HELP! baby not sleeping and father not helping

Janine - posted on 07/04/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hi there, my 13 month old lb does not sleep thru at all, never has.
So I wanted to start with the whole sleep training thing, where i leave him to fall asleep by himself, but I'm still in the room.
When I tried, my boyfriend, his father came in and took him out his cot because he was crying. He never gets up with him at night. I understand because he works and I stay at home, but over weekends i would like help.
My lb is even refusing to sleep in his cot now and only wants to sleep in the double bed that we have in his room.
All this fuss ended up in a huge fight with my boyfriend, that i just want to give up and run away.

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Rosheena - posted on 07/04/2011

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Greetings Janine,

First and foremost you are ok. Do not run! You are not the first nor the last to experience this type of behavior from your baby. Let me try to dis-spell a myth that mothers have been conditioned to think. Let's take a look at who and what conditions your baby has been living in, so that you can get a better understanding of their behavior.

Unfortunately, mothers have been told that it's best to take your baby at a certain age (it varies) but definitely before the child is 6 months old and put them in a cot or crib etc...The baby was where for the first 9 months of its life? In your belly, being carried around and loved by you, in this very protective environment. Right? The child enters this world and it wants that same protective environment. The only place it can get this is in the loving arms of its mom!!! He knows your heartbeat. It's the entity that has kept it comforted for the first months of its life. That sound is what they crave when he came out into this environment, hence why he want to be nestled on top of your breasts when he is ready to go to sleep. Also, a mistake that has been made is not teaching mothers that what ever they are feeling, the baby is feeling as well. We are the most powerful beings in our children's lives. They are connected to us metaphysically. So, if we are feeling anxious at the time of bedtime then so will our children. In the first years of our babies lives, when it is time for their bedtime all distractions should be turned off. T.V.'s, stereos anything that would cause a baby's mind to wonder and take him away from sleep. If anything, the sound of your voice mommy, by singing ,should be a signal for your child to sleep.

I know that a lot of people may give me flack to tell you to retrain him by holding him first until he drifts off then rest him down because unfortunately trust has to be rebuilt between you and your baby. Giving him confidence to let him know you will be there for him and you are not trying to leave him. This is one of the unfortunate parts of living in this so called progressive society, we think everything has to be on this time schedule that we are deriving, instead of allowing our children to progress at their own pace. You are already in a very advantageous position of being a stay-at-home mom, congratulations but everything doesn't have to be so rigid and on this make-believe schedule. Your baby needs and wants you be there for him, no matter what anybody or society says. Trust me, when the time comes for him to transition into his next stage, he will show you, naturally.

Peace always.

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Stephyn - posted on 07/25/2011

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I have dealt with is problem for years! I have a step daughter who is almost 6. for the past 3 or so years i have tried to sleep train her, but anytime she gets scared or cried her father barges in to save her (making me look like the mean ol step mother). The thing is though, she sleeps at her mother house, just not ours. So this is where I stand, having a daughter who knows that all she has to do is bat her pretty little eyes and she can sleep in my room. Stay strong, and don't get stuck in a routine that doesn't work for your WHOLE family. Best wishes.

Emily - posted on 07/04/2011

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Oh you poor thing, you sound exhausted. I used a book called 'Save our Sleep' by Tizzie Hall. For me, I found it brilliant, and I used it for both my girls. Its basically a book about routines and getting babies/children to sleep on their own and through the night. She outlines routines for different ages. She goes into alot of detail about why she recommends different things too. Maybe suggest to your boyfriend to have a few days away with his mates, while he is away you can focus on getting your little boy sleeping better. Then if your little boy does cry for a little bit, its ok. If he sleeps better in the double bed, thats ok too though, isn't it?

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