Am I wrong for wanting to drink?

DeAnn - posted on 03/08/2013

Whew! I think I'm out of breath after reading all of this! ;) Go to meetup.com. It is so hard as an adult to find & make friends with the same interests as you now days. Just about anywhere you live, you will find lots of groups with lots of different interests. Drinkers & non-drinkers ;) and everything else too. Unfortunately people will always be judgemental, just gotta learn to be yourself & make your own responsible decisions. Some people believe a drink means you are addicted & all of a sudden too impaired to do anything sain. Whatever. Who cares. A drink now & then won't hurt you! And being with your kids 24/7 just because you chose to have them does not mean you have to not FEEL like having a drink now & then & get away once in a while! You need some fun with & without the kids. That doesn't mean that every single time you are watching/playing with the kids you are drinking & not paying attention to them. Geesh! Oh & it's always 12:00 somewhere! Who cares what time of day/night it is? What difference does that make? Unless you are constantly having a drink... Go have a play date & a mimosa for brunch!

Jillian - posted on 03/03/2013

I totally understand where your coming from. These feelings do not make u a bad mom at all.. I do believe you would never drink around your kids.. Do I think after bed time 1/2 or 1 glass of wine ad a good book or tv show is acceptable yes.. I see a lot of ride comments. Your needing encouragement because it seems things are a little over whelming.. This is completely natural. I only have 1 child he's 19 months and I'm 7 months with our 2nd.. Before I got pregnant I would have a glass of wine after my son went to bed. I am now feeling the loneliness because I have few friends.. Try finding a group.. I don't think it's wrong u wanting to drink. Ad I think this should have been meant for open minded people.. Not those to tell u being a sahm isn't right for u.. U weret saying it kids make I wanna drink.. We don't know ur home life.. As u shouldn't have to explain that.. Ur just looking for other moms who feel the way u do! Rude ppl are not needed..

Jodi - posted on 02/27/2013

LOL....

Kate - posted on 02/26/2013

After reading these insane hating comments, I'd grab a beer, keep an eye in the kiddies and be happy you aren't so uptight and still a good mom who took time out to question a thought you had instead of acting impulsively.
To others, why do you have to crucify a mother you don't know who came here lookin for advice or a place to vent? Not a single one if us is perfect so maybe you should go with the old adage 'if you can't say something nice...' And maybe try To be helpful instead of so unsupportive of her feelings . There was not enough info in that post to jump to HALF the conclusions some of you came to. If people come here for help of some sort , what kind of persons throws stones at them? You don't even know her.

Dianne - posted on 02/22/2013

Well we don't know that she's driving, most likely she's not.

Amy - posted on 02/22/2013

@Sherri Champagne,

You teach your kids to be responsible drinkers? I hope you get busted for drinking and driving. That is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY to teach your children to drink responsibly. Just because you don't feel it, doesn't mean you aren't impaired. If you are going to choose to drive after having even just 1-2 beers, which you shouldn't do, you should definitely NEVER EVER have your kids in the car with you. ABSOLUTELY IRRESPONSIBLE!!!!

Dianne - posted on 02/22/2013

Read 'Is the Party Over? 3 night life no-no's' (article on circle of Mom's) I haven't read it, (only because it doesn't apply to me, I don't drink and I don't go out) I just stay home & deal with it knowing my time is coming for me to get back to my life & I'm ok with that) but it may be helpful for you & all other moms who feel the same. take care!

Holly - posted on 02/22/2013

oh man, sooo much judgement! lets just all agree to disagree and if the kids are safe and happy....WHO CARES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am all about embracing people and showing love and respect even if they may have ideas that differ from mine. i think the only problem is some of the moms on here need more to do so they don't spend so much time judging others....just my viewpoint.

Alita - posted on 02/21/2013

additionally ... although I am totally all for a grown up place that has a play are I am totally against the CHUCK E CHEESE serving alcohol

That is a children's place and should remain so.

I know I sound like I may e contradicting myself but its how I feel

Alita - posted on 02/21/2013

OMG RITA ... Thank you ... I have not been on this thread for a minute and so I am just catching up...
There is way too much judging going on (I agree) I don't think anyone is actually suggested she take her kids with her to go get wasted ... but it would be nice to have a place where you can meet with other parents and socialize in an adult (but yet kid friendly) enviornment.

