Who will love me now!!!??

Britany - posted on 05/27/2009

I joined this group just to say I'm in tears. Just what I needed to hear today.

My husband left almost 18 months ago when I was 5 months pregnant with our second child. With no savings and no family support where we were living, I was forced to move back to my hometown and in with HIS parents (mine are sick). My girls and I still live here and I'm growing more itchy to move out by the day. Three months ago, my ex moved in (we have no plans of reconciliation) and it's been a sticky situation since. We have been divorced 9 months now and I'm reminded almost daily why we divorced... kind of nice in a way... but I still find myself lonely and I'm trying to go out and meet people (friends in general).

I am confident that I will one day get remarried and maybe have another child or two. I've been doing my best to concentrate on myself and my girls. Since he left, I finished my bachelor's and graduated in May. I'm currently job hunting and am very much looking forward to us moving out.

I'm in the same place as many of you, and it feels really good to know I'm not alone! You are all so strong! I still find myself crying sometimes, wondering in all seriousness who will think I'm beautiful, with my "mom" shaped body, stretch marks, floppy, lopsided chest... But if a person can't love me for me, TOO BAD FOR THEM!!

Jemma, keep your chin up. It's hard, and probably still like you're living in hell. But you have a sweet baby girl (with adorable little cheeks, by the way). And SHE WILL LOVE YOU! And right now, that's all that matters. In time, you will learn to love yourself too. You are beautiful on the outside, and I'm sure the inside as well. :) Good luck!

April - posted on 05/27/2009

It gets better, surround yourself with positive people like you're doing now on circle of moms. Love and heartache is hard, trust me I know, but always remember, now it's not about you. It's about that beautiful little girl that wakes up everyday and smiles at you. She love you now and forever! You don't need anyone else. Love yourself, times get hard for me sometimes also, but remember there are always people and resources to help you out. You just have to set your pride aside sometimes and ask. We can't do it all alone. Remember you are a woman, you are strong, everyone comes into your life for a reason, and he was just there to help you create the beautiful little girl that you have. Love her and be strong for her! I always joke and say God made the women strong because he knew we could do it! LOL Have the kids, take care of the family and survive. You can do it Jemma, you just have to have faith in yourself and God. Also remember if you need him just call on him, he listens and ask Him for help. He's always there for you. :)

Veronica - posted on 05/27/2009

dont feel that way. your time will come.. i left my sons dad when he was 14 mo. old cuz he was a looser. he sees him every sunday for 4 hrs, supervised, and i have been single since then. i dated one guy, and he was a looser too. sure, i have been asked out a few times, but my standards are a lot higher now. dont settle for someone just cuz u feel lonely. i am lonely, but i will never date someone just for the sake of dating. set your bar high, and wait. you will find someone who will love you and your beautiful daughter.it might takea month, or 5 years. just dont stress about it. otherwise, you will have wasted your daughters youth being depressed and wish that u wouldnt have when she gets older. i am not worried about dating anyone right now, you are young. most guys accept a single mother now a days. just wait, be patient, and dont settle. your time will come. as for now, u just concentrate on your beautiful daughter. when you stop looking is when he will show up in your life and evrything will be good:)

Lee - posted on 05/25/2009

Being rejected always add salt and desperation into an otherwise stable, normal person. Add a baby into the mix and you get a potentially really scary situation. It is easy to start feeling hopeless. I have been there. My husband - who proclaimed to be my soul mate and love of my life - had an affair with a friend from work WHILE I was pregnant with his sweet baby. The divorce is almost final and I have been through such a rollercoaster of emotions. I was scared on SO many levels. My first thought was - what now? How do I do this alone? Who will ever want to be with a single mom?



