am i deppressed?

Jody - posted on 12/16/2012 ( 26 moms have responded )

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i been crying alot and fightalot with my husband. i been trying to get a raise at work but think ima quit. i hate it that my 2 month old cries too much and nothing calms him. for that reason i cant attend to my other 3 kids. i get frustrated cuz i dont have time to do anything. I havent cleaned decently enough, my 1 yr old has been getting into lots of mini accidents, and my older 2 boys need attention with school.

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Rebekah - posted on 01/02/2013

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no your not depressed you are just exhausted - I was at this point too -every day was awful and my house was a bomb site - which made me exhausted to look at every morning - I had to go and stay at my dads for a week by myself - if you have family or somebody that can take the kids - even just for a couple of nights and give your partner a couple of nights to himself to unwind too - he's probably frustrated because he doesn't understand whats going on with you or why you are upset all the time and may be blaming himself for it - in turn making him feel like crap too and be tired and grumpy - then arguments over nothing snowball into stupid yelling matches. Its horrible! Your 2 month old may be feeling insecure and that's why he cries a lot - does he cry when you put him down? He might just be picking up on your emotions too.. The best thing to do honestly is have some time off - even if you just sleep all day and recover some energy - everything always seems a million times worse when you are overwhelmed and exhausted. :)

another good book to read is - how to kill your husband and other handy household tips - it probably isn't very relevant but it was halarious. x

Brandy - posted on 12/21/2012

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Please go to the Dr and have it checked out. I had undiagnosed ppd for over 2 years. Mine got worse due to 7 very close deaths in 8 months. Mine came on shortly after number 2 who had very bad colic. The day her colic got better was the day of the first death. I ended up being one of the primary care givers to my 8 week old god son for several months. I'm very glad my brother moved in with his stepmother, it gave me more time but I ended up just sitting around and doing nothing.
One thing that helped me was a one year Bible reading plan (youversion has the best) and having the people at my church praying for me. I was raised that people don't get depressed and told that I was a hypochondriac by my mom. She has now realized that she was very depressed for most of those years also.
As for the baby crying all the time try colic calm, baby's bliss gripe water, Hylands colic tablets, and a high quality probiotic. You should be able to break the probiotic open and put it on a spoon of baby food for your baby. I realized also that if I'm tense the baby is tense so try to stay calm which I know can be exceptionally difficult. Also try the Moby wrap, it will allow you to get things done while keeping the baby close.
Good Luck, God Bless
Brandy

Angela - posted on 12/30/2012

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Jody,
I come from a family of seven and my mother (signal parent) was always asked, "why did you have so many children?" What a supportive family, right? They are your children and as long as your taking care of your children, who are they to tell you how many you should have.

How old are your two boys that are in school? Give the children some responsibility. Like when your boy spilled his chocolate milk, teach him how to clean. It my not be like you clean but he will learn and later this will take some of the load off of you. As much as you do you have the right to leave a diaper, it's your house!

Your husband needs to help you. It sounds like you've taken on so much for so long that your mind and body is saying I am tired. Your working and have four children? That can cause you to get frustrated easily. So sit your husband down and let him know that your leaving your job because you have four children, and a home to take care of. Your past exhausted and you need his help. If you have not already quit your job, I would talk with your husband to see if you two can afford it (so your not putting your family into a financial situation) and to see what you two can compromise on by sharing the responsibilities with the children and house.

You need a "ME" day because it sounds like you have earned it ten times over! Good luck with everything!

Brandy - posted on 12/22/2012

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Don't worry about the in-laws. If they came to my house they would probably call CPS due to the amount of diapers and breast pads they may find. I have a 4yr old, 2yr old, and a 3 week old. My husband is gone Monday through Friday (due to military obligations) so I'm there with the kids, for the most part by my self. When my husband is home he helps out a ton. It didn't start that way though. It took a ton of prayer for him to open his eyes and heart to my needs. I'm not sure of your beliefs but the book called The Power Of A Praying Wife by Stormy something helped me a lot with the prayer part and how to pray.
I would try telling him bluntly in a nice way that you need help and give him specific things to help with. That's how my husband and most of the men in my family work. Remember they can't read your mind and it's totally ok to ask for help.

