am i wrong to think i deserve a vacaton too??

Danielle - posted on 03/06/2010 ( 37 moms have responded )

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well every year my husband and some frieds and family take a motorcycle trip for a week. and i am happy he gets to take a break because he deserves it he works hard for our family and i appreciate all he does for us. but i really would luv if i could take a vacation even if it was a weekend, but when it comes to me taking a vacation he always say "oh well if you take a vacation who will watch the kids"? its like he gets to take his vacation and i am with the kids easy as that. but i wish for once he would just say "hunny if you need a break we will find a way to make it work". but it never happens that way. i guess just sometimes i feel like its always about my husband and i just get over looked sometimes because "its my job to watch the kids" thats what i am told any way. am i the only one that feels this way, am i totaly wrong for wanting a break? i try to talk to my husband about it and he just comes up with every reason why i cant, or hell say "oh you need a vacation away from me uh"?, but its not like that at all . just dont know what to do does anyone have any advice?

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Kristin - posted on 03/07/2010

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No, you are not wrong at all. You need to recharge periodically. I told my husband that I get one day for each year of our children's lives each year and that time is adding up. I told him that I would be happy to take care of the details myself, including arranging for child care, but he might not like the price tag. I, also, mentioned that until I got MY vacation, there would be no OUR vacation. He's arranging a weekend at a local B&B for me now. It doesn't make a dent, but I applaude his effort.

It is okay to take time for yourself, because we give everything to our families and next to nothing to ourselves. You are happy to stay home and care for your children, but you are NOT a single parent. As a SAHP, your job is NOT a regular job, it IS 24 hours a day 7 days a week year round. He may bring home a paycheck, but his responsibility to the family include caring for the children he helped create when you need to recharge and care for yourself.

Do you get anytime for yourself? A few moms I know have swapped sitting for each other. I would watch my neighbors kids for a couple of hours while she did whatever, and she would watch mine for a couple of hours so I could get a pedi or my hair done or just go hide in a coffee shop with a book and a latte. It's a thought and what I believe also constitutes supporting other moms. Wish I could help more, Good Luck!

Moni - posted on 03/06/2010

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It's difficult when our husbands work so hard outside of the house that we feel like it's also our job, in addition to everything else we do, to make sure they have time to relax, often at our own expense. I do agree that it seems quite unfair for you to have to find some way to pay for yourself to visit family...raising your children is your job, working outside of the house is his...the income belongs to both. Honestly, you need to sit him down, get someone to come in and sit with the kiddos for a few hours, and just talk. Write things out so your thoughts aren't jumbled and/or too emotional. Men think differently than we do and need to be presented information in a different manner than we do. I have had many discussions with my hubby when I start feeling overwhelmed or under-appreciated, but I make sure to present my thoughts and feelings in a way that is best for communicating with him. Also, let your hubby watch the kiddos for a few hours while you run some errands...sometimes they need a reminder that the kids don't care for the house and the house doesn't run itself...your job is hard! Hope this helped a little bit. Good luck.

[deleted account]

I wrote that without reading your second post, and I have to say THAT IS HORRIBLE!!! It broke my heart. Seriously. You do work, just as many hours as he does, so how does he justify that he gets a vacation and you don't?
Furthermore, it is HIS responsibility to pay for you to visit your family and to go on vacations if he is the only one working outside the home.

