WHY IS IT MEN DONT WANT TO SEE THERE KIDS .?

Danah - posted on 08/11/2009

In my case he doesn't want things to change and he can't accept change. I just found out he is dating a girl ALOT older then him and now he won't return my calls or anything. If something happened to my daughter he wouldn't know. He says he wants to see her but would rather drink, or do "other guy things." It's awful, but good luck to you. Just try to be the mom and dad to your child or children and things will work out one day. Plus, I have heard from other older single moms your children will appreciate everything so much more later in life.

Amy - posted on 08/11/2009

i dont think we will ever know de answer... i was only with my sons dada month feel pregant gave him choice stay or go.... he choose to stay then finishes with me and went and got another crazy girl pregnant andhow i found out was by her textin my phone after takin my no out his phone and when she meet him he had told her i was pregnant.... all through my pregnancy hardly saw him so i moved back to my own country he came to see my son day after he was born but it all went down hill now i,m not puttin all blame on her he should be man enough to come see his son but she will playa big part in it my son hasnt seen him in over a year my son will be 2 at end off month in his whole 2 years hes seen him no more than 5 time... and 2 top it off she keeps sendin me messages through facebook slaggin me off and sayin how he spends all his money on her and there daughter and shes pregnant again..... MEN who treat innocent kids like this should be hung up by there ba***

Rosie - posted on 08/09/2009

Hi,
My ex left me at 6 months pregnant, over the phone!
He said he still wanted to be involved as much as possible but after 4 months he changed his mind. He hasn't paid a penny towards raising her so far, has a new gf etc etc...the list could go on.
BUT, i think that we'll never know the whole truth, and thinking about it just gets us down, so i guess keep busy and keep believing that God has a plan for both us as single mums and our baby. Accept all the support you can and enjoy your baby, at the end of the day it's them that are missing out. It's hard though. :)

Oh, and keep cool cos u never know when a REAL man might just whisk you off your feet.

I'd really like to hear some nice stories of how things have worked out for some people.

PEAS xxx

Gayle - posted on 08/08/2009

Men can be pigs. They dont care what they do, or anything.Okay not all men are that way just dead beat fathers My son's father has never seen my 22month old son, or paid child support. I am kind of greatful for that because I dont have a father that is in and out of his life. My son's father also has a 13 year old by another woman that he has never seen but twice when that one was 4 months and 12years. He use to pay $25 a month when we were together before I got pregnant. He dont even do that now. I am not to the point that I dont really care if he decides to come around. I still wont let him see him until child support is pain every month, but then it is still a big question. My son has a lot of awesome male role models in his life that are their for him. He has a godfather that he adores, and really has stepped in the father role. All the guys at the church are his teachers of manly ways. I know that my son with be fine with out his biological father in the picture. If there is a guy in your life like my son's godfather, or a family member that want to step up to have that fatherness in their life let them.

Raelynn - posted on 08/07/2009

Ah hun, there are so many different answers (excuses) to that question. My ex was the kind of father all my friends wished their husbands would be...until we started the divorce. Once he realized that he couldn't hurt me through material things or other women, he decided to do what he knew would hurt me more than anything..hurt my children. It wasn't physical (even though he started doing many dangerous and neglectful things during his quest to be 20 again), he just decided to stop being a dad. It started with promises to see them followed by disappointment, to not even bothering to make the effort of empty promises. It has been so difficult to see my babies hurt and fight my natural reaction to protect them at all cost. I don't know what is worse, never getting to know their child or disappearing after 10 and 7 years. I will never understand how anyone, man or woman, could not want to be in their children's lives. Or why a single dad is looked at as a hero and a single mother is looked down upon as if they somehow caused their situation. Just know that you didn't and do what I still have to remind myself to do...enjoy your gift and be thankful you are not the one missing out. No matter what the so called experts say, I will always believe that it is better that a child not have a father than have a poor excuse for one.

Erin - posted on 08/07/2009

I have two boys aged 8 and 6 and their Dad lives in Aussie so he has pretty much fallen off the face of the Earth! I think the reason men do this because they don't wan't the responsibility and just wan't to live the single life. The best thing us Mother's can do is be positive role models for our kids and enjoy them. It is a hard road but we will all get there in the end!!

