Whens the last time you saw your childs father?

[deleted account] ( 245 moms have responded )

How often does he come around? If he isnt involved is his family involveD?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Lori - posted on 11/01/2012

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The last time I saw my sons father was when I moved from living with him out of state back to my home state with my family. I had a trip already booked to visit my family since I first moved out of state with my ex. The day before my flight, I found out I was pregnant. We decided to discuss it after I got back which would give us both a week to sort our feelings out. Before I left he told me that he would never leave me no matter what I decided to do (abortion or keep the baby). After visiting with my family, I decided I wanted to keep the baby because I felt that I would feel guilty for the rest of my life if I got an abortion. I remember getting off the plane and walking to the baggage claim where my ex was waiting for me. I had bad vibes from the second I saw him. His whole demeanor was different. Distant and cold. The walk to the car was awkward. I was so confused by his change in character because we had spoken on the phone before and he seemed fine. We barely made it to the car before he told me we "had to talk". I knew something wasn't right. As I got in the car, he told me flat out that I needed to get an abortion and that his parents, being very wealthy, would arrange to have me see the "best" doctor in that state immediately. He told me if I didn't get an abortion, I would be left to raise our child without a father. I felt like I was living a nightmare and although that night remains a blur because everything happened so fast, I will never forget how I felt. Basically, while I was visiting my family he told his parents and his parents had such a bad reaction that it somehow had a huge effect on him. He was a completely different person and I really I never expected it or saw it coming. We were together 3 years. I left my family to move with him. I really thought we were in it through thick and thin. I was wrong. He said his family felt he was not ready for a child and could not fully support a family since he was still struggling to finish college (he was 27 years old for crying out loud, not a kid!). He agreed with his family and sided with them. I had no choice but to respect how he felt, as painful as it was. I packed what I could that night while my father drove out from my hometown to pick me up by car. I literally packed all of my belongings and left the following night. I spent that night locked in our room falling apart while he slept on the couch. He woke up the next morning as if nothing was happening, didn't say a word to me and went to work as usual. My world was shattered and falling apart and his just went on as if nothing happened. That broke my heart even more. That was my last memory of him. He never changed his mind. He called me a few times after that night to tell me he still loved me and wanted to be a part of my life up until the day our baby was born. I felt no need to drag it on. His family despises me. They think I'm the worst person to exist for keeping an unwanted baby. They blame me for ruining his life; which I don't know why because I don't ask him for anything, and he is not on child support.



Sorry I wrote a whole story. I'm still trying to get over it so it helps me to be able to let it out :)

Jennifer - posted on 11/01/2012

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Sandra, this response was beautiful and inspiring! Thank you! I cannot WAIT to buy your book! I myself, write to her in a journal I plan to give to her when she is older about my feelings and how hard I tried to make her father come to see her..I don't want her to blame me..or him to lie to her when he eventually DOES come around, and make me seem like the "bad parent"..She lives with me and my mother, who she loves dearly..and I think she understands this is "her family" and its okay, but I will soon need a way to explain the "whys"..(she is two months shy of 3) So thank you again, I can't wait to review your book..she loves all zoo animals! I am so glad someone else understands..

