Why is it so hard to find someone to date, that can deal with you being a single mom?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Kyra - posted on 10/30/2009

34

57

0

Elizabeth, I feel you on that one. However, I haven't been a single mom long almost all of my friends at some point in time were. My last single friend just got married this past April and she has always made it a point to tell the men she's dating she had a child before the first date. Once she went out on a few dates she also included her daughter on the dates with her. She told her daughter that the guy was a friend and that is how both her daughter and the guy got to know each other. She's told me that doing it this way weeded out the temperary men from the relationship men. I wish you much luck.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

31 Comments

View replies by

Alfonso - posted on 11/05/2013

1

0

0

It's a negative thing. It means something went wrong with the two people. I told myself I didn't want to get together with someone with kids because I didn't want to deal with the baby daddy, the kid(s) saying you're not my dad or even the lady saying don't treat my kids that way. Further more I don't have kids myself so I deserve to be with someone who doesn't have kids either. I'm with a girl right now who doesn't have children so we are ok having fun and going out and travelling and staying out all night when we want to. She may be much younger but, it doesn't matter to both of us the age difference. I think single parents should date or look for people who are single parents too.

Michelle - posted on 11/29/2009

2

27

0

I have had the same problem, but I don't get out too much these days between working full time, going to school full time, and being a single mommy. I am good with that, but most men are not. I met a wonderful man while I was actually pregnant with my son, we started off as friends because of the fact we are on separate parts of the U.S., but we have now grown to having the best relationship ever. Still struggling with the which state to live in, whats going to happen as far as visitation with my son and his father, and the wonders of traveling that far to move.

Sonia - posted on 11/28/2009

8

8

0

I've been single since I was about 5 weeks pregnant with my son. He's now 16 months old. I have the same issues, as soon as a guy finds out that I'm a single mum, they go running. But I always tell people before any dates etc, because if you want me then you have to want my son too... I believe in that to the point that even if just a friend comes to visit, and they ignore my son, they are no longer welcome in the house, because it's not only my house, its more my son's house and he comes first! So I understand how not easy it is, first we don't get alot of chances to actually go and meet people, let alone find guys that are ok with us being single parents... Be patient!! We'll all find someone one day!! (The power of positive thinking!!!!!!!!!)

Amber - posted on 11/28/2009

7

9

1

I just ended my first relationship as a single mom and although it was a mutual and amicable thing for us, it hurt to tell my 3 year old because he had grown attached himself. I think from this point I will make it a point to keep my son out of the relationship until I feel comfortable enough that it is going to last. I am always honest about my son from the beginning but I think I would rather build the relationship between myself and my significant other and once I feel that it's strong, work my son into the mix. One step at a time.

Kellie - posted on 11/28/2009

21

31

0

I've been single since i was 2 month pregnant and my son is nearly 6 weeks and iv found it difficult finding some1 who is willing to take my lil man on or if they r willing 2 take him on they dont like the idea that i still talk 2 his dad but they have 2 relise his dad is always going 2 be a part of my life i just wish they could understand how hard it is for us single mums

Marion Janice - posted on 11/24/2009

2

2

0

when i go out on a date, i used to tell the guy before hand that i have a daughter, if it sound not good to them then there's no reason for me to continue dating with them.. just be honest to every guy that you will meet about your situation...you know what i always tell them,"I'm a package, buy one get one free...i have a daughter. So take it or leave it?"..haha..this line always works..cheers..

LaShanda - posted on 11/21/2009

5

20

1

Good question! I have that problem, alot of guys are intimidated because the child is not theirs and they are secretly worried that the father will come back in the picture. It's not hard to find somebody that will deal with it, its just making sure you put everything on the table up front. A guy I was dating had a problem because I told him my child comes first in my life and to him it seemed selfish but when you are on your own you dont really have time to cater to a boyfriend so I told him if he didnt like it he needs to walk away, because I will never put a man before my child.

Jessica - posted on 11/21/2009

6

7

1

i fully agree with you. i hate the fact that if your a single mom everyone looks at you like your a leper or something. i hate the feeling that i get when i do go out to like the grocery store or what not and i have people looking at me like 'oh my god she's a single mom stay away from her'. it's rediculous. it kinda makes me feel bad about myself like no one wants me because i am single mom. and i love my son to death so i would love tto find someone that would accept the fact that i am a single mom. but i doubt that will happen anytime soon.

Sammi - posted on 11/21/2009

93

24

9

cos men run at the first signs of responsibility just like my babys father did when she was a few weeks old...

Christina - posted on 11/21/2009

221

25

25

you have to be patient. i had an angel fall in my lap when i had finally given up on being happy. we have our first together comming in jan and my kids love him to death. i knew he was a keeper when our first date consisted of taking my kids with us to go bowling. nothing romantic but you dont find alot of guys who want to take the kids along on a date. much less a first one. be patient and your angel will fall in your lap

Tracy - posted on 11/21/2009

5

0

0

i have been single for over a year now, i have found that dating guys with kids are the easiest because they know what it is like. (sometimes) however, i find guys say one thing then do another, we have to realise that men are sooooo different from women.

Jodie - posted on 11/20/2009

3

16

0

i get what your going through, i still havent found the right one yet with my first child i would love to have a father figure around for him but its hard finding one who will stick around for the long term. im only 18 and its real hard dealing with one child by myself let alone another on the way and no one there to help. my brother has been there through my son growing up and he looks up to him like a father but nothing or no one should be able to take his father away from him...and its sad watching him grow up without his father around hes missing out so much. i hope you find someone worth it.

Shavon - posted on 11/20/2009

5

11

1

Thanks to everyone for their comments, I was out of commision for over a year, my kids always come first their my girls ( they mean everything to me). Its just sometimes you need that friend or special someone.

Larnice - posted on 11/04/2009

1

22

0

Well for my case is because I value my girls safety over my own needs. I have asked some guys that I know and they all basically say that most men now are stuck with the idea of If a woman already have 2 or more children then to stay clear because they feel we(as a single parent are looking for a "replacement daddy" for our children. Which is not always true in every case. In my opinion I feel that there is someone out there for all of us (Single Parents) when the time is right it will all fall into place. You gotta Believe.

Ashley - posted on 11/03/2009

24

162

1

It's fucking ridiculous. Guys don't even look at me any more! It's like they take one look at the baby & I'm not even CONSIDERED after that!

[deleted account]

i think being a single mum myself men just are overwhelmed by the idea of meeting someone they like then they get scared when we mention we have children i find this to be my situation as well ! all men are not thinking beyond the fact that meeting u involves another responsibility i feel its unfair to us single mums !! i think if u find the right person that likes you then having a child shouldnt be a problem !!

[deleted account]

I've been a single mother since before my son was born almost 7 years ago, so I've had my fare share of deadbeats come into my life. But I think I finally got it right! I decided after my most recently failed relationship in Feb of this year... I took a lot of time off for "me." Then when I felt I was ready to start dating again, I did that. I took things really slow and always let the guys know ahead of time that I have a type 1 diabetic son and that he's going to always be my #1 priority. I never introduced a guy to my son quickly, there are many of them that never met him. But after dating a guy for a couple months HE actually started asking if he could meet my son. He would always ask how he was doing and questions about him, but I waited until he felt he was ready to meet my son. Since then things have been great, my son adores him. We went trick or treating this past weekend together and things are great. We're not rushing anything and just taking it day by day and slowly, which is how I think things should be done. So just hang in there and take it slow and you should be fine :) Good Luck!

Michele - posted on 11/02/2009

2

19

0

when the right man comes along, it wont matter how many children you have by however many different fathers. he will accept you, those children, and embrace every single thing. im a mother to a 9 month old who has been split up from the father since my son was 5 months old. i have recently started dating an amazing man who is ok with my son and even sticking by me through all this child support/court craziness. just be patient and dont force anything. its also a good idea to weed out those bad seeds by mentioning you have a child before you actually get into anything serious. it worked for me. if they werent ok with my son, they were not okay with me! good luck sweetheart! :)

Julia - posted on 11/02/2009

57

8

2

Because alot of men have this mistaken idea that you are shopping for a new daddy for your children. I know some woman are- but alot of woman aren't.