Brandy - posted on 12/21/2012

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Also my husband is a perfectionist and I am in my head, lol. He wants the house to be almost better homes and garden worthy and I don't see the point. With 3 kids plus one of my brother's living with us who has 2 girls also, it's it's not worth it to me. I have to force myself to get some basic stuff done for my husband on a daily basis. I recommend the book called desperate house holds. I'm not sure who wrote it but it will help you prioritize so you won't feel like aren't accomplishing anything. It's helped me pick which areas are a priority and to maintain those areas.

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Cina - posted on 01/23/2013

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I'm sorry to hear that you have some trouble in taking care your kids and working. Maybe you can hire an Baby sitter to take care of your little kids. If so, you can spend more time and energy to your work. And if you work hard enough, you can get a raise.

Laila - posted on 01/07/2013

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Omg any one would go through depression beeing in that situation. ..I was onec to you well be fine just take care of your self you could always clean onec you fell relaxed ..so dont worries any one who got kids back to back goes through this ....

Susan - posted on 01/06/2013

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Hugs to you, I feel your pain and emotional stress. You feel frustrated and miserable, but feel guilty about feeling that way, and it seems like other people can handle it so much better than you. At least, that's where I'm at, and I'm only on my 2nd. She's 3.5 months and a great baby, easy, rarely cries, laughs. And yet I feel just like you do. I've been on zoloft since the delivery, which helps a lot with the intensity of my moods (anger, crying, despondency) but I still feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and like I'm falling so far short of even being a decent mother. Can't imagine having 4 little ones and working, so I was glad to read that you are putting in your notice. Seriously consider meds (if you mentioned that and I missed it, sorry!) because they tame the beast, as I like to say. I think in time you'll adjust, form a new routine, and have joy again. I have to think that for myself, as well as you! Also, your newborn WILL get better, probably in a few weeks or so. From what I've heard, fussy newborns seem to hit a switch at about 3 months, and settle in, calm down, stop overreacting to things. I've been lucky because both of my girls were easy babies. I know I couldn't handle a great deal of crying, so I admire that you are hanging in there. Hubby will weather this and get through it. I know mine has weathered some heavy storms through this adventure we call pregnancy and motherhood. I never felt anything like this with my 1st one. It was all rainbows and butterflies, happy happy all the time. Adding the second has been a totally different experience, and I feel horrible about that. Instead of celebrating her, I've been almost feeling like she's an intrusion. Well, sorry, don't mean to hijack! I hope you will adjust readily to being at home, and that things calm down for you emotionally. I know how hard it is to feel out of control.

Shawn - posted on 01/06/2013

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i feel you completely and wondered the same thing!! ugh. i will ask my doctor. I've been embarrassed to ask but i need to. i didn't have these issues with my first born, but this go round is different!

Jody - posted on 01/06/2013

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Thanks everyone for your advice. Over this time passed I love that I hardly been grouchy. All your guys words have helped me. I havent yelled at my kids well maybe raised my voice a little at one point lol. But in a nice way :) I stopped worrying about my house so much to the point were I have it clean but I dont worry if I dont have time to clean it. I havent been in a bad mood, really. I have one ongoing issue though.... my husband. We do have communication but since I started trying to settle everything I stopped worrying about him. He told me I am too bossy. I honestly dont think so because I ask him to do stuff like take out the xmas tree or make the baby a bottle or something a man should be doing and he gets mad. To the point were he told me I whine to much. Honestly I dont see that. I find myself happier and getting more things done when he is not home. When he is here is like we are strangers. Thanks Gonzalo for giving me your opinion like I said we have lots communication its just that he dont cooporate. Its like talking to a kid.

Ashley - posted on 01/05/2013

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Have you tried gas drops or gripe water? That helped my daughter a lot with her fussiness. I know that it's hard when they cry. I don't know how it feels with 3 other kids as well just hang in there and stay strong!