Sandra - posted on 10/31/2012

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My daughters father has not been in her life for over five years now. He left when she was two and a half. While he could have supervised visits, he chooses not to have anything to do with her and fails to pay child support. It is hard to describe the pain you experience when that sweet little angel face looks up at you, and in that innocent little voice asks "mommy is my daddy ever coming back?" I struggled and looked everywhere for a book to explain this to her, in a way that is honouring to her. She does not deserve to wonder what most children with absent parents do.."why doesn't he love me enough to stay in my life ". I prayed about this as I didn't have the words, I didn't have a solution. So I decided (me..nobody special..ordinary person) that I would write a story for her about her situation. I asked her what she would like me to write about and she said a g-waffe, so with prayer and a pen, a story did come to me. Her story is called Above the Trees and it is a story about a baby giraffe who is born with both a mother and a father. The baby giraffe loves her family and one day her father wanders off into the jungle where he becomes lost and never returns. (which is a great metaphor for what actually happens to a parent that chooses just to leave and never be a part of their childs life) The baby giraffe asks her mother questions throughout her childhood ( is my daddy ever coming back...by the way the feelings and questions in this book, are all my daughters) and through out the story the mother giraffe reiterates this beautiful phrase " I will always love you and protect you, and as you grow you'll see, that I was chosen for you, and you were chosen for me, and even though your daddy is lost, we are still a family. As the little giraffe grows up..it is only with age and increased height that all is revealed, when she can see above the tree's she can see all the different kinds of jungle families ( including single parents, gay parents, grand parents, siblings raising siblings and even foster families). The message this young giraffe gets once she can see above the trees, is that there are all kinds of different families...and whatever family you have...it is the perfect one for you. At the end of the story the baby giraffe is all grown up...and she imparts her wisdom on her mother, reassuring her, that she knows that while she missed out on her daddy, that her mother did the best she could and that she was always loved and protected..and that even though they were only two, they were the perfect family. I am a single mom, yes I have a job, but I invested everything I could in publishing this book myself..with the belief...that this is a story that is needed and I couldn't wait to find a publisher that would believe that this is a story that needs to be told. I had a wonderful artist illustrate it for me and it has been healing for both my daughter and I. You know I forgive my partner as I truly believe he must be lost and you know when someone is lost, it is not about how much they love you, they simply can't find their way back...and that is how I will explain it to my daughter as she gets older. It is not about us...it is about him and it is sad for him...because she is a miracle and the greatest blessing of my life and this situation has made me a better person. I am selling my books on my own and now in the process of trying to find a literary agent as I sold one thousand copies of my two thousand in the first three months before I had a bad health scare. Anyway it has been going and if you would even like to read more about our story..please take a look at our website at www.abovethetrees.ca ( I want to help other parents by giving them the words and and a powerful message of hope and love). Love & Light to all those that struggle with this issue!

Julie - posted on 10/31/2012

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- the last time I saw him - the day I told him I was p.g. - seriously.

Our precious little girl will soon be 30 ♥ he has sure missed a lot!

Jennifer - posted on 10/19/2012

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@ Starla, they don't have Legal Aid or something in OH? Or an advocate of the court for the child's welfare (I think it's called a Guardian ad litem) or support enforcement may be able to help you..check all those places out, if you cannot afford an attorney. Just because he HAS an attorney, doesn't mean he'll get visitation with that criminal record. At best, he may only get supervised visitation, at a court facility..you can request that specifically if you don't feel comfortable, list all the reasons you feel he is a threat to your child, and get as many letters from as many people and sources backing up that accusation, and bring it all to your court hearing with you. You have a pretty good case even without a lawyer. The court will want to help the mother and will always have the best interest of the child as their first priority..Good luck. Let us know how it goes!

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Jennifer - posted on 11/02/2012

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My daughter's father has two warrants for contempt of court also..one for her and one for her half brother..so he soon will be also. It's very sad that he doesn't care enough to try..for her or for himself.

Jennifer - posted on 11/01/2012

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Lorie..that is sad, I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I just wanted to add to my comment that I was 25 when I got pregnant. We weren't exactly "dating" at the time, but had in the past, and I've been best friends with him (even lived together, and been homeless together) since we were 13, and have been in school together since we were in elementary. So we are now 29 (me) and 28 respectively..he should now have his priorities together. He quit his job (as an electrician's apprentice, after his schooling) to go protest joblessness as part of Occupy Wall Street, because he fancies being "a media celebrity" better than being a plain old father. He didn't want to be a "slave" to capitalism anymore. It's terrible what some men will do to their children, he's met her, and gotten her hopes up..and made her fall in love and just recently abandoned her again (after being in her life for about a year-collectively, I mean) So, It may seem hurtful, but maybe it was for the best that he was never around to hurt your child, you have a better chance to heal than a child. I hope you do. If he's not ready, he's not..we just can't force them, because then THIS happens. and it's heartbreaking. I have to hide and cry sometimes when she asks these questions, she doesn't understand, luckily she doesn't cry herself...she is just lost.

Brittney - posted on 10/31/2012

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June 2nd of 2012 was the last time my son, who was 14 months at that time, ever saw or heard from the man who calls himself "dad". Just stopped coming around, my guess is he couldnt handle the responsibility of fatherhood. He came over to visit his son as a "visitor", not as a father.Sleep was his priority, my son was only at his convenience....

