am i a bad person ? please help me

Tara - posted on 06/25/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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hi, i want to tell my story and listen to you and your advice . here is my story ... in the past in my university time i got astray with bad girls in my home country iraq . it took me 18 years of my life to heal and forget psychologically and i went to london to my uncles and i lived in hell there ( the two years were like 6 years of my life ) then my aunt told me that i have to marry the first man propose to me to prove that i am over the past so i did , but the man i married has a very bad temper and pick on me all the time, then i had two children who he love very much so splitting or a seperation is immpossible . and when we talked about seperation he said that he doesnt want to lose me or the kids and i told him that i don't want the kids grow up without a dad so we stayed with each other . The problem is that he is stubborn and has a bad temper and snap on me on small trivial things . and the other problem is that he has a hobby of raising birds like he bring them in the house and try to make them hand raised and ask me to feed them every 4 hours ... which somtimes is silly cos i have so much to do .
my question is i am in constant stress and yelling on the kids and somtimes i regret what i did in the past and wished that i've done things differently , am i a bad person ?????????????? please help me , did god punish me with this marraige????
thank you

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Tara - posted on 06/26/2012

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thank you all for encouragements. hi rachel , thank you , i think i am going to do what you said , i will write what i did and burn it so that i will recieve the love of god again . you are right i am living my guilt till now , it is not that i cant forget but the little tiny things in life , words from my husband , things happend they all remind me of my past .
thank you all , i don't know what to say .... but i am lucky that i found you and could talk to someone who understand . :-)

Rachel - posted on 06/26/2012

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Hi hon. Go to your minister/pastor/bishop. I don't think hanging out with Muslims is a sin, but you have carried the weight of guilt long enough. Go give your pastor every detail. If thats too hard, just write it down in a letter to God and burn it. You are being disingenuous and self loathing because you are keeping shameful secrets, that are likely not that shameful. Everyone in the whole world screws up honey. Go ahead and let yourself love YOU anyway. God does. So, get that confession out there. And then you will be able to feel all the love God is already sending your way.

Carol - posted on 06/26/2012

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So what you're saying is that you made mistakes, you changed your ways, and now you're sorry for your past. I think it's safe to say that everyone feels the exact same way. Maybe for different transgressions, but we all wish we'd done some things differently. Stop being so hard on yourself. You will never change things you've already done. You can try to make up for them if possible (apologies for example). After that you have to believe as a Christian that God will forgive you. He can see what's in your heart. I struggled so hard with the decision to divorce my emotionally abusive husband. I believed that I made a lifetime committment and God (and my friends) would never forgive me. I finally left after I had a major concussion (non-related to horrible husband) and my husband said that when the EMT's called he'd hoped that they said I had died. I realized that I wished for the same thing because it was better than living with him. God blessed me infinitely. I swore I'd never remarry and then I met the man I was meant for. We got married 6 months after we met (he called his mom the day we met and said he found the person he was going to marry). We had our first son 2 weeks shy of our 1st anniversary (One problem in my first marriage was that I couldn't have kids. THANK GOD!). We were married nearly 13 perfect years. He's my best friend and we had the best marriage and family that a person could hope for. He died nearly 3 weeks ago now. I thank God everyday for my decision to leave my first husband and for the 13 years of true happiness beyond anything I deserve. I think there's a reason we all go through hardships in our lives whether it's due to our own decisions or God's, there's a reason for them all. Whenever I make a big decision for myself, I ask myself what advice I'd give to a friend. Usually I cut them a lot more slack than I cut myself and I want what's best for them. Good luck.

Tara - posted on 06/26/2012

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hi, i thought if i tell you exactly about what happend in iraq u will probably hate me ... in the arabic culture the girl who goes with bad girls like having relations with boys and we as christians going with muslims is very very very bad. i didn't do anything just i went deeply , i wanted to know what was the other religion like ... i didn't convert god forbid just going with them and read their books and be their friend which was rong cos they are bad people and they can take advantage of you and your kidness . yeah , well that what happened ... i really want this a secret , i don't know why i am saying that but i needed someone to talk to and get it all out and see what older and wiser than me which is you say about me ... i hated my self many times and wished i could change what happened . But i am in new zealand and everything changed in my head and now i can see how stupid i was when i thought about it ... i am a christian and no one ever can take my love to god away from me ever again. and i wish i can teach my children the love of god like i do.
thanks

Stifler's - posted on 06/25/2012

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Yeah I didn't really understand what you meant about being bad in Iraq but if you don't want to talk about it that's ok. Everyone makes mistakes, having a controlling partner is definitely not a punishment for anything you've done in your past. It sucks that your family are against counseling, mine have similar views on depression being a joke and things like that but I went anyway and found it really great.

Tara - posted on 06/25/2012

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hi, thank you for your reply , i tried the councelling but my husband and my family think that the councilling is waste of time and they are liers just want to take money and it is a bad thing to do . so i am dealing with the ups and downs some how with my faith and praying but somtimes it is tough. anyways , thank you again and i will message you when i need to talk , thanks .

Denise - posted on 06/25/2012

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Hi Tara.To answer your initial question-no you are not a bad person.Although I dont exactly understand all the back story of your life ,it seems like you just made a really bad choice.I understand that your husband may be good with your kids and love them but does he love you?Someone once said that the best way to show a child you love them is to show love and respect to their mother.It sounds like you put yourself in a very stressful situation and then brought children into it making the stress even higher.You may have chosen to marry this man to attempt to fix things but you sound like you are seriously miserable.Life is too short to purposely put up with something that makes us unhappy.Im not telling you to leave your husband but something needs to change.He needs to show you why he deserves to have you and the kids or be alone.Please seek help like counseling for both of you or just yourself.In the meantime,know that you are not alone.Many women are in messed up situations and are too afraid to change it.By the way,God is not punishing you for anything.Im not the most religious person but I dont believe that a loving god would punish or inflict pain on anyone.I wish you the best.Feel free to msg me if you need someone to talk to.

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