Sometimes finding a sitter or family member is not that easy. I personally live in a new state and don't have ANYONE...

I personally wouldn't go out with my kid and have multiple drinks but I would have a glass of wine and and like to take part in adult conversations that are not taking place at the playground.

Some of these posts were taken way too far...

:)

Catherine - posted on 02/21/2013

I agree with as many of these posts as i disagree, but there are two issues we are looking at. Everyone is taking a side over just one issue. When really theres two completly different situations to look at. The original " id have a better time if I were drinking at the playground" is one and just drinking with your kids is another issue entirely. On the first- if you feel that to play with your kids and enjoy it you need a drink then theres a problem and mabe being a sahm isnt right for you. on the second- I was raised in a home where if ya wanted a drink and you were of legal age, have a drink. I turned out fine. You can have a drink when your kids are with you as long as you know your limits and your not ignoring them or negleting them. If you need a drink after a long day have a drink...hell have two just make sure your able to take care of your kids. Now if your still worried about it, wait till they go to sleep for the night then have a drink or two before bed. Ladies, theres nothing wrong with a drink or two, if your responsible about it. As far as drinking while your out with your kids goes, I would try to stay away from that dinamic as you need to be fullysober to make sure you can get them home safely. Since alot of us sahms cant really get out to drink that often and being at home 24/7 can make you go crazy (trust me I know) Perhaps we should search this site for other moms in our time zone and set a time to have a drink together and chat, no one says you cant have a drink together over the internet do they?

Anna - posted on 02/19/2013

So many mean spirited and judgemental comments going around! Just because you have an opinion doesnt mean that youre the only person who's right. This is the reason that mom'sfeel so alienated. Please take your mean comments and swallow them.....remember if you can't say something nice?
As a mom we spend every second of every day worrying if we're making the best choices for our little people and then we join groups like this for some adult conversation and to talk w others who understand our daily joys/struggles. Lets build each other up and if we don't agree....there are ways of saying that without bashing people and throwing around judgement.

Lisa - posted on 02/19/2013

In Australia they also have playgrounds at the pub!! Kids are only allowed in during the day and it's pretty respectable because people know there are kids there. it's a great place to meet up with large groups of friends, especially when you have friends without kids because then you can socialize with them too. But as I said before being Canadian this shocked me at first but I became less prudish and judgemental overtime.
Why is it 'ok' for the boys to take the kids to a ball game and have a beer but its not ok for mom to go to a cafe and have a glass of vino?

Lisa - posted on 02/19/2013

In Australia you can byo at some kids indoor playgrounds! As a Canadian I always found this hard to digest but I suppose a glass or two wont hurt anyone ;)

Dianne - posted on 02/19/2013

Why would you want to drink, especially while with your children? Sounds like your setting yourself up for a dfacs case, especially if you still have an infant.(at least where I'm from) Drinking and socializing should be something you do in the evening with your friends AWAY from your children, and not in a position where you still are the main caregiver. Well, I don't drink so 1 drink would probably have me "split" but everyone's different. I just don't think thats a good idea to even start to implement. You know, having children is all about sacrificing yourself, I've been doing it for 16 yrs, I just started getting my hair done again (just a dye job and a cut) and I go to the beauty school for that! (where they charge only a fraction of the cost) I have gone without decent clothes to put on(and i have to go to work) & many many things in order to put the children first. Although maybe in your thinking there's nothing wrong with it, but it's not about you anymore. It's about them 1st & foremost. Your time of blessing & putting yourself 1st will come again, you just have to wait for it.