Jennifer - posted on 10/30/2012

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She actually asked for her Daddy to teach her to play guitar, when she saw an ad for an toddler sized acoustic guitar in Toysrus. (out of nowhere) Then he asked me on FB if he could Skype with her, because he "can't get here to see her"...so I reluctantly agreed, because she was over the moon to talk to her Daddy..The convo went really well, and he behaved himself as promised. He also promised to "call back" an hr later, after dinner/before bed, to say good night, and blew her off. He ignored my calls, emails, and FB msgs. She was really upset and didn't understand why. She sat in front of the laptop for a half and hr, and eventually threw it. (This is a kid who does NOT have tantrums, and knows better) I wrote him back to forget it, he blew a personal relationship, now he's blown a virtual one, and I will NOT let him do this to her. She understands much more than a normal two year old, and was very distraught over why her Daddy didn't want to see her again..why didn't he come back? His priorities are obviously NOT in order. So he can stick to writing letters I guess. Fathers like this make me sick. It breaks my heart, she is already doing pretend imaginary play with dolls..and pretends that they are a mommy and daughter, and asks, "where is your Daddy? I don't know, I don't have a Daddy.."She is only two...:'(

Keri - posted on 10/29/2012

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The last time I saw my son's father was in April 2004. I haven't heard from him was February 2010. I recently received a friend invite from an aunt that I haven't met. She never hears from her brother either. In really have no contact from his side of the family at all. That works for me.

Jennifer - posted on 10/23/2012

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Tiffany- Yes, I found out I was pregnant when I was about 6 weeks, and called him to tell him in person, but he must have known, because he refused. I told him, and the rest is history. He had asked girls to abort in the past (and succeeded) and has another son (my daughter's half brother-6) My DNA test gave the same results, and he didn't see her until she was a yr. old in court, and all the sudden wanted to see her, because she was "beautiful." But, he couldn't commit, he isn't ready to be a father apparently. And I agree, he is missing out on the most beautiful, special, intelligent, well mannered young girl he will ever know...and he can't go back in time and get it back. One day, these men will realize it, when they are (finally) emotionally mature, when they are old and lonely..and they can only hope their children can be able to forgive them, and allow them into their lives.



Tammy- you are doing the right thing for your daughter keeping her a safe distance from poisonous women like her. I agree with you, I have been given an amazing gift that I have my daughter in my life (even though she wasn't planned, and quite honestly was a miracle for me) and that she has a brother and people who love her, even though some people still don't know about her. The truth will always (eventually) come out. And it won't be us that looks like the bad guy. I have had many a difference in opinion with his sister, but we share the common best interest and love for her, and that's all that matters in the end. I can put my feelings aside during our visits. Good luck to you both!

Tammy - posted on 10/23/2012

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My daughter is 12. I split drom her father when she was 5. He has moved away w the woman he cheated w and have 3 children together. She has ordered him to have no contact w family or friends unless she is present. His family is fabulous n have stepped up to the plate n r very ...involved. He hear from him once every 4 or 5 months. The wife is no longer allowed to speak w my child since the last time she did she told my daughter I hope this baby is a girl to replace u. Bottom line he has no balls to protect his first child or to stand up for himself so he is no role model for our child..he gave me an amazing gift n a 2nd family who truely love my daughter.

Tiffany - posted on 10/20/2012

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My son will be 4 in Feb. His father and I broke up before I knew I was pregnant with him. After our son was born the father wanted DNA testing done. It came out that he was 99.999% the dad. The dad saw our son that day of court.....from across the room....didn't even come next to our son to see him.....and that was the ONLY time he has saw our son. His family has NEVER saw our son. Never an attempt from him or his family to see his son. My son has my family that is very invovled in our lives and that is all he needs. My son tells everyone that I am his mommy and daddy :) Such a smart, beautiful, funny, sweet, and the list goes on for my little boy that his father (sperm doner) will NEVER be able to expience!!!!!

