3 year old DRAMA PLEASE HELP!

Lacey - posted on 10/05/2010 ( 18 moms have responded )

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Help please, Im so beyond frustrated right now, I have a 3 year old daughter who was always the perfect angel NEVER had any problems was the sweetest child EVER, then she started spending more time with her grandma because I took a part time job and now she has become a whole new child, oh and I had another child 10 months ago. She is ROTTEN now take this morning for example, she was in my bedroom and I asked her to get out and she wouldnt (she loves to play with my makeup and whatever other stuff she shouldnt pens ect) so I went in to ask her agian to leave and she decided she was going to throw the biggest fit EVER! kicking screaming and what not so I HAVE to put her in her room and I stack gate on top of eachother so I can see her but she also cant hurt her self or her brother (which she normally doesnt unless she is angry and he is in the way) All I ask of her is to stop her crying then she can come play or watch tv, I feel like the WORST parent EVER for locking her in her room but I dont even know what to do anymore! This is not my daughter, we can not go to the mall without her throwing a tantrum and I am sticking to my guns because I feel like I cant give in at all or its only going to get worse, Anyone have any advice or has anyone else been through this, When she is Sweet she is the Sweetest but what she is bad she is the WORST!

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Kimberly (Edwards) - posted on 10/09/2010

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I have a three year old and he is a pretty good little boy, he is mischievous but good! I live with my mother and father in-law and a short time ago I had the same problem. I found out that when I would say something or do something his Nana was completely contradict me! Least to say that ticked me off! I confronted her about it, and it took awhile but she finally stopped! It may just be that her GM does things differently than you, is more lenient, or less strict, but you need to talk to her about it and make sure you are on the same page when it comes to what your daughter can and can't do! Little ones need routine and consistency or they get a confused and a confused 3 year old is a hard thing to deal with!

Kirstyn - posted on 10/08/2010

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Lacey, you are not alone!! I along with probably a billion other parents are in a similar situation (well thats what I tell myself :) ). You are not a bad parent and I for one think you are doing the right thing by sticking to your guns. My daughter is 3 1/2 and I can totally understand the when she is good is she an angel but when she isnt... look out. The only thing I can say is be consistant in how you handle it and I know from experience some days it works and some days it doesnt... on the days it doesnt .... well unless someone comes up with something magicial for now I will just keep looking forward to bedtime :). Hope all goes well xx

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Welcome to mommyhood of multiple children!!! :) We all totally understand. It is normal but you are doing a great job just by sticking to your guns. Good job and keep up the good work!! Try not to stress out and find ways to relax when you can. Even a 2 minute mental time out can help whenever you can find time. Trust me they will grow in and out of it over and over and over. :)
You are doing a great job mom.

good luck and god bless

Lacey - posted on 10/07/2010

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I have had a part time job since she was 6 months I just pulled her from daycare and put her at grandmas because some differance i shared with her daycare lady, and I try to spend his 2 naps a day with her and any other moment I can alone with her, even if its just cuddling with her while she watches her movies or shows whatever, she is a wonderful child just stubborn.

Sally - posted on 10/07/2010

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She's only 3. She is still learning how the world works. You are still the center of her life. You brought in a new person who needs you even more than she does. Then before she could get used to that, you snet her off to grandma. To a logical adult, you are doing what needs to be done for your family To a small child, mommy doesn't want her anymore and it's driving her nuts. As much as it will make you nuts and make your life hard, she NEEDS more time and attention from you--if at all possible without little brother around.
Good luck

Maggie - posted on 10/06/2010

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it's hard on her to have a new sibling AND for you to be working now. Make sure she's getting one on one time with you every day.. She's probably jealous of the time you spend away, and maybe jealous of her brother because he's smaller and "gets more attention".
Absolutely stick to your rules and punishments. Also, give praise for following the rules!

Lisa - posted on 10/06/2010

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And you're not the first mom who's dragged a child out of a store kicking and screaming. I think that is more respectful than the parents who let their children carry on there tantrums and ignore the child (and expect the rest of the world to ignore the child) while they finish their shopping.

Lisa - posted on 10/06/2010

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I think you're doing the right thing by sticking to your discipline pattern. My daughter knows she can walk all over grandma but the rules change when mom and dad walk into the house (and it's grandma who lets her walk all over her).
Timeouts are great. We start timeouts with our kids starting at 18 months. Now, I don't even have to say anything, I just point and they take off running to their beds, mad as heck.
When we go out in public, I always make my expectations clear beforehand. I tell them how I expect them to behave and if there's something I know they want (like to eat lunch at subway or visit a certain park after shopping), I tell them before hand that we can do X or they can have X if they behave. If not, we go home.

Jenn - posted on 10/06/2010

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I can't imagine why the other forum would bash you - sounds like you're doing a good job to me. The only suggestion I would have about the mall thing would be to not dangle the play centre in front of her - like don't say it's only if she's "good" (which by the way I'm not a fan of telling kids they are "good" or "bad") - either decide to let her play there or not, but don't hinge it on the fact that she has to be "good". I would just say, first Mommy has to do some shopping and when we're all done we can go to the play centre.

Kimberly - posted on 10/05/2010

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My opinion when its that bad is spanking. im not above it, my daughter is only 2 and she knows if she does something bad enough she gets spanked and then shown what she did wrong. my fiance's parents let her get away eith murder and when i get her back she thinks the same goes here and i have to prove to her it doesnt. once she threw a plate full of food off the table at a friend of mines restaurant. i spanked her butt, told her to apologize to my friend for her mess then made her pick up her bites off the floor and put them back on the plate to be thrown away. she has not done it once since. My sisters child threw a tantrum in the middle of wal-mart because we wouldnt let her stay in one of those quarter rides and my mom spanked her right there where she threw herself down. she never had another tantrum. I think she amy also miss you. Having a 10 month old sibling threw her out of the baby spot and then lossing you to a job may have her feeling that your attention is else where unless she gets in trouble. if its not a lack of disapline from your mom she may feel forgotten in the mix and this is her way to get attention. I am the youngest of 3 girls, i still hear stories of what i used to do for attention...

Christina - posted on 10/05/2010

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I started using timeout for me and them at a very early age. Maybe sitting your child down and talking about what is going on will help.

Lacey - posted on 10/05/2010

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Thanks ladies for being so encouraging I posted this in another community and was bashed for the way I react but I feel like I'm doing a good job, and that I'm reacting to her behavior not that she was in my room.

Renee - posted on 10/05/2010

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My son is 2 and is the same way. When he is good he is very good but when he is bad...watch out!! I keep hearing people saying 3's are worse than 2's and it makes me really scared! I also have a 6mos old daughter who is the happiest thing out (unless she is hungry).
When my son was 18mos we took him to a behavioral specialist because we and my doctor thought something was really wrong with him because he would bang his head so hard he would leave dark bruises and goose eggs on his head. He would even say "ouch" and keep doing it. We found out it was JUST a tantrum. He has more or less grown out of the head banging but still has some big time tantrums. Yesterday my son spent most of the day in his room in time out. He had a melt down because he needed a diaper change and refused to take it off. Then he had a fit when we went to put a clean one on. He had a fit because I was eating my lunch.
He knows how to take down the gates so I had to just keep putting him back in his room and actually hold the door shut. All I asked of him was to stop screaming and he could come back down and play. A few days ago we were coming back home from a weekend out of state and he decided to have a melt down because I couldn't tuck his pants into his sock while I was driving. He proceeded to have a fit for over 45minutes. I pulled over in the 1st place I could find and took my daughter out of the car and just let him sit and scream it out. I had to do this or I was going to completely lose it. Once he was quiet I put my daughter back in the car, fixed his pants/socks how he wanted and continued on our way with out any more issues. He actually got a case of the giggles afterwords.
I stick to my guns with time outs and am consistent with them. Some days it's just a battle of wills.

Candy - posted on 10/05/2010

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Relax and hang on. You are doing great by sticking to your guns. You are the mom and You will have this battle now and forever. She has to learn that when she is with grandma there may be one set of rules and with mom there is a set. You might want to seat down with grandma and find out if she acting like this with her.

Lacey - posted on 10/05/2010

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Well at the mall it almost always is when she wants to run away or play in the play center and I tell her once I get my shopping done if she is good and listens she can play and if she isnt good I will buckle her in to the stroller and wheel her to the car her kicking and screaming and we will go home, Its funny because I have never gotten so many dirty looks but I would think people would apperciate my not allowing my child to run a muck, as far as asking for her to come out of my room the first time I do as " Hannah can you come out of mommys room please" then it becomes "Hannah come out of mommy's room now please" then I physically remove her. Thanks so much guys!

Jenn - posted on 10/05/2010

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Well, when you say you asked her to get out, do you mean as in "can you get out of my room please honey?" If so, stop asking and TELL her what you want. "It's time to get out of my room now." If she doesn't go, physically move her out of the room. If she starts with a tantrum, walk over her and ignore. What triggers a tantrum at the mall? Sometimes there are things that can prevent a tantrum, like shopping at times when the kids aren't tired or hungry, and setting clear goals and expectations.

Jessica - posted on 10/05/2010

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No one tells you about how hard three-year-olds can be! Terrible twos have nothing on the threes!
If you suspect the problem lies with grandma - then you need to talk to her about spoiling, discipline, etc.
When my son (who is now 7 ) would have tantrums - the only thing I could do was to walk away and ignore it. Once he called down he could have my attention again. I think putting her in her room is a great idea. Nothing you do during the tantrum will help - she needs to just get it out and then you can give her love and tell her what a good girl she is.
It will get easier!

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