Why are you a single mum?

Alicia - posted on 07/12/2010

Well im 23 and have a soon to be 2 y/o. I left my sons father because he cared more about him self than me or our son when i was pregnant. And My sons father hasn't called me to see how our son is doing but will call his girlfriend to see how her son that isn't even his is doing. I chose to be single and won't regret a day over it

Karin - posted on 07/12/2010

I divorce my two husbands for alcohol misuse as well as abuse. I think that men these days are losers and want's their bread botterd on both sizes. They don't want to take responsebality for their actions. I think that 10% of the men is good the rest is mouses. All these stories just confirm this. That is why I have just one Man in my life and that is Jesus Christ. He is the only person who loves me for who I am, Take care of me and my children, the best Lover who their is , Best Friend, Doctor, etc. With Him in My life I don't need a man. I want to encourage the single women, who don't know Him yet, to seek for Him and pray to Him, and He WILL help them.

Blessings

Nicola - posted on 07/12/2010

Hmm..the word single mum makes me cringe, however I am one of the many.
I was deleriously happy when my soon to be exhusband and I fell pregnant with our planned baby. I had no idea the future events that were about to unfold.
Anyway I now have memories of physical abuse that resulted in my sons birth 6 weeks early and required resusitation and intensive care. Living out of a suitcase at my mothers place with a tiny baby and 2 older children, no car as my husband sold it, no money as he was angry and spiteful, no old or new friends as his stories portrayed me as crazy, 2 kids still very much traumatized and seeking counselling. I now have made us a home with what I can afford, I borrow a family members car and have a huge credit card debt. I could say so much more, however it all boils down to the same thing..there isn't a word that can possibly articulately describe the feeling.
All I can say is that I'm now a single mum, always will be. But I'm a good one. Xx

Leza - posted on 07/12/2010

hi im a single mum,but not by choice,my ex left 6weeks b4 my daughter was born 4 another girl..my daughter is 3n half months old now,her father has seen her once when she was a week old....his new gf tried sayn she was his n he startd listenin her til he seen his daughter...it was hard at 1st but trust me it gets eaiser,n now i think my daughter is beta off without him in her life..

Theresa - posted on 07/12/2010

I was with my partner for 4 1/2 years and for the last 2 years, he was hitting me, putting me down by calling me fat and ugly, spent most of our holiday beating me up, never helped with my son and would rather smoke weed and was just a general thug. i found out I was pregnant 3 year into the relationship, yet he continued to hit me and shove me against walls. finally, last November, when my son was 1 1/2, he hit me down below with a phone and split the skin. My son woke up from my screams, and that's when I decided that was it. My parent kicked him out and he went back up North the next day. I now have a new boyfriend who is wonderful with my son, and I couldnt be happier. my son is now 2 and my ex rarely sees him but my son doesnt really notice. he knows who his father is but doent really talk about him... x

Jody - posted on 07/11/2010

Andrea, as far as I know if you child's father's name is not on the birthcertificate he doesn't have any parental rights and another man can adopt your child as his without needing to notify the biological father. You'd have to check with a lawer to be sure though. Hope this helps.

Jody - posted on 07/11/2010

I know how you feel. At least somewhat anyway. I had been with my ex for about 5 years. He got stupid too, not quite as bad as you ex though it sounds like. Mine started drinking more and more. He didn't want to talk to be at all about what was bothering him. Last August him and his neice(they are almost the same age, his half sister married her dad) were drinking on our front porch. I got up to say goodnight and they were gone. He was taking her home and got pulled over for switching back and forth between lanes without using his turning signals and got arrested for drinking and driving. The long and short is he ended up losing both of his jobs. It was the loss of the second one that started our breakup. He lied to me about still having it for 3 weeks and I ended up having to borrow money from my sister to pay rent for that month. The straw that broke it was him lieing to me about quiting, or at least cutting back, drinking. He was supposed to be watching his other niece's two kids, I had to got to bed since I had to be to work by 7 am, and when she got to our house to get her kids he was passed out on the couch and her boys were covered in chocolate. He had also called her before that and asked her to bring him more beer. Consiquently his stupidity cost him our relationship. He does still get to have our daughter a couple days a week, but he misses out on a lot of her growing(she's 3) because of his stupidity. I have come to the conclusion though that it will be for the best. It's not easy being a single mom but it is doable.

