AM I the only mom that doesnt do the cry it out method??

Cheydan - posted on 12/23/2008

No your not the only one that does that, When my daughter crys i have to pick her up because it feels like im being a meany when i tryed to let her cry.

I felt like she need me just to pick her up and hold her and show her that sweet mommy and daughter love.
My daughter is everything to me and if she needs a shoulder to cry on them im her shoulder...

Stacey - posted on 12/23/2008

well im sure your not, and i ditn liek ti with my first child either untill the point came when they know that crying will get the attention they want, sometimes you ahve to be cruel to be kind, and it will benefit your child later on x

Melanie - posted on 12/22/2008

GOOD ADVICE!! Mom's I just wanted to give you a couple pointers to get your baby's sleeping through the night on they're own. Both my children slept through the night "all night" early, one was 2 1/2 weeks old the other was 1 month old. *Get a swing. U can use a swing to keep your baby down durring nap time and and at the time of day u want so that you can manipulate thier schedule. *A nice warm bath with mommy right before bed is a great way to tire them out (especially if you're trying to move thier bedtime forward). If your baby cries in the tub try feeding them as you put them into the water that way the water is associated with something good. *Always make sure you can give them a big meal right before you put them down (even if this means letting them go just a little longer to eat). Tub time can be a distraction for thier hunger. Don't let them go to long or just give them a small amount of formula to tide them over. You want thier tummuy to be full when you lay them down even if you have to keep waking them up while feeding them. *Soothers work to help comfort a baby when you lay them down alone, and it's better than thier thumb (at least you can take a souther away later and it's not bad for thier teeth). * Now you can always cheet a little. Like putting them in thier swing to get them down then moving them to thier crib once they're asleep. Wait for that deep sigh. *Now remeber that when trying to rotate thier schedule that making them stay up longer is easier than trying to get them to sleep when thier not tired. Depending on how off your baby's schedule is this could take a while as you can usually only rotate they're hours by 1/2h a day. Sometimes you can get lucky and get 1h once in a while. Don't try to rush it and be vigilant. Don't allow any setbacks once you get started. My baby's never cried themselfs to sleep and these methods worked for 2 baby's with totaly different personalities. I promise you will be praising these words once you've had a week of proper sleep.

Ally - posted on 12/22/2008

NONONONONONO! I am such a sucker... and I feel that I will NEVER get this time back with my kids... why should I let them suffer, and also make my husband and I suffer... I have not let either one of my kids "cry it out" and they are both great sleepers now! (One is 4, the other will be 2 in March) We have a great bedtime routine... and it still involves some snuggles... and I LOVE IT!

Laura - posted on 12/22/2008

My daughter is colicky (said by her doctor) and sometimes the only thing I can do is let her cry it out as much as it breaks my heart, but I try everything to help her.

Stephanie - posted on 12/17/2008

I like the term "controlled crying" a lot more. That is awesome.

Tiana - posted on 12/17/2008

imo, sitting in the room with baby while they cry is a bit different than walking out of the room and doing whatever else, which is what i think of when i hear 'cry it out.'

Liz - posted on 12/17/2008

In Australia we call it 'controlled crying' and there are a couple of stages depending on the age of your child and their temperament. It's been approved by most child phsycologists. My first daughter had a dummy (pacifier) and didnt really have a problem going to sleep but awoke often during the night. I would have to sit by her as she put herself back to sleep, just speaking sofly or touching her face and hands to let her know I was there. My second daughter wont take a dummy and if she hasnt fallen asleep while breastfeeding will then cry to sleep. I sit near her cot where she can see me and she goes to sleep after a few minutes. She does cry (and I speak softly to her and smile) but its only a "im tired and want to be asleep' cry. She knows Im there. If she started to really wail then I would see to her. My mother did this with me when I was a baby and I have no abondonment issues and I love my Mum to bits. It really depends on you and the child - if you are upsett about leaving the child to cry then they will sense that and be upsett by it too. Do whatever works best for you and your baby and lets not put other mothers down for what works for them. We all love our children and try to do the best we can to give them happy full lives.

Lindy - posted on 12/17/2008

I read something one time that asked..."Do adults have perfect night sleep all the time?" No. We wake up when we're hot, cold, thirsty, nervous, stressed, whatever. So why if a baby wakes up in the middle of the night they are considered bad sleepers? I realize that in some cases that is not true, but kids will have bad nights sleeping to, just like us adults.