Michelle - posted on 03/12/2010

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Hi Danielle! I totally understand what you're saying. my husband can be a lot like yours, he works and i stay at home, he thinks i'm just relaxing at home all day doing fun things, watching tv, or going driving around town and stuff, when i'm actually running the kids all around, cleaning 24-7 and cooking, and i don't mind it because i am the mom and want the best for my kids BUT they are the fathers, just because their whole day is spent working outside the home and just because their job is the only one that makes money, doesnt mean they should be able to come home sit down and play video games while we continue cleaning and cooking and bathing the kdis and EVERYTHING while they basically just become an extra "kid" to care for! my husband and I have been having a LOT of talks about this and when he gets home from iraq next month he swears up and down that it will be different, so i really hope it will....i want him to come home and help me with dishes or laundry after dinner, help with baths and putting the kids to bed, and then we BOTH can sit and relax once the kids are asleep. i think you need to talk with you husband about the same thing. and if i were you i would TOTALLY stick to your plan about the trip, I actually just took a 4 month trip home to california and while i was there i had my mom and mother-in-law to watch the kids so i could go spend time with my friends and it was SO GREAT! .....too bad being in the military means we HAVE to stay here in TX and i have no friends here, but it was still nice to have me time. and my husband paid for it because he had to! haha its your money as much as it is his, just take a little out of the bank each month and put it someplace where you can save it up for your trip, and then it won't seem like so much money to him and if you need to sell stuff too, thats fine but he def. needs to pitch in, you are his wife! he pretty much owes it to you for running his household. and i agree with the post above saying you should plan a little get away first, like a WHOLE DAY, pick one if his days off and go do whatever you feel like doing, even if its going for a walk, going to the mall, getting your nails done....theres a lot to do and you dont awlays have to spend money, but the point is to get away from everything and not feel stressed, and to leave your kids with their father for a whole day to let him get an idea for what it is that you do...and maybe even ask you husband if he'd cook dinner that night or something or ask him to do a few of your normal "chores" so that he gets a good feel for the SAHM duties!! but of course, when i ask my husband to help out he just says, ok fine i can do it...and after he does it he says "that wasnt hard i could do that!" but then he reverts back to getting home and playing video games instead of helping unless i ASK him which is SOO ANNOYING! just like having a Big Kid....good luck with everything...if you lived close i would totally say we need to plan a day trip to austin or SOMEWHERE just to get you and i both out of the house! lol....i hope you can work out your trip to the beach!!

Bethany - posted on 03/10/2010

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I agree Sue, my work comes with me where ever I go, in the form of my 1 year old. I wouldn't have it any other way, she's a charm, but at the moment, it does seem that a vacation is just the same work in a different set of rooms. So I make sure the accom. includes bfast, and we eat out for every meal, and we take lots of clothes and nappies, so no washing (until we get home!)

You know what would be a nice anniversary present if you can't get away, would be a housekeeper for the day to get the house all spruced up without you lifting a finger, then dinner out. I must remember that for mine in May...

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Sue - posted on 03/10/2010

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No, you are not wrong for feeling like that at all. Seems like we all have a lot in common. My husband is gone all the time and does not want to or desire to spend time with us. We have no family or friend support for help with child care except for a neighbor who does daycare and she helps me out. She is my savior. We never had a honeymoon and our 5th wedding anniversary is in May. And with our 2 kids 2-1/2 and 1-1/2 yrs old we have never had time alone or as a family vaction or get away. My husband always complains it's to much work. I have thought about going alone with the kids. So I would suggest that we moms always need a recharge so if you want plan a get away with the kids yes, I know it won;t be peace and quiet but a change of seonary is nice. Hope this helps.

Amy - posted on 03/10/2010

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I know this might sound weird but I also think you need to ask your husband for your own money. Before I had kids I had a well paying management role at an IT company and when we chose SAHM career for me the biggest concern I had was my money. Yes we have a shared account where everything goes in and out but I have never been questioned about what I spend in life and was not about to start. So now I have my own account where I save my own money, call it an allowance but it is mine to do what I want with and it is transferred from my husband into my acct money. Even if it is just $50/mth its yours to save up and do what you want. This is not in any way money for the house or my clothes or anything like that. If I want a vacation I will use that (which I am saving for 2011 summer holiday for the 3 kids and I ). My husband is a consultant, on the road alot and works for himself so hours are sometimes insane, but luckily he doesnt ask to go away on his own at all. He has his boys nights, but I have my girls days instead where I leave the kids with my parents and go out with my other SAHM's and it works out for us all. We each feel re-energized afterwards.