Jennifer - posted on 10/19/2012

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My two and a half yr old daughter's father doesn't see her anymore. Apparently, "Occupying" on the streets of NY is more important to him, sadly. He wasn't around for the pregnancy, told me to abort, and I couldn't find him for the first yr of her life. I had to hound him when he made an attempt to start seeing her after he first saw her at court when she was a year old. He's maybe seen her 10 times or so, and all at my doing, constantly calling..making dates, picking him up (because he has no car, and QUIT his job to go protest joblessness..) And now he's quite honestly gone over the line from political into anarchy and a bit extreme. His ideas and actions are a little dangerous and unhealthy for a young and impressionable child to be around. I did take it upon myself to find his sister on FB and inform her when my daughter was 6 weeks old, and she's been in her life on and off. And I tracked down his "other baby's mama" and sent her a letter informing her of us, and giving her the opportunity to contact us, which she was overjoyed to do (and very upset she didn't know about her until almost a yr old) And now she sees her half-brother every two weeks or so, and they have a pretty close relationship. Apparently, her father hadn't told anyone, and to this day still pick and chooses how many kids he says he has, so his father still has no idea he has a granddaughter...it makes me so sad...it's the only other grandparent she has, and she doesn't even get to know him because of his selfishness. I cannot imagine what makes men act like this.

Kristi - posted on 10/13/2012

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Its been about 2 years and no his family doesn't have anything to do with him either.

Princess - posted on 10/10/2012

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Wow wow wow. I'm reading the responses and I am angry at the dead beat dads that make a baby and decides not to be responsible for their children out here in this world. Also this makes me grateful because I see my son's dad mostly everyday when he picks him up for practice or pick him to take him out and to his house. My son's paternal grandmother sees him often his dad's sisters and brothers sees him often also. Sometimes even one of his aunts picks him up for practice if his dad is running late. I'm disappointed in the men in today's world.

Sophia - posted on 10/09/2012

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I only see him because of our kids. My oldest son was residing with him. Now that I have both kids custody, I won't have to see him so often anymore. Once or twice a week for visitation!

Starla - posted on 10/09/2012

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My son hasnt seen his father in 3 years..during those 3 years prob only 3 times for 15 minutes. There is a court ordered child support order in which he has not paid in 3 years. He has contempt charges from not paying and guess what he still is not paying a dime...Now i get papers in the mail where he is taking me to court for visitation and to lower his child support. I dont know what to do he is a drunk, hes got charges from DUI, Domestic Violence, tried to commit suiside 3 times..Im a single mom and I cant afford an attorney but he can because his attorney is his best friends dad...I heard in Ohio he cant sign over his rights is this true?

MADI - posted on 10/08/2012

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Unfortunately, I get to see my daughters father everyday at work. She's almost 10 months old and I can count on one hand how many times he's seen her. His family knows about her but chose to not make any attempts to see her.

Tasley - posted on 10/08/2012

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I haven't seen them and I aint been looking for neither one of them...lol

Julia - posted on 08/22/2012

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i moved 200 miles away.. and he said not to shut the door on him with our son but ive not heard nothing from him at all sincce i moved on july 13th.. cares, i dont think so,,,

Angielee - posted on 08/15/2012

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My daughters father has not been involved in her life yet and she is 15 months old. I can say that he has seen her a couple times from about 3 days old - 2 months. I don't consider that being an active involvement in my child's life. He is an abusive person, and a person who has decided to not have his child in his life. I personally believe that sometimes it is what is best for our children, truthfully and unfortunately realistic. I'm happy that i provide everything to my child single handedly and not by choice. He has not made an attempt to ask questions about his daughter and I have. I have come to realize that contact between him and I on my daughters account should not be up to me to make contact.

Desert Flower - posted on 08/15/2012

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My childrens father lost custody almost 6 years ago, but, o joy, I get to keep seeing him in court when he tries to get out of paying support, every 6 months or so. Only 8 more years of this nonsense.

Nadreline - posted on 08/13/2012

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My daughter will be 4 in October and we haven't seen her father sence she was 3 months .He moved to Varginia now he has another child that lives with him and see him everyday and thats makes me very mad. He always say he can't get off work to come visit or make others excusses about coming to visit.She speaks to him often on the phone when I call him because he don't have long distance or a cell phone that pick up seervice in his area. His loss not mine,.

