How do I make him commit?

Kodi - posted on 10/31/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )

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So I have been seeing this guy since March, we've known each other since I was 12...he's 14 years older than me (I'm 22 by the way). I'm so in love with him and he knows it very well. We started out our relationship dating, but 3 months into it we broke up. He was going through his depression stage (hasn't been able to get over his ex wife's years of multiple affairs). But we decided to remain how we are, just without the title of dating, so pretty much best friends with benefits. I love our relationship and he does too, but I seem like I'm the only one who wants more. He says he loves me deeply and that it truly scares him how much he does love me. But he says he's never getting married again because his last marriage was so horrible to him. How do I make him see that I'm not her, not even close. I've never cheated, I'm completely honest to him, I help out with his kids as much as I can, and I'm ALWAYS there for him. How can I help him get over that evil ex wife of his? I know he's much older than me, but age couldn't matter less to us, or to our families who are close. We've all known each others for 10 years now.
I know everything that happened to him while he was married to her, the whole town does. And they've been divorced almost 2 years now, he's seen a psychologist over it, took "happy pills" too. But nothing helped. She was his world. And she completely shattered his heart. Am I wasting my time trying to show him I'm not her and I would never do anything like that to him? Should I move on, even though it would kill me and hurt him more? I don't want to leave him like she did. He says he needs me and doesn't know what he'd do without me in his life...but how can I be completely happy in this relationship as a "friend-with-benefits"? I don't know if I can...
Any advise?

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Melissa - posted on 01/15/2011

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Honestly the best advice I can give is for you to give him time. They say time heals all wounds and it seems that his are very deep. I know you really want more from the relationship, but you have to look at it from his point of view, his heart was broken by a woman he gave his all to, so as much as he may want to give his all to you, there's still going to be that fear that you'll do the same thing. It's nothing personal, just as woman categorize men as "all the same", it seems he has that same complex. Don't worry though because if you both love each other as much as you've described he will get there. As hard as this may sound you just have to be patient and give him time. Just enjoy the ride =)

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