Sheena - posted on 12/17/2008

I've never done it with my little girl, who is 13 months old. She has always been rocked to sleep, and if she awakes it is with good reason.. A saturated diaper, she's too warm, or is thirsty. The CIO method worked for my friend and she is glad she did it, but I personally can't stand her crying for no longer than a couple minutes. It just breaks my heart and also becomes irritating. I'm a stay at home mom and it's my job to tend to her. I knew before she was born there were going to be nights of interrupted sleep, and there have been plenty. I love rocking her to sleep and having that extra bonding time, and besides, she is only going to be that age once, so I might as well enjoy every minute of it, even though it is hard to do sometimes when you are exhausted and just want to go to bed. I have tried laying her down in her crib for a nap by herself, and she doesn't cry. She doesn't go to sleep either, lol. She would spend that time alone playing, and I bet it would turn it a bad crying spell when she did get tired, resulting in Mommy or Daddy picking her up! lol.

Jana - posted on 12/17/2008

Jennifer G. - your situation was exactly like my situation. It only took one night of CIO and my daughter got back on track when it came to sleeping. I also agree that every child and mother is different and there are lots of techniques that work for some and not for others and no one should feel bad about the techniques they feel is best.

It breaks my heart that anyone would assume a mom is lazy or doesn't love their baby because they used the CIO method. I breast fed for over a year and every ounce of baby food was homemade by me, so lazyness wasn't invovled in choosing what sleep method I used. I would have loved to avoid having my daughter CIO but that didnt happen.

Emily - posted on 12/17/2008

One thing that I'm sure has helped us is that we don't use a crib. If I rock my babies to sleep, I don't have to put them down into the crib, I can simply ease them onto the crib mattress on the floor. We have used a crib with one rail off, pushed up against our bed. This arrangement worked quite well because I could snuggle with them as they fell asleep, then leave without waking them.

We did use a crib with our first for a few months (when she was around 7-12 months) and it was torture. We resorted to CIO for a couple of weeks and she would get absolutely hysterical. We finally brought her into our bed (she'd been in a bassinet for the first 7 months) and suddenly she slept wonderfully. We moved her to a crib mattress on the floor after a few months, then a toddler bed on the other side of the room, then to her own room. Now, at 3 1/2 she has her own twin bed in a room with her younger sister, and will sometimes put herself to bed when she's tired. She LOVES our bedtime routine and looks forward to it all day. We now read her stories, say prayers, shut off the light, tell her one more story, then give her a hug, a kiss, her water bottle and say goodnight.

Jennifer - posted on 12/17/2008

I agree that for some babies/kids, this is the only way to teach them how to go to sleep on their own. My little one would cry himself to sleep, even while being rocked, patted, shushed, and everything else that should help to calm him. When he would finally fall asleep in my arms, he would wake up screaming the second I tried to put him in his crib. This meant I had to start the process all over again. He wasn't getting the sleep he needed! After talking to the doctor, we tried the CIO method, going in after 10 minutes and rocking him to calm him and putting him back down after a few minutes, even if he was still awake for naps. For night sleep, we would do his routine and just put him to bed, knowing he was fed, changed, and fine. He cried for quite a while the first few nights, but caught on quickly. It is called "sleep training" because they are being taught how to sleep on their own. I am happy for those of you who have easier children who can fall asleep more simply, but some babies need to learn the hard way. I don't think anyone should be made to feel bad for their method. We should be encouraging each other as moms because this is the most challenging experience we will ever go through, and we need to know that others are there for us, even if they disagree on our techniques.

Marly - posted on 12/17/2008

You have to have a balance. Not exclusively CIO and not exclusivley cuddle to sleep. BALANCE. either extreme can cause later issues in life. If you a good mother you will know when to use which one.

Shelley - posted on 12/17/2008

I cannot stand the cio method. Anyone wondering about it should google Dr.sears and read his response to it. It causes low self-esteem, abandonement issues and much more. Be your child's mom and love him or her to sleep. Just my opinion. I have loved my four to sleep. cuddled, rocked, danced and sung. It is a question if you want to parent from a all about me perspective or from a all about my child perspective.