Emma - posted on 08/07/2009

My exhusband walked out on me at 4 months pregnant for another woman that has 2 children. He has never seen his own son and during the divorce he denied knowing i was pregnanteven though he had beento the first scan with me. I am quite happy with the fact he will never see my son as it makes my life a lot easier. My son needs a decent role model not some pathetic excuse for a man.

Laura - posted on 08/05/2009

I am wondering the same thing! The only thing with my ex is that he wants to see his son, as his mom sent me an email telling me that he misses his son very much, but because of a court order he isn't allowed to see his son, because of extensive violence on his record... Right now I am seeing a guy.. sort of and he has 2 kids 13 and 9. They get along great with my son as they are pretty close to the same age range. The 9 year old plays with my son more. But, not the weekend we just had but the last weekend he didn't go and see his kids at all, like he had promised he'd do, instead he went AWOL and disappeared for 4 days, and his kids were phoning my house, wondering where he is! He finally saw his kids just this last weekend that passed. He wants to see his kids on HIS terms NOT on his kids terms. Turns me OFF big time! HE Is lucky he gets to see his kids knowing his history. I am not going to be with him that much longer if he keeps it up, because kids to me are important! I'd be lost without my son. I don't understand why men don't want to see their kids, other than a situation totally beyond their control, like a court order. I find it disgusting that they say they don't want anything to do with their kids, as their kids are their flesh and blood too. Sad, that kids get hurt the most in these kinds of situations.... they aren't real men are they then.

Isobel - posted on 08/04/2009

First of all, I think it is EASIER for them to be absent than there to see everything they are missing...Second...I was the wife, in the whole "another woman is pregnant`` thing, and for the record, I actually insisted that he make an effort to see the other baby.

When they were growing up and he stopped seeing all of them, the other mother and I swapped sleep-over night so the kids would know each other as siblings.

I think that sometimes we get so frustrated in our own situations that we forget that other people have their own issues. Some (the children's), we have to take care of...others (the dad's)....not so much.

Stefanie - posted on 08/04/2009

I really do not think there is an answer. My ex husband taked the girls for about 72 hrs a month. Then he wonders why I get crabby at him and frustrated with him. Money dont replace being a father.

Kat - posted on 08/04/2009

well i dont know about why all men do it, but in my case i think my ex doesn't come around alot cuz he is immature. he said he wanted to be a father when i was pregnant, but once my twins were born it was obvious that he wished they hadn't. he just doesn't want to have to give up his precious social life and partyin to take care of his kids. its sad that you can have such beautiful children and barely make time to come see them, or even call to check on them

Carrissa - posted on 08/03/2009

i wonder hmmm who knows but u no wat our babies doesnt deserve a man like that in there lives they hav us and that is all that counts i know myself i give my girls more then enough love.... and one day when they grow up they will realise who has been there for them and who hasnt.... and wen the father grows up he'll realise he has missed out on the most important part of his life an will never ever get it bak an he has only himself to blame... im sure your doing a gr8 job an that is all that matters... remember: 'ANY MAN CAN BE A FATHER BUT IT TAKES A REAL MAN TO BE A DADDY" and hunni we are both so how clever r we :) pat urself on the bak

Amber - posted on 08/03/2009

Girl, when you find that answer. PLEASE let me know. I look at my daughter and wonder the same thing. How can someone not want to see their baby?

But i've come to the realization, "it takes more than a mans sperm to be a father"

Leslie - posted on 08/03/2009

I was actually married to my son's father for 18 months after he was born. He was a wonderful father. He decided he couldn't handle it on the west coast and moved back home to Jersey and Mommy. It has been 10 years, and he has only talked to my son a handful of times and seen him exactly zero times. I never told my son anything but the truth: his Dad loves him, and I really don't know why he doesn't come see him or call. He has just recently figured out on his own what a jerk his father is. I still offer to help him call, but his response is "No, he needs to call ME." Your child will figure it out on his or her own. Just be sure to not make excuses for the father, and never bad-mouth him. If you do, your child will blame you instead of him. You don't deserve it--YOU are there.

