Would you allow your young child to travel with your EX?

Trish - posted on 01/03/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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ere is the situation. My ex lives in BC and myself and our 5 y-o DD live in Ontario a vast distance away. I really want my DD and the Ex to have a relationship. I do not stand in the way of access and never will. I treat him with respect and when he visits ( which is not often) I open my house to him to make sure he feel comfortable. Here is the problem. He wants our DD to spend a week with him in BC. Our DD is a little young for this adventure but I am trying to be positive. He is not a bad father and I know he will treat her well. MY problem is, I do not trust the man. Not one single iota. Not for a nano second do I trust this man. Even with a court order if he decides to keep her ( I have sole custody ) it would exhaust me emotionally and I cannot afford a legal battle. Do I think he will keep her? My instinct tell me no. It would cause too much drama in his life and he loves his work time and play time. My father ( who is a wise man) says not to send her.
I do not know my Ex, the man I hooked up with is not the man he is. He lied and cheated on me throughout our relationship. He hit me ( once ) while I was holding DD. He regretted his action big time but has never owned up to his actions.
I am very confused, one part of me wants her to go one part of me screams NO. My ex is also threatening to take me to court to try and get joint custody. This "joint custody" venture is not something I will agree on.
Any ideas?

4 Comments

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Karen - posted on 12/23/2017

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I feel for you.. my ex is Jamaican and wants to bring our kids there to visit. I don't know when an appropriate age would be and struggle with them knowing their father's culture but also keeping them safe :/

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Here's what you do I recently sought legal advice about a similar issue, apparently it is very VERY difficult to get joint custody after someone has already been given sole custody so first of all put ur mind at ease(as best you can) for that one. You need a police order (Canada wide if hes in BC) so that if he doesnt return her the police go get her and bring her home no questions, im sry to tell u this but no way dont send her without getting something in writing from the courts otherwise ur on ur own and no one needs that. Your bargain is the visit if you feel she will be safe then let her go and if that is what he wants then he shouldnt argue with the police order. I have sole custody of my son but i was informed that the police wont get involved unless they have to (court order) Trust your gut and get a lawyer thats the best advice I can give you either way, if you have your child's best interests in mind, have custody, and are reasonable no court is going to make you do something you dont want to do like send your child way out to BC. Best of luck

Nancy - posted on 01/03/2009

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Why not talk to the police or a lawyer... My understanding is if he didn't return her, if you have custody, he could be charged with kidnapping... and the police would be the ones to track him down... I had to send a sworn affidavid to the passport office saying my daughter is not allowed to get a passport.. if someone ever tries to get one for her... my laywer will be contacted... there are steps you can take to ensure her safety... And let me tell you... when you are fighting to keep our child safe... you get this strength & power from somewhere within... you don't get exhausted until after the fact..

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