A year into it I am finding a lot of people would want to be with a single mom, but NOW the question is...do I want to be with anyone right now. I was so desperate, lonely, aching - I would cry for days on end. I was SOOO crushed. But trust me...it DOES get better. Let your child distract you - but also make sure to try to make some time for just you. You need a break now and then to be a good mommy. Go to a local book store, get a Fru Fru coffee all by yourself...learn to like YOU. You are an awesome person. You are a mommy of a precious, sweet baby girl who thinks you are the greatest thing on earth! Show her you are. Be strong and know that you are NOT alone. Reach out to other moms - single or not. Let them know your situation. The worst thing you can do right now is isolate yourself and dwell on feeling sorry. Find some folks you can talk to and get it out - be it a counselor or just a few good friends...get it out and then...MOVE ON. You are so young, you have your whole life ahead of you and yes...one day you will be loved, but you have to love yourself first. Love your baby girl and don't let this time be consumed with too much sadness (yes - you have to cry sometimes...cry your heart out - but remember to smile and laugh too!). She is going to grow up so fast. I have 2 girls - 7 and 2 years old and they are the most wonderful distraction and sometimes most frustrating things in the world to me. That is just what being a mom is. There are ups and downs. Teach your baby girl that it is ok to be real...and strong. Model for her what you would like for her one day. Imagine if she was going through this...what would you want for HER life? You wouldn't want her to sit back and be sad and have a pity party for the rest of her life...You would probably tell her something like "Yep - that sucks, baby girl, but it is NOT the end of the world...get out there and live your life".



As woman we tend to put too much stock on our men. We get too wrapped up in being someone's wife or girlfriend and we make the mistake of making our identify something fashioned around them. It is a common mistake that I have for sure made. Going forward our challenge now is not finding someone to love us...because you will. The real challenge for you right now is to hold your head up high and remember YOU ARE special and deserve love just like anyone else. Don't settle. The stakes are higher now more than ever because you are a mom. Don't cave in just because you need love. Date around...be choosy. Take your time. Don't even let your baby be part of any of it until you know it is right...but all that is down the road. Right now - find you. Be good to you. Find the support you need. Show the world how strong you can be. You are a beautiful girl and that little girl is precious. Be something awesome in this world for her AND you. = ) Big hugs.

Kaila - posted on 05/25/2009

I'm in the same situation, my sons father left when he was 13 months now he is 19 months and I had the same thoughts about who will love me now? instead of looking for love or waiting for someone to come a long I'm taking this time for my self and my son, I'm going back to school, getting my liscence and being independent and its a wonderful feeling... but my mom told me "someone will come and treat you and your son the best"... it does get better

Chloe - posted on 05/23/2009

My son is almost a year old now and i am 20, I know exactly what it feels like to be alone with a baby. It does get easier and yes it is hard but you will find a way to move forward. Its hard because of the feelings you have for someone when u give them the most beautiful gift they could ever receive. I find it helps to be positive and find happiness, not necessarily with another man but maybe something you enjoy doing that you can share with your daughter. If i can get through everything that happened to me starting when i was 18, there is no reason why no other mother cant. All the best.

Penny - posted on 05/23/2009

First and foremost your daughter will love you and be greatful of what a wonderful mommy that she has. I have been a single mom going on a year now and it is hard and gets lonely. I have a boyfriend whom I was living with but it got overwhelming for him because he doesn't have children and he kinda jumped into a relationship with me and mine. One thing about dating and relationship that we as single mothers have to remeber is that these are our children and no one will love them as much as us and if someone who claims to love us cant love our children and accept them then too bad for them. I have a son and anyone that I date will know that first off. They will not be around my son or meet him until I feel that they have earned that right. You will find love again i promise. Just don't settle for the first person that you think shows it to .

Chrissy - posted on 05/23/2009

I understand how you feel, I am a single mom with 3 boys. I felt the same way at first, but it does get better. The hardest part is feeling bad for the children, not having a dad around. But as a mom, you try to explain, and listen to their questions, and help them feel better. As long as they have plenty of love in their lives, they will be ok. As for being lonely, it does get that way sometimes. Everyone wants to feel loved. I've just always tried to look on the positive side. And there are some perks. For instance, you don't have to worry about disagreeing on how to raise you child. You get to make all the decisions, and do things the way you think they should be done. That's the way I've always tried to think about things. I hope everything gets better for you! Hold your chin up and remember....he's the one missing out, not you.