Hope - posted on 08/02/2009

that's a tough question... i am experiencing that right now with my daughter. her father never calls of visits her and it's very hard for her. we divorced when she was 5 and she doesn't understand why her father is acting the way he is.. the hard part for me is explaining all this to her without hurting her anymore than HE already has. my advice to you is to stay strong. reassure your child and make sure that he/she feels loved by you. you can't be both parents but you are a wonderful mother and your child will know that and love you for it.

Julie - posted on 08/02/2009

Maybe they don't have any feelings! Just kiddings.. I asked someone once and they said that men don't bond like the mothers, but that's NO excuse at all!

Charlotte - posted on 08/02/2009

they are selfish, arrogant, egotistical, phillanderers. who have no sense of responsibilties or any morals. my children are better off with out a father like this in their life. kids need a positive male role model and as long as they have one consistant one they will not end up the same.

Gretchen - posted on 08/02/2009

Selfish. They are just selfish in my opinion. What bothers me is the affect it has on my son. His father's absence could cause him to develop insecurities and feelings of not being wanted. I did not want that for my son. I went through those feelings growing up without my father in my life..

Leah - posted on 08/01/2009

That is a very tough question, that I don't think anyone could ever have the answer to. I'm sure if we asked several different men who weren't/aren't involved in their childrens' lives, we would probably get several different answers. The sad thing is, it is men like that who make the wonderful men who want to see and spend every waking moment with their kids look bad. They've pretty much caused a stereo-type that father's are more likely to not be involved in the lives of their children. My son's father is one of those fathers that is more like the nice man who visits on occasion than a father. He acts like taking him for any longer than a couple of hours is more of a burden than a blessing. It constantly brings forth an inner debate of what is worse-the father that is never there, or the father that is rarely there? Both are so difficult on children, and I honestly wonder if these fathers even care a little bit.

Okay, I'm done with my tangent lol.

Brittany - posted on 07/31/2009

i ask myself that question everyday my sperm donor as i like to put it also lives 20 mins away was actually my bestfriend and works for my dad and still nothing n the last 3 years he does pay child port that i took him to court for but besides that he never calls or sends nething doesnt even try to see her which he fought me for n court wen it comes down to it i dont think any of us will ever find that answer but who cares our kids have moms and we are the greatest thing ever

Olga - posted on 07/31/2009

Its is because they are worthless peice's of shit! And they do not care of any one but themseleves, so dont worry about you and your kids are better off!!

Rachell - posted on 07/31/2009

Who knows why men do the things they do. But it's their lost. They chose to miss out on the greatest thing that will ever happen to them... their KIDS.

Jamie - posted on 07/30/2009

Cause they are selfish and don't want to grow up an be a man. I feel for you hon, I'm currently 8 1/2 months pregnant and the father has only seen me twice since during the entire pregnancy. His first reaction when I told him I was pregnant was "get an abortion"...like that's an option? So my choice is to keep my son and do it alone...or kill him just so you don't have to grow up? It's truly sad that men in this generation lack basic values and morality. Just remember that you deserve better and THEY are the ones with the problem.

Leslie - posted on 07/30/2009

i wish i knew! my daughter's father split- left town the minute he found out i was pregnant. i didn't see him again until our daughter was 2 days old. he stopped by his uncle's first then came over to the house late high as high and reeking of reefer! he's never spent a holiday or birthday with he. our daughter is 4 now and hates him. she refuses to speak to him when he calls. he hasn't seen her in over 2 years- and he understands that he's a stranger to her but he doesn't care. he said he'd got too many other things going on that he needs to worry about right now......luckily i'm dating an amazing guy now!

APRIL - posted on 07/30/2009

WELL I TRULY BELIEVE THAT NOT EVERY GUY IS NOT LIKE THAT ! MY BABY DADDY IS STILL AROUND AND WE R DIVORCED WELL I THINK EVERY SITUATION IS DIFFERENT I'M SORRY U HAVE TO GO THRU THAT

PENNY - posted on 07/30/2009

Some of them think other things are more important than their kids it maybe another woman, midlife crisis or a truck but these men end up regreting it or you pray they do and then you hope they hurt I am the Mother of two girls that thier father picked a truck over MY girls it was hard raising them only because of the paperwork at schools when asked who was thier father are you the mom or you the child either one is bad but the child thinks they did something wrong but it is not them it is the father

Cinnamon - posted on 07/30/2009

I wonder that all the time myself....how about the ones that actually tell you they dont want to see their kid! dead beats!

