Why are some men so selfish and arrogant?

Ariel - posted on 02/14/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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i was dating my daughters father for 7 months and i found out he'd been cheating on me with his ex the whole time. Now he doesnt ever call or try to contact me for her at all and the couple times ive tried he blew me off and didnt even care to ask how she is.

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Meghan - posted on 02/16/2010

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I agree. You can't control other people's actions/behavior. I am going through a lot with my ex. Unlike a lot of woman, me ex does want visitation. However he wants it because he is too concerned with looking like a deadbeat. My son comes home completly out of wack, angery, aggressive and usually dirty and I have found zig zags and beer bottle caps in my son's bag. However, he believes he is just as entitled as I am The only advise I can give is model YOUR good behavior. Your daughter needs to see what a responsible happy well adjusted parent looks like. And in the long run, she will have so much love and respect for everything you did for her and hopefully you can find someone who does treat you and her right so she knows THAT is how a woman deserves to be treated!

Brigitte - posted on 02/16/2010

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Karina that was a good reply...:) Ariel I have a daughter for a man that swooned me for a year and after he got me pregnant what was the first words out his mouth..I will pay for the abortion..I got his A** fired from the ministry he was in because he was a leader of a men's substance abuse programme teaching guys how to live for God and just happened to con me on the side until it caught up with him...he was never to be heard from again,I heard through the grapevine he was asking if I had the baby but if he wants to ever find her he's gotta travel to the Bahamas since he is American..but the nerve of him hey!!..I have to live with the mess he help me create although she is one beautiful blessing of a mess..Id say! But nevertheless these men have no conscience cus to them love is a (hard on) sorry but thats what I always heard..and we women fall for it hook line and sinker....I have told her who he is and one day she can go look for him if she wants cus she has a half sister as well..but if I was in Florida I would have tried to get him to pay support, but thats how these men is they wanna roll in the hay but dont want to share the consequeces of irresponsible sex.But actually the fact is in the end its myself and me alone that have born the burden of single parenting her and there positive sides to this as well without a father figure, although I would not deprive her father or my daughter the chance of knowing each other.

The point is get on with life taking care of your child and let things go...as in the Serenity prayer states...God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Its a process some things are hard to just let go..time allows you this..and one day you will wake up and there is nothing there to hold on to from the past.:)

Karina - posted on 02/14/2010

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Well im glad you have let him go, your doing better than me then! lol I always say to my ex 'if you cant be a permanent figure in their lives then they are better off without you!! I refuse to allow him to let them down over and over again like he did me!!! Its so hard seeing them move on while we are the ones left to pick up the pieces! Grrrr!!!!

Ariel - posted on 02/14/2010

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i did let him go lol TRUST ME. i can stand him now and i actually dont want him to see her anymore because he got into drugs and gangs and stuff like that. The thing that pisses me off the most is that hes engaged to the girl he cheated on me with and shes pregnant with his baby now to. Its so sad how a man could just abandon his own flesh and blood like they mean nothing to them. its beyond pathetic. thank u very much for replying :-)

Candice - posted on 02/14/2010

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my baby daddy goes through phases where he wants her then he doesn't. ijust wish he'd permanently walkaway

Karina - posted on 02/14/2010

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I wrote this for another mum, and she said that it helped so I thought maybe it might help you to! I know how you feel, if only fathers would act the way we do about our children!!! We put our needs aside for them, but all they do is think of themselves. Ive been single now for 2 and a half years, I left him because i couldnt handle his crap and his drinking anymore after nearly 11 years of trying to make things work, I then later found out that he had been cheating on me to. Its so hard but it does get easier, so hope this helps, Wishing you every happiness, Karina x



Please take that as a god send! Its his responsibility to arrange time to spend with your daughter and if he cant be bothered picking up the phone to arrange a visit then just leave it be. Allow him to dig his own hole and show how much he truly does care. Its the hardest thing to let go, but once you stop pulling on those ropes that link you together and let go they eventually fall right on their %^%^!!! When you do its a huge step forward!!!



I know because i have been there, I was calling him, constantly chasing up maintenance, trying to get him to make more of an effort, Id get so angry with him when the kids were driving me insane because i was the one who had to deal with them not him and id ring him and tell him so!!! things like that. All was pointless because it only led to me being constantly let down time and time and time and time again which was the reason i left him in the first place!!!. All it did was make me miserable and less able to cope with my kids.



Recently because of some clever advice from my mum I realise I have to stop allowing him to have a hold on me, he would let me down again and I would fly off the handle and lose it. But I wasnt reacting to what he did at that moment i was reacting to past hurts etc which made me realise I aint over the past like i thought. Would i lose it over a friend being half an hour late for something??? I had to learn to detach my emotions and treat him like i would any other person which is flippin hard!!! Just coming to this realisation has helped enormously!!! When I speak to him now I am very matter of fact and almost cold. I still have my moments where he riles me up, but am getting there. If he manages to make me angry or upset he is winning and taking my power away...something I have regained since leaving him and i dont like giving it back!! Its great incentive to keep my cool!!! lol



I now have the child support agency collecting the maintenance because he would love holding that over me every week playing his little mind games because he knew i needed it. It drove me insane!!! So instead i took up delivering pamphlets for six months to make ends meet, one rope gone i no longer rely on him for money because he is not reliable!!! If the moneys not there i make do!!! I also lost two dress sizes!!! Yahooo!!!! lol The biggest revenge is getting on with your life and not allowing him to keep a hold on you, let go of those rope and let him fall!! he'll soon show whether he wants something special with his daughter or not. In the meantime enjoy the peace!!!!



Dont get me wrong, I am SO for a father being apart of a childs life, our kids have a right to see them. But if that father is an absent one that makes no effort, (like not calling for 6 months!) or causes more harm than good then our kids ARE better off without them in their lives!!! I have always gone out of my way to allow him to see them, but he makes no effort to call or anything and i am the one who has to live with the tears, its heartbreaking!! And as much as id like to say, forget about your useless *#%@$% of a father, I cant, instead i say daddy loves you and misses you to and you'll see him soon :-( One day they will figure that out on ther own without my help!!!



I still have a few ropes to singe and burn and ive written you a book!!! lol But I so hope this helps you in letting go of some yours. x

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