AM I WRONG?

Nikkole - posted on 11/12/2010 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My husband works and i am a SAHM, he buys things like fising stuff and crap like that at least once or twice a week and he spend anywhere from $10-40 each time he goes! Well for xmas he wants a reel so i said ok thats fine NOW he wants a bow for $100 that one of his friends is selling (he already has one this one is for fishing tho) But the problem i have is we live with my mother right now becasue we cant afford our own palce till my husband gets out of school and we have hardly any room now and i dont feel like getting more stuff to put into the 2 rooms that are ours! And i know i buy stuff for the kids more than once a week but i dont buy things for me and it just makes me mad that he wants to buy ALL this crap when we have limited room and limited money! What should i do if i talk to him about it he gets mad!

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Tara Lee - posted on 11/14/2010

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I'm going to be in the minority here. I have never had this problem. When my husband and I moved in together, we got 1 joint account. When we got paid, we paid bills, did groceries, and then whatever was left, we used (or not) if we wanted...we never asked permission, however, for large purchases, we would discuss it.
When our DD was born, and I became a SAHM, money became tighter, but we still do the same. My husband will get upset if I (or anyone really) call it 'his' money. He understands what I do every day being a SAHM. and he really believes in "OUR" money, home, family...there is no "MINE" in our home.
I know this doesn't really help your situation, but I thought it would help you to know, there is another way! I think you need to have a good talk, and discuss the situation with your hubby. If you're in a relationship, there needs to be comunication and support. Good Luck!

Stifler's - posted on 11/12/2010

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don't talk about it, just do it. i check the bank on pay day and pay all the bills etc so i spend what i want on me if i want something. especially since mine is always breaking his car and fixing it with expensive parts. we don't talk about it, if i want it i buy it and if we have no money left over he can't buy stuff until next week and then next week i just don't get anything and the week after he gets something.

Nikkole - posted on 11/12/2010

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Oh and Rachel he thinks i have it easy that being a sahm isnt a job!! @Deanna thats awesome your kids are like that very mature 7yr old!!! The funny thing is my mom is trying her best to get us to stay for a lot longer she dosent want her grandchildren to leave she hates her husband and me and her are really close but we will be gone by next year just with this economy it sucks no ones giving out home loans unless you have excellent credit but were looking for rent to own :) thanks for the advice guys!!!

Nikkole - posted on 11/12/2010

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Renee my husband will do that to if i try to talk to my husband he will say you never support me in anythig i want! But i do i just dont like him buying so much! Oh and i forgot to mention that he just trded our 4 wheeler for a boat and we dont even have cars that can haul it lol we both have civics!!!! I dont buy the kids a bunch of stuff im talking like diapers and clothes and stuff like that!! Ive been trying to start making stuff and selling it but i cant buy the stuff to do it unless he stops he splurging! Im about ready to go back to work so i can have money but i dont want leave my kids i love staying home with them!!! (this is off subject but...)And tonight we were out to eat and he said im going to my friends house tonight i was like ok (his friend hates me for some reason) and i was like well he never calls and he hates me why hang out with him and he basically says its my fault because he dosent like me!!!! He has his priorities screwed up!

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Tell him he can start saving that money that he is wasting each week and save up so you all can have a good nest egg or even get your own place. OR kick his ass out after 2 weeks. If you each stopped spending money on things that aren't needs then you could probably have your own place a lot sooner.

We put all we have towards bills, and savings. We buy our kids one or two presents for each of their birthday's and 3-4 for Christmas. Our kids take very good care of their toys and they save up their allowances, and birthday money to get those special things they want through the year. They never buy much and when they do they are very careful and find the best deal. They know their money will be gone when they buy something so they take great care to only buy what they really really really want. That and now my 7 year old has started to save for her 1st care when she turns 16. She doesn't have much but she has a plan. She doesn't want to be like her older sister and have nothing for a car when she goes to get her permit. My point is that kids don't need much and if you teach them that money doesn't grow on trees then when they grow up they won't be relying on you, (their parents) to support them.

good luck and god bless

Rachel - posted on 11/12/2010

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just something to think of ... how much would he be paying someone else to cook his meals, look after the kid, clean the house, shop for groceries.... you may not make money, but.... bet you should be payed more than he makes total.... just saying food for thought