Gemma - posted on 07/30/2009

the dad of my boys left whe i was 6 month preg with 2nd child iv tryed meny times to get him to come meet his 2nd child but he will only come and see them if i pay the train fair and let him stay at mine so that aint going to happen some fathers aint worth bothering over x

Kim - posted on 07/29/2009

It really is a shame. They are missing out on wonderful blessings. I didn't have a father growing up and was hoping that it would be different for my son. His "sperm donor"-I like this one, because he cannot be called a Father or a Dad, has some unhealthy habits. He finally saw my son at the Age of 2. My son witnessed violence in the home and him going to jail. Then he had came in and out for the next year and split. Hasn't seen him since. One day last year he pops in to ask if he could see his son, he really wants to be a Dad, if he adhered to some rules regarding Tyler then I would allow it. He started off well, he convinced me that he was here to stay for the long haul, asked me to forgive the $60,000.00 back pay (I did). Then he split again and my son or myself have not heard from him again. It devasted my son emotionally. Perhaps, it is the special bond that mothers have with their babies since we have given birth to them?!

Erin - posted on 07/29/2009

Yep, my son is so in love with his dad and all his dad does is treat him like crap. He didn't even call my son on his last 2 birthdays! He never calls to see how he is doing, and usually spends ten minutes of his visitation with him before he leaves. I'm not going to stop letting my son see his dad because I don't want my son to hate me, but I know that my son would've been so much better off if his dad had never been in his life.

Jennie - posted on 07/29/2009

i know it strinks. He pays for both his kids and has no problem with that but thinks that he can but their love and show them off when he has them. He has them once a week and i had to play the guilt trip so the kids could see him cos he had gone2 weeks without seein them and not asked how they were or anythin. I dont want the kids to miss out on not seein him for him to say it was my fault they both dote on him. So i will do everythin i can to get him to see them and if he doesnt want to see them he can tell them

Erin - posted on 07/29/2009

My 6 year olds father is also a vanity dad. He wanted a baby just so he can show him off, but didn't really think about all of the responsibility he would have. 2 weeks after my son was born he was done trying to be "daddy" because it was not as much fun as he thought it would be. He sees his son every once in awhile, but that's mainly because even though he didn't want to take care of him his family did. So instead of my son going to his "dads" every 2 weeks, he goes to his grandmas. But it wasn't until last year when the courts threatened to put him in jail that I started getting child support. The thing that really makes me mad is that he got married a 2 years ago and had another baby, WHO HE TAKES CARE OF! Him and his wife just got divorced and now he's trying to get custody of his daughter. I'm sitting there going, "you can't and don't want to take care of your son, but you want your daughter? WTF?"

Jennie - posted on 07/29/2009

My ex sees his kids but at times it seems i have to push him to do so. He seems like a vanity dad and its the kids who suffer.

Michelle - posted on 07/29/2009

Well half of these niggas are just stupid and don't give a shit. It seem like everything be good until you tell they Ass "I'm Pregnant" Then all of a sutton they change. My daughter is now 4 years old now and she never saw her sperm donor yet, he wanted me to aboard her and i told him no and he just left the face of this earth. But his mother try to see her every now and then but I'm go put and end to that. Because in the long run his ass go suffer. Because I have someone in my life that accept mines. All I can say to everyone is Don't worry about it.

Tahni - posted on 07/29/2009

That's a very good ? which I am still trying to figure out the answer to. My daughters father does not try to be in her life. He calls every once in a great while to see her. She doesn't want anything to do w/ him now. It's his own fault. More time for me w/ my precious lil girl!

