am i selfish?

Tarsha - posted on 02/14/2010 ( 64 moms have responded )

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hello ladies..

im 24yrs old with 4 boys..i love my boys with all my heart and at the moment they are a handful (oldest 7yrs in march, youngest 7months) but i really want a girl maybe in 4 or so years and i think i can handle another one and i was just wondering do u think it's selfish of me to want more? i just dont feel like im finished having babies

what do u think...

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Kelly - posted on 06/11/2011

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if u want more babies and feel u can care for them they way they need, go for it. who has a right to say u can't?

Michele - posted on 02/21/2010

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If you and your significant other feel the same way or can agree on this, go ahead. 2 is enough for me and my husband but I know there are other families who have more. If you can handle it mentally, physically and financially then I see nothing wrong with it.

Jen - posted on 02/21/2010

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Go for your life hun! I dont think you're being selfish, I think you sound like a loving and caring mum and if you feel like you want to have more babies, as long as it's not detrimental to the kidlets you already have, enjoy!

And I have a little girl and I'm soooo happy I do because she is our one and only and if I'd had a boy I would have desperately wanted a girl as well, but now we cant. Maybe that's a different story, but I understand the heart of wanting a girl :)

Elisabeth - posted on 02/20/2010

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No way is that selfish! My partener and I want to have between 5 and 8 kids. As long as you can provide each child with the love and tenderness they need, as well as support them finacially then you should have as many as you like. And as long as your partner agrees with you in wanting more and even if he doesn't at the moment often they can be talked into it. If you want a girl, trying eating foods high in sugar and calcium and having sex every night! Good luck.

Sandra - posted on 02/20/2010

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wow, i congratulate you on being 24 years old and have 4 boys :) i am 34, i have a girl (5) and a boy (4). i had the doctor fixed me as soon as my son came out ( had a c-section ). i wanted to have more, beleive me, but life as it is right now, it was the best choice i had ever made. with my marriage falling apart now, no family close by to help, with both of my kids with severe speech delays, plus you have to worry about the crime now a days, economy, jobs, drugs,kids future, college, for me its a big struggle. i knew i couldn't have anymore, because the kids will suffer too. when i was younger around your age, everything looked pretty good to me, i thought i would have a really nice life. not saying that this same will happen to you but just think twice about it.
if you can deal with all lifes brings ,then go for it :)

Lynn - posted on 02/20/2010

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Not at all its your choice how many kids u have and if u feel u can take on anther blessing then do it. I hate it when ppl put down big families and try to make women feel guilty about having more then 2 children in this age. I have 3 boys, I would love a girl but truthfully I also wouldn't mind if it were another boy. Boys are great I love having all boys.

Jennifer - posted on 02/19/2010

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No!!! Why would that be selfish? As long as you can care for and raise your children, have as many as you want to have. Have 8 kids if you want, just be sure that you can give them the best!

Gina - posted on 02/19/2010

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HAVE AS MANY KIDS AS YOU AND YOUR PARTNER THINK YOU BOTH CAN HANDLE! AND IF THE NEXT ON IS A GIRL YOU WILL BE THANKFUL THAT SHE HAS ALL THOSE BIG BROTHERS TO TEACH HER SPORTS AND HOW TO "TAKE CARE OF HERSELF." PLUS SHE WON'T EVER BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF BY A BOYFRIEND IF HE KNOWS THAT SHE HAS 4 BROTHERS THAT WOULD BE THERE !!

Amy - posted on 02/19/2010

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It's not selfish! I am enjoying baby #4 and I'm done. Now. I wasn't before she came along. Now I'm finished. I think that when you're done, you will be able to answer any question of another with a firm "no". Until then, enjoy!!!

Michelle - posted on 02/19/2010

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I'm 37 yrs old have 6 kids, 5 boys and 1 girl, My oldest is 14 my youngest 4. I am a stay at home mom, and love it !!! It's not selfish, if you have the love, and the means to support them it is worth it !!

Crystal - posted on 02/19/2010

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There is nothing selfish about bringing a tiny soul into the world who you will love and help to grow.. good for you! One was enough for me haha

Cortney - posted on 02/18/2010

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i say go for it!!!!!!! if u know and feel u can handle another child and are sure u have the funds to do so, y not? my mother had 6 children and we have lots of fun growing up. i on the other hand think i might be selfish because i only have on child and im a stay at home mother that does NOT want any other kids. i think he is just the love of my life. and i dont want any of my time spared from him. so does that make me selfish????

Annemaree - posted on 02/18/2010

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dont hold back luv if u feel u can do it n thats what u want u go for it ..... its not selfish at all!!! i think its wonderful .....

