whinning and tantrums

Sarah - posted on 11/02/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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what do i do with my 2 year old daughter that started daycare and shortly after she started daycare she started whining and having tantrums when she wants something or does not get something she wants and it is all the time she started daycare about 2 months ago and she started shortly after that with the whining and tantrums HELP i am a single mom and her father has been in and out of her life for the last approximately 9 months to a year and she sees his sister and his parents every month or so when we call or when his sister calls too set up a date for trying to get him to see our daughter as it has been a bad a tough situation with him as the relationship with him and i had ended badly so IF ANY1 CAN HELP WITH THE ADVICE PLEASE HELP

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Sarah - posted on 11/04/2010

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thank you heather as to her father he never seen our daughter till after i took him to court for child support and then the last visit he had with her he got into a fight with his new wife and has not seen her since and that was about 2 almost 3 months ago when that happened but his sister and i get along great and she has been trying to get him to see our daughter but he has not been doing so as it is in a court order that he has to have supervised visitation as he is still drinking and i do not see that it is a safe environment for Hannah to be in even when his wife there and that he has a felony conviction with a DWI conviction as well and ny daughter started daycare for 2 days a week back in September so that may also be the thing that has her doing what she is doing as well as i have been worried about not being able to pay my bills as i have not had a job in over 2 years with the exception with helping my moms mother in law and i lost the money from her last month and it looks like i will be getting some of the hours back with her this week as well as a possible part time job to help with the odd days that i am not working for my moms mother in law and i also had some teeth pulled and am having to go back to have more pull soon again so i agree that she is feeling all of that as she only does it home and she amazingly is good when i have to go to the store or anything else that i may have to go do when i have her and i do do the time out with her and she knows when she has a time out she is a very smart 2 year old as she is able to do different things that other kids her age does not do yet she knows how to do and it is amazing

Bridgette - posted on 11/02/2010

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First of all talk to her and then start ignoring the tantrums... ATTENTION is what she is after and if you feed into the attention when she is having the tantrums she will continue

Heather - posted on 11/02/2010

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I had a difficult break up with my son's father when he was about 6 months old and the problems between us continued until our son was 3. I thought a working relationship between us was impossible but we get along surprisingly well now so don't give up hope there. Stand your ground on important issues but do your best to make peace wherever possible and leave your daughter out of any disputes. That said, I had issues with tantrums and whining at age 2 and if you are consistent with not rewarding that behavior, it will stop...eventually. It may take a lot of patience. I have ignored many screaming fits (some in public) which seemed to be more frequent when something changed in our routine. Sometimes, there's nothing you can do to prevent a change. My son's father would come to visit sporadically and whenever he left, my son was always very difficult the week or so after. I knew he was acting out cause he missed his dad but I still set limits for his behavior and attempted to get him to express his feelings to me in other ways. If you aren't giving time outs yet, this is the time to start. I think they're very effective. First I warn my son, if he continues, I tell him to go sit in time out (a corner in the hallway with nothing around), I set a timer (1 minute for every year of age), and ignore him for that time. It's something you will have to teach her and she will resist for a while but you need to just keep sitting her down until she sits for 2 minutes. My son knows the routine now. He sits, he cries, but he never gets up. After, I ask him why he got a time out, he apologizes, I give him a hug and it's over. He is now a very well behaved 4 year old and I usually only have to threaten a time out and he stops the negative behavior. She could also be reacting to your stress. Children feel secure when their parents are in control. If you are stressed, she will sense it and act out. Try to do something for yourself to relieve your stress (eat well, sleep, exercise-yoga is really good).
All of these things are easier said than done but worth a try. Nothing is more stressful than a whiney 2 year old.

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