Renee - posted on 11/12/2010

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Nikkole- Your husband sounds like mine! I make a little extra money myself by watching another child. My husband feels that since he is working all these extra hours he should be able to spend HIS money and get something for himself. He will buy fishing, hunting, snowmobiling, and fire arm stuff. All that "little stuff" adds up to be a lot of money. We are currently living pay check to pay check because I lost my job that provided our housing/utilities/cable/ internet/etc. Like today he bought a $300. fish tank and stand that needs about another $400. worth of stuff to make it what he wants to run. Yes the tank he bought he got for a steal of a price...it is normally a $3000+ tank. But that $300. was going to be money I wanted to use to go visit my family with the kids for Thanksgiving while my husband works 3rd shift and sleeps all day. He gets to go hunting all of next week too while I get to stay at home with the kids. I splurged this week and spent $3. at Wal-Mart and bought myself 3 new t-shirts!! I don't remember the last time I bought something for just myself.



If I try to calmly talk to him about his buying things he flies off the handle and starts to rant about how he should just sell off EVERYTHING that he likes to do and just sit at home and do nothing.

Nikkole - posted on 11/12/2010

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Thanks guys! We are going to talk about it when he gets home! I feel as if he is a bit exsesive about the whole fishing thing he gets into these things like cars,computers and goes all out for about 4months or so then looses interest and never uses it again! And i have to hear about it from my family WHY does he buy this he needs to grow up he needs to get with the program! I do believe that some of his upbringing has lead him to want to spend spend spend! When he was younger his mom was a single mother of 6kids and they went without food sometiems because she couldnt afford anything and i think now that he makes decent money he wants to make up for his childhood and we have talked about this being an issue but he just goes back to the way things are! lol heres an example of him being silly hes getting a vesectomy the week up thanksgiving he was like well since im having surgery and cant do much for a couple of days can i get a video game and just lay in bed and chill! i was like WHAT THE HELL i just had a c section and was cut open and i had to do all the house work and take care of both our kids lol your just getting two LITTLE stiches! HUH I guess some men never grow up! And @ Krys yea me son just got a fishing pole and is practicing at home and getting ready to go with my husband he cant wait!

Heather - posted on 11/12/2010

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My husband and I have always had an understanding that we ask each other before making any kind of purchase (because we were on a very limited budget when we were first married). I have gotten some funny looks from other women when I've said I have to ask my husband before purchasing things at say a Tupperware party for example but he asks my permission before purchasing things too. I hope you can work things out with your husband. Maybe you can sit down together and look at your budget and how much space you have for these things he wants. Look at things in terms of how much longer it would be to get your own place if you both keep spending money the way you are now. Don't just talk about his expenditures as it may cause him to get defensive. Maybe with the overall picture in front of both of you, you will be able to work out a compromise. As my dad has told me, "If you can't afford it, you can't afford it."

Amanda - posted on 11/12/2010

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Well if you think he's going to get angry or upset than choose your words wisely...my fiance brings in majority of our income but I stay home and bring in money by watching others childrens. I think that consistantly buying things for himself is a bit much...he needs to realize that things he wants may be nice but is it really necessary to buy those things when there's no room to put it? Could he put it in a storage unit until you move? Or store it elsewhere? It IS technically his money, but with a family doesn't it go what's yours is mine and what's mine is yours? Lol....good luck and think wisely! :)

Krys - posted on 11/12/2010

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Im a SAHM as well, and my husband is the worker in the family as well. I also find that my husband is regulary wanting to buy things for fishing. My deal with him is this. When he buys a new item, no matter how small he takes our child with him when he goes fishing (14 month old boy). This way I dont feel "jipped" because I get a break. Who knows, maybe he will even come home with some fish for the freezer! As to how much he can spend, thats entirely up to the two of you and what you can afford. My hubby probably spends on average 30.00 a month on small things for himself and I ask that if the item is any more than that, that he waits til the next month to purchase. He always gets what he wants, sometimes he just has to wait for it, but hes happy about that. The other thing that we do is once in a while he comes home with a small gift for me (be it a 6 dollar book or a new something as trivial as a new nail polish then again, he takes the little guy out for fishing or to a friends and gives mom time to paint her nails or read her book. Even if its only 2 hours. Hope you guys can figure something out! Id also say that no matter if you think hes going to get upset or not you still need to bring this u with him, the communication is very important!)

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