User - posted on 07/29/2009

My ex blamed me saying its because i claimed for child support making it hard for him to see his son as he can't afford it. The fact that he last saw my son when he was 8 weeks old and didn't pay his first CSA payment till he was 14 months old!. ! 12 months where he didn't pay a penny yet didn't see him! In fact according to him everythings my fault and i even got pregnant with a boy on purpose. The last thing he said about my son was that he wishes he was dead! I also found out after we split that he is violent towards his partner, has been sectioned twice in the past, both his daughters are in therapy and has even been arrested for bottling a dog!!! (amongst other nasty things) This guy had a Mum AND dad who are still together now If thats how you can turn out with 2 parents i'm really not worried about my son only having 1! As much as hope all these allegations against my ex aren't true i am happy to go it alone rather than risk having a man like that in my sons life. I used to worry alot about my litle boy not having his Dad around but i think i would worry more if he had to watch his Dad beat up his Mum. As much as most parents can't understand how people don't want to know their own children sometimes it might even be for the best. I will always be greatful to my ex as he has taken on all the hatred and i have deff got the better end of the deal, a wonderful little boy who i love to bits :)

Kalie - posted on 07/29/2009

I wish i knew the answer to that. My "sperm donor" is 33 years old and you would think at that age he would want to know his beautiful daughter but he has no interest in her at all. His parents are just as bad as him! I guess being 33 and having the priorities of a 19 year old (partying, drugs, strippers and sex) just weighs out the priority of being with his daughter.

Carmen - posted on 07/29/2009

My daughter's dad was never around...we broke up two weeks before I found out I was pregnant. "Super dad" met our girl once when she was three months old and never bothered with us after that....just because she inherited my brown eyes and not his blue eyes, my brown hair and not his blonde hair(natural at birth-it turned black as he grew older). The thing that pisses me off the most is that the girl he had a son with (9 yrs ago..my girl's 5) has a daughter(with a different man) who's older than their son. My ex and his family treat that girl like their own. I ain't jealous..it's good that they would take her into their lives like that..I just dont' get it...my daughter is the first and only flesh and blood grand-daughter in that family and it's like she doesn't exist in their world...so...to you mothers that are going through the same crap, don't even bother setting yourself up for heartache. I know I did when I initiated contact between my girl and her dad. He promised her bday and christmas gifts that never once came. Nothing. They are not even worth the hurt....I accepted this treatment and decided to delete him from my life forever(even though looking at my daughter reminds me of him every single day) I thank him for helping me create this beautiful little person. She is mine and mine only..never his..He doesn't deserve to be called daddy not from my kid anyway. He has made me into a stronger person than I ever was and I have to give him credit for that. I don't waste my time trying anymore 'cause I know I'll only get hurt again and I certainly do not need that in my life..Time to move on.

Andrea - posted on 07/28/2009

they dont want any responsibilitys! they want to be able to run where ever they want when ever they want. which is such crap, we cant just get up and go, every time we want to go somewhere we have to find a babysitter.

Katie - posted on 07/28/2009

my ex and i broke up a year ago. he has seen MY (not our) son a grand total of 10 times. my ex works at walmart and now everytime we go into a walmart my son thinks that every dark haired man is his dad. My ex also has a big tattoo of my sons name on his arm and shows it off every chance he gets because he is "such a good dad". if ur "sperm donor" is like mine id be glad he doesnt come around

Amanda - posted on 07/28/2009

Maybe it's because they don't want to deal with no drama from us or they are just sorry as can be..

Elizabeth - posted on 07/28/2009

Some men can't handle the responsibilities, some men are not made to be father's but didnt think about it when all they wanted was the forbidden fruit, some men won't have nothing to do with a child if they aren't with their mother, some men don't want to be reminded of that child's mother through the child, and some just say they are too busy, whatever reason they come up with trust me i have heard a million between my son's father and my brother concerning his daughter, it doesn't matter, it is those men who walk away that walk out on the best experience they could have had in their life, those men will never know what unconditional love is, and how every time life kicks them down all it takes is that child's smile to let you know it will be okay, it is those men who even if they get married to someone else and have a child or more will never truely be able to call themselves a father, because there will always be the child they left behind. Besides let them leave, because you don't want those kind of role models for your children, and you can raise your child they way you want to without arguing with someone else about it. I mean afterall most children of a single mother come out far better then those with two parents.