Tamara - posted on 03/10/2010

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You definately need to take a vacation too. Its alot of work staying at home with the kids. My boys are 3yr and 1yr and although they play together they also play apart so its constant entertaining cleaning and meal planning all day long. I sometimes get that grocery store break too but its hardly that. My husband said he wanted to go away with his friends in May and I said fine I'm going somewhere too. No problem! Although if he didn't have anywhere to go I think it would have been more of a "discussion" with the same out come. We are both in the middle of planning friends vacations for May/June. Mine is Vegas! We've decided at least one vacation a year just for us and a family one too. Just plan it and go!

Sharmesha - posted on 03/09/2010

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i understand completely and in my case it was worse.... my hubby came home for RR leave from his deployment so he could be there for the birth of my second child Rose..... he was drunk while i was having my C section.....and tells me " well i've been in the sand box for 6 months... i deserve it" and now he's gone i stopped breast feeding and he tells me to wait on him to have fun or not to go at all my place it at home....... so you know what in a polite manner tell him im going to have my free time or else i will crap out from doing nothing but taking care of our kids and catering to you...... or else he will never understand

Bethany - posted on 03/09/2010

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Then just do it. Or put them in a hiding place and say you sold them on Ebay. If he loves them so much, he can buy another, or if he spits, you can give them back. God, it's like we're discussing a 3 year old!
No grown man should be spending time playing video games. Good grief, enough is enough! Life is so short, he's wasting so much time.
Maybe next time he's playing video games, you sit near him and just read a magazine or a book, and waste time with him, put your feet up, and if anything needs doing, just leave it, and if the kids need something just look at him until he says something. Say "you're their Father, this is what Fathers do, they look after their kids, so go on! I'm not the sole caregiver here, we're a team! Or are we?"

Jennifer - posted on 03/09/2010

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I too am a stay at home mommy for two. BC (before children) i was very successful and well paid. It has been the hardest thing I have ever done and my husband and I have the same miss "understanding" about free time and paying for it. My approach is this: I am a full time house keeper and as such, I need Vacation and sick days. I couldn't dream of having a full week without my kids but I do take "scrap booking" weekends quarterly. I find the cheepest local hotel and check in saturday and out sunday afternoon. Invite a girlfriend if you want or..... Get a sitter lined up for saturday night and have your hubby pick you up for dinner and drop you back at your room. It is romantic and relaxing. I put on jammies and lay around and I might touch some craft stuff. One time I read a book from 3 in the afternoon until 12 the next day. Excluding sleep time. No TV or screaming babies. At first the hubby was a pain about it but when I came home back to me, he started helping me plan the next "trip"

Amy - posted on 03/09/2010

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I think every mom has or does feel that way sometimes. People who work outside of the home just don't understand that being an at home mom is a job in itself without the luxury of a lunch break or a vacation. My daughter is 8 months old and a couple of weeks ago I was feeling like I needed a little "me time." My daughter goes to bed around 7:30pm so I looked online earlier that day to find movie times and I went to see a movie with me, myself and I that evening. Her daddy was responsible for feeding her and putting her to bed that night, and I enjoyed my few hours all to myself.

Yes, it is important to have family time/vacations, and couple time, and it is just as important to have "me time." Please don't neglect yourself.

[deleted account]

I think you should tell your husband it is 2010......not 1910 and since he helped make the children, he can help look after them. especially when you need a break, because honey.....we all deserve a vacation! And maybe it is wise to just start small, a weekend away at first. or even a night because it is better than nothing. You gotta stand up and speak up to get what you want......and what you absolutely deserve.

Melissa - posted on 03/09/2010

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If he says "you need a vacation away from me?" I would ask him if that is what his week away is? getting away from you. Sometimes guys have to have things drilled into their heads. Yes you do deserve some time to yourself. Even if it is a long weekend. You should be able to leave the house and he can watch the kids. Or did he forget he was the father? I mean come on. Oh and honestly you are not the only one to feel this way. I am just really lucky that when I start feeling like this and my husband notices, he kicks me out of the house even if it is only for the day to hang out with my girlfriends. Good luck.

