Advice for a stay home stepmother??

Silvia - posted on 08/07/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hello ladies!! I am a stay home stepmother, I started to be SHM 8 months ago, I have two step childrens one is 8 and 14, well I was wonder if someone can help me how to make a better relationship with them as stepmother, I had clear in my mind that they will never see me as their own mother which they only see her once o twice a year because she just dont care about them, well the point is now that I have more time to spend with them I feel like still I dont have that relationship, I know they only childrens they are realy respectfull to me, they obey me, and they are good kids, but sometimes they make me feel like I still dont mean nothing to them as stepmother or friend, before we get married with their dad, my mother in law just to take care of them, and now they are under my care, but there is a situation that make me feel the way bad sometimes when we go out with their grandmom (mother in law) they stick with her and they act like they not with me,and other situations like that make me feel like I had not made a good relationship with them, well Is me being jealous? or what can I do to make more bound with them, I know that the age influence a little be, the 14yrs old is a teenager, and well everybody knows about teens!!! I try to be a good friend and stepmother with them, but still feel I missing something, if any stepmother up there could give a good advice I will apreciate it, thank to every one, and nice day!!

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Sarah - posted on 08/07/2012

14

3

My step kids are now 12 and 17, and I am mom to them and 3 others, ages 10, 5, and 4. I have had the steps since they were 4 and just-born (but there were additional complications which I won't go into). I have found it's OK to share your fears/jealousies/concerns with your kids. I once told my 17 yr old (she was maybe 13 at the time) that I was SO jealous of her mother's giving birth to her! I told her I knew the jealousy wasn't right (and it's not, and I try not to give into feelings like these, but we all have our days!) The thing is, my kids all realize I'm human (I think...), because I let them know that I know I'm imperfect! Also, when I do something that's just not cool, I apologize. I think if you have a frank talk with them, and also get their input, you'll find that the communication will do you all good. The battery on my computer is dying, so I have to wrap up my reply. Good luck to you!