Am I horrible? (Feeling guilty)

Kristin - posted on 11/17/2010

You are not horrible or selfish for feeling this way. We all go through it to varying degrees. You need time for you to take care of you. Really, if you don't take care of yourself, who's going to take care of them?

I would strongly encourage you to just sit down and talk to your husband about how you are feeling and ask for his help. He may be viewing you as supermom and be oblivious to your distress. My husband gets that way and I ask nicely for a while and then end up erupting. Sometimes just talking about how frazzled we get is enough.

I would also strongly recommend that you tell your doctor about how you are feeling. I know that at some of my appointment, I went in smiling and chatty when I was really fuming or dying inside. I treated it as a passing thing and if it didn't in a day or two, I was going to call and find out about my options for dealing with things. You are here asking for help. I think it's time to ask your doctor for it too.

It is okay to devote some time to yourself. Good luck.

Erin - posted on 11/17/2010

Never feel guilty. You need to take care of yourself. It can spin out of control very quickly to where those breif crying periods turn into not being able to get out of bed. I suffered from ppd but a lot of moms experience depression while they're pregnant. It's a horrible experience being depressed. I was always worried that something would happen to my children that I had no control over. I was sad all the time, paranoid, and very very anxious. It controlled me for a couple months before I hit rock bottom and had to start taking antidepressants (yay I've been off them for several months now). Do you get out much with the kids? I know you'll be very tired at this point, if not soon, but it may help. Even finding someone to watch the kids so that you and your husband can have a supper or picnic together, or even a movie night may help. You need to tend to yourself. Another word for mother is sacrifice but if we were gone, we can do nothing for our children.
Read this blog all the way down to the end and read the poem. It really put it into perspective even now that I'm done my depression. Cheers and good luck! Take care of yourself!
http://peterpanandfamily.blogspot.com/20...

Amanda - posted on 11/17/2010

I went through a slump like that not too long ago. I love all 4 of my kids and I also have 4 daycare kids I watch, at some really weird hours! I don't get to get away unless it's for a drs appt which I ABSOLUTLEY love going to lol. We also have 2 big dogs and a kitten so cleaning everyday is a necessity! I was feeling so worn out and depressed and after about a week my mom recommended that I go see a dr to get some anit-depressants. And let me tell you! It's been a lil over a month and they've began working AMAZINGLY! Yes I still get down sumtimes but once I start thinking about the reality of this not lasting forever than things seem clearer. :) Hang in there and maybe check around for a dr!

Christy - posted on 11/17/2010

If money isn't an issue is there a mother's day out program you can put your kids in? Or pre school? Even 1 or 2 of the older kids?

If not you can join a mom's group to get support from other stay home moms. There is a non profit called momsclub.org. You can look to see if there is a chapter in your area.

Are there any neighbors that can help you out, even with a couple of the kids if they can't handle all 3 (and soon to be 4)?

How about any family that can help you out?

Sounds like time with hubby may be limited since he works so much.

One last thing, you may have some depression stemming from the birth of your 10 m/o, and being pregnant. Maybe you can see a DR for therapy or meds? Not saying a pill is the answer here, just ideas.

Good luck to you!

Lisa - posted on 11/17/2010

It's easy to feel that way and there are many moms who feel the same way. I'm 31 weeks with our third child and when I need a break, I tell my hubby that I'm exhausted and going to bed early or that I want to sleep in late. Or the other day I told him, I'm going to go take a bath...by myself...with no interruptions. And he laughed cuz he understood that very rarely do I get a shower or bath either without a kid or without a kid interrupting to pee or ask a question. Steal time for yourself throughout the day. Make a rule that once everyone is in bed, you're done for the day. No more housework, laundry, etc. Sit down and watch a show or read a book or take a bath.

Or if hubby has been traveling, I call a grandparent and beg for shopping time. This time of the year is easy because I can say I want to go christmas shopping!!!

Dionne - posted on 11/17/2010

Im a sahm and my kids are 11-5 and 10 months and although they are far apart in age I feel like u do. Ive been a sahm for 11 yrs now and I have more moments lately then ever before of needing some Me time but there just doesnt seem to be time for that cause there is always something around the house that needs to be done or something the kids need. I dont have family around to help or babysit. So u arent alone we all go through it. When the dh is home I run errands and try to have that time for myself but sometimes it still isnt enough. One day I promise myself that I will have MOMMY time soon :)

Bonnie - posted on 11/17/2010

What Emma Said! My words exactly!

Stifler's - posted on 11/17/2010

no way i'd feel the same if i had 3 kids and one on the way. definitely get them all baby sat for an entire day and have a day off and you'll feel better. this chaos won't last forever, they'll be grown up and out the door and you'll wonder where the time went and want it all back one day so enjoy it while it lasts xxx

Lacye - posted on 11/16/2010

No, you are not horrible. You are human! All mothers go through this at one point or another. I did, my mother did, my sisters did. It's natural. Just talk to your husband. Explain to him that you need a little time with no kids. Ask him out on a date! Get a baby sitter, yall go to the movies, eat out. You will feel better. All mothers need a small break sometimes! And if they tell you they don't, they are full of it!