Samantha - posted on 02/15/2012

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I see him every day cuz we live in a small island but far as doing for him nothin he doesn't even know him

Alicia - posted on 02/12/2012

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Last time I saw my ex/ baby daddy was Feb 1 when I went to get the clothes he got him for CHRISTMAS!! but he hasnt seen his son since DEC 28! n thats only cuz he didnt get him Christmas eve like he said he would! we live less than 10 mins away from each other!!

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 02/04/2012

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The last time I saw my older daughter's father was August 2010. He lives in GA and I lived in NY. I now live in BC. I haven't seen him in over a year and he only calls our daughter every 3-9 months.

Ashli - posted on 02/02/2012

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I haven't seen my daughter's father in 3 yrs, the last time he has saw his child she was 8 months old and then she was barely a yr old. He is state prison for attempted murder. I tried to stay with him but i gave up that fairy tale idea.

Ashli - posted on 02/02/2012

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I haven't seen my daughter's father in 3 yrs, the last time he has saw his child she was 8 months old and then she was barely a yr old. He is state prison for attempted murder. I tried to stay with him but i gave up that fairy tale idea.

Jena - posted on 06/21/2011

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My son and I last saw him on July 3rd last year. He had only started seeing my son on May 19th. My son was born in October of 2009 so he was almost 8 months old. No contact since the last time we saw him since a baby was too big of a responsibility for him and he wanted to walk out. No, his family is relieved that they don't have to deal with us although they would have much preferred an abortion to their son being a "dead beat dad".

Nina Alexandra - posted on 06/20/2011

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I haven't seen him since mid-Feb, but I have spoken to him off and on during that time, and of course he made his empty promises. I want my son to grow up knowing his dad but I'm right to the point where I don't care anymore. It's sad actually.

Jessi - posted on 06/20/2011

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The last time I saw him was 22 May 2008 when he left for New York. I got pregnant around 3 May 2008. I found out I was pregnant 18 June 2008 and told him that same day. He had a new girlfriend 2 weeks later (didn't find out about her until 1 year later). He's never been there for our son nor has he even met him. He claims he wants to but never follows through. His family is as involved as they can be which isn't much but is more than his involvement as they live 2000 miles away from us but they haven't met him either or sent him anything.

Randi - posted on 06/20/2011

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My girls haven't seen him since December of 2007, a week before my youngest daughter's 1st birthday. A week later he talked to our oldest for 30 seconds on the phone and they got a Christmas card with just his signature. It was addressed by his sister in law and was the same card I'd received from her a week before my ex walked out. I told him from the start, I would not pressure the girls to communicate with him, but he could call them or email me with messages to them and I would share and help them respond. But it was an offer he never took advantage of.

Heidi - posted on 06/20/2011

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My ex over the past 12 years hasn't been around a whole heck of alot. The first 2 years yes, but after that the visits came less and less with the longest being 13 months. He lives 2 1/2 hours away. He comes here to visit family, and friends but not his son. So the day after my son turned 12 he told his father off and cut all ties with him. He got tired of the nelgect and hurt and had enough. So the last time I say my ex was in February of this year and the time before that was July of 2010, and the time before that was well over a year. I try to make a point of not seeing my ex because the very sight of him makes me sick to stomach.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 06/15/2011

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I haven't seen my ex husband since last August because he lives in GA and I will soon be leaving NY for BC. He's also backing out of the summer visit this year because he claims he doesn't have the money. Whatever... he has a dual income, he likes to believe he's a talented author, he's a Staff Sergeant in the military. Yet he says he can't get time off for any of the 3 weeks and would have to pay a baby sitter.
To top that off he calls so sporadicaly my older daughter has spoken with her step dad and seen him more in the past 4 years than she's seen her bio-dad.
As for his family, the only person who's shown any interest is his mom. Of course she didn't contact me until nearly a year after my divorce was finalized. But she does call and since until next Friday we only live 10 minutes away I do a monthly supervised visit with her (she's epileptic and a bit uh... excentric to be polite) None of his other relatives who all live in the same city as myself contact her.

Teresa - posted on 06/15/2011

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I saw my daughter's father once a year ago in the seventeen years that she has been here. He wanted nothing to do with her for years then he got cancer and thought he was going to die so he looked us up. We drove 4 hours to see him and he spared her 2 hours then was too busy to see her for the rest of the time we were there. Since then he has made very little effort to talk to her(only comments on her FB post) and has never come down or even asked her to come up to see him.