Tammy - posted on 07/11/2010

My husband thought to wait after we had two daughters to decide to go wild. He began to use drugs, drink like a sailor and cheat. He got into trouble at work and eventually lost his job. He didn't want to help support the family to do his part. I attempted to work it out but when he fought it at every step it eventually got to be very tiring. I finally decided after a year and a half to get away. he still has not given me my divorce,but thats another fight i'm not willing to participate in. I do things a lot easier by myself for now.

Rhonda - posted on 07/11/2010

I am a single parent for the same reason as most..the "Father", turned out to be no good...but having my daughter was the best decision and I have never regretted it...

Shelley - posted on 07/11/2010

to stronge willed

Javonda - posted on 07/11/2010

Well, I'm a single Mom because I fell hard for what has become the biggest loser in modern history. I married the jerk because I assumed my friends were jealous, my mom was bitter, and my family was nosey, and I thought i needed a father for my son. So 5 years later, I've won most of my friends back, my mom has passed due to cancer, and my family helps out when they can now that I am almost nearing graduation. As for a father, he cheated on his mistress with another mistress, got that one pregnant, gave up his job to avoid having his wages garnished for my son, and now I am so scared to trust anyone, I figure it's easier to be single, focus on the now, and just trust in myself. I've been asked out a few times, but all I do is find fault with all of the potential applicants.

Jennifer - posted on 07/11/2010

I was married to a very jealous, possessive man for 17 years. So bad, that i wasn't allowed to leave my house and yes his mother babysat me to..During that time i spent all my time with my kids. When my ex and i split i saw how he put he's new girlfriend first over our children. So i decided that i wasn't going to be one of thoughts moms who put there boyfriend first.I won't go out on a date if my children are home, I don't want my children to see men coming and going from our house. My children are my life, they didn't ask for the split up. I'm showing my children that being single isn't a bad thing, plus i've had time to make myself a better person and gain the self esteem that i never had.. I have four years until my children graduate from high school. Thats when i'll focus on dating, if i haven't met anyone by then.Luckily my ex isn't a dead beat dad, but he does need to learn to put his kids first..We share custody, and no longer fight or bicker.. My children's grade went up a lot, and they both graduated from JR high.. All i can say is put your children first, they will alway be there for you. Men come and go.. Good lucky you wonderfully amazing single moms..

Jacqueline - posted on 07/11/2010

At 48, I adopted my nephew (who has cerebral palsy) out of foster care. Changed his name, and have been a Mom now for 4 years!

Kylie - posted on 07/11/2010

i had been with my ex for about 3 1/2 years. We broke up because when he found out we were having a baby he started pushing me away. he started drinking and doing drugs daily and said he would rather be hanging out with his mates than with me. when i phoned the dad of my my baby ( who is now 2 ). he came and then just left. i asked for his help when i needed it and he just said he was busy. he now sees his son every Tuesday and Thursday as this is done through the NZ courts.

Gloria - posted on 07/11/2010

I couldn't agree with you more Melanie! It's sociaty that states that we have to be couples I think. But when you really get down to it, there is a reason why the divorce rate is so high. Perhaps its because so many are trying to live up to the standards of others. I think it's great that you and your ex have such a great relationship.

Melanie - posted on 07/11/2010

I got divorced 5 years ago and I am convinved being single is the best thing for myself and for women in general. I have a significant other. He comes over a couple of days a week. Treats me like a queen, is great with my kids.... and ... GOES HOME!! We have been seeing each other for over a year and we both agree it is a perfect relationship because we have our own lives, interests and houses. I think that sometimes we get so swept up in the idea that we are supposed to be married or must have a boyfriend to be happy, or must provide a father figure to our children. We don't need to do any of that We just need to be good moms and happy women. Having a man around does not require that!!!