Chelle - posted on 02/18/2010

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Hi Tarsha, Im 37 with 5 beautiful children 3 boys and 2 girls... I always wanted a big family and i wanted to have 6 kids but when i fell pregnant with my 5th my family and friends all said that was enough and i should get my tubes tied... I felt so pressured that i had a c-section and had my tubes tied at the same time... The BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE!!! Now 2 and a half years later i desperatly want another baby and i want another girl to even my family out... I dont think it is at all selfish to want a baby of a certain gender and it is only natural that after 4 boys you would yern for a little girl... As far as the world being overpopulated and bla bla bla... you only get one chance at life and it is totally up to you what you do with it... What is the point of living if you are not happy.. I only wish i hadnt of listened to what everyone told me what to do and mabey i would have another little bundle of joy... The same amount of people die every year as are babies born, so dont feel guilty or selfish for wanting another baby.. You go for it and have as many as you want... Its your life and only you can live it... I will keep you in my prayers and ask God to send us both little girls... Good luck and God bless.... :)

Eileen - posted on 02/18/2010

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Even today, couples have more children that that! I wanted 5, but couldn't have more than two. If you are capable, I say go for it!

Amanda - posted on 02/18/2010

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not at all if u want more and u feel confident that u can handel it then u prob can..just remember u can do any thing u put your mind 2..

Jennifer - posted on 02/18/2010

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no i dont think your selfish. i only have one and i want more if you think u can handle it then go for it.

Casey - posted on 02/18/2010

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I know what you mean, I have 2 boys and would love to have a little girl. I don't think it is selfish at all. The only thing I will say is something that someone once said to me as well. "Just be sure before you have the baby, that you won't be resentful if you get another boy instead of the girl you want..." I know it sounds harsh, I thought so when it was said to me, but it is certainly something to think about before going forward. Best of luck!

Marie - posted on 02/18/2010

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i dont thank you are selfish. you have every right to decide what is best for you and what you can handel.

Krystle - posted on 02/18/2010

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Your not selfish at all. My best friend has 4 daughters under the age of 6 and id be estatic if she and her hubby were expecting again, but they have decided no more 4 a long time lol. I have a boy and a girl, if i had a choice of the sex of any other children i may have, theres no way in the world id pick having another daughter LOL dont get me wrong, i love my daughter and my son equally,and absolutely ADORE them both but shes way more of a handfull, has a worse temper, acts spoilt even tho shes not and cries at the drop of a hat when things dont go her way lol Think i may get my tubes tied just so i can be sure no more lil girls come 2 me hahaha. As long as you and your partner both want more children and can afford to i dont see any reason why having more would be seen as selfish

Gillian - posted on 02/18/2010

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I think your so young with so many babies already if you do Id wait till your a little older. I have 3 boys and dont understand the need to have another to see if its a girl enjoy your boys you can be queen bee !!

Krissi - posted on 02/17/2010

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GOD SAID BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY HUN! YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CAN AFFORD IT THEN GO FOR IT! GOD MADE US TO REPRODUCE. I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO HAVE ANOTHER CHILD YET AND MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE KNOW EACH OTHER FOR 11 YEARS. GOD BLESS YOU.

Kathy - posted on 02/17/2010

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If you aren't finished then that's ok. The only people that should have a say in how many babies you have is you and your husband. Nobody else has that right, they have the right to their opinion but NOT to push it onto you. I have 4 kids too. I thought we were going to stop at 3, but when I got back from the hospital with her I knew I had made the wrong decision and I wanted more, just didn't know when. So, we had our 4th 19 mths later and I now am completely done. I'm glad I didn't ignore my feelings and had my 4th. Don't let anyone make you feel badly for wanting more children!!

Yuki - posted on 02/17/2010

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It is completely up to you and your partner. My husband and I want as many kids as we can. We are currently expecting our third. Boys are a lot of fun, but when you have a girl, that's something that only you and she share. It's also be nice for you to have older brothers to look out for her when the boys from school start knocking down the door, but slightly annoying for her (I have two older brothers).

Courtney - posted on 02/17/2010

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Every woman wants a little girl. I have a 2 year old daughter and she is just the sweetest thing. Shopping for cute little girl skirts and dresses is so much fun. I would think that as long as you can handle taking care of all the kids and be able to afford all of them there is no reason you can't have another child. I would say though, have another child because you want another child. You can't guarantee that you will have a girl.

Jamie - posted on 02/17/2010

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As a mother of 6 I might be bais but I do not belive it is selfish in any way. If you know what you think you can handle or not handle is a good start. Planning is awesome!!!
You will know when you feel complete, and it is your decision noone elses.

Christa - posted on 02/17/2010

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you will know when you are done!! I have five....I knew our family was complete!!

Ellen - posted on 02/16/2010

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Hey if you think you can handle one more go for it. I was lucky enough to have 1 girl and 1 boy. but If you really want a girl you might want to consult the chinese calander I believe it is about 90% accurate. I didn't know about it until after my children but when I checked it It predicted ecactly when I concevied and the time I could have both sexes of children. pretty cool.

Christi - posted on 02/16/2010

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if you can support another child, go for it. it is not selfish, just make sure that you have a point at where you are willing to be able to be happy with what you have.

Lol - posted on 02/16/2010

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Tarsha... i am glad I didn't upset you with my question... and I am relieved you understand my feelings about the young mothers. I think you would be a super mum to have that many kids and working fulltime... best of luck.