April - posted on 05/23/2009

Dear Friend,

I understand how you feel. Before I remarried my daughter was only 8 years old when I left her father. God helped me through alot and the love of my daughter. Then I meet my special someone when it was time. I had no one even though I moved back home. I felt so alone. Her father hardly came around and didn't even help me out at all. It's hard with no help, but trust me you can do this. I don't know you, but you are a strong young woman. God will not give you a task you cant handle. Just be alone for a while you and your wonderful daughter and the rest will fall into place. My daughters father hasn't seen her in 9 months and no child support. She realized something and it threw me when she said it. She said" Momma he will need me more than I will need him." You will be her Mommy and her father dear. It is hard but trust me you can do it for yourself and your gift from God!!!

Francesca - posted on 05/23/2009

I felt the same way when I started dating again with a six month old son. I thought, who in their right mind is going to sign up for this?! But, the truth is since then I have been in one really good relationship and casually dated a few really great guys and none of them had a problem with me being a package deal. Granted its harder to date because I don't introduce anyone to my son until it becomes serious. But for every fuckwitt out there who abandons their kids, there are 10 great guys who know how to be a man.

Michelle - posted on 05/23/2009

There is someone out there for everyone. Don't rush it your daughter needs you now. Try to find a support group . It's good to just talk about things.

Maria - posted on 05/23/2009

thats really nice way look at it xbless maybe that wot i need find a place fr god in my life x

Michelle - posted on 05/23/2009

I struggled with this as well, but as I have strengthened my relationship with God, I have learned that He has a plan for my and my daughter. I have turned it over to Him and know that when the time is right and the man of His choosing comes along, I will once again find the love that I have so longed to have.

Maria - posted on 05/23/2009

lo chic i a single parent wiv 10 kids nd none oh thier fathers stuck around i ave been depressed fr such a long time , but i now realize they win as they still control my feelins and my life x but i need to make sure i give the best to my kids x and thats wot matters most x my kids re my life and i will meet someone if im meant to , but if nt i gt them x u young and very pretty so u will be kk x x best of luck chic x

Laura - posted on 05/23/2009

There is someone who has loved you even before you were born. He loves you unconditionally and even died for you. His name is Jesus. Allow him to come into your heart and be your husband right now. Allow Him to heal your brokeness. When He becomes all you need, He knows the desires of your heart and will send the person your suppose to be with. Be very careful right now because you are vulnerable and the heart can be deceiving. I do know how you feel. I am a single mom of three and my husband left me after 10 years of marriage and mine were 1, 3, &5, but God is good and has gotten me through. It has been 5 years since that has happened and I have met the most wonderful Godly man and it was a total Godsidence. Put your trust in Him and I promise He is faithful. Laura

Devon - posted on 05/23/2009

my little one's father was unfaithful and i leftit is hard but you will become to realize that it's the best thing that could ever hapen to you and easier cause i rather be lonely then to wast my energy on someone that confuses my life and drains my life...there was this execersize that i took in my group to make a list of what your ideal man would be and what wouldn't be your ideal man on two differnet paper it will show you what you want and what you and your child wont settle for i learned a lot from this and one day when i was happy and not looking it hit me like nothing else i felt my ideal man we been together for 8 monthes now and it is going great but i had to complete myself first to find him and he is more there for my daughter then i seen here own father in the 2 year of her life and she is 3 now and we are taking it slow and it is the best way

Samantha - posted on 05/23/2009

i know what u are going through jemma im a single mum to an 8 yr old boy his dad left me before he turned 2. I am still single to this day so i dont know where to find a guy that will love me for me and my child as though he was his. sorry that my story is not a happy one like others but im also stuggling to find work as well so maybe if there is light at the end of the tunnel i hope i see it soon cause 6yrs being a single mum is a very long time and u do lose hope.

Emily - posted on 05/22/2009

Hey! i am 22 and 9 weeks pregnant! the father and i are not together and this is one of the loniest times for me i am finding it hard! i would love to meet someone but where? I just wish my ex and i could work it out, but he is unfortunately only 20 himself! :( its soooo hard!