Gonzalo - posted on 01/04/2013

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as a Man, first question I would make is, Does your husband help you? do you guys have good communication like, saying what you need with no issues from the other one as an answer? communication here is one of the main keys to get organized, thinking more than doing is a mental trap we usually fall in very often, first thing you have to know is, since you have two arms, two legs, a brain with good function, you have the 99% of the battle in your hands. but, as I say, I am a man, and communication is a very important key, the problem is not in the air, it is inside of our minds, since you can reach peace in your heart, you will start seeing actual circumstances as a challenge instead of a fail, you didn't fall, you even didn't start the battle so I encourage to talk to your husband and tell him what you need from him, he will get in self defense at the beginning but at the end, he will be with you, and that thing about, we men are very predictable, is true. God bless you and I will pray for your situation.

Rebekah - posted on 01/02/2013

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Invest in a bath tub and insist on having a bath every night with bubbles and a candle- for at least half an hour - I had to - it was the only time I got to myself - without that I would surely have gone insane.. Its not much but it just lets your whole body relax for that short amount of time and you can breathe again..

Barbara J. - posted on 01/01/2013

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I believe your going through a mixed type of depression. You should definately make an appt. With reg. Regular Dr & or set an appt. To see a Pysch. I have personally dealt w/depression for over 20 years now myself. As you go through changes in your life & have stressor's take boot, its always good to be seen & see if you need new or different medications. That said, it also depends on genetic markers too. Does anyone in your family from either parent suffer from depression? If so, more than likely your genecticly predisposed to it. And its nothing you should be Ashamed of either.But I wouldn't advertise it to a lot of folks either, especially at work,- their still are those jerks out there that will label you & watch you like your gonna go postal. My husband had a lot of Stress on his plate & jerks at his work labked him "Unstable"- (which is total BS if u knew him personally). Stress also has a lot to do w/it too & can Actually cause you to get Physically sick if left untreated. I myself have suffered from "Major Depression" off & on through the years & it helps to talk to someone you "Trust" & a Professional too. Having kids so close in age & this young also adds to it sometimes, good or bad. I would truly ask for help from a Doctor & they will help you from there. Good luck & Hang in there! :-)

Jody - posted on 12/21/2012

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Brandy thanks. I sure will look for that book. I dont kno why mess gets me frustrated maybe because the in laws always wanna come over. My side of the family is like that too. For worst my family is very judgemental so if i change a diaper on the couch and then bby wants to eat i set the diaper on the side on the floor and if they walk in they start saying how nasty i am for leaving it there. I really am sorry on your situation and hope everything is going well. Feels nice that i am not alone..... :-)

Emily - posted on 12/21/2012

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Oh and PS I live too far- don't have gas or reliable truck to see a psychologist. Our own necessary apts break our backs as it is, so I understand that it's hard to get to a dr!

Emily - posted on 12/21/2012

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Hi- I can relate... my husband calls me a "perfectionist" in his opinion- when I am just trying to keep basic things clean and sanitary! Oh well... men & women I guess..
I got diagnosed with PPD a little over a month ago, and my son was born August 31st. I had been on anti-depressents for a short while a few years ago so I was not excited about doing it again. However, the zoloft hasn't been to bad in my system, other than some headaches and tummy probs just when my dose goes up. Otherwise I have actually had days where I smile and laugh and don't feel like the world is crashing down on me. It's taking a while to get in my system but I feel like every day gets better.

I fight w/ my hubby a lot and we hate it. We can be very stubborn and neither will admit they're wrong. I get soooooo hurt by the slightest things and feel like my world is ending. I had times I felt like running away which made me feel guilty since I just had a wonderful son. I breastfeed and co-sleep and although I won't change those for now, I feel like a slave to everyone. My hubby had surgery right before the birth and still has trouble walking. He will have another knee surgery next summer....

Even though we both do school online from home, and I control my own schedule, I feel completely out of control most days. It was extremely difficult to break down and tell my Dr. (the nurse actually) that something was wrong. I hate dealing with mental health in myself and felt ashamed and scared.

What's funny is I got the meds before I even told my husband I had a problem. We finally talked about it and after a few more days of me getting really upset he realized he did need to help more the best he can.

I hope your situation gets better and I am always up late w/ baby if you need to talk. Just hoped sharing my story would give some encouragement. I'm new on this site so it's nice to see all the supportive moms!

Jody - posted on 12/21/2012

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I love reading all the responses and thank you so much i havent gone to the doc yet but will. Its just hard and cant find time. I still get frustrated but believe it or not i follow your advice and that has kept me from falling. I still stressed over the mess in my house and my son says i am a neat freak lol.

