2nd Baby

Tameca - posted on 01/08/2010 ( 20 moms have responded )

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What Age Gap Do you reckon for a 2nd child as ive herd Its good not to be Heaps apart and Ive also herd Not to close either What do anyone think

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Kerry - posted on 01/09/2010

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Tameca Hello,
Gody doody for you on the future it seems to be burning bright for yur family. So as most everyone has already stated it is popular belief that the age differenace between sibs is really not that important and if you look closely most have a set that are very close together.

I have a cousin that had her daughters 15onths apart and it was bad for her. She ended up having placental and uterian problems, was placed on bed rest at 5months to term, and other things. Her doctor point blank told her that if they would have waited for at least until the babies were 24months apart she would have been fine, no problems -> meaning none of the problems she ended up having.

Now my brother and sister in law had my nephews ending up to be ~25 months apart.

I have herd a lot of people talk about 24 months give or take a couple as the "good spacing between sibs"

Now myself my kids are ~4 yrs apart.

so, here is how i see it:

under 18months the parents, especially the mother is nuts, even if she is going to be a full time stay at home mom. There is very little recover for you, the mother, mentally(late nite, early am, and no sleep nights), physically (boy you just had your insides turned inside out, stretched beyond, and your breast are still sore from hitting the breastfeeding hard with the firsr child because you do not want to seem like a failure) and your marriage has been drug through a knot hole with all the hormonal changes mom has been going through the whole time and even more so because it was baby number 1 and she has been breastfeeding the whole time along with the loss of the placenta resulting in blood loss and weekness mom may have not recovered from as of yet.

so after I though about and fond all of that nunter 18 months was out.

18-24 months:
well about 80% of what occurs and is still occuring in the under 18 months is still happening in the 18-24 month range as well.

So how did I settle on 4 yrs......

I wanted to be well over what occured with the first baby and oh ya also add to it the possability of a c-section you always have to consider it because you never know just how stubborn the babies may be.

So well over the hornonal changes, sore breast from breastfeeding, stretched out tummy and uterus, and even a chance to loose some of the extra weight I may have gained with baby #1

then add on top of all that I wanted to make sure that baby 1 was old enough to understand me when I said stop they knew what to do and did it. Because the majority of the time the kids will be with one or the other parent and going to the store, in a crowded mall, in the local city park etc... I wanted to say and or shout stop, stay, come here, no, and yes and the child would not only understand but be able to act upon and act correctly. to keep them from running in to a street with traffic, crossing into a busy parking lot, going across a cross walk and be less afraid because I would have soem control over the child while my arms where full of baby 2 and a diaper bag, a changing bag for child 1, bags of groceries and/or things I baught in the stores.

so 48 months give or take is what we did and I do have to say it was the better choice.
not only do I have a better handle of the kids when we are out but, they also are very close more so then if they were 15 months apart and they are a boy and a girl, with my son being the oldest. Also an added bennifit that we did not think of is how much my son helps out with his sister. he changes diapers, dresses her, helps her into the stroller, and more so it was a very sweet suprise in deed. On top of it all we were told after I had my son by c-section, that I will never be able to have kids by normal means aka each baby would arrive via c-section. so the extra time was nice for that as well.
we told my ob doc that we wanted a good size family, that we wanted 6 kids and she looked at me and said that we willtake it in pairs of 2 and as long as I sare over well and can handle it then I just ay get my 6.

So I hope this all is usefull and allows for you to make a little more informed choice in how far apart you want your children.

Kerry

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Cc1983 - posted on 12/31/2013

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I had my first 6 months before I turned 30 we planned to get pregnant on his 1st bday lol we did not! I have horrible back problems and I'm not sure i can handle another child I want one but I'm scared of my age I will be 31 in 10 days I don't feel like I have the luxury to wait?? I so torn on what to do again the back problems my son is huge and I am tiny he is 17 months and 30lbs I am 100lbs! I also feel some depression issues just wanted some feed backs from other mothers I am a sahm my husband works from home but tracked a lot he is a great father! We don't have family that takes the baby he just started that around 13 months not by my choice just lack of interest of others also for the first 6-8 weeks I was alone a lot with him which was not a great experience I breast fed I'm old and it wasn't easy!! Again anyone else been in this position? Times a ticking I'm old!

Meagan - posted on 01/11/2010

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ive got 3 kids 1 girl 2 boys and they are all 2 yrs apartin ages my daughter is 10 ,middle son is 8and youngest is 6but that worked for me everyone is diffrent its really up to u and your partner if u feel u can handle a second baby very soon then go for it but if u feel u cant id probably wait nothing more then 3 yrs at the most cause u dont want too many fights and a huge age gap

Julie - posted on 01/10/2010

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mine are 3 years apart and they get along fairly well for the most part. (ignore the jealousy streaks, lol) my brother and i were 5 years apart and we never got along!!! hes 18 now and im 23...and we get along alittle better now...but this is only a recent thing. :/

Stacey - posted on 01/10/2010

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What ever age works, its really how you treat it and cope with your decision. You will see the good side no matter what you have. Parenting is hard what every age but it is also soooo rewarding and I can tell you when I see my 4 kids interact in a positive way I fall madly in love with them all over again.

CARRIE - posted on 01/09/2010

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My only requirement is that my first one is out of diapers before I have another. If you want them to play together and be close when they are kids don't have them too far apart. My sis and I are 7 years apart and we weren't close until she was grown.

Sharon - posted on 01/09/2010

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I think it is different for everyone. There is 2 1/2 years difference between my daughter and my son and so far all is okay. I hope they will have a close bond as they get older. I have a friend who just had her second baby and her other one is only 13 months old so they are really close in age and she is struggling right now but who knows how they will be when they get older. Sometimes we cannot choose the age difference as you never know!!haha

Andrea - posted on 01/09/2010

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My son and daughter are 18months apart.. I wouldn't have it any other way.. But every one has to decided that for them self.. It is what ever is best for you and your family.. Take care and Best Wishes...

Saraid - posted on 01/09/2010

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i was actually just wondering the same thing myself.... my daughter is almost four months and i really want to start thinkin bout a good time to have another... but there is so much controversy over the perfect age gap.... im thinking i would like my daughter to have a younger sibling that is reasonably close in age but then wat age is too young to take her baby years away? she wont be the baby anymore!!! But then wat age gap is too old where that wont have that bond between them? it really is a tough decision but i guess it all comes down to personal choice on what age u feel ready to cope with two or three or however many u want... n wat u feel comfortable with within urself because afterall us mums do most the work with them no matter wat age or age gap between them...

Wendy - posted on 01/08/2010

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The gap between my OLDEST sister and I is just over 7 years. I also have a sister just about 5 years older than me, a sister who is just under 2 years older than me, and a brother who is about a year and a half younger. We all get along great (most of the time!), with the exception of course, of the teenage years. But stick four teenage girls into one house living together and what do you expect =) I would say anything under a year apart might be too close for some, expect a lot of rivalry that way. My younger brother and I are just under two years apart and we've always been best friends. I am also pretty close to all of my sisters. So in and around 2 years seemed to have worked out great for my family =) But every family is different! Just don't wait too long, my oldest nephew is now almost 9 years and just got his first sibling this past october. He is a little jealous of the attention of amount of material items the baby recieved (although very glad to finally have a sibling). My son is 15months and I am just over 5 months preg, I am hoping this age gap works as well as it did for my brother and I.

Stephanie - posted on 01/08/2010

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I think that is really up to you. My kids are 4,3 and 6 months. Honestly I think that my daughter coped just as well at 1 year having a new sister as the other did at 2 1/2. I only wanted 3 kids though and did not want to have them years and years apart. My mothers oldest is 31 and youngest is 15. I personally would rather them be closer together than far apart.

Diane - posted on 01/08/2010

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there is a year and 4 months between my oldest two and 11 months between the youngest two...They get along great and as the baby finishes a ''phase' we can now pack the 'baby' things away..like the bottles,bibs and such..plus being this close they are really close mentally and can share their toys.I think being this close has helped them their father and i greatly.yes it is challenging as they are one,two and three right now and i am physically disabled..they love to help me and each other even the baby is always trying to help the rest of us...my sis has a boy and a girl they are 8 years apart. she says it is great that her son is old enough to help with his lil sis but that it is hard because they obviously do not like the same things and he is already into the 'big' kid games and she still wants to play with her babies n pretend (she is 4) plus in a few more years he will b leaving home and she will have to deal with her daughter missing and wondering why her big brother is no longer at home,,,other then relatively 'small' things like that the age diffrence in our children workd great for each of us....it really depends on u and ur family...are u ready for two little ones under foot,and being able to keep up with them both is your 'husband' are u healthy enough to try for number two? what ever u decide i wish u the best of luckk......

Adrienne - posted on 01/08/2010

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My boys are exactly a year apart. It was hard in the beginning but it has gotten easier but still have some days where it is hard. I'm due to have our 3rd child in April. So the gaps will be a year apart for my two older boys and almost two years apart from my already youngest and soon to be new born. I've had people tell me that it would be like raising twins when they are so close together. Yes they are Irish Twins but it ain't nothing like raising twins because they were at different stages for everything.

Dana - posted on 01/08/2010

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I don't think there is an age gap. It's an individual choice.

Some like their kids far apart. Other like them close together.

My son is 2 months shy of being three years younger than my daughter. We wanted them to be closer together but it didn't work out that way. For the most part I am happy with the age difference.

Jessica - posted on 01/08/2010

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My girls are 18 months apart and I am pregnant with our third. This one will be four years younger than my second. I love the girls being close, I wouldn't change it for anything! We will see how a four year age gap treats us.

Sarah - posted on 01/08/2010

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I am pregnant with our second, they will be 25 months apart. A couple of my friends say I am crazy for having them so close, but most say it is a "perfect" age gap. Especially people that have older kids with this gap! They say it's hard at first, but they will have a great bond in the future. My brother and I are 23 months apart, 23 and 21, we are very close!

Stacy - posted on 01/08/2010

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My girls are 3 years apart. They are 7 and 10, some times are wonderful and some not. For the most part I feel that is great difference between them.

Amber - posted on 01/08/2010

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I dont think there is a bad age gap, my oldest is six and my second child is 3 and my third child is 2. they all get along very well

Stephanie - posted on 01/08/2010

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My children are almost 2 years apart. So far it's been great But I think its too early to tell.

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