now I don't have a problem with him seeing her but, I want him to visit in my county bond with her.... I think about all of the women who has let there child go with there dad and they ended up keeping them. I am going to try not to be one of them women.

I spoke to a layer a few days ago and it has made me at ease. Since her biofahter and I were never married, my daughter has my last name and he is not on her birth certificate i have full custody of her. The only way that he has visitation rights is through the courts if he files and I can request supervised visits. The visits has to be in my county though. So I go to child support court next week. I DIDNOT file for it, the state did. :( But, hopefully things will change and maybe he'll be more involved in her life. He wants to change her last name and I said,"NO." So thats another issue that we have.

Tiffany - posted on 02/03/2012

@ tanya: it surely does



@ natalie: I agree having something to tell her is better than nothing at all

Natalie - posted on 02/03/2012

We just moved up from Las Vegas to Reno. My 4 yr old's daddy is still in Las Vegas. When we were there, he would come by every 2-3 months for a couple of hours. I figure at least now, I can tell her that it's too far for Daddy to drive. When we lived in Vegas, I had no excuse to offer her. :(

Tanya - posted on 02/03/2012

well life goes on....

Tiffany - posted on 02/03/2012

@ Cynthia: That's exactly what I'm doing, I haven't heard anything at all from him and if that's the way its going to be then okay. At least I know that I did my part plenty of times by reaching out to him, but not anymore not after him not making an effort, not seeing her and talking and treating me any kind of way. I took all that for awhile, but there comes a time where enough is enough.

Tiffany - posted on 02/03/2012

@ Tanya: I totally understand, I want her dad to make the effort too. I have always been the one to reach out to him and bring her over there. Now its his turn to make the effort that I did all this time.

Cynthia - posted on 02/02/2012

My (now) ex, walked out on my three children 6 years ago, and no one has heard from him since. Not a dime in child support, not even a phone call to any of our three children. We have all moved on.

Tanya - posted on 02/02/2012

i just rather leave it like that i want him to make the effort to look for her a least once i been the bigger person on my part

Danni - posted on 02/02/2012

@ tiffany: yeah sometimes you just wish that they could go through what us young/single moms go through day to day and they could see how hard it is...

Tiffany - posted on 02/02/2012

@ Taanya:If her dad decides not to be in her life I plan on doing the same thing, not bad mouthing or anything like that and later on in life if she wants to find him ill give her all the info I can. Honestly though with the way he's been in him not seeing her it probably won't change sad to say.

Tanya - posted on 02/02/2012

that's why i lost all connect with him i don't need someone like him in her life so now i'm doin for her.my daugther doesn't ask for her dad at all ,but i don't talk to her about him or say anything mad about him to her i just let it be...

Tiffany - posted on 02/02/2012

@ Danni: That is terrible, but sadly all too commom. I don't see how men can have kids and not take care of them let alone think about them or wonder how they are. Men are something else and of course we are always the one to blame when its really all their choosing and doing.

Danni - posted on 02/02/2012

@ tiffany because he says i was sleeping with someone else when i got pregnant.... but the truth is i was only with him until the middle of november of 2011 and i got pregnant on halloween of 2011.... but my sons dad is jealouse,insucure, he's 22 and has 5 kids and doesnt claim any of them... and i found out way to late that he is abusive and he doesnt care about anybody but himself...

Tiffany - posted on 02/02/2012

@ tanya: Her dad and his family were all about lies and games and I guess they thought I was just going to put up with it and boy were they wrong.

Tanya - posted on 02/02/2012

the lies and the mind games he was playing and he though that the girl he married was goin to be part of my daugthers life ..

Antoinette - posted on 02/01/2012

My son doesn't really register yet that theres anything different about our family dynamic to that of others. We currently live in an extended family situation with my parents and their foster daughter, who is the older sister of my foster daughter (we've had them since birth they are now 6yo & 3yo). My son and his Koro (my dad) are like twin souls and where ever Koro goes my son follows and copies everything he does, sweeping and gardening, it's a little funny how many people who don't know how close he and my dad are comment on how similar they seem (even 63yrs apart lol). If I move it won't likely be far from my parents or other family members.

I know a time will come when he does want to know about his dad, which is why I've looked about for books about it.

Here if you're on the birth certificate you're liable for child support and if you're working legitimately they will chase you for it. The more I hear on here of custody battles the more I think I'm lucky to live in New Zealand!