Patty - posted on 02/19/2013

Maria, you aren't wrong for wanting an occasional drink to relax and unwind..my concern is that you state you wish you could drink alcohol at the playground. The two don't mix..the words "I would be having a better time" shows you are bored being a SAHM..you chose to give birth to three precious children..as a young mom, it is your calling and duty to assure their needs are met before worrying about your need to drink. If you need to drink, I suggest first understanding why that need is so great..try therapy for insight..as your statement the way you word it does trouble me..it shows immaturity..you I'm guessing are no more then 30 years old, if that..you need to have dad or grandma or babysitter watch your three gorgeous children so you can go out say twice a month..have a nice glass of wine or two and relax..or relax in a 15 min bubble bth with a glass of wine Ipod or good book..go for walks, meditate, go to mommy and me classes..reach out to other young SAHM's who understandably get frustrated and bored..my boys are older, and I never ever thought of drinking in a "hidden" water bottle at a park..sounds not quite right..your job and priority is them,,you do come second..for now anyway..as they get older, in school you'll get that free time, moreof it..I promise..get a Starbucks..get a treadmill or bike, and get that energy out..drinking can become an addiction..an escape from daily reality..sounds like three children may have been a lot more than you expected..it is hard, tough work, constant demands, I get it..my son is autistic..so I so know where you are coming from..just don't think alcohol will take it all away..it if abused will hurt your kids ad your health.alcohol affects women much more then men..read up on it you'll see..bar scene was before deciding to raise a family...bar scene done for now..you need to accept this new phase and mature so your children see a good, strong, clean role model..you need to find fun in motherly joys..they are gifts from God..enjoy em..they grow before you know it..good luck sweetie.

Kimberly - posted on 02/18/2013

I would like to point out that It is ok to drive if u drink a beer and wait a hour or more before you drive and if u don't tell ur child what a beer is then they wont know the difference between that and a soda...so some people should stop acting like stuck up yuppies.

Charity - posted on 02/18/2013

Hard working momma wanting a cold one to relax every once in a while and the topic of depression/mental health issues are two different things. I must laugh at all these replies. Come and live in the rural area I live in where the bar is a family hang out because there is nothing else around for 50 miles. The world is different out there you know :)

Sandra - posted on 02/18/2013

also wait until your kids go to bed and drink at home watching a movie or something

Sandra - posted on 02/18/2013

get a baby sitter once a month and go out with someone, there are moms groups that do moms night out without kids, and if you join a mom's group you can always suggest this

Victoria - posted on 02/18/2013

I'm giving up! What self-righteous prudes! I have better things to do with my time!

Cindi - posted on 02/17/2013

I didn't bother reading all of these, but why are some of you so judgemental. I can totally understand her point of view. A place to sit with other moms with a glass of wine while the little ones play. There is nothing wrong with that. It would feel like a bit more grown up time than some of us get a chance to have. And if your thinking to yourself that you don't need grown up time then you are fooling yourself.

Brooke - posted on 02/17/2013

Okay ... I made it as far as pill popping.. I intended to read this all and I will. This will be my second reply in this stay at home mom group.... First things first unless you are a doctor it is absolutely wrong to be judgmental about anti depressants in any way this is why my best friend killed herself. We had alot of ignorant mouthy friends who convinced her to stop taking them. Three weeks later she is gone. I think about her everyday... Secondly Maria said she "feels" like it would be more fun at the park.. It is okay to feel anything. Period. It is not okay to ignore your feelings. My advice would be to figure it out sober and then decide for yourself how you choose to act on those feelings... I mean think about who influences your drinking? Do u have good role models to look up to? Seek out positive ways to express your individuality including how and when you drink and what you want to model for your children. When I want to drink alot or any other adult urge that may arise I usually don't follow through and take a step back and start
planning a night out but not the same day.... That being said I am not looking forward to my comment being misinterpreted and given a negative context that is not intended whatsoever. Also who is baby Lisa?

Lynn - posted on 02/17/2013

Seriously? It's one thing to meet up with friends and have a glass of wine, but honestly, when I'm with my kids AND driving them I do NOT drink! Isn't there enough to do and aren't there enough activities to do and groups to join to get out of the house and interacting with other SAHM's and their kids? But drinking? Maybe that best be reserved for a glass when you're at home and the kids are safely tucked in bed.

Honestly. The kids are little for such a short period of time, and there are so many people who would give anything to be a Mom and aren't able. I'm not saying there aren't days that are extremely tough, but try to keep it all in perspective...

Allison - posted on 02/17/2013

Nothing but a bunch of prudes on here. I'm a SAHM and I feel the need to.have a drink once in a while.

