Terrina - posted on 08/12/2016 ( 21 moms have responded )
I am a stay at home mom (partner is a non participating parent so all parenting falls on my shoulders) with two girls, 6 and 8. My 8 year old is giving me such issues that I spend most of my time around them angry. She is so so negative, ungrateful and complains about EVERYTHING. I'm ALWAYS angry. I hardly smile anymore. i can't stand being around her negativity. It's constant. It's draining. I'm mentally exhausted by it. I am so apprehensive to plan things for her because i know somewhere something is going to make her complain and I'm going to feel such resentment towards her for not appreciating (yet again), something that I went to the trouble to organize for her. I can't enjoy being a mother or having fun with them because I'm so tired. Tired of being the only responsible parent, tired of my 8 year old not listening, whining, ignores anything I say, never asking for permission for anything, she is selfish, only bothering with things that benefit her (not how I raised her!). Even in the off chance that we are having a 'normal' moment, I can't enjoy it because I know somethings going to happen soon and she's going to go back to being negative and complaining about everything.
My anxiety is through the roof. My six year old I feel is not being paid as much attention as she should be because by the time i'm done with her sister, I just have nothing left to give.
Yes, I've talked to her about it. I've tried consequences. i've tried taking things/playdates/sleepovers etc away from her, tried time outs on the stairs, time outs in her room, even had her write out what happened and what she thinks would be a better way to handle it next time, and keep it in a journal, even tried getting my very good friend to talk to her too.
Now I just scream like a banshee and growl through gritted teeth at her when she complains. Imagine: A complaint about every phase of the day (didn't like breakfast, is this cup clean?, won't sit at the table because there's an ant on it, that's not what i wanted for lunch. Even a 'do you want to go to the park?' is greeted with 'can samantha come too?' if she gets a no she launches into 'but why??!! This is the worst day ever!' Where do I find the energy to still want to take them to the park when she has shown she's so ungrateful even before we leave the house?
And so I just scream. But it's the way I scream ... that's what scares me. and the look of fear in her eyes, and her sisters too sometimes. I feel so ashamed after and say it's not going to happen again. But it does. I don't know how to deal with her calmly. I need some advice about how to stay calm when every inch of you just wants to scream and slam cupboard doors :(