Tiffany - posted on 02/01/2012

@ Antoinette:Yea she has her grandpa and then my uncles and cousins. All of them love her dearly and are going to be there either way if her dad comes around or not. Her dad has always tried to make me look like the bad person and didnt feel he needed to see her in my presence, but yet you say you need her and care for her, but you havent seen her in 6 months now and havent supported her financially. He also threatened me with an attorney and whatnot, but where I stay child support and visitation go hand in hand so I'm pretty sure if he wanted to take it there he would be making himself pay childsupport which he complained about already. I will definetly looking into getting those books for her as well, I love reading to her even though now she really doesnt pay attention for too long. Thanks for the advice I really appreciate it. I am in no means keeping him away from her nor do I want to, I just simply wish to have him around her in my presence as him and his family are so very negative and two-faced people even towards each other smh. How is your son taking it?

Antoinette - posted on 02/01/2012

My son is 2yrs5mos old. His father and I split up when I got pregnant because he was worried that the mother of two of his other children wouldn't let him see those kids if she found out I was pregnant. Turned out he was worried about it because they were still in a relationship too the SCUMBAG!

Right from the split I told him he was in or out, I would not stand for him coming and going as he pleases it wasn't fair on me or the child. Since his birth he has seen his son for about 10min at the hospital but he wanted to shoot off to play golf! Then he broke a lunch meet so that he could go play golf and in passing shook his infant sons hand and said "Hello I'm your dad". Then he finally made it to a lunch meet for about half an hour an insinuated that I was a bad mother because baby had an ear infection.

And that was it. I insisted on supervised visits (by an organisation) so that I don't have to be present to deal with his BS and so that he can focus on a relationship with his son. He refuses to do it, reckons only criminals should have to have supervised access and so it has never happened and he doesn't get to see his son.

He started threatening me with court & that he'd take baby away from me and I was sick of the threats so took it to court myself and got a parenting order in my favour (basically custody) and court ordered supervised access should the father wish to have access. He has still made no effort. He didn't even show up to court. I knew I had nothing to worry about as I am not dodgy, I don't smoke, hardly drink (and very rarely around my kids), had loads of experience with kids before having my son and am a foster parent to his older sister (routinely visited by government agencies to ensure I have all the tools and assistance I need to raise happy healthy kiddies).

My choices from the days they came into my life are about my kids and how things will affect them. Noone needs crap in their life, and if it is already negatively affecting her then you may need to put your foot down. How old do you think is old enough for her to make the call herself? Perhaps look at getting positive male role models (your dad or brother or even just a longtime friend) to spend more time with her. Make sure she knows you're there for her and love her unconditionally. There are some great books out there that battle the Where is my daddy question check out your local library. Man I waffle. Hope I helped maybe. Either way good luck!!

Tiffany - posted on 02/01/2012

@ Tanya: What was happening to where you decided enough was enough if you don't mind me asking?

Tanya - posted on 02/01/2012

my daugther hasn't seen her dad since 2010 of nov i lost all contact with him i had enough..

Tiffany - posted on 02/01/2012

@ celine: Lol that's okay, yes I will always have that journal. Id rather be safe and have things documented when I need them than not have a journal at all and still need it. I also complained about harassment to the police about him and his cousin as well. Every little bit counts in my book.

Celine - posted on 02/01/2012

Now why did I write blog.. when I ment a journal ... silly

Celine - posted on 02/01/2012

@Tiffany > I have a blog, and ALL the textmessages and mails and everything is saved!

Tiffany - posted on 02/01/2012

@ Celine: that is terrible I don't blame you at all for your choice and I agree with Mecarla you should try to see if something can be done because that is indeed a threat. I have a journal that has all the things I have been through with her dad just in case, does anyone else have a journal?

Tiffany - posted on 02/01/2012

@ Dani: Why doesn't he claim him?

Celine - posted on 02/01/2012

He told me right after we broke up that when I had given birth I should shoot them first and then myself.

And ofcourse I called him when I had delivered, hoping he had changed, but he hasn't :-(

Mecarla - posted on 02/01/2012

That's crazy. What a horrible guy. Has he said he wants

to kill them? Coz if so that needs to be mentioned to the cos for a restraining order

Celine - posted on 02/01/2012

Mecarla >

Phillip (13 months) & the twins (12 days) doesn't have the same biological father, and because of the twins father being such an idiot who wants me to just kill them I wont let him see them because I'm afraid of what he will do to them.