Gloria - posted on 07/11/2010

My ex and I were together for 6 years before we married. After our oldest son was born he started acting differently. I tried to keep the marriage together, but realized that I could not do it on my own. I realize now that possibly he may have started suffering from some type emotional condition. He committed suicide almost 2 years ago. Not a day goes by that I don't question why this had to happen, why didn't he get help? But can't waste too much time thinking about it, as I have our children to get through this tragedy.

Lauren - posted on 07/11/2010

Hi, Well I'm single because I had children young and my husband was more of a friend than a suitable lover for me. then the father of my third child wanted to end the relationship because I could never go out with him, due to not getting a babysitter and he went to live with a woman who went out every night. He wanted me back when I found someone else but still wanted to carry on with her. Lol it took me a while to get over it. the book that really helped and changed my life and I reccomend it's advice is 'Women Who Love To Much' the greatest piece of advice i read was feel sorry for them (your ex) see them in a totally different light that way ie their loss not yours. Good luck fellow single mums and not all men are rotters i'm sure. x

Wendy - posted on 07/11/2010

I have been divorced for 10 years and have basically raised my children on my own with very little help from their father. I remain single because it appears that men in America are selfish and to concerned about themselves to having a good time to settle down with a good woman who will be there for them everyday and take care of them. They would rather have "fun" with loose women.

Stacie - posted on 07/11/2010

i have been a single mother for 4 years and i have no problem with it at all. it does get hard sometimes but thats nothin for me to handle. the reason that i am a single mother is because my son's father and i are not together and he is in the military and he travels a lot so i kno most military wives are single mothers also so i kno wat they feel and go thru sometimes but i love every minute of being a mother and the things that his father misses out on i cant replace that i try to keep him informed but sometimes i dnt think it matters to him. i also kno in the end that he will be the one regrettin the things that he has missed out on and cant get back

Amanda - posted on 07/11/2010

My ex and I were together for 4 yrs, til he got charged for second degree rape, and contributing to a minor...that was my cue to hit the road. Our oldest was 2 at the time, and I was pregnant with our second child. I moved out of state and delivered our second child, Cooper, on Nov 8th 2008...he passed away 3 days later. I moved back a month before he went to prison, which is where he has been since Feb of 2009. Now I have Laine who is almost 5 months old, and his dad is...i don't know. He is epileptic (he has seizures) so he collects disability, so in turn that means he doesnt have to pay a dime to help me raise his child. Laine spent the first 2 months of his life in the hospital, and had surgery at 1 1/2 months old, and he doesn't have anything to do with Laine. He tells other people that he wants to see Laine and spend time with him and help me support him, but the only way he will do that is if I decide to start a relationship with him. And hell will freeze over before that happens. Anyone out there that can hold a job, go to school, or both, and raise a child is a VERY strong person and my children are motivation enough for me to do right by them, even if their fathers can't or won't!!!

Alizah - posted on 07/11/2010

I am not a single mom by choice. I was with my best friend since I was 16 became pregnant when I was 21. He passed away when I was 8 weeks along, from a four wheeling accident. Our little girl (2) is the best thing ever, she is my every day reminder of him.

Michele - posted on 07/11/2010

I am a single mom by choice- after not being married and approaching the age of 34 - I wanted children so I decided to adopt a child- sure my son has issues - behavioral and emotional- but by the grace of God and the love of family and friends we make it through each day and each year the issues he deals with improves

Mona - posted on 07/11/2010

simply cus i got devorced why else im single mom :)

Kathy - posted on 07/11/2010

Sounds like the kind of guys I attract.I'm a recovering druggie.I was raised by parents who drank,and those r the kind of guys I've chosen.I've been separated from my husband for 8 years.I'd rather be alone , than with someone that I have to support,and put up with.

Melissa - posted on 07/10/2010

Hi there.. Raychael, I don't think anyone intends on being a single parent. With my 20 year old son, his father passed away when he was just 3 years old... I remarried to my daughters father, and on July 9, 1997, he decided that he would beat the living crap out of me, try to kill me and walk out the door. He has been in Prison many times, none related to our situation.
Our beautiful daughter is now 14, he has seen her few times since he left. On her 5th birthday, he showed up and Christmas about 4 years ago.