Sue - posted on 05/18/2009

Now is the time to focus on you and the baby. I am in s very similar situation, and I have decided to find myself, be a great mom for my kids and if someone is out there that deserves me, well then he will come around. So take it slow and focus on you and the baby.

Courtney - posted on 05/14/2009

I'm 22 and have 2 kids. A 5 year old and a 1 year old. Neither of their fathers is involved in their lives. I am currently dating a wonderful man and I told him right from the beginning of our relationship that me AND my kids are a package deal. it is all or nothing, you can't have me without having my kids too. He has agreed to treat them as his own and so far everything is going wonderfully. I know I'm young but I was single for awhile and my advice to you is don't worry about a relationship. You have a beautiful little girl to think about, as well as yourself. I focused on my children and bettering myself by going back to college to finish my RN degree. It does get better, but only once you realize it was his loss and you're better off without him if he doesn't want to be involved. Keep your head up... you can do it alone, just have faith in yourself. The right man will come along when it is time...

Katharine - posted on 05/14/2009

my daughter's dad left me the day i found out i was pregnant, i can count on one hand how many times he's seen her and shes nearly 3, can't say ive had much luck with dating but to be honest i'm never sure where to go to meet guys apart from the pub, any tips anyone? have to say it gets me down sometimes but i'd rather be single than end up yet another idiot

Shan - posted on 05/14/2009

You will find the strenght to be happy in time.. I know how it feels to be left.. It's a feeling I hope nobody goes through. But look on the bright side the baby is with you and thats all that matters and for the someone you need to love you now.. dont look much further she is always within arm reach.. Watch her smile.. It will get better.. Tight hugs to you and your angel..

Charlene - posted on 05/13/2009

You need to love you and the rest will fall into place. I am a single mother of 9yrs and I was devastated when my spouse had an affair. I became a single parent over night and his life looked so easy. He hasn't been around, but I realized that worrying about it all the time did not do me any good. I could cry and yell and be emotional, but in the end, he didn't care so I realized I was only hurting myself. Plenty of men will appreciate you, but you just can't look. Let things happen in time. You are still young and right now you have time to concentrate on you and your baby. Be selfish for a little bit. When you start doing the things you love, you will find somebody that has things in common and you will see that it is not so bad. You don't have to settle for less either. If you are lonely you should pick up a hobby or a mommy group, or go out with your friends. Filling that loneliness with another man is only going to land you in the same place....lonely. Get even and make yourself a better person. It makes you feel good and it is the best in your face ever! By the way I am still single because I decided to go back to school so don't be scared. I have created way more for my children by believing in myself. I graduate this month and my next task will be settling down. Good luck and sorry for the book!

Starlane - posted on 05/13/2009

hi jemma. i feel you. it would make you feel better just by seeing your beautiful daughter. it's an everyday struggle and believe me it's not easy but when you begin to think of how beautiful your daughter is and how she will love you back - everything just seems to great. what is important now is that you have your little angel who will be an inspiration and who will be with you no matter what. being a single mom is really tough but it also gives me courage to do things and realized that it's better this way

Krystal - posted on 05/13/2009

I was a month shy of my 22nd birthday when my 4yr old daughters dad left us. I'm 25 now and just started dating a guy a couple months ago. Don't rush into something, take time to heal the pain. I kept close with my friends and tried to stay away from guys. Your very pretty and your daughters so cute. When the times right you'll find somebody.

Christine - posted on 05/12/2009

I used to feel the same way when my husband left me and my son and there are times I still do. I though I would never be able to be possitive about anything. But it has been a year now and as I look back I'm glad I'm alone and I can raise my son the way I want without having to worry what his father thinks. I still don't know about the Love thing yet because I haven't found anyone that has stayed to love us both but the one guy I dated did love both me and my son but he is in the military and didn't want us to worry about him all the time so he left. I have realized that my son comes first no matter what and I have to protect him, Myself and love come last. I know that some day I will have love again for both me and my son which helps but the waiting part is what is hard. So what I'm trying to say is that it takes time and you will find someone else but first you have to beable to put yourself and your daughter first and by doing that you will start being a possitive person again. It's hard, very hard, but I know you can do it. Think about that beautiful little girl of yours.

