Would you let your child call their step parent dad if they dont know their biological father?

Tiffany - posted on 06/27/2012

I think if your child has started that on her own, you should go with it. That's a very different situation from INSTRUCTING a child to call a stepparent or boyfriend/girlfriend of a parent "mom" or "dad", which is confusing to the child and impacts the natural development of his/her relationships.

When my stepchildren were about four and six, the older asked me whether she could call me "mom". I told her that I wasn't sure how her mother would feel about that, so she asked her mom--who told her that if that felt right to her, she should do it. Over the years, both of them have alternated between calling me mom and addressing me by my first name. They're both adults now and one has stuck with "mom" while the other primarily calls me by name. I've always thought what was natural and comfortable for them should govern; after all, parenting (even if you're not the biological parent) is all about creating a safe environment for the child to grow comfortably in.

Becky - posted on 06/26/2012

While this would be considered normal for your daughter to call him Dad as this is the ONLY dad she knows, I would be interested in what the son feels. He knows this guy isn't his real dad, even if he treats him like gold where as his real didn't maybe didn't...abandoning him, you still need to take his feelings into consideration and continue through out their lives to have an open and honest conversation with both of them. What's going to happen in a fit of rage when your son tells his sister that her real dad isn't the dad she knows? That's a kettle of worms I'd rather not be backsliding in. Just make sure to get your son's side and validate his opinions, keep ongoing open conversations...because eventually, she'll catch on and have questions.

Kim - posted on 06/26/2012

I think it would be beautiful if yr daughter calls the significant man in her life dad. I think it would eventually be less confusing for you all and help meld the family bonds. While we have biological associations with labels, dad has many different representations. Dad is the first word we utter to identify the paternal person who is caring for us. If your man is going to be there for the long haul then he is the one who will be the dad in your daughters life. If things change in time or the real dad returns you can cross that bridge when you come to it. It sounds to me like you are very good at adapting to change and no matter what happens you'll manage and make right choices for you and your children.

Christina - posted on 06/26/2012

Hi Kristin! What a great man you have there! lol... I'm assuming by the headliner that you have married this gentleman? In that instance, I'd have to say that your 6 yr old will go with the flow and may even eventually calling him "dad" too. However; having been a single mom for the better part of 20 years, when my ex (my youngest sons father) and I got together my eldest was about 6 yrs old and after sometime my ex started identifying himself as my oldest sons father and my son started identifying my ex as his father.....the only problem was that we were not married. Not saying that being married was the problem, but I think had my son been smaller when my ex and I got together when my ex left and broke contact with him, it would have been even more tramatic than the trama he (my son) experienced. ....lol...did that make sense? There's more chance of confusion if(big if) things didn't work out and all that.....I guess you could say I've become more conservative since that has happened and I don't assume what seems good and right is necessarily so when it comes to my boys. But if you all are married, he is technically the only "father" they have so as along as everyone is comfy with that then there is no reason why they shouldn't call him "dad"....and if the biological father comes into the pic and acts right, then you can say "hey kids! you guys are soooo lucky to have 2 dads!!"....That's what my mom use to tell me with regards to my dad and stepdad.... Be well! Christina