Vickie - posted on 02/17/2013

Hahaha I thought this question is so funny! I feel you! I'm a SAHM to kids 5, 2, and 7 months. I'm breastfeeding so I really don't have the desire to drink. I just want some ALONE time! You are absolutely right in wanting whatever you want. We deserve it! Here's to hoping one day soon you get yours and I get mines! :)

Melinda - posted on 02/17/2013

Wow, don't have time to read all the negative comments cause I'm too busy being an awesome mom to my kids, but I hear you. I NEVER get out without my kids and would love to have a SAHM friend to share a cocktail or two with while the kidlets play! All those self-righteous judgy judgy mommies can stay home from the party!

Angela - posted on 02/17/2013

I have gone for dinner with my children and had a glass of wine, but NEVER would I go out just to drink. If I had the intent to have a few, it's to a friends house who lives down the street that I can walk to and from. It's what you don't say that sends a stronger message. If your going to drink around your kids, be responsible about it. If I plan to drink a lot, my children deserve the respect not to see me in an altered state. It all boils down to the what if? Your life could change in a heartbeat all because you wanted a beer.

Charity - posted on 02/16/2013

I think it is interesting to see everyone's perspective on this topic from each end of the spectrum. I grew up in a household where drinking alcohol was a horrible sin. Anyone that we knew that drank and even drank responsibly was looked down upon. Being an adult brings a much different perspective. To each there own as long as children are cared for and loved.

Monica - posted on 02/16/2013

I understand that you want to have a more `grown up` life but I believe it is wrong to have alcohol around kids. It teaches them it's ok to drink alcohol and let's face it, not everybody has a lot of self control when it comes to drinking. No alcohol around children, period!

Emma - posted on 02/15/2013

Does anyone ever wish people would stop judging and slagging off others? Can't go one day without someone attacking someone else. It's hard enough being a mum as it is sometimes, without the pressure of other mums judging you. If you have a strong opinion about something then try not to make it sound like you're sat on your high horse because your so perfect. No-one is perfect. Bless you all. Spread love not hate.

Victoria - posted on 02/14/2013

Sadly, so many Americans feel that ANY alcohol around kids is terrible. I think you need to model appropriate alcohol use as you would any other behavior. Otherwise you leave the door open for abuse issues like binge drinking when they leave home. We've always been moderate around the kids in our alcohol use and never acted as though it was "forbidden fruit", so when our kids left home it wasn't a big deal.

Charity - posted on 02/13/2013

Having A SINGLE drink while watching kids I truly do not see as an issue and unless you got wasted and and did not take care of your kids although drinking and being drunk are two very different things.Drinking responsibly as in 1-2 drinks and acting responsible is reasonable. "Having a drink and watching kids at the same time is asking to get your kids taken away from you though if anything goes wrong"-Jay I would have to say then many more children would be taken away from parents during backyard summer BBQ's and the foster care system would double.

Jay - posted on 02/12/2013

Wanting a drink is not a bad thing. Having a drink and watching kids at the same time is asking to get your kids taken away from you though if anything goes wrong. Invite friends over after kids go to bed for a drink or find a baby sitter and go out with your friends. I have no problem with a small glass of wine with dinner when kids are up though. :)

Charity - posted on 02/08/2013

I am a mom of 3 kids 4, 1 and 1 ( twins) I appreciate a nice cold beer or glass of wine during my kids nap times sometimes. It is my time to relax and that is one way that I helps me relax. I on rare occasions ( 1-2X every other month)enjoy a few hours at the local bar to unwind with other mothers and friends while hubby has the kids at home. I would never get drunk or close to the line with my children in tow at all. I went to our neighbors super bowl party and enjoyed a beer and a glass of wine over a 4 hour period and took care of my children. unfortunately there are too many irresponsible parents who don't know when to stop but you should enjoy a drink now and again responsibly, is fine even with kids.