Marly - posted on 12/17/2008

I have found that my son would rather self sooth than have me sooth hm somtimes. He seems to get more worked up the more I sing, bounce, walk, rock. But when i put him down with his pacifier, he seems to slowly get calmer and calmer. It might take 10 minutes, but it is better than me being there and him screaming for hours. I think 10 minutes of crying alone beats 2 hours of screaming in my arms any day. I am not being an unattentive mother by making this decision. Somtimes babies (like us) just want to be left alone.

Nikki - posted on 12/17/2008

I'm with Debbie. I have two older ones and a husband who works nights, so CIO wasn't an option for our youngest (who is now 3). But I didn't do it with my other two either when they were babies. My oldest is 14 and then there is the 9 year old and they both come to me to talk about anything and everything, with no reservations. I've co-slept with all of them, also. They are all three very intelligent (and I'm not just saying that because they are mine)! I truly believe that they have known and always will know that I'm there for them no matter what, and that has helped them to feel secure in themselves and their abilities. I will admit that my 3yo boy is still very clingy and does not like to be separated from me, but he is slowly overcoming it. It is just his personality along with my knowledge that he is my last baby that has contributed to this behavior from him.

Debbie - posted on 12/17/2008

i never made my kids cry it out. My youngest is now 13 months. I wish he would learn to self soothe and go to sleep on his own. I think that would go a long way for sleeping thru the night, but even if i wanted to, it's impossible for me to let him cry it out because at night he would keep my other 3 up and during the day he would keep my husband up (he works nights)

Anna - posted on 12/17/2008

I tried with all three kids & was never able to do it. I just hate hearing them so sad. None of my kids slept through the night until they were more than a year old. I do think there could be a relation between my not letting them cry it out & their ability to now sleep just about anywhere. My nieces & nephews whose parents did have them cry it out can't go to sleep anywhere but home unless someone lays down with them & they have a much more traumatic time visiting extended family. Plus their mothers are much more high-strung about them screwing up their naps & bedtimes.

Sonya - posted on 12/17/2008

for me it depends, I dont belive in just being cold and o-well let him cry but I also have another child and it seems like when ever Im putting my oldest down for a nap or getting a snack or bathing him thats when the baby wakes or freaks out... and in that case the baby has to wait - it may seem cold but sorry I cant spilt myself in half I tried ...

babies cry its a part of life sometimes thats all a baby can do

Ashley - posted on 12/17/2008

i agree

Melissa - posted on 12/17/2008

I don't let my son cry it out. I don't like it and he's too stubborn anyway... I don't think he would ever actually cry it all out! We co-sleep as well and I think it will only make him feel more secure as he gets older because his needs are being met and he will not be afraid that I or someone else is going to walk out on him.

Ashley - posted on 12/17/2008

you are right and we had colic too... there were times after 4 hours of crying i too sat him in the bad would wash my fash off to start it all over again.. slade also is ahead for his age.. just cant do it and 9 months and when i say id let him cry he was crying bc of coilc and sometims he did want to bed sat down!! hes still like that.. it taks alot to get him down but hey he wont be 9 months forevr which is kinda sad

Julie - posted on 12/17/2008

When I put my son to bed I let him cry for ten minutes. Most of the time he gets interested in a toy before that ten minutes is up. His little soul doesn't break, he doesn't just give up on life, he simply either plays with a toy or goes to sleep. If after ten minutes he's still crying, I go to him and run through the standard checklist. If all is well, I try another ten minutes. He had colic the first six months, so there were times when I was so exasperated that I put him in the crib screaming and went out into the backyard for a break. Doesn't mean I don't love him. Doesn't mean he is psychologically traumatized. He's a happy baby ahead of all the milestones. Just means I know when it's time to step back for a few minutes. You can't take care of your kids if you don't take care of yourself too.

Ashley - posted on 12/17/2008

Yes there is a difference in going and checking and letitng them cry.. I know someone that actually works for CPS that let her child cry for three hours.. shut the door only to allow the baby to scream.. After 3 hours she went in there held her cradled her and she went into convulsions.. SOUNDS LIKE an urban legend.. its not,,she had no othr seizure issues. the baby is 4 now never had another epiosde. Dr said she worked herself up too much. Anyway Ill aloow slade to fuss and whimper while I sit with him but thats it..