Kathleen - posted on 07/28/2009

well as there are varying responses to this seemily simple question, so too are the situations. but as a single mother myself who went through similar circumstances as many of the women who have replied. One thing I can identify with is the same question.....why would any man, no matter what the circumstance with the child's mother, would not want to see his child...the love for your offspring should outweight all else....and i cannot accept any selfish explination of how they percieve or feel or assume...what about the child????...how can a man live with himself.
Apparently many of them do quiet well and sleep very well at night...so one thing I can offer is this wisdom..forget about your son'd father and trying to figure out his selfishness..instead concentrate on your son....when you emerse yourself in his life in his affairs, question on his fathers stupidity will never come to mind...and you will too busy enjoying the many phases and changes in your son to even care.

Kayla - posted on 07/28/2009

amber that is very similar.. the funny part about my situation is that me and his girlfriend have on 3 occasions had the babies play dates and he has no idea about them and my son will now know his brother who is only 3 and a half months older because of the girlfriend not because of my sons father and my sons father has never seen my son and probably doesnt even know his sons name so he can go fuck himself and i am too glad that he is not in my sons life because my son does not need to go through that hole senerio of his daddy popping in once in a while and then my son hoping daddy will come see him ide rather my son know that he aint around then hope and wonder if daddy will be back

Cara - posted on 07/28/2009

My children are 7 and 10. Their father and I have only been divorced for little over a year. We used to live in the same town as him and he was much more involved in their lives. Now that we have moved out of state things have changed. He is putting his new girlfriend in front of his only children (he cannot have more as he's had a vasectomy) and that pisses me off to see him hurting them. They do not understand why he doesn't call much anymore. His interest in them is getting less and less. These children deserve more from him and he is not willing to give it becuase he is too selfish. Unfortunately they are learning the truth about their father and one day he will regret his actions.

Amber - posted on 07/28/2009

((((well when i got with my babys father we were only together a month then i found out i was pregnant but he was one ofmy exes that i had date a couple years abck after i told him i was pregnant he told me he had a girlfriend and that she was almost 5 months pregnant.. he stuck around telling me that he was going to be there for both babies and that he wanted to be in his sons life then when i was 5 months pregnant almost 6 he told me he wanted nothing to do with me and the unborn baby and that he never told me to keep the baby havent talked to him since and my son is now almost 5 months old but he lives with his girlfriend and there son and he told her that i was just a one nite stand that the kid aint his what a dick but whatever im better without him anyways)))



i have almost the same cercomstances(sp) as you kayla only i stayed with him for a month longer and i just couldn't stand him it was over well before we were together even 2 months it was a mistake on my part to be with him and after i broke up with him and told him he could be as much apart of our daughters life as he wanted because i didn't want to do this alone he was cool with it and we talked for like 3 months after that and then he just decided he wanted nothing to do with me or willa. i later found out he had another girlfriend and he was saying that willa wasn't his. the worst part was i worked at the same place as him and you can't keep anything private there. she is now almost 8 months and she has only seen him twice at work functions and he has not even said a word or so much as looked at her. the sad thing is he has 4 other children and willa will never know her brothers and sister. but i love doing this on my own because now i can't imagine ever sharing her so i say good ridence to him he can just stay out of my life forever!!

Lisa - posted on 07/28/2009

Because men get to pick and choose which, if any of their responsibilities they want to honor. I know they are few and far between but there are some men who honor their responsibilities. I'm glad my son's father is MIA. Christian never expects anything from him so he's never disappointed .

Krista - posted on 07/27/2009

let me know 2 my son is gonna be 12 & only seen his dad a few times the last few years, hes only 20 min away, hes not the best role model anyways, i dont want my son to be like him, my son knows that eventhough ive never said anything, sad to say but at least he pays support...& my boy loves me ... :)

Kayla - posted on 07/27/2009

well when i got with my babys father we were only together a month then i found out i was pregnant but he was one ofmy exes that i had date a couple years abck after i told him i was pregnant he told me he had a girlfriend and that she was almost 5 months pregnant.. he stuck around telling me that he was going to be there for both babies and that he wanted to be in his sons life then when i was 5 months pregnant almost 6 he told me he wanted nothing to do with me and the unborn baby and that he never told me to keep the baby havent talked to him since and my son is now almost 5 months old but he lives with his girlfriend and there son and he told her that i was just a one nite stand that the kid aint his what a dick but whatever im better without him anyways

Allyson - posted on 07/27/2009

There men