Heather - posted on 05/12/2009

i agree Jemma you do have a beautiful daughter, and the best thing you can do for your daughter is to take care of her mommy,with out a doubt you are the most important person in her life. I know all to well what you are going through and it is hard and sometimes it just flat out sucks! But you have to believe that it will get better with or without a man in your life. As long as you stay true to yourself and to the needs of your little girl you'll never have to worry about who will love you now because she will, now and always . stay strong and keep a smile on your face, you're going to be okay.

Andrea - posted on 05/12/2009

It will happen when you not looking! My daughter is 2 1/2 and the father has never been in the picture. He had broken up with me before I ever found out I was pregnant. I was feeling the same as you...what man will want to love me and my daughter? My daughter was 4 months old when an amazing man contacted me on Myspace. I of course thought what crazy man is this. Well we have now been together for 2 years and plan on getting married. This is the only Dad my daughter will ever know and he adores her and me. So don't give up.....it will happen. Just Believe!!!

Samantha - posted on 05/12/2009

I know that amidst the storm it is really hard to remember what sunny sky look like, but believe me each day will get easier and better, you have no idea how strong and capable a mother can be when the need is there. And honey you will find someone to love you exactly the way you deserve and he will love your little one in a way that will amaze you. I will not promise that it will happen soon. I have been a single mother since I was 19 and will be turning 32 this year, I have date over the past 10 years but until my I meet my current sweet heart I never know what it meant to be loved.

Rebecca - posted on 05/12/2009

Hey

You not alone, as you can see all the previous comments on this page. My sons father saw his son one in the hospital and that following Easter. Then he moved to Texas, and denies that it even his kid! It is hard. But it does get easier. Try Zoosk!!! lmbo

Vickie - posted on 05/12/2009

Well I'm 18 years old and my child is 2 months old. Her father is 19 and he left me because he said that my daughter and I were standing in the way of schooling, future, and career plans. He left while I was 7 months pregnant.

Tammy - posted on 05/11/2009

Jemm and everyone,

I feel the same way about how will love me know but the only person I want is my ex. We have a 6month and got divorced right after he was born. He asked for it and I was stupid in for giving in(or at least that is the way I feel) He only sees our son whenever he feels like it. I read your replies and they are inspriational, and I know that God will get me through this cause I have strong faith. It is hard with a little one at any age you are and with friends and family helps at times.

Agnes - posted on 05/11/2009

l know you are young,but you know what face the challenges and your daughter will be proud of you.shes so cute.you will meet some one as soon as possible keep on smiling and don't be a failure.

Louise - posted on 05/09/2009

Don't despair, I believed the same thing 6 years ago. I left my son's dad when I was 18. Yes, I'm a teenage mom. I still managed to graduate college, left my homeland, crossed the Pacific ocean and found myself in California. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I was so optimistic that I can give my son a better future. Then I met my fiance, we met at work. He accepted everything that I was, am and who I will be. He loves my son. I didn't expect things to be this good, but it is.

Bottom line is, sometimes our perception is not what reality is. Reality is, there's a lot of good men out there. I hope you find a wonderful person for you and your daughter.

Surround yourself with wonderful friends and family, it helps. Take care.

Nancy - posted on 05/09/2009

I left my daughters father 5 months ago (she was 2 months old at the time). He was / is a real looser and I was going down with him the longer I stayed. The said thing is he has 3 little boys under the age of 5 that I raised for almost 2 years. After I left he met someone and with in 3 months of knowing her he moved in and they just got married. He has not contacted me since the weekend he moved in with the other woman. That was 7 weeks ago and actually since I left he only saw our daughter 3 times - the last being mid Feb. Which means no contact with his daughter or I with his sons. My move was the best thing for my daughter and I but still to think I spent 2 years with him and almost married him. What was I thinking. Even though he was/is a real jerk I too feel lonely from time to time. We are currently living with family and I don't know what I would do without their support. Keep your chin up. If he can walk out on a child like that he's not worth it. You and your daughter deserve better and one day will find that special guy that will love and respect you as you should be.

