daughter wants to meet dad and i'm affraid

Rosaline - posted on 02/26/2010

That's difficult. I know. Like Florencia says, you have to first be sure of her safety. Then if its more personal than safety, then call him. She does have a right to know her father. If nothing else, just to talk to him if he is willing to speak with her. Maybe he has changed and is willing to step to the plate (although I doubt it). It is really difficult, and I can't tell you if she is going to be hurt. My boys' father called them 2 years ago and only saw them once, Christmas, for like 5 hours. That is all the contact they had with him. When they asked me the tough questions, I did not bad mouth him. I told them stuff like "your daddy needs to figure some things out" "your daddy was a different person back then". It hurt me a lot to tell them that, but it was better than the truth. When they did get to see them, I wouldn't let them see him by themselves, and sat in the back of the movie theater while they watched the movie. I explained to them that I wanted them to be safe and make sure that their daddy is a better person now. Now, if he dosent want anything to do with her, then just keep saying nice things about him and that you haven't heard from him. When she is older and can understand you can tell her some of the truths. She will appreciate that you tried to contact him for her. I worry about my boys, but I think that when they are older, they will know that I was the one there for them. They idealize him now, and it hurts so much because its always been me, but one day they will see. Hopefully this helps a little.

Florencia - posted on 01/17/2010

Is he physically mentally ect abusive in any way? If it is a situation that might put you and or your daughter in danger then i would advise not to try and contact him. Your daughter does have a right to know who her father is though. Does he want to be a father to your daughter? Your boyfriend now hasn't tried to take on the role of a father figure for her? Little girls need a father figure. She does have a right to know her father and your boyfriend has to be understanding of that, as long as it's not threatening harm on him, you, your daughter, your relationship, or your family as a unit. You definitely need to talk with her father and find out what he wants, if he wants a relationship with his daughter. But don't bring her any unnecessary pain. You have to have a plan on what you're going to say if he doesn't want a relationship with her, that won't leave her feeling like she isn't good enough and not worthy, torn, filled with mixed emotions and depressed. Good luck to you with this!