I choose to be a single parent because my children have suffered enough because of my choices in life. When my second husband left, Alex, my son was about 7 and he said, "Mommy, can I please not get another Daddy?"
THAT, broke my heart and I have stayed single to keep them safe.. I don't know if that's best for them in the long run, but our family life was happy, calm and steady..

Good luck baby Z!

Charlie - posted on 07/10/2010

I am a single mum, because it is whats best for my girls and me. My oldest is 11 and her dad is in prison, he writes from time to time and he writes both my girls and they both write him...my baby is 10, her dad after 2 DNA tests still denies that he is her father, but in my book, I don't need them, and neither do my girls...I am Mum and Dad in our home...Don't need a man to justify our lives, and have 1 ex-husband (not their father), and a couple live-in bf's and didn't work, and so I have came to the conclusion, that I am too much like a man to live with and be with one...That is why I am a single mum...Best of luck to all single mothers out there...

Mara - posted on 07/10/2010

I broke everything off completely with my son's father when his "homegirl" came up pregnant and he flipped out on me even when I was willing to stay with him during all of this. I am a single mother because I refused to let a man to continue to mistreat me, no matter how much I love them.

Megan - posted on 07/10/2010

I am a single mom because 4 years ago i worked with my sons father and we liked eachother one thing led to another one night but then i moved home because i could not afford it in the town i was living in anymore. but then two weeks later found out i was pregnant and we talked and he keept wanting me to move back but i could not afford it but when i was 5 months pregnant i told him the april after my son was born i was thinking about moving back and his attitude totaly changed from wanting me to to not really wanting me too. so i never did and when i told him that i was going to be enduced and asked him if he was going to come see the baby he asked if he could bring his girlfriend. He let me go through my whole pregnancy thinking and hoping that some day we would be a family but then he sprung that on me. then just a couple months after my son was born he told me they were getting married. As if it was not bad enough that he had a girlfriend no to have to actually deal with her. because by this time the peternity test had came back and he was finaly going to start taking his son because god forbid you take an inocent child and love it. needless to say i just have not found the right person after that. I have set my standards very high after that too so that could be part of my problem too. It took alot for me to forgive him but i can now meet with both of them and talk to them with out my knees shaking and my voice quivering because i was so angry at them.

after reading some of the other posts i don't think my situation was as bad as some other people and i thank the lord for that and i will be praying for each and every one of you single moms on here because i know we all have the hardest job out there.

I would not trade my little boy for anything but i tell you if i could go back and do it over and not do that night and still keep him i would!!

Rachelle - posted on 07/10/2010

I know why I'm still single... I don't settle for less than what deserve (for myself and my daughters). And that was over 9 years ago!

Dawn - posted on 07/10/2010

I am a single mother because my daughters father couldnt grow up enough to take care of a wife and a child. And he is the one that pressured to have kids.... But we are doing just fine without him. Its hard at times but we are happy!

Cassandra - posted on 07/10/2010

im a 26 year old single mum to a beautiful 7 year old daughter. i was never technically officialy with my babys father. we met at a club,had fun,i would spend most weekends at his place all this in maybe a time span of less than 5 months, but we were never serious about a relationship. I fell pregnant at 18 and ofcourse he denied being the father becuz i was a bit of a party animal so he thought his chances of being the father were slim. i decided this was my responsibility and took the path of single motherhood, i never hasseld him ,never asked for anything, didnt force him to sign papers, nothing. hes seen her once only when she was born and thats it. but i have no regrets,its the best decision ive made. however now shes at the age where she wants to know who her father is..and im thinking of trying to contact him , but i have no idea where he is or how i can, but thats another story lol

Josie - posted on 07/10/2010

My son's father and broke up before I found out I was pregnant and when I told him I was pregnant he did not show any interest in being a dad. He has proven that because he does not do anything for his son but pay child support. He does not visit him or call him.

