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in need of a friend

Lashawn - posted on 06/11/2009 ( 1 mom has responded )

1

1

Hi iam seeking help i have a 18yr old who is really out of control she talks back to me i am tired of fighting with her about what time she is come in my house. she tells me that she hates me i have been nothing but nice to her but i am not going to let her think that she can do whatever she wants not here if i'm working every day . she has so much anger in side of her i don't know if it has something to do with her father not beening around or what can some one give me some answes

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Beverly - posted on 06/30/2010

15

22

my kids aren't quite that old yet, but i know what i was like at that age. my father was a merchant marine and preferred to be at sea more than at home with his family. i was angry about that, and angry that i had no control over the things in life i thought should be mine to control. i didn't really realize what i had put my mother thru until i had kids, too. i am sure that part of her issues are that she is technically an adult, even if she isn't really acting like one.
have you had her evaluated for things like depression, adhd, or bipolar disorder? i am bipolar, but wasn't diagnosed until i was 23- after having 3 kids. being correctly diagnosed and on the right meds has made a huge difference in my ability to feel like i am in control. i also have all 3 of my kids in therapy, as sometimes they need someone they can talk to and trust who isn't me.
does she have a job? having some responsibility outside the home could be helpful, so at least she has some money that is her own.
also, lay down the ground rules. it may be things that have been in place since she was a toddler, but having them written down can be helpful. write down your expectations and what rewards she can receive for meeting them- whether it is a new outfit at the mall or some time with mom where your entire attention is focused on what she is doing in her life at the moment. show some interest in the things she likes- music, movies, etc, so you have something to talk about to break the ice.

hope this helps,

beverly

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