Sal - posted on 02/04/2013

Wanting a drink is fine... Most mums do at some point grab a big glass of wine and thank god they survived the day. It is perfectly normal, how ever wanting to drink at the end of a long day or enjoying a drink with friends (any excuse is a good one in my books) is VASTLY different to wanting to drink to make life enjoyable or needing a drink to cope.... So just make sure you are looking to drink for the right reasons, loneliness, boredom or excessive stress are not good ready s to drink
There was a you tube clip about mother hood I saw recently that said. " I joined a book club so I can drink some wine" and man do I know that feeling, so make. Few event with some friends where you can have a drink now and then, is there a rule against drinking in the play ground? I know here we can hear to the beach or park with a picnic and a drink no problems, make a book club, craft group, lunch club where having a drink at someone's house in turn so the kids can go along and the mums get a nice lunch or just be grown ups, my friends and I used to meet and have facials pedicures dye each others hair do lunch and wine a couple of times a month, we felt and looked great!!!

Marilyn - posted on 02/04/2013

You should open that kid friendly venue! And call me if you need help!

I'm not a child psychologist, but I remember growing up and wondering what was the big secret about alcohol. My parents drank around me, and never BSed me about it. Then I started going to school with kids who came from families that clearly sheltered them from it. It's not like these kids had no idea that alcohol existed, but they had no idea what it actually did to a person, and I remember thinking how stupid all their crazy suppositions were. (I think I breifly befriended a fifth grade girl who claimed a woman makes babies by drinking alcohol...she clearly missed a few steps in between that my 12-year-old self did not see as my place to fill her in on)

I don't believe parents who attempt to shelter their kids, from alcohol or anything else, are doing them any favors. This world is a tough place to raise kids, and I can sympathize with your feeling like you need a drink every now and then. Personally, I don't see the harm in drinking alcohol around your children. It doesn't make you an irresponsible parent. Just like you would around older kids and other adults, be responsible about it. It's people who drink and drive, drink excessively, or get drunk and go crazy that are setting a bad example, giving all drinking parents a bad rep. I think what matters to your kids, and the measure of a good parent, is the time you spend with them, and that you let them know they matter the most to you. Last I checked, constant sobriety is not a necessary ingredient for showing affection, hun. If your 6-year-old or 4-year-old is one of those ultra-curious types that asks you what you're drinking and presses you on it, don't hide away all embarrassed. Tell them the truth: The confidence in your answer will reassure them that what you're doing is ok. "Yes, I am drinking a beer in front of you. And no, you can't have one. I am an adult and you are a child."

Hey, you openly drive your car in front of your kid, right, but you wouldn't let your kid drive it. There is a difference between using and mis-using a substance. Drinking is not the same as getting drunk. Driving a car is not the same as crashing it. Again, I'm no doctor, but it seems to me to worry about drinking in front of your kid increasing their risk of alcoholism is up there with worrying about increasing your kids' risk of committing arson by exposing him to a camp fire.

Barbie - posted on 01/31/2013

Girl! I would drink every day! Mine are 9 and 3 and drive me nuts!! I just turned 30 and I'm already wishing they were 18!! Haha

Ali - posted on 01/31/2013

I understand the need for an occasional drink to unwind after a hard day or week. I really don't think all the harsh judgement going on here is helpful. People shouldn't throw stones. I myself prefer not to drink, that doesn't mean I don't enjoy a drink from time to time. My best advice however, is for you to look into a support group if you think you may have a deeper issue at hand. You may be depressed. But if you think a drink will help ease you, go for it, only drink in the evening after the kids go to bed. This way there's no really worry that they could catch mommy tipsy and perhaps off guard. I would make sure your hubby is home incase of an emergency though (drink responsibly). Drinking during the day in my opinion is ok but with children at hand it's a whole different story. Even if you have a sober drive available it's not an example anyone wants to set for there kids. Although many have done it, do it or will, at least once in there lives. We all attend parties, weddings, brunches etc where there's almost always alcohol, drinking parents and children running about playing while the adults "socialize". So for anyone to act aghast is outright judgemental and just plain silly.