Nikki - posted on 06/15/2011

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My son's father has not seen his son in three years. My son is four and will be five October 22nd. His family met our son ONCE and they have never seen him since !! ouch huh --- it's so sad ...

Nikki - posted on 06/15/2011

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My son's father has not seen his son in three years. My son is four and will be five October 22nd. His family met our son ONCE and they have never seen him since !! ouch huh --- it's so sad ...

Jennifer - posted on 05/16/2011

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The father of my first child I haven't seen since June of '05 (the year she was born, she was born in October) and all I know is that his sister at least knows she exists, but no, his family is not involved. The father of my second child I believe I last saw him in the beginning of February, and then I stopped answering his calls extending him the same courteousy of telling him that I didn't want to see him anymore as he did with me earlier on. He hasn't made a single effort to contact me to see her and he knows where I live. His family, I'm pretty sure, doesn't even know she exists.

Jennifer - posted on 05/15/2011

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my boys havent seen there father since may of 2009 and that was the first time he saw them since jan of 2009

Christina - posted on 05/15/2011

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Last time I saw my ex-husband was two years ago when I left his ass and moved 1400 miles away with our children. He isn't involved because the courts took his rights away in our divorce. He pays child support because he is forced to, and calls occasionally just to piss me off. I talk to his mom and his younger brothers still because they did nothing wrong.
Now my oldest son's father is very involved. He lives 15min away from me and takes our son all the time.

Elizabeth - posted on 05/15/2011

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i havent seen my daughters father since i was 5 months pregnant with her and she will be 14 in december

Alexis - posted on 05/22/2010

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I haven't seen my daughter's father since December of 2005, which was a month after I told him I was pregnant. His family is involved though.

Leanne - posted on 05/22/2010

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my childs dad hasnt seen im since dec 09. and the same with his mother until a dna test came bk . which was dne april 26 and was bk wiv the result oon 2nd may and i aint heard bugga all bk.

Kelly - posted on 05/22/2010

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i not seen my baby boys father since he was 3mths old he now 2weeks off turning 1yr he not even been round phoned texted or anythink all because i wouldnt let his new girlfriend come to my sons christening an to be honest we dont need him as he never paid anythink to help with his needs so the further away the better i think i would slap him if i ever seen hin again even when he was poorly in hospital he didnt wanna know or his family they stopped coming too which is good cos now its me and my son he wont get confused with them coming in an out off his life

Kimberly - posted on 05/22/2010

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My daughter who is 16 now hasn't seen her dad since 2002 and my son who is now 12 has never met his dad. And neither of their families are involved but that doesnt matter cause I have a huge extended family that loves us and helps us out when we need it.

Tina - posted on 04/12/2010

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The last time that I saw my childs father was 2yrs ago. I see him around town because we live in the same town but we do not speak to eachother ay all. He never comes around and his parents only come and visit my son on his birthday and christmas.

Karen - posted on 04/12/2010

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My daughter saw her father twice= once when she was 6 months old, once when she was 3 years old...that was when he said she can look him up when she turns 18 and said he really didn't want anything to do with her...she is now 26. she has met his mother and aunts and uncles, she knows where he lives...She is a great person and I am very proud that I raised such a fine girl on my own!

Tiffany - posted on 04/12/2010

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right now i dont ever see him hes locked up for awhile. but wen he was free he didnt pay to much attention to his daughter he was out partying which to him was more important. yes his family diff. is in involved his family is always there and loves her to death and im very thankful for them because if it wasnt for them i dont think me and my daughter would make it there are lots of help.

Allyson - posted on 04/12/2010

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well last i saw him was dec. of 2008 which was when my daughter was brought into my life... didnt talk to him until march of 2010 and just this past weekend he wanted to get together to meet her ... well i got one call and i missed it called him back not even 10 mins later and he never returned my call so... see how serious he is about wanting to be in her life

Irene - posted on 04/12/2010

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well first he disappered for yrs then he resurfaced last year and he has not seen his daughter for 4yrs now in counting... He helps with the bills when he feels like.. I dont bother to ask, i think i shouldn't even have to ask.... I thank God that i can somehow manage on my own tho'it aint easy.. His Loss my Gain and Blessing '.. I dont think his family even know of her existence....

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