Danielle - posted on 03/09/2010

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wow, thank you all again. i have talked to my mom and i think this summer we (just her and i and maybe my sister) are going to go to the ocean for a weekend or something, i will plan it price it all out so i know how much to save then a couple weeks before let him know about it. when it comes down to it i think that he thinks he is doing nothing wrong, i think he thinks that i am being selfish and that the time he gives me now should be enough, well i dont think its enough if i dont feel refreshed when i come back. to me grocery shopping is not relaxing its just another job that i do.

Bthany- oh it would be so great if i could sell his video games, that would mack my day..lol

Glo - posted on 03/09/2010

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You life sounds just like mine was. I had 5 kids, was a SAHM for the first 12 years of our married life. My husband liked to go hunting for 3 weeks each year with his buddies and several weekend throughout they year also, while I stayed home and did what I normally did every day and was a god little wife and mother. Then one day a few months after my twins were born, I joined a Mother of Twins Club and they asked me if I wanted to go to their yearly Convention. I thought it sounded like something I really needed. When I told my husband about it, he said about the same thing your husband said. Who will babysit the kids? Or take care of the house? We can't afford it! Etc, etc, etc! The subject was dropped! He had decided I was not going! But I didn't! I paid the registration fee (I knew money was not a problem even though he always said it was) and told him the dates I would be gone. We argued about it and he insisted I was not going. On the day I was supposed to leave, my friend called to say she was on the way to pick me up. He still insisted I was not going. When my friend got there I grabbed my suit case, gave him a kiss on the cheek and got in the car and left him standing at the door with a baby in each arm! It was the best thing I had ever done for myself, our children and our marriage! That was 27 years ago! Ever since that day I am an equal in both our eyes. He no longer "babysits", they are his children as much as mine. If I am not "babysitting", neither is he. We take care of our children, whether it be together or separately. I have a say in things around the house. With the finances. Even what we have for dinner! WE take vacations together, I no longer go to conventions but did for 20 years. He still goes hunting with his buddies but I no longer resent him for doing it. I have gone on vacations with my grown daughters without him a few times. And if I want to have a night out with the girls once in a great while, I do it. Both of us know how much we both need this time away from each other as much as we need time together!

He does not own you. You are not the built in maid, babysitter and lover! You are his equal. But he will never treat you like an equal until he has walked in your shoes! Stand up for yourself. If the results are not like they were for me, then I am sorry. But at this point, life sucks anyway and is not worth hanging onto! I know, I've "been there, done that"! But will never do it again! And you shouldn't either!

Bethany - posted on 03/09/2010

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Sell the video games and console to pay for it.

"educate" your husband that he is not a babysitter, he is a Father.

Make the plans, tell him the plans, and GO.

Just one weekend with kids will give him an idea of what you do every day. Longer will just teach him more.

Lucy - posted on 03/09/2010

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I think if you have had so much trouble getting through to your husband, you should ask him to read this thread!



When I had to go on a four week course of physiotherapy for a spinal condition I have, my husband bent over backwards to arrange his work so that he could take the whole time off and be at home with the kids 9-5 when I was at the clinic. Sure, he found it hard work and was nervous about it to begin with, but he never questioned that it was the right thing to do. He knows I would do the same for him, because that is what a partnership is!



Your husband needs to realise that whilst he is working, you are working. You have both had a hard day, so once he is home it should be considered that both of your working days are over, and anything that is left (cooking dinner, getting up to the kids etc) should be shared equally.



If for whatever reason you were not around, your husband would have to employ 3 people to fulfill your role to the standard that you do- a house keeper, a nanny and a night nurse. Maybe that needs pointing out to him.

Naomi - posted on 03/09/2010

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Well to him and his best friend being a mother is not a job. He's the reason i'm a bitch and I hate it when he watches tv without havin to worry about the boys. He can go to sleep anytime he wants.

