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Jealousy

Melissa - posted on 01/20/2009 ( 1 mom has responded )

3

1

Jealousy is something I see in my 9-yr old daugther when I spend time w/ my boyfriend.



We have been dating for over a year and I made sure the relationship was a serious one they met so she's not used to sharing "mommy" time w/ another man. Her dad and I have joint custody and split when she was a baby so she never had a complete family. She has 4 sets of grandparents always wanting to spend time with her also. So she gets used to being the center of attention wherever she is. My boyfriend and I don't live together but he'll come over a couple nights a week for dinner, etc. and she gets so sensitive and jealous. If I simply have an adult conversation with him (temporarily ignoring her I guess) she'll run into her bedroom crying about how I don't love her anymore.



Any ideas?

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Jane - posted on 01/26/2009

206

7

I don't have the same problem as you so I am merely thinking of all the ideas I had IN CASE my son got jealous when I introduced a boyfriend - he's actually okay with the whole thing, but then my boyfriend doesn't have kids so my son is the centre of attention with him too!

At 9 years old they understand a lot more than we give them credit for. I assume that you have done the usual of comforting her when this happens, but have you tried talking to her during just a mummy/daughter chat when you are doing something you like to do together? If it was at a time when there is no drama going on (and, let's face it, most 9 year old girls are all about the drama!) then you may actually be able to ask her why she would think that, just because you are having an adult conversation that does not include her, you don't love her, etc. You can then reassure her in a calm way that she is still, and always will be, the most important person in your life, but that just like she has her friends that she wants to play with and talk to, you also need your friends, including your boyfriend, to talk to. Arrange to make a regular play date with your daughter when it's just you and her and you do all the girly things you love to do, but also arrange with your daughter that there is a regular "date" night with your boyfriend where you spend time with him. If she sees he's not getting any more attention than her and that you love her just as much, she will come round. If your boyfriend could pay her some attention, ask about her day, schoolwork, friends, what you two bought at the shops, even what she's done when she's with her dad or grandparents, then that may also help.

Sorry if I haven't added anything you haven't already tried/thought of!! Good luck!

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