Tarsha - posted on 02/16/2010

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lolit, i understand where u are coming from, im in Australia as well..so many young girls quit school to have babies because of the $5000 (which is really stupid of our government) and these girls think they can live of the goverment (pension) for the rest of their lives its very frustrating!!! my husband works and i do functions every know and then..
I would love to have a girl but really i dont mind if i have a boy, i just feel like im not finished and at the moment im happy with the boys but im young still and want to get out and work full time and have fun with the boys but i do feel like another one.
Thankyou to all the mothers that posted really nice things said!!! xox

Lol - posted on 02/16/2010

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Susanne... that's fair enough. i just didn't want to offend any large families with my question. It is just something that I think about every so often. My other half also works to ensure we have a good life for our child. Maybe I am more upset at the young girls here (Australia) that seem to keep having children to different fathers and not working to care for their children. (which is another topic entirely anyway)

Tarsha... go ahead and try for a girl if that is what you both want... i'm sure all the older brothers will spoil and protect her with as much love as you will.

Hope - posted on 02/16/2010

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I don't think your being selfish..
The only thing that jumped out at me was the fact that you said "I think I can handle another one". I would wait until you know you can...
I love the pic of your family.. big happy smiles...

Maria - posted on 02/16/2010

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Do it! Most people don't have large families anymore, and it's a real treat to see one around. If you think you can handle it, and you've got a stable home life, then go for it. And while you're still young!

Elizabeth - posted on 02/16/2010

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Everyone has there "perfect number"! When my husband and I got married we wanted 6. Both of our moms think were nuts(his had 2 kids, mine 3) but they worked, I don't. We're cookin' on #3 and are thinking 4 right now, but always knew we wanted to go big! Don't worry about what people say or think, concern yourself only with what you and your hubby/partner want!! You will know what is perfect for your family!!
Children really are a blessing, they bring pure joy and a brand new dynamic to a family and that is exciting! Only you two will know when you've reached "your personal brand" of perfect!
Good luck and stay focuses on those sweeties and what the very best is for your family!!! Every kid of a big family I have ever talked to has said they loved it and always had a fun and adventures glore. My mother-in-law was an only child and has a long list of sad/lonely stories!!! It's fantastic to bless your kids with the best group of friends they'll ever have through thick and thin!!

Caroline - posted on 02/16/2010

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And also remember, you're not guarenteed a girl!

You may want to consider adoption if you REALLY want a girl.

Their are a lot of children out there who need homes and would love to be your daughter.

Caroline - posted on 02/16/2010

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I dont think you are selfish at all.

But it kind of sounds like you are overwhelmed already, so be sure you really think about your decision. Sounds like you are debating if you can really handle it "I think I can handle another one". A person that could truly handle another one would have said "I know I can handle another one"



So just think about it.

SARAH - posted on 02/16/2010

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as i said go for it for got to add my daughter isjust over 3 months and we are trying for another one to get it over and done with lol nothin wrong with big familys

Danielle - posted on 02/16/2010

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every girl wants a girl or at least normally and after 4boys i'd say go for it it'll be nice to have someone to shop with once she grows up :-)

SARAH - posted on 02/16/2010

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if yu feel you cn handle a big family go for it you are intitled to no one elsecan say yes or no cause is not them who has to raise hem ...my mums friend had 16b by the time she was 32 and she loves all of them...my cousin is 23 with 5 and she wants more because she loves beinga mum...if you love wat you do and you love being a mum i say go for it

Nadine - posted on 02/16/2010

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why would you think you're being selfish. You want another baby,have another baby as long as you can take care of all the children and provide for them. Although I am an only girl and I wish I had a sister.

[deleted account]

Lolit by august i will have four kids how do i justify having so many? Because my husband gets up every morning and goes to work to pay our way. My kids when they are older will do the same if they want a house and nice things. In regards to world overpopulation no i dont worry about it as far as im concerned as long as you pay your way in the world its none of anyone elses business and if the government was concerned about it they wouldnt be encouraging people to have kids in my country.

Joan - posted on 02/15/2010

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hi

as long as you have the emotional health and financial support continue on.

Stacey - posted on 02/15/2010

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definately get the youngest through the terrible twos....I don't think youre selfish at all as long as there a roof, food, clothing, etc...you sound like you have more than enough love to go round. Remember though, 50/50 for a girl

Lol - posted on 02/15/2010

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okay... i can understand wanting a little girl after having so many boys. Of course take into account your finances,and whether also you can cope with the night time shifts again. But I do have just one little question for everyone who has more than four kids... and please don't be offended by this question.
Have any of you considered the effect of overpopulation? And where our children are going to get their food and resources for living when there is already so much unemployment and environmental stress? Yes I only have one so far.... would love to have a huge family... but am having trouble justifying it when realising just hard it is for young adults to afford their own places, the cost of food, and everything else that is happening.
Just food for thought... no offence meant to larger families.

Courtney - posted on 02/15/2010

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women are MADE for having babies! so long as you are feeling like you can cope, and all of that, then i say whats the problem?

Christine - posted on 02/15/2010

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Not selfish at all. I want a total of 5 kids. As long as you can support them all and have plenty of love to go around I don't see why you shouldn't have a lot of kids. I had a total of 5 brothers and 3 sisters, and I loved it! I think the more sibling the better. They make great life friends

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