[deleted account]

No you do need a break and deserve a break just like he does. Sounds like he doesn't appreciate anything you do. Yes you look after the children when he's at work but he has to accept some responsibility too. How about compromising and agreeing to go on a family holiday rather than him going on his little escapade and you being stuck at home!

Naomi - posted on 03/08/2010

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I think that you should have a break for a weekend. I have a 2yr old and a 2month old and sometimes all I want is an hour to myself but, it never happens.

Stephanie - posted on 03/08/2010

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P.S~ I hate to say it but your husband is being SELFISH for not caring about your needs. He gets to take a WEEK away from his family?! I would not let my husband take that much time away from his family and he works 12 hr days! I would say it would be only fair if maybe he took a day or two off like that but not a week! Anyway, your husband needs to start thinking about you because that's unfair.
A way maybe for him to feel better about it is if you and him took a romantic night off or a weekend getaway if possible. But if your trying to get away from him all together then take a day off with friends you DESERVE it honey and its not fair that you don't get to have a break and he does!!

Stephanie - posted on 03/08/2010

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Omg you are right! I feel that way too. Sometimes people don't understand that taking care of kids is more than a full time job and exhausting and tiring. We NEED to have our BREAKS and lil vacations to keep us sane! Plus that way we can do our job better because we can go back to our lives, not take things for granted/appreciate it more, and be better wives and mothers. Do it for yourself and your family! If your husband can't watch the kids for long periods or you can't get a reliable sitter then what about a day out with the friends? Even lil moments out without the kids are golden.

Marcy - posted on 03/08/2010

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Find a sitter and go away for a break. He might work, but he's not at home all the time. He might be at work but he's around people too.

Diane - posted on 03/08/2010

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I am going through this with my husband as well. I will never understand the question of "who will watch the kids" umm....aren't you the father? I will never understand why my husband and evidently many others think that if I take half a day to myself on the weekend we need to hire a babysitter so he can rest after his long eight hour days at the office.

Felicia - posted on 03/08/2010

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Sounds pretty selfish of your husband. Do yourself a favor.....call Grandma, Auntie, Uncle whoever, ask if they can take the kids for the weekend.....go to a spa, get a body scrub and a massage...You will feel so much better. Your husband needs to realize that although you don't get paid for it, you do have a job. Taking care of kids is alot of work.

Danielle - posted on 03/08/2010

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tabby, when my kids were babys my husband, not even one time woke up with them, and you know what he said as to why he never did? he said it was because he had to wake up and go to work! and you know i can say that, that is part of the reason i dont want anymore kids its because i know i will do it all alone, the waking up in the midle of the night several times a night to feed the baby or to change the baby or to just show some love to the baby. those times when my kids were babies is was so hard on me and i loved to be with them but i would have loved it if one time my husdand would have said "no hunny you stay in bed, i will go get the baby" but you know what, not one time did he do that for me.
i am not saying he never does anything for me but the times he does is seldom, thats the times i dont ask him to help me anyways. and you know what to top it all off, there are times that i even mow the lawn so that when he gets home from a long day he doesnt have to do it. i have many long days and i fell like he doesnt realize it just because i am at home with the kids. i feel like i get taken for granted.
i totaly agree with you on him being a hypocrite over the whole vacation thing. and you know what he always tells me, onto why he doesnt want me to go on vacation? he tells me that he doesnt want anything to happen to me. well dang something could happen to me at anytime, but i shouldnt have to sit in the house for the rest of my life.
i think he could take a three day weekend and stay home and watch the kids while i go for a mini vacation, i am really going to try and do that this summer, i will set some money aside and do it and if he gets upset i am sure he will get over it:) thank you tabby for the advice, i will try and stand up for what i need:)