Emily - posted on 12/17/2008

I agree, there are different interpretations of CIO and different degrees of CIO. I am firmly opposed to CIO, but given some of these definitions... my toddlers sometimes CIO, but not at bedtime, or to go to sleep for the night. When my kids have tantrums they take a break and go to their rooms to calm down. They are allowed to come down when they are happy again.

That said, even an older baby who has gotten used to being rocked/nursed to sleep, can be trained to fall asleep on their own without CIO. The book "No-Cry Sleep Solution" has ton of different suggestions for just that.

Sarah - posted on 12/17/2008

As an addition...the CIO METHOD is a little different than saying, ok, my older baby/toddler is getting worse and worse about going to sleep, I'm going to try this for a few nights. And it takes 20 or so minutes for baby to fall asleep. The method states that this is how baby goes to sleep. All the time. When my son was 18 months and fully able to understand that just because I wasn't in the room did not mean I was gone from the face of the earth, we went through our routine, I left, and he called and whimpered and such for 10-15 minutes before he went to sleep. Very different from young baby screaming in crib for indefinite amount of time. Also, when I said my daughter cried for 4 hours, that was with me going in every 15-20 minutes to calm her etc. And she was just yelling, not crying like upset to the point of puking.

Ashley - posted on 12/17/2008

Children DO need something when they cry.. And you know hes so young whats wrong with too much trust. trust me Slade had Colic and lets say his lungs developed well..

Kate - posted on 12/17/2008

My son got to the point that he WOULD NOT go to sleep unless I was holding him and rocking him. I'm sorry, but I couldn't be the ONLY one to put him to sleep every night. I had a job that required me to be gone on some nights so I wasn't able to be there. I did do the cry it out method and it only took 2 days for him to realize that he wasn't going to get his way. Mind you, he wasn't a 2 month old baby or anything. He was 10-11 months before I started him on the CIO method. I didn't let my son in his room crying for hours on end either. I made sure he knew I was still there and he wasn't by himself. I'm sure there are mom's out there thinking I'm horrible, and that's fine. I don't judge someone on the way they choose to raise THEIR children...you need to do what YOU feel is best but it is good to get input from others. Good Luck!!

Elsa - posted on 12/17/2008

I think that there's a difference between letting a newborn or young baby (one that needs to be fed, or changed, or burped) CIO, and letting an older baby (one that has learned to rely on rocking to sleep, or feeding to sleep) CIO are two different things. I can't imagine anyone would ignore a newborn's cries... and at the same time, I think that's when a parent establishes the trust of the child. I would think that by the time the baby/child is old enough to go to sleep on his/her own (which I think varies depending on temperment) the trust has already been established. I doubt the child would lose that trust if you didn't react to every sound or whimper the child makes.



When my children were newborns, I tended to them right away. When they required less, or no night feedings, I started taking longer to get to them at night. I found that most of the time they would fall back asleep on their own. But if I went to them right away, then they would get woken up by me entering the room or looking over their crib, and it would take longer to put them to sleep. That said, if they did need something, they would cry for more than 1 minute... and I would NEVER let them cry for hours, or to the point that it sounds as if they are going to throw up from crying so much. I think that it just takes longer to settle them down if they have gotten to that point.



I have a feeling that people think CIO means different things... and that perhaps there are different degrees of CIO.

Sarah - posted on 12/17/2008

I would never use that method. The first thing a baby learns is to trust you to care for it's needs. If you let a little baby cry, they learn that you don't care, and that they can't rely on you. If you can't be needy when you're a baby, when can you? See "The No Cry Sleep Solution" and Dr. Sear's baby book. Incredible help, and very supportive!

Alicia - posted on 12/17/2008

A little bit of crying never hurt anyone

I was a firm believer in not doing it

But after my daughter was born I realised that it was okay to do as long as it was monitored ad it was the best decision i made as she can now put herself to sleep and has done since she was 5 weeks old

But it does depend on the person



Crying helps them to strengthen their lungs so it cant hurt to let them cry sometimes

Melanie - posted on 12/16/2008

I am in full agreament with you Jana. No one should let a newborn CIO. Also I'd like to say that a little crying isn't so bad my 5 month old worries me because she never cries she will be wimpering and have tears though. Plus there is a diference between a little crying and histerical tears that cause them to heperventilate and you can't calm them down from it. If a little baby is crying and either giving them a bottle or the breast doesn't calm them down immediately you've let it go to far. Histerical crying from a newborn or little baby is the most heart wrenching sound in the world.