Janet - posted on 05/09/2009

Stay strong! It gets better. Use your relationship with your beautiful daughter as a source of strength. You will become a stronger person. Smile!

Ruthie - posted on 05/09/2009

Hi Jemma,

Please don't worry about who will love you, when the time comes it will happen, I got pregnant from my ex. and he wanted nothing to do with me or my baby, I am all alone but have a great support system. as long as you have friends and family to talk to. don't sweat it. ask somebody you are close to to help you out. then you will have help and will also have company so you wont get so lonely! Hope you feel better... I too am 22 btw...

Arizza - posted on 05/08/2009

Quoting Katrina:

My husband walked ut on me 2 days after Christmas of 2007. When he left I was 2 months pregnant with our fourth child. Shortly after my mom, who was living with the kids and I, passed away. I found myself pregnant, with 3 young kids, and completely alone. I thought to myself constantly, "Who is ever going to love a woman in her thirties with four kids?". A few months after my mom passed I lost my job of nine years. (the company went bankrupt) And then my daughter was born in August 2008. A month after Alexis was born I met someone. He too had been left by his wife and he has 2 small kids. I am happy to say that we are still together, going on 8 months. I know it seems tough, and you feel completely alone, but I am telling you that there is someone out there who will love your child just as much as he is going to love you. Just have patience and faith. I have been through it all and I know exactly what you are thinking and feeling. Here if you ever need to talk. Believe me when I say, it does get easier.

i've read ur post katrina,and i really admire ur personality..ur such a strong woman!!!

Arizza - posted on 05/08/2009

dont feel so sad jemma,and with God's grace he will surely put everything into place..my daughter now is turning 6..her father left wen she was 8mos old..that time i felt so down,i have no job,our house is foreclosure my parents are old and sicked..there was a point that i have to walk frm our house to a friend to ask for help,no money at all..so devastating for me alone to see my child crying and hungry..then suddenly i realized it's not over for us..i started accepting every single job which i can earn some money,and one day i met this guy..very responsible person,we go out on a date and the rest is history...now he stands to be the father of my daughter..we'll be celebrating our 5thyear anniv...i shared a brief of my story to somehow give you inspiration that life would not be rainbows all the time but God is so good that no matter how far and down we are,he will surely be there to guide you...just love ur self and ur child jemma.

Katrina - posted on 05/08/2009

My husband walked ut on me 2 days after Christmas of 2007. When he left I was 2 months pregnant with our fourth child. Shortly after my mom, who was living with the kids and I, passed away. I found myself pregnant, with 3 young kids, and completely alone. I thought to myself constantly, "Who is ever going to love a woman in her thirties with four kids?". A few months after my mom passed I lost my job of nine years. (the company went bankrupt) And then my daughter was born in August 2008. A month after Alexis was born I met someone. He too had been left by his wife and he has 2 small kids. I am happy to say that we are still together, going on 8 months. I know it seems tough, and you feel completely alone, but I am telling you that there is someone out there who will love your child just as much as he is going to love you. Just have patience and faith. I have been through it all and I know exactly what you are thinking and feeling. Here if you ever need to talk. Believe me when I say, it does get easier.

Gemma - posted on 05/08/2009

Hey hun, Im in the same boat, i feel the same! I have a wonderful son who is neatly 7months old, and he has never seen his dad as he "after trying for a baby didnt want him" im 22 this year and would love to know how to meet a nice guy to settle down with!

best of luck hun, from the pic your daughter is beautiful!

Gemma - posted on 05/08/2009

Hey hun, Im in the same boat, i feel the same! I have a wonderful son who is neatly 7months old, and he has never seen his dad as he "after trying for a baby didnt want him" im 22 this year and would love to know how to meet a nice guy to settle down with!

best of luck hun, from the pic your daughter is beautiful!

Gemma - posted on 05/08/2009

Hey hun, Im in the same boat, i feel the same! I have a wonderful son who is neatly 7months old, and he has never seen his dad as he "after trying for a baby didnt want him" im 22 this year and would love to know how to meet a nice guy to settle down with!

best of luck hun, from the pic your daughter is beautiful!