Angela - posted on 07/10/2010

I'm 26 yr old single mom with a 3 month old lil boy. I'm a single mom by choice. I was with my son's sperm donor for one day. He was a serious asshole... hence the one date. 6 months later, I noticed my stomach was feeling weird. Hello momhood. The guy who's phone never worked and i could only contact by email... recieved an email the day i found out, the day i found out it was a boy the day my doc put me on bed rest and the day he was born. That's ok. My mom and her wife have been here for me. My son has so many godmamas and aunties. He is beautiful and is the best thing to happen to me. Honestly I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him. I have really bad despression and have had multiple suicide attempts and having this little guy in my life has lifted me so high. He is the reason I get up in the morning. His sperm donor is missing out and I am more than ok with that. One day I might find a guy who is worthy of him, until then we are happy just being a twosome.

Sylvia - posted on 07/10/2010

i am a single mom to 6yr. old twins boys, n i left the dad because i did not love him. we were together for 9yrs. n he would not marry n so the love went. i am now dating my high school love, whom i've connected with again n i could not be happier.

Map - posted on 07/10/2010

Well I became pregnant with my son, who is now 5 about to be 6, when I was 18 turning 19. I am 25 now and never been in contact with the father since my son was 4 months old. The dad and I were together for about 2 yrs and lived together. I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant. I told him and he seemed excited but I wasn't. I found out during my last trimester he was seeing other girls while supposedly going out with his friend Matt. Eventually he and my cousin were seeing each other. Now my cousin at the time was below age 18 and he was 21. She was 14 when they got together. I forgave both of them but never forgot. I tried to still be with my baby's dad even though he did what he did cause I wanted the baby to have both his parents to love him. I regret that because what made me finally leave the guy is when he shook our baby at 2 months old. We had visitation for the following two months then his dad never made contact again even though I tried for a year. No hing. I am glad though because I have the best boy in the whole world! I love him so much and I am very dedicated to my little boy even though I work and continue college. I graduated recently but doing another degree and career with it! I want my boy to see no matter what a person can always strive!

Lisa - posted on 07/10/2010

I am a single mother of four beautiful daughters. I have never been married and I am single because my daughters' happiness came before mine. I have no regrets at all and I have enjoyed being a mother. Plus I didn't need an extra child around, if you know what I mean.

Danielle - posted on 07/10/2010

awh congratulations, your living proof life does go on, good luck for the future x

Danielle - posted on 07/10/2010

I am a single mum because the father of my kids decided to hit me one morning after too many drinks, maybe this i could have forgiven had he not done it in front of our three and four year old, also the threat to throw me out of the bedroom window and burn the house down with me in it was also a strong factor, he now has an injuction and can only see the children during supervised visits. it has been two months now but i am still finding it hard to adjust to life as a single parent, i was with him eight years

Anne - posted on 07/10/2010

I am also a single mother by choice. I always knew I was meant to be a mother, but at 39 I hadn't met the right guy so I went for it myself. I now have the most handsome, funny, sweet and loving 16 month old son and love him and our life so much it hurts! I would love to have a 2nd baby so he'd grow up with a brother or sister, but really don't know how you mothers of multiple children do it! Between the cost of daycare and the amt of time I have to take off work for him being sick, I couldn't afford to double either of those. Still have hope that I might meet someone in the next couple of years and we could have a baby (getting kind of late for that) or adopt together. If not, I'll still consider myself the luckiest person ever to have Wyatt!

Janelle - posted on 07/10/2010

Im a 25 year old mom of twins a boy and girl me and there dad (if thats what you wanna call him) was married for 4 years and in Jan. he walked out of our lives and told me he never wanted them and never loved them and never loved me. He has not seen his kids since he left. He calls every now and then but me and my kids are better off with out him anyway.