Tabby - posted on 03/08/2010

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You sound stuck an yes you deserve a break too.. he may feel you should take less of one, like half a day or something. It's not fair for him to run off and have all this fun and leave you like that.. at least that's how i feel. You should have a break too. "who will watch the kids?" a family member or friend you trust! My husband is in the army and wakes up very early to go to PT and then goes the whole day working, well he saw how hard it was on me, so he decided to take turns getting up with our son, one will get up every time he cried, while the other slept, but we were separated by rooms.. Your husband should work something out to help you! there's a chance he may not even notice what he's doing and may not see that he isn't being fair.. I think he may take these trips and take you for granted like, yeah of course i can go, my wife is watching the kids.. it would have been better if he made the vacation about his family and not just him! I have to agree with you, it does sound like you are being overlooked. Stand your ground. I know your feeling guilty about wanting a break and your husband is making you think you don't need one, but the truth is that you do, kids can wear you out like his job can.. it's repeated, busy, constant and you don't have YOU TIME! your time is important and he needs to see that! He sounds very controlling, and needing a vacation away from him.. please.. if i were you, i would have said,"so when you go on your bike trips, is that you needing a vacation away from me?!?" He can't be a hypocrite. He needs to fix his insecurities. Everything he does, you should be able to do. But the best advice i can give you is to ask a close family member that has a good relationship with your kids and ask them to keep them for a day at least. I hope this all works out for you. I'm sorry that is happening to you.

Danielle - posted on 03/08/2010

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oh and bridgett, i would luv to beable to go to work, i miss working. i mean i know i am so blessed to beable to stay at home with the kids, but i am not hte type that can just sit at home and clean 24/7, that doesnt meant i dont clean because i do thats all i do. i would just like to do something othern then clean and take care of the kids and what ever else i have to do. dont get me wrong i luv to take care of my family but sometimes i feel like i can do more too, you know??

Danielle - posted on 03/08/2010

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thank you all very very much for all your advice:) i really needed to hear some encouragment.
kelly, i do agree that i should not have to find my own money to pay for my vacation especially since i am a stay at home mom. and he is the one bringing in the money. i mean what does he expect me to do go pick it off the money tree?:) i feel like sometimes i give up alot and he doesnt give up enough. you know?
kristin, yes i do get some time alone hear and there, when i go grocery shopping, but thats me actually working so i dont know if that counts or not i really dont count it because its something i have to do as i am the mom. i went to the movies in november but its been since then i guess since i have been out with no hubby and no kids. and i have my sister in law a couple of blocks away but everytime i ask her to watch the kids while i run in to town or what ever it seems like its a big deal. and i feel the same way when i ask my mother in law. and my mom is always working so she cant really watch them either. you see i dont get out much and i really dont have any friends i get really down and lonley sometimes. i guess thats probably why i get so stressed, i really dont have a girlfriend to go do anything with or to vent to. i wish some of you moms that i have talked to were a little closer:)
bridget, wow i wish i could just pack a bag for a weekend and go without even asking him, but i dont think that would work, i know i shouldnt have to ask him if its ok i sould just beable to go, but i know it just would happen with out a fight:(
i just would luv if my hisband came home and helped out a little more instead of coming home and playing video games! i would luv to just go to a movie all by my self and enjoy my alone time i might have to try it sometime.
thank you all so so much you really dont know how much all the replys mean to mean.

Bridgett - posted on 03/07/2010

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no you are not wrong at all for feeling that way you deserve it maybe more than your husband....i hear people say all the time that being a mother is a full time job and the hardest job ever and i truly believe that it is true...no one works harder than a mother....i understand that a husband works hard and we are lucky to have them but i work and ive even worked with my husband and i know by experience that its nothing compared to a day with my children.... i actually love going to work it gets me out of the house and i am stress free for eight hours....so i would have to say that yes you do deserve it and no DO NOT feel bad for feeling this way...and another thing i would have to say is that he is their father soo its ok for when he gets home on friday that you have your bags packed and dont ask him tell him that you are going and you will be back in a couple days....i dont ask my husband if he could watch our children when i go somewhere because just like me that is his job they are his children also...so stand up for yourself and go have a nice vaca and relax!!!!!!!!

Medic - posted on 03/06/2010

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Wow Danielle I know how you feel about wanting a break but thankfully my husband likes happy wife not mega bitch wife so he always tells me to just go out with my friends and he will watch the kids. He is military and knows that he wont always just get to sit at home with them.....last year I needed a break bad...not really from then our only child but more just from our house so me and some girl friends went on a 2 day spur of the moment trip...our son was going to stay with him but last min wanted to come so daddy got some alone time and mommy got to not look at the house for 2 days......Speak up for yourself....I love my kids to death but sometimes I need mommy time that does not include children or our house.....I have even just gone home to my parents and just slept for a whole weekend because they enjoy the kids and could care less if I'm a functioning member of society while I'm there.

[deleted account]

You need a vacation as much as he does. I agree that it sounds like your relationship could use some attention and TLC. These are some things that my husband and I do:

The Mini Vacation: This is a short vacation, not far from home. We usually drive down to the ocean, up to the mountains, or just down to one of the historic cities in the state. We pay a niece or trusted teen (17 or older) to come with us to watch our son when we want to do something romantic, or not kid oriented. We usually rent 2 rooms with an adjoining door or stay at a bed and breakfast. Our son sleeps with the sitter & we get our own room. We still do lots of stuff with our son (and the sitter) but it's nice to take a walking tour, or hit a romantic restaurant, without him. Plus it takes the stress of having to conform to his schedule off of our shoulders.

The BIG Family Vacation: We time our longer vacations with other family members or friends who have kids. That way we don't have to rent an extra room or pay a sitter to come with us, but we can still leave the kid with someone for a few hours away. Grandparents are the best because they don't really like to go out as much and they tend to cherish time with the grandkids, plus you don't have to watch their kids in exchange. If we go with friends, we usually agree to watch their kids for each time they watch ours. It is important to make time to be with "just your family" as well as time to hangout all together as a big group. Also, I don't recommend sharing a house or cabin. Instead opt for separate hotel rooms or apartments in the same building, or separate cabins close together. Melding two or more big families in one place can lead to A LOT of stress if one family has way higher "neatness" standards than the other, or different schedules for kids naps and such.

Hope these help some. Try to schedule in some time just for you at home too--like going to a movie without the kids and hubby, or getting a facial, or just chilling at your favorite coffee shop for a couple hours with a great book. Do something for just you, all by yourself at least once a week if you can't get in a whole vacation.

Danielle - posted on 03/06/2010

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thank you both very much for your help:) judy wow, sounds like we have a lot in common, my husband has had his own business for the past year and the kids and i are lucky to see him 2 hours of the day. we miss him so much. i agree that its nice that he gets his vacation he needs one but so does his wife and kids. i do think that for one year he could just not go and him and i and the kids could have our own family vacation. but if i were to ask him to not go wow i dont think he would be happy about it. i have thought about taking the kids and going on a mini vacation with them even if he cant go. and to top it off i also get up set when his trip is paid for by the business and when we all go back up to michigan to visit my family i have to find my own way to pay for it, last year so we could all go i went through the house and sold everything we hadnt used, i was so proud of my self but at the same time it upset me that i had to find a way to pay for it. i am a stay at home mom i dont get paid, but i still found a way:) but it would be nice, i dont know to not feel like i am in his shadow. does that sound stupid??
and lisa i so need to be refreshed!! i am witht he kids 24/7 i get stressed and i think if i was a refreshed mommy i could be a better mommy:) but he takes it as i want to get away from him and i dont.

Judy - posted on 03/06/2010

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Sounds like you and your husband's relationship has gotten lost in the shuffle. If dad AND mom don't have it together.... the kids will fall apart. You need to take time together for a vacation. The last four year my hubby has been busy starting his business and I have been having kids # 5, 6 and 7. No vacation for anyone. It is wearing