Sady - posted on 01/31/2013

Ladies, don't let super judgmental mothers get to you. We're not all going to agree and that's the beauty of it. The moms who are against drinking around their kiddos or at all need something to fill their time to talk about and us mommies who do enjoy our cocktails and wine will all get a good laugh from their audacity. Y do you care what they think anyways? I'd be willing to bet money the hater mommies are the ones that schedule sex with their husbands and lose sleep over the lemon squares for the PTA meetings. Do you really want to take advice from someone like that? Just live your life, have a drink (if you want) and have a good time. Let the simple minds think what they will, its their time and energy being wasted, not yours. ;-)

Bonnie - posted on 01/30/2013

Gosh people don't act like u ain't ever wanted drink before

Gina - posted on 01/29/2013

Ladies! Your making me want to drink!
What a topic!
I agree that what we each choose to do is our own business, until it starts affecting others..
If woman are drinking at playgrounds and childhood outings who is supposed to be responsible?
Usually the men are the ones drinking, making fools of themselves.
What are we becoming? As women, we should be united, and focused on the greater things. We are raising the future. This country is falling apart, and who is teaching the next generation? Do we want it to be us, or the government? This whole topic just makes me scared. Scared of what can happen if we don't stick together. I don't think having a beer or glass of wine at night is a bad thing, but do we have to bring it to the park? Do we want our children drinking at the park? Or at all for that matter.
I don't judge anyone.
But i think it is time for us all to start thinking about tomorrow instead of today.
I can't even imagine what i would do if i lost my child to a drunk driver.
I hope such a mother didn't have to be subjected to this conversation. To many children die each year due to drunk driving accidents.
Good luck to all of you.

Laura - posted on 01/24/2013

This may be a taboo topic. The only time I have ever drank during the day was at a BBQ. I believe that as a parent, you should set the best examples you can for your children. My kids have seen me only drink one alcoholic drink at a time and it is usually at night time. I would never want my kids to grow up thinking its okay to down drink after drink. I would absolutely love to relax and have a few during the day. I think my day would seem less stressful lol! But, I could never do that. I think it is fine to have 'a' drink during the day at apropriate places. Dinner, pro ball games, BBQs, things of that nature. I personally don't think it's right to drink at playgrounds, kids sporting events, amusement parks ect.... Set up play dates with other kids and moms hanging around while the kids play and the moms chat. Have a special cocktail for the moms. Just don't get drunk! There are many ways to relax and enjoy the day. Just be responsible the way you do it. Make sure the child's safety comes first.

Trish - posted on 01/24/2013

LOL I wasn't saying pop pills during the day, I was saying if the stress is too much for her, perhaps she needs to see her doctor to get a prescription of something that will help her get through her day - sounds as though she not coping..

Jodi - posted on 01/24/2013

This just gets better and better.....now we are being advised to pop pills instead "to take the edge off". Honestly, if you are doing all these things in the middle of the day while you are supposed to be supervising and looking after your children, just to "calm your mood" (popping pills, boozing, etc), then there is SOMETHING VERY WRONG AND YOU NEED TO GET HELP!!! PERIOD!!!

Trish - posted on 01/24/2013

I so relate.. Thank goodness for booze!
nothing wrong with the way you are feeling.. drinking with such little ones could take the edge off, but in the long run, not a good idea, why not take "happy pill's" - these will calm your mood..
your doctor can prescribe "Alzam" - it's to take the edge off...
I swear by them!

Ianda - posted on 01/23/2013

I understand,even if you buy some beers or mixers for the house you can still have your down time. Thats what i do, and my kids are 13, 7, and 6. It is nothing wrong with it as long as you dont neglect your children.

Alita - posted on 01/21/2013

Maria

I am seeing NOTHING wrong with your desire to hang out with other parents and just chill and have a drink.
I am from NY but not currently living there now.. I have 3 children myself and can't always find someone to stay with the younger ones. I would love to just go out ofr a drink and hang out and have some adult conversation. In NY there are a few family friendly bar/lounges

I have never been though I just learned about them recently and never really thought about going until now that I am living away from all friends and family and have no sitters :(
And desperately need to find new friends

I am attaching a link for you to look over..

(I should have asked where you live first. But maybe in your area there are a few)

http://nymag.com/nightlife/features/kid-...



Alita :)

Maria - posted on 01/19/2013

LOL sorry to burst your bubble but more than one person have the name maria in this world.

Cecilia - posted on 01/18/2013

yea i could use a drink today.