Worried About My rights

Claudia - posted on 06/07/2016 ( 12 moms have responded )

4

0

2

Hello, I live in Ohio and I am pregnant in my third trimester. My ex boyfriend who emotionally abused me, abandoned me and never has helped me economically. He wanted to go to my medical visits but everytime we talked he was aggressive and disrespectful so I stayed away for my inner peace. Now he talks about co-parenting together, although he does not want to support me economically, and he is just a dominant, mentally unstable person, who smokes marihuana, and have very shady friends. I have been crying my eyes out, full anxiety and guilt that my current emotional estate can affect my baby. Do I have any rights?, any mechanisms to protect my baby and me from his abuse?. Has anyone gone through a similar situation? any advice?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Ev - posted on 06/10/2016

8,045

7

918

Okay Christina, I get your story and your point but at the same time it is not legal to not put the father's name on the BC if you know who he is. It is fraud simple and true. None of us liked the idea of custody because of how our own individual cases have turned out in life but we have all made sure the fathers were held accountable in one way or another. To not place the man on the BC means that the child can not recieve the benefits that come with the father such as SS if he dies or gets disability. Also inheritance is not going to happen either. What about medical background? What if a child gets a disease or medical disorder but it is not something in mom's medical background and is in the father's but the father has not been in the picture....there is no way for them to know where it came from or how it is related. There is more to this than just making dad repsonsible....its is the child's life.

Dinata - posted on 06/07/2016

2

0

0

Of course! You have rights! Under Ohio law, when it comes to child custody rights, an unmarried mother who gives birth to a child is automatically the sole residential parent and legal custodian of the child until a court makes a formal Court Order stating something else. To read the full statute involving this click here. This means that the unmarried mother does not need to file anything with anyone to legally establish the fact that she has sole custody of the child.

This also means that until a Court legally “recognizes” the unmarried father as the child’s father, the father has no legally enforceable rights regarding the child, including but not limited to Parenting Time (Visitation). However, without obtaining some type of child support Order, whether it comes from the Child Support Enforcement Agency, or from a Court, the unmarried mother will not be able to force the father to provide her any type of support whatsoever. Source: http://www.grecoatlaw.com/child-custody-...

In short - he should walk away while he has two legs to carry him. There is much in the way of the law that he would have to satisfy in order to have any type of parental rights. My guess - He can't do it. If you can get signed affidavits claiming abuse, this also helps.
Quit being a softy... The second he becomes abusive in any way - the police have to have a record of it in order to help your case, and there is only one way to get that. But do it before it costs the wellbeing of you and the child both mentally and physically.

12 Comments

View replies by

Ev - posted on 06/13/2016

8,045

7

918

Christina--
In answer to your reply to mine:
Even with custody, visitation through the courts being lengthy and costly, does depend on the circumstances of the case and each one though they may have similar things going on in them to others are still different from each of the rest. A father has as much right to be a part of his kids' lives as the mother does. He helped to create them and he should also be responsible for them too. Not all cases are abusive cases and in some instances that abuse is made up because on this forum we can not call out each woman who says there was abuse in her relationship with the father. But we can ask questions and based on what she tells the forum we can give what advice we know to give. I have read many, many posts about girls who post here and think that because dad has not had a chance to handle the care of his child he is not capable of doing so, that his immature nature is not good enough for him to care for his child, that he has no clue how to do simple things like diaper a baby and so on. They think that is just cause to keep a dad from the kids, take his rights away, or get supervised visits. Its gonna take a lot more than those reasons to do that. They have to prove he is a threat to the kids with proof of his drug abuse or alcohol abuse in the from of police reports, arrests, court documentation if he was prosecuted for those things, for crimes that would keep a child from seeing the parent like sex related crimes for one, for neglect or abuse at the hand of the father and CPS has actual documentation of it. The list could go on and on.

Sarah - posted on 06/10/2016

9,835

0

24

If it were not for BC that name both parents the potential for procreating with one's own relatives remains a risk. A small risk, but a risk none the less. BC were not created to force child support, they were created so families had documentation of whom belonged to whom. Way back in the olden days when people actually got married, had kids and stayed married. I'd think a BC even more important today given the era of so many complacent conceptions. Privacy? You don't want to name the man, then don't- but don't go asking for welfare, medicaid, food stamps either. What about the man's right to privacy which flew out the window the moment the child was conceived. If we aspire to protect the privacy of the mother, should not that go both ways? So, I suppose it really is for the benefit of the child to have the parents rightfully listed on a document that is not open to public record anyway.