Stephanie - posted on 11/02/2009

1

20

0

Because there chicken and can't handle the challange like us I guess. No seriously I have no idea I have the same problem or I get all shy and don't talk right take your pick. I personally haven't dated in 4 years because of the ones I find. So I do understand let me know if you figure this one out because I have all but given up on love.

Dede - posted on 11/01/2009

4

26

0

I've been divorced for about 10 years now, been out of a 4 year relationship that ended last year... Stick to your guns and put your children first. Any man who is worth being with will understand a parents' love for their children, and expect that the children come first. If they can't handle it- then tell them to hit the road! Just a word of advice on dating single fathers... while it is important that they have a strong relationship with their children, you need to make sure that the man you date is able to open his heart to your children and treat them all as equals... if not it is a disaster! Good luck to you- have faith, the right one is still out there!

Shanythia - posted on 11/01/2009

25

24

3

Maybe it's our sparkling personalities, but i've never had an issue dating although i'm a single parent. my daughter and i are a team and the men i talk to love that about us. the first thing any man will know about me is that i adore my daughter and she's my first love, if he wants time with me, he has to get to know "us".i love meeting new people ( rare as it may be) and i refuse to "surprise" my daughter with some serious male sometime down the road. if anything, men love how i love on my daughter and how i'm actively chasing my dreams. i haven't gotten an ounce of static over the fact that i have a child or the fact that her father isn't present. ( actually, i think the guys like that i can handle life with my daughter without her father- they know it's his loss 2 seconds after he meets us) i always plan to hang out at home with my daughter and have the guy meet my fam so we're all on the same page. I'm only going to invite a trustworthy person to my house to meet my fam and daughter. we do kid- friendly things ( movies, walks, cooking) and everyone knows if you want to hang with us, you have to know we come as a package. we're already twins, men see it as having the best of both worlds. good luck.

Shiloh - posted on 10/31/2009

14

18

1

i have had a few men say yeah Shi your an awesome person but your kid?//... that is when i say your not worth my time now or ever. i want someone who will stand beside me, not "just tolerate" my son but hopefully see through his troubles and realize it could be worse.. and love him as his own.. is that to much to ask for?

Anne - posted on 10/31/2009

10

3

0

Hi I have been on my own for some time. I find dating hard to. The person you meet should accept you first then your child. If they cant do that then they are a waste of time. Always be honest to any person you meet and like. All the best of luck, i hope i have helped in some way.

Karen - posted on 10/30/2009

5

18

0

i have been single for over a year. i am picky. and yes if they male shows not interest in my two children i can not be bothered with them.. my children come first.
Being single has its bad points but it always has its good.. i dont go looking anymore if i am going to find someone then they will find me i have just come to accept that this is how it is going to be for some time. hopefully not too long of a some time..best of luck

Elizabeth - posted on 10/30/2009

9

7

0

That is great advice your friend gave you Kyra, that is actually what I do. When I date someone, I actually see if he invites my son. Some do and some don't, the ones that choose not to, I drop lol. I figure if he is not willing to get to know my son somewhat, then he does not care to get to know my son, thus, I don't care to get to know him! But yes, I have done the same and it is enjoyable. I have friends that are getting married but I just do not want to rush into any relationship and get it wrong again! So, I am just taking my time and being picky which you should be picky too! We all want what's best for ourselves and our children:o)

Elizabeth - posted on 10/30/2009

9

7

0

I have been a single parent for quite some time now. I am okay with it but sometimes yes, it does get lonely. I actually prefer concentrating on my son, work and school. Sometimes, when you are not looking for the right guy, he will come along. I have found that everytime I try I feel desperate or something. I don't throw myself at anyone but when I am not looking for a relationship, that's usually when the guys seem to look my way. It is an endless cycle I have seen over the past few years. Just always let them know you are a single parent from the get go so you won't get disappointed later on when he says he's not interested. Anyhow, good luck, just remember, let them come to you and it will happen:o)

[deleted account]

Finding someone to date is easy, finding someone worth (being a singles working mom makes time a very valuable thing) your time a whole new story. Let me know where you find one... The best luck I've had is through friends.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms