2Q: Aggression and Pushing skills/education?

Jacqueline - posted on 03/01/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )

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First, is it ok for my kids to be so aggressive? Is it normal? They are constantly wrestling/ruff housing or arguing. There are three of them, twin girls almost three,and our son just four. It just seemed to happen recently and has turned into excess whining, tantrums, bad manners, and arguing. The second, I get wierd or nagged for pushing my kids skills and education. I love to make it fun to learn and my kids are not einstiens, but I try to help them to be. Is it really so bad to do this? Will it hurt them like my mother in-law says? I use to blow it off, but I ponder if that is where a lot of the issues stem from. I let them play and we do regular things I do not snap a ruler, but I incorporate science into crafts or keep extremely involved when the opportunity arises to catch their interests. I read my books from college to them as they sleep. For example, my mother in law got upset that my kids knew the word ingenuity and what it meant, and that they believed GMC was gentically modified crops, not the car dealer she was talking about. Am I really ruining them? They still act like normal kids and I stress to them that nomatter what they know they can always learn something new from the same thing. I know that I am not alone when it comes to teaching as a parent, but I am nervous that I inspired this aggression somehow with my actions. I need to mention that I am a stay at home Mom, online student at night, and we have only had a baby sitter 3 times in their lives. If this sounds ridiculous please still take things into consideration. It is hard to handle these three acting like this. I appreciate any thoughts on this. Thank you.

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Katherine - posted on 03/02/2011

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I don't see how teaching them is "pushing" them into education. That's great they have that vocabulary! My daughter knows some "big" words too. It sounds like your MIL needs to relax.

As for the rowdiness, time outs!!! My daughter (5) hates them and it works.

Catherine - posted on 03/02/2011

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As for your first concern, I would start addressing the rowdiness with time outs as Katherine suggested. Kids this age can have trouble understanding something being ok at home but not somewhere else, so if it continues, it could spill over into another part of their lives and get them into trouble (like on a playdate or something).

As for teaching your kids, there's nothing wrong with teaching them things as long as they're having fun while you're doing it. I'm a teacher, and I do believe that everything in life can be a teachable moment, but at this age, it's essential that they are having fun at the same time. If they are not having fun, then I would back off a bit. If they get it into their heads that learning is boring this young, then it could cause serious problems later in school. If they're having fun; however, then there's no reason not to continue.

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Jacqueline - posted on 03/06/2011

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Thank you all for your input. I will definetly use the time outs more often. I was nervous about what would happen when they started school. I struggle so much with this for it seems that I am constantly having to put one of them in time out for being too rough or irritating each other on purpose. I guess my MIL has pushed me to be insecure about what I do all around, but I wanted to hear from other Mom's to ensure that I was not on the wrong track and to get helpful ideas on how to handle the aggression. Thank you.

Medic - posted on 03/02/2011

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I am not finding the link between educating your kids and them being aggressive. The bad behavior can be handled like the other moms said with time outs and talking to them about good choices and bad choices and if we choose to misbehave then we choose to sit in the corner. Likewise if we choose to make good behavior choices then we choose to get to do fun stuff. I don't know that I would really read my college text books to my kids while they sleep that seems a bit off but I do speak to my kids like they have a functioning brain not like they are stupid. My 4 year old knows some 5 dollar words and uses them correctly. All in all your MIL needs to back up and chill out.

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