Janet - posted on 12/19/2012

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You shouldn't feel bad at all. You have a lot over your shoulders. I suggest you to take at least five minutes and write down everything that is bothering you and try to talk freely with your husband. And then try going to a christian church and seeks for help. No life is perfect but God has the key to make it much better. Hope this helps.

Lisa - posted on 12/19/2012

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I've just been diagnosed with postnatal depression, my wee man is 4 months. I am a very stubborn and I dependant person so didn't want to admit that I was having problems and feeling a nit overwhelmed. I've been put on antidepressants which I've been told can take about 2 weeks to start working, BUT since I "gave in" and admitted I couldn't do everything by myself and asked fir some help, I haven't actually had a "bad" day :-) knowing that I wasn't alone and had a great support network around me has lifted my mood so much already, I'm hoping I won't be on the meds for long. I think its really a bit like treating an addiction, asking for help is the first step. And please remember that you are only human, not superwoman...four kids, a husband, a house and a job, its nit surprising that things are getting to you! Make sure hubby takes the strain every so often so you can get some "me" time

Belinda - posted on 12/18/2012

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Jody, I am so glad you have made a proactive mood to improve your situation, I just want to encourage you to
be sure to follow up on that doctor visit to double check ppd.

Jody - posted on 12/17/2012

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Thanks so much Ami trust me your guys' advice helped me yes i do love my kids. Today I woke up promising myself a better day. I kept talking to myself. My son spilled his chocolate milk after being ready for school. I said "Jody it was just an accident he is a kid" it worked :-) i decided to stay at home so i'm giving my two wk notice today. The reason why I hate myself at this point is because i have never been like. There would be no yelling in my house and specially no hitting.

Ami - posted on 12/17/2012

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Jody,

How are you doing? I want you to know I was not nor do I judge those who yell. I went through a long time that I yelled and to be honest I have no idea why I stopped, but it was out of emotional exhaustion and frustration which I still am.

Jody the simple fact that you are asking for help shows how much your children mean to you. They are never going to remember feeling like mom wasn't there for them. No matter how much you feel you aren't good enough remember no one can ever love them like a mom. It doesn't matter if the house is messy or if a book gets lost just look at those boys and remember you love them and that is all they will remember.

Michelle - posted on 12/17/2012

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You have a lot on your plate with 4 children and working. Especially with your youngest being only 2 months old. You really need someone to help you out.

Does your husband help out around the house? Does he help out with the children? You haven't written anything about him except that you yell at him.

It sounds like your 2 youngest are reacting to the stress you are under as well.

Jody - posted on 12/17/2012

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Thanks Ami i wasnt sure if it was postpartum but yea i think i will have to make an appt. I hate itbecause my husband does help feeding the kids doing dishes and making sure they shower. But my 2 month old is hard to take care of. Specially having my 1 yr old being so curious. I cant adjust to having 4 kids and i feel the worst mom because i am the problem. I am the one that yells not my husband. I'm ashamed to admit to my family that i need help because they are so judgemental to other people like why she have so many kids.

Ami - posted on 12/16/2012

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Is there any chance of postpartum? However I recognize that without a husband that understands the full magnitude of what you are going through that is only a minor part to the solution. I recognize you are feeling very isolated at this time but can I offer one moment that might help. I have been a boss (and from what I hear now a bitchy one) however if I had an employee come to me and honestly say I am coming apart I need to take a day or even a few hours I was more then happy to give it to them. I recognized that an emotionally stable employee was of more value then one that was having difficulty concentrating. Talk to your boss tomorrow be honest and take a couple hours to just sit alone. Take time to meditate forget about the house the kids your husband everything. Then get it together decide do I need to see my doctor is this postpartum? Then take a walk with your husband don't yell and if he does just talk quieter that makes a yeller stop, explain in as much graphic detail as possible what you are feeling explain you don't want it fixed you want assistance fixing it. Men are by nature fixers and when he can't fix you he will become frustrated and even more upset, maybe give him tasks that will help "fix" the problem, and keep writing I am on all the time I am here and trust me you are not a lone you have fellow mom's out here pulling for you. You are not going through this alone.

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