2 year old with extreme developmental delays and thinking about baby #2!!!

Amber - posted on 04/18/2011 ( 12 moms have responded )

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My son will be 2 years old in june and is extremely developmentally delayed, he cant sit crawl or walk I want to have a second baby but need advice on how to catch him up to speed on sitting at least~He is a happy baby most of the time just afraid how it will effect him with another child? Any suggestions or advice on the subject?

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Melissa - posted on 04/24/2011

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We have 3 children, 2 of whom have special needs. I disagree that age is not an issue! Having a child at 20 is much different than having one at 30. It is also different having babies close together, rather than far apart. Amber, it is only natural to be wanting another baby right now. You are clearly a devoted mother, and nothing will change that. That being said, I think it would be best if you waited a while (a year?) before ttc #2, for not only you, but your son as well. That will give you time to find answers and give him a chance to develop more.

Christy - posted on 04/21/2011

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Personally I would wait until he is older to have another one, you are only 22 and have PLENTY of time! If you have another baby soon (the next yr or 2) you won't be able to concentrate on your son who really needs all the help he can get right now, esp w/ no diagnosis.

Jenni - posted on 04/18/2011

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I agree with April. Get a second, third opinion. If he is 2 years old and can't sit, crawl or walk there is some underlying medical condition. I can't believe your doctor isn't sending him to see a specialist. If he is that severely delayed there is something wrong. I would want to get to the root of his developmental delays before considering another child.

April - posted on 04/18/2011

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If I were you, I'd get second and third opinions on your son's condition. If it does turn out that he has a disability other than epilepsy, the cost of medical attention could make it difficult to financially afford a second child (i am not sure what your background is, so i apologize if this comes off as offensive. I just assumed that SAHMs don't get paid in cash, though you could be a millionaire and I wouldn't know because I don't know you ). Anyway, before trying for a second child, I would get second and third opinions in the form of specialists (bone doctor to check out his legs and hips to see if there is a physical reason he cannot walk, crawl, sit. etc..) I guess what I am saying is i don't believe that he isn't sitting crawling walking because he doesn't know how. I believe it is likely that he physically can't because of an undiagnosed condition.

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Esmeralda - posted on 04/23/2011

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well i have to say that age should not matter. even if she is only 22, when i was 22 i had 3 children. so i have to say that when someone is younger, she has more energy to run after kids even if one of them has a disability. being able to 'spread the attention' also should not be an issue. i have 4 young children, and at the time that i was ttc #4 i was fully aware that my 4 year old at the time had alot of appointments and needed alot more attention than his siblings. but that being said, it is totally upto her if she wants to wait or have another baby now. because the truth of the matter is that if he has a permanent disability, it is not going to change, so it is something she needs to learn to live with. so in my oppinion it is better that she comes to term with the reality sooner rather than later, regardless if she wants to have another child now or in the next few years.

Amber - posted on 04/19/2011

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He is currently in PT, OT. and he has a developmental coach that he sees each one during the week!

Amber - posted on 04/18/2011

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I havent really made up my mind cause I know the hardships of having a child with delays! He currently see's 3 specialist out of Texas Childrens and they have ran series of test over and over again...and they still cant find anything, he has had one MRI and Is going to have a 2nd one in July, as well as he will see the specialist for years to come...just to be precautious! Im sure if it ever going to be solved and the specialist have said that they may never find what it is, but they will keep trying until I say its enough! I want a answer as much as the next mom! Like I said he is improving since they put him on the seizure meds! They are really trying! He see's the specialist several times a year and I truely believe they are trying and have told me that there is less than a 25% chance that my second child will turn out with disabilities, I am only 22 and I would hate to make a decision that can affect me and my family for the rest of our lives...I want Zack to know that I love him more than anything in the world and I will take care of him till the day I die! I devote my life to him and will continue even if I did decide to have a second child! Truely It would be hard and stressful as first, but I have endured a lot of hardships in my life starting at moving out of my moms house when I was 12 and managing on my own for some time now! I have a wonderful husband and I believe that I can handle anythign the lord may throw at me and I think that Zack is a blessing and I am truely greatful cause some parents dont have the oppurtunity to help their child like I do!

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 04/18/2011

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Yeah..... I would definiatly go to a few different doctors to make sure you know everything you can about your sons condition first. But it seems as if you've already made up your mind so go for it :) Hope for the best!

Esmeralda - posted on 04/18/2011

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hi well first of all.. it is a hard decission to make.
i have a son also who seemed 'developmentally delayed'.. but when he was only 10 months old i went ahead and got pregnant. at the time i did not realise the 'seriousness' of his delays.. i had 2 more siblings after having him.. he is 6 next week and has just been diagnosed with autism. however, him being my second child, my first was fine, and my third and fourth are also fine. so in my oppinion 'disabilities' don't always have to be passed down to each 'subsequent' child you may have. but it can happen yes.. but now it is totally upto you if you think you can handle the pressure.. i know it is easy for me to say, but i know what i am going through each day.. having an autistic son and 3 'healthy siblings'..
it is very hard work. but you should also remember that they dont remain a baby for the rest of their lives.. it is temporary.. and although they are going to grow up the pressure on you eases off.. you are going to be the childrens mother for the rest of your live.. and they will need you. but saying that there is nothing more beautiful than bringing up a child.. and now that his younger siblings are starting to catch up to my son, it is upto me to explain to them that isaiah is different... and that is not an easy thing to do. but you just need to sit down and have a good think.. because no matter what, until you have a diagnosis then you will know how to focus on the care of you baby.. and it will get easier with time, as you get more experienced. well good luck with your decission.

Amber - posted on 04/18/2011

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There is nothing wrong that we nor the doctors can find, he is just very slow learning....or at least that is what they are telling us as of right now. He is also epileptic and we didnt know until last November, and he is currently on meds and picking up pace on his improvements to his current situation! My husband has no known disablities and I dont feel as though I should let the set backs now affect my decisions for the future, just needed to know someone else opinions!

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 04/18/2011

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Can you handle the stress of it? He's still very young then and very needy so you will have two babies for a long time. That's hard.

Whats wrong with your current son? I dated a guy one time who had a disability that would be passed down to our children if we were to have any. I just couldn't do it. So that's another thing to think about.

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