Karen - posted on 07/10/2010

THANK YOU FOR RAISING THIS, I HAVE RECEIVED SOME VERY KIND AND THOUGHTFUL FEEDBACK FOR LEAVING MY STORY, I ALSO BELIEVE I HAVE MADE A FRIEND FOR LIFE,,,,, THANK YOU

Judy - posted on 07/10/2010

i was a single mum from the time tia turn 6 years old

Danielle - posted on 07/10/2010

i've been a single mum for 18 months now to a beautiful 4 and a half year old son. I was forced to leave my ex (literally) because he decided i wasn't good enough for him and for a year he decided to flirt with other girls, constantly act single and come home with numbers and at one point spent more time talking to them than he did talking to me. he was out of work more in 4 years than he was in work, and had sexual relations over the internet with 3 different women, that also included the sending of pictures (you can imagine) and the wishing of me dead so he could be free with our son. however, i've never been good at meeting and being with men as i'm very shy and that sort of thing does scare me, maybe being intimate with someone new and letting them hurt me again is the reason but who knows. its all phsycological. I can't say anything bas about his dad because he pays regularly and has a lot to do with his son, maybe thats because he spent the first 3 years of his life with my son and couldn't let him go easily like most, but i'm happy with that. although i do wish that he could follow instructions better when it comes to my son. We're now better friends than we were when we were together, and i still blame that fact that i never lost my baby fat and got back to my size 10s, i don't know why i blame myself for our split but i do. maybe i'm just an idiot?

Kellie - posted on 07/10/2010

hey girls
im a single mum to a very handsome 15m lil boy,i was with his dad for almost 2 years,he's not a bad person and i don't hate him,he's only seen his son once he doesn't pay child support.he wasn't happy when we found out we wre pregnant and wanted me to have an abortion and to me that wasn't a good enough of a reason to follow through with,so i broke up with him,i couldn't be with anyone who wouldn't accept my child you know,he told me he's just a boy (he's 23)lol
i still talk to him coz like i said he's not a bad person and we still get along,hopefully he'l wake up and realise what a wonderful little boy he's got
massive respect to single mums we are super women :)

Judy - posted on 07/10/2010

i was a single mum when my daugther was 7 years old

April - posted on 07/10/2010

I am the only one on my son's birth certificate. If he's not on it, he has no say in an adoption what-so-ever. :)

Andrea - posted on 07/10/2010

Do any of you single mom's not have a father listed on your child's birth certificates? I don't ....and have had a man in our life since my daughter was 4 months old. He wants to adopt her...anyone know if that is possible without the biological father knowing?

"Any man can be a Father...but it takes a special man to be a Daddy" That is what I am lucky enough to have for my daughter. For a man to love my child as much as if it was his own.

April - posted on 07/10/2010

I'm a single mother for a similar reason. I was with my ex for a little over a year (we met in rehab, not a great place to find a boyfriend....). He would push me around on a daily basis, but nothing I couldn't hide from my family, which I don't know why I even wanted to now that I think about it. He punched me in the stomach a lot too, but one day he got my face. I knew I could no longer hide it and that I was sick of it anyway, so I left before he woke up the next morning. Then found out I was pregnant a week or so later. I told him about my pregnancy, but then I did a lot of thinking. He had a child before me and the state terminated his parental rights to her because he beat her mother in front of her. I also witnessed him scream in his 4 year olds face one day because she woke him up after he'd been up on drugs for too many days. Also, what makes that worse is that he only saw her every other weekend, with supervised visitation, and he spent it doing drugs instead of playing with her. Then when he was with me, he would refuse to go to work because the state would automatically take out his back child support that he owed his little girl. So after a LOT of thinking and crying and confusion, I told him I miscarried. He got mad at me and told me something was wrong with me because I couldn't carry a baby. RUDE! I knew there would be no value to have an abusive, lazy dad that wouldn't pay or treat us well anyway.
So obviously the miscarriage story was a lie, but one that needed to be told. I now have one of the happiest kids I know, he's hilarious. He has everything he could want and tons of love around him. I know 100% that none of that would be the same if my sperm donor were in the picture. He would be a stressed out little boy instead of the care free toddler that he is. I too got lucky that he looks NOTHING like his dad! He is my little clone. :)

Jeanette - posted on 07/10/2010

I am married to a muslim man, who, after 6 years decided to go to Pakistan and marry another woman whilst still married to me so I kicked him out so ended up looking after my daughter on my own for the last 4 years and 5 months, but she is a well adjusted 8 year old who is very happy and good at school.