Christina - posted on 06/10/2016

158

4

53

Hi Evelyn -
I get your point completely, hence that she needs to make up her own mind - the "fraud" bit is a deep pit I don't want to go to deeply into, but in a nut shell the entire child support system requiring the name on the birth certificate is a part of a national program to collect support - not ensure the safety of children. The visitation, as I know you already know, so no offense intended :) goes through court, can be lengthy and costly depending on the situation.
So many kids pay the price for the government's attempts at creating "relationships" that may not always be healthy, and the mother is robbed of her 14th amendment rights of privacy off the bat because the state wants to make sure the dad pays for a child he helped create so the state doesn't have to support the mother and child. The history is lengthy, and sadly kids sometimes are caught in a financial web.
As I said, she must decide what is best for her - she is the only one able to know the father's true colors. I'm not advocating fraud, the father can be put on the BC at any time. Fathers who want to be dads often show the inner strength to show up for the child in all ways, but not all men want to or know how to.

Stephanie - posted on 06/10/2016

4

0

0

Dinara, u are so right! I'd listen to her and not let it damage you and your child's mental and physical and emotional State of Mind. Or even worse but that's just my experience as well as it could happen.

Stephanie - posted on 06/10/2016

4

0

0

I was using voice typing when I commented to the person who asked. Also I found out after my son was born that he uses needles and no there were no visible track marks. He was also an unbelievablely wonderful Con-Artist!!! Abuser wouldn't work, etc. I became pregnant by accident butt it was in fact a blessing. My son is my Miracle child. His who will always be sperm donor to me biological father or whatever acted like dr. Jekyll and mr. Hyde 3 days before he was born and yes I kicked him out that day. This resulted in my child having a bowel movement and I felt it so 3 days later when he was born he was what's called a macaroni and child and had to be flown to Birmingham Children's and be on an ECMO lung machine stay there 3 weeks and thank God came home all right or better than alright. I've asked myself time and time again how could I get mixed up with a guy like that but he was in my best friend's family second cousins and I thought there had to be some good in him he just needed the right person. How wrong I was what a lesson I learned you cannot ever change a man!! Out of many of the crazy things he did to me besides stealing little things he stole my keys to my car so I had to have a new key made and was stranded in the snow where I didn't want to be. And not only that he stilled my sense of caring to be with anyone else ever again or trust you might say. Although I am considering for my child a good Christian man now but not hunting! It's taken me five and a half years to build up to this point to even entertain the thought of a significant other and that's why his name will always be sperm donor to me. It took a preety awful acting guy for me to not want my son to have a relationship with his biological father. But I will not let him go in and out of his life and mess him up and that's exactly what my mom tried to tell me he would do before I tried to help him become a father before my son was born. I do keep tabs on him just to see if he's changed for at least 2 years but out of the last five he has been in and out of for trafficking, manufacturing an illegal drug as well as using an illegal drug and of course paraphernalia of manufactured drug & marijuana. Need I go on because I could probably all day! He hasn't changed said he didn't want to change and unless you walk a mile in my shoes don't you dare tell me not to call him sperm donor, I meant it in the best way. To those of you who have had to use a sperm donor I apologize that is not how I meant it. When I read my post it didn't make a lot of sense. I had to slow my speech down and not be driving and those of you who may have to use a real true sperm donor I apologize and I wish you the best. And if anyone has a suggestion other than sperm donor because actually except for going to the office that is all he is to my son and me, I would use that name but he's never and never will as far as I can see earn the right to be called father. But I will still continue to pray.

Sarah - posted on 06/10/2016

9,835

0

24

Also the cost of the court ordered DNA test falls on the tax payers, not him.

Sarah - posted on 06/09/2016

9,835

0

24

You should name him on the BC, it saves future headache and heartache and the child is entitled to benefits in the event of his disability or demise. Not naming him is actually committing fraud, so save yourself that trouble. No one is entitled to be in the delivery room except you, your nurse and the necessary doctors. No one. Call security and they will take him out. I worked in L&D for years and have had many boyfriends, adult siblings, mother-in-law and grandparents removed when it was just too much for the mom.

Ev - posted on 06/09/2016

8,045

7

918

Stephanie--It is wrong to willingly knowingly to keep the father's name off the birth certificate if he is known to the woman. If she does not put him on there it is fraud since she knows who he is. You are right she can keep him out of the doc visits and the birth but after that he does have a right to petition for his part in the child's life if he chooses. She needs to file for custody, child support and visitation. He is not a sperm donor. She chose to have sex with him and a child is the result. I do not follow most of your post anyhow as it is confusing. But if he wants to be part of his child's life he can do so. And he does have as much right to the child as she does. There is nothing written in the laws that state in most places that only the mother has rights to the child.

Sarah - posted on 06/08/2016

9,835

0

24

Stephanie, I respect your feelings of bitterness. But when you consent to have intercourse and a child is made of that union; the paternal figure is not a sperm donor. it is an insult to every real donor, woman or couple who has needed the help of a sperm donor to use that term to describe a poor choice in sexual partner.

Ev - posted on 06/08/2016

8,045

7

918

You do have the right to refuse him to be there for the doctor appointments and delivery if he is bothering you so much but in the end he does have a right to petition for rights to see his child.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms