All I feel like I do everyday is yell & scream.. Need Advice..

[deleted account] ( 14 moms have responded )

I've been a SAHM for over a year now and there hasn't been a day that I can remember were I'm not screaming or yelling my head off especially with my oldest daughter aka mini me. I find myself easy frustrated and instead of me taking a step back and breathing I react. My youngest daughter Jaclyn will be 3 on the 22nd and is not really talking so that is another area in which I'm stressing over, I don't have any help here in Alaska all my family lives in New York. I could really use some suggestions and by the way what's up with Max & Ruby?!! LOL how come there grandmother isn't there taking care of those kids.. LMAO!! if we did that child services will be up our asses. LOL. thanking you all in advance

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Erica - posted on 12/11/2008

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I felt like all I was doing with my kids was yelling and then I realized I was the one that was stressed. I started letting things roll off of me a little more and I told my kids now 4yrs and almost 2yrs that if they couldn't see my I couldn't hear them. Let me tell you it has cut down on the yelling in our house considerably. After all, I was the one that had taught them to yell unfortunately its not easy to undue something but it is working....I hope this helps...

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[deleted account]

lol
My hubby wonders the same thing about Dora! What kind of parents let their daughter run all over God's green earth being supervised by nothing more than a monkey! lol

Melanie - posted on 12/11/2008

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How old is your oldest daughter? I have a 12, 3, and 2. Some days I am the same way especially with my oldest! I sometimes just have to take a small walk if even just to the mailbox, or try(try being the operative word) to go into the bathroom by myself. I am with ya on the Max and Ruby thing. Where are the mom and dad and why only a grandma. Ruby's voice bugs!!!

[deleted account]

Been there still there sometimes. I remember about 2 years ago, calling my husband at work and crying "I can't do this anymore! I just keep yelling and slamming things!" I could see the fear in my son's eyes. I felt so bad but also like I couldn't control it. I'm getting better now, but I still have a long way to go. A friend suggested a book called "She's gonna Blow" by Julie Ann Barnhill. It is help for moms who deal with anger. You can actually buy them used on amazon.com for real cheap if you are interested in reading it.

Rebecca - posted on 12/11/2008

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WOW im soo happy that im really not the only mom that is stressed out to the max.

I feel the same way, always yelling the same thing over and over.

But at night i lay in bed and try to give my self a break, and not to be soo hard on myself. I know that my kids know that i love them very much.

I have found that getting out to see a movie with friends or even coffee by my self really helps, and i have found that if i go and the kids are being put to bed by dad, when i get home i can just relax or go to bed!!!



And Carol i have always wondered the same thing about max and ruby....where the heck are thier parents? and is ruby really old enough to be baking and cooking!!! LOL

Andrea - posted on 12/11/2008

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There could be a ton of reasons why you are feeling so stressed out but you need to remember, as do I , that your children are an emotional barometer and that if they are acting up it's usually because you aren't feeling particularly 100% yourself. I know that when ever my son starts acting up or throwing a fit that it is usually because I'm being ornery or that I'm not paying any attention to him. I try to tell myself that I just need to take a deep breath and a step back and try it again and when I do it always works out. It doesn't fix everything but I've found that it really does take care of most of my problems.

Jaymie-Elijah - posted on 12/11/2008

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Maybe you should take a step back and look from your children's perspective. What I mean is what they're understanding and their cognitive development at that age. I don't think they are intentionally trying to frustrate you because they are quite young. I had a friend who felt the same way as you and started taking anger management becuase she was feeling stress out, guilty and feeling like a bad mom for always yelling and stuff. But I don't think anger management will help unless you can change the way your children behaves. I hope things work out for you and try not to worry about every little thing. Even though your youngest isn't talking yet, she'll talk when she's ready. No need to stress. Give them a hug and kiss instead when you feel like screaming or yelling at them.

Michelle - posted on 12/09/2008

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I have been a SAHM for almost 8 years, there was one time i had to go on meds. but not for that long i just needed some help i was always yelling and felt mad all the time. But it got better. That was when my daughter was about 2, now she's 8 and its a whole new ball game. I found that when i yell alot i yell alot more she feeds off of it. so when im calm things go alot better. Sometimes. SAHM have the hardest jobs because we dont get off at 5:00. So the down time is a must.

Lisa - posted on 12/09/2008

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Oh man, been there... today actually! I find that my worst days are the days that I'm not organized. The kids just have a free for all and I'm trying to do whatever is on my agenda and the two don't mesh. But... the days that I plan ahead and make time to have structured activites with the kids and put my agenda aside (for nap time) go much better. If I have chores to do it often works better to involve the kids in some way (give them a rag to wipe the floor, or let them "sweep" while I vaccum, etc). That way I'm not just yelling at them to get out of my way or to pick up their toys, etc. They're engaged and my expectations aren't set too high and the result is I don't feel stressed and they have fun. We definately still have our days (or weeks in some cases), but they're much better when I make time to plan ahead. :)

Jenny - posted on 12/07/2008

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You are normal! I talk to my SAHM friends in the neighborhood and we all have the same things going on in our homes. No one is perfect. Definitely try to make yourself some "me" time either by yourself or with friends and check if it could be depression. My 6 year old son is just like me and we go around and around. I think I am actually going to check out some self help CD's from "Celebrate Calm". My friend went to their seminar here in Charlotte and said it was great. It's all about how we react to the kids . . . we have to change our response to get good results. Anyway - I am going to check it out. Good Luck!

[deleted account]

I understand how you feel as well. I have just started the adventure of a SAHM to 2 boys- ages 3 and 10 months. I am having a hard time readjusting and miss my job at times- of course I feel guilty when I wish to be at work LOL! I also feel like I lose my patience with my kids so easily, it makes me feel a little wacko. I want to feel like this is normal. I have a hard time stepping back and taking a breath or counting to 10 before I react too. I find that what helps me focus is just taking a few minutes, closing my eyes, breath in some really deep breaths. I think about how much I love my kids and give myself kudos because I am doing the best I can and my kids really are happy and well cared for. Moms are truly hard on themselves.

Laurie - posted on 12/07/2008

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I feel that way a lot of times too. Most of the time I just need some time alone. I have a 3 year old and 2 year old so they can really drive me cuckoo!! Just schedule a time where your husband can stay with the child and you can go out by yourself. My husband says he doesn't get why I want to go to the store alone but the second I come home he's jetting out the door! I'd start with that and see if things get better.

Michelle - posted on 12/06/2008

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Depression is a definite possibility. Usually what manifests internally as depression also manifests as anger externally. I've been there for sure.

I also second talking to your husband. You probably need help figuring out if a) you really are yelling as much as you think and b) you actually have a reason to be so angry. When I started recovering from my depression I found that there were some real problems in my life that I needed to sort out -- that in some ways there was a REASON I was so unhappy. But honestly, I needed help to even get to that point. If you find that there are really things in your life that need changing (maybe discipline issues with your oldest or not worrying so much about your youngest?), you're going to need your husband to be on the same page with you to sort them out so that you can relax a bit.

Check out a really great blog called The Happiness Project. (http://www.happinessproject.typepad.com/)

Stephanie - posted on 12/05/2008

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Do you feel fatigued a lot? Crying? I went to the dr. cause I felt like I was yelling at my kids all the time and I was tired and felt like I was doing nothing right. She told me that I was suffering from depression. This may not be you but it may be something to consider. Also, maybe you need some extra me time. Even if it just consists of going to the mall by yourself or with friends. Have you talked to your husband about how you're feeling? Maybe he can give you some insight also. He may be seeing things differently too. Maybe you're not actually yelling as much as you think, cause us moms are really hard on ourselves :) I hope these help and good luck! It'll get better.

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