Jana - posted on 12/16/2008

I just had to do the CIO method because my daughter got into a really bad habit of wanting to be held all night long. She would wake up the second I put her in her crib. She is 16 months old. I never let her cry it out before this bad habit. I always tended to her needs and she was fine being rocked back to sleep. But what options are out there when you know that nothing is wrong with them and as a mom they rely on you to function the next day. My daughter CIO for one night then after that she took the hint. I hated every minute of it, but I felt that she was old enough (16 months) to know that she needed to sleep on her own. I would never have let her CIO if she wasn't already a good sleeper, but one illness messed up her sleep habit. And I would never let a young baby CIO. I think the CIO method has it's place but only at the right time/age/ and reason.

Sarah - posted on 12/16/2008

Not by a long shot! Saying that a baby will quit crying eventually so just ignore it is like saying the smoke detector will quit beeping for a new battery eventually so just ignore it. It's just asking for trouble. My oldest screamed her head off for 6-8 hours a day a projectile vomited after nearly every feeding for the first 6 months of her life (we now suspect pyloric stenosis--google it, and she also had sleep apnea), and I was told to just let her cry it out. One night in desperation I tried it. After 4, yes, 4 hours, she went to sleep. Then woke up 20 minutes later to start the whole thing again. The best part was the visit from the cops. Now that was fun. End of story is that now she is 5, goes to sleep on her own in her own bed every night, sleeps for 11 straight hours, and very rarely wakes up. Child #2 was failure to thrive due to feeding/health issues. If I had let him cry, how much worse would it have been? As it was, he was one step from tube feedings. Babies cry because they need something. Do you make a 4-year-old cry all alone, scared from a bad dream, or maybe with an earache, just because it's time for sleep? NO! So why then a helpless baby whose only communication is their cries??

Carol - posted on 12/16/2008

i don't like my kids to cry all the time but when they are babies its good for them to cry a little to strength their lungs..i have 3 kids and i stay at home with them. my husband is only home on weekends. hes a truck driver..

Melanie - posted on 12/16/2008

It's funny with my son (who is now 11) I could stand the pitch of his crying but he rarely cryed as I would immediately jump at his becon call. With my newborn daughter, on the other hand, just the sound of her whining drives me nuts so I never seem to put her down. The plus side of this is that my arms are lookin pretty good...lol. With my son I found that there was a point where the only thing that worked was to let him just cry it out. I only used this tactic for a little while and it only worked because sometime no reation is a good reaction. Children want attention whether for good behavior or bad behavior, by putting him in his room and letting him cry it out I was simply ignoring his attention seeking methods. I would wait for him to calm down (the point between crying and playing) this is when I would go into his room and ask him what he did wrong? why it was wrong? and what should he do next time? Mind you all of this was when he was old enough to understand and had begun to manipulate me. I worry that I will be unable to be so strict with my daughter as when girls cry the pitch is much higher and I just can't listne to it, so I immediately give in. I don't want to raise a spoiled child but I see no way around this right now. She already seems to know that a well placed wimper brings mommy running. Good luck to all of you facing crying children, and remember for some of them it's ok but others are truly very sensitive emotionally. You just have to find what works best for you and your child, and all kids are different.

Julie - posted on 12/16/2008

Nope. I cannot do that way either. It just does not sit well in my heart. So no, you are not the only one :)

Summer - posted on 12/16/2008

Post a reply!I also refuse to let my 5 month old daughter CIO. It is my job as a mother to be their for her when she needs me. America is obsessed with making our infants independent from birth. Before you know it your child will be grown and not want mommy so much anymore. Just love your baby and do what feels natural and right.

Lindsey - posted on 12/16/2008

No you are not! I refuse to let my daughter cry it out. We have co slept from birth and now are transitioning her to her own bed. She is going easily and I don't have much trouble with her in the middle of the night. I got to her right away and feed her and we snuggle. She goes right back to sleep and then I move her back to her own bed. Dr Sears (my guru) says crying it out is the old school method, doesn't work and is actually detrimental to the babies development and well being. They learn not to trust us! Great analogy with you crying and your husband walking away, I never thought of it that way but it explains the point perfectly. Good for you! Keep it up!

Ashley - posted on 12/16/2008

and ys we co sleep... snuggle... cuddle..

Ashley - posted on 12/16/2008

good.. i hears someone in here tell me your child already lives a different life than most dont makehim more spoiled.. thats rude! he wont iw ill not allow him to cry... hard.. he dosnt barely cry with shots.. i want to continue the bond w have.. i think by turning my back on him will create this.. i have seen babiesin families that were cio babies and some wrent.. they wre more clingy and needy and not as secure... i love the book the non cio......

Emily - posted on 12/16/2008

I refuse to let my kids CIO. If they whimper in their sleep, I'll leave them alone, but if they truly cry, I attend to their needs. Sometimes my kids are in pain or sick or something, sometimes they cry themselves to sleep... but always in my arms. I refuse to abandon my children when they are upset.

I loved Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution" and Dr Sears' "The Sleep Book". They both have great, gentle methods of getting children to sleep on their own.

That said. We co-sleep, and I snuggle and nurse my babies to sleep at the end of the bedtime routine. As they get older we move to nursing in bed, then snuggling to sleep, and finally just a story, hug and kiss. My 3 1/2 year old always asks us to tell her a story after the lights are out, but after that she'll give us a hug and a kiss and say goodnight and happily sleep in her own bed all night long. On Saturday mornings she'll come snuggle with us in our bed because she wakes up before we want to get up. My 2 1/2 year old gets a story and a nursing then cuddles for a few minutes. Then I'll give her a hug and kiss and say goodnight. She'll fall asleep on her own, then climb into our bed around 3am on most nights. Our 11 month old nurses to sleep on a crib mattress on the floor in our room, then climbs into our bed when she needs her next feeding and spends the rest of the night nursing on and off in our bed (she's only nursing this much at night because we're both too distracted during the day to get much nursing in... my fault, if I pushed her to nurse more during the day, she'd be sleeping through the night too).

Lauren - posted on 12/16/2008

It does depend on the child and what age they are and how their temperment is. My first was a mama's girl and still is so it took a lot longer for her to go to sleep on her own (she is almost 5 years now and still has a hard time going to sleep without mommy). My 16 month old just goes to bed with a little bit of water in a sippy cup and her pacifiers laying around her for her to find and she hardly ever wakes up. If she does wake up we wait a few minutes before going to get her, usually it is her teething and she is uncomfortable and needs me so I go and tend to her.

Hoi - posted on 12/16/2008

I think we're all mostly in agreement that there's a difference btw. all out crying and fussing. I don't pick her up for every single whimper. I'm talking about intense crying. If that's the case, I pick her up every time and promptly.

Louise - posted on 12/16/2008

No, I never did the cry it out method, just wasn't for us.

Lindy - posted on 12/16/2008

If you don't use the cio method, do you still lay your kids down awake or do you rock them to sleep? Just wondering. I still rock mine to sleep, but we had to do a modified cio at night because he couldn't find a binky and go back to sleep. It only took a few days and now we hardly ever hear him. I still rock him and was just wondering if you don't cio how do you lay them down at night.

Cathy - posted on 12/16/2008

A mom can tell the difference between a cry of need, and a cry of general fuss. The cry it out method works for the fussy kind. When they are teensy, they NEED you all the time, you'll learn when he's just fussing. You can let go the fuss, though it's really hard, I can't tell you how many times I just sit down outside his room door. Honestly, I think he knows I am there and that helps calm him down too. And Yes, they will eventually sleep, but that varies for every child, it could be a while, mine is turning 3.

User - posted on 12/16/2008

Definitely not! I can't handle the cry it out method. It breaks my heart! I may be spoiling her, but I like for her to know that I'm going to be there when she needs me. If she's just whining or something I'll let her be. But if she's in an all out screaming fit I always do something about it. After awhile they grow into big boys/girls and don't need us anymore. So I'm gonna be there every time she cries!

Jane - posted on 12/16/2008

you are not. i never did that and my daughter is almost 4 and sleeps wonderfully in her big girl bed and knows that if she needs us, we are ALWAYS there. i think crying it out just delays the work that you will eventually have to do to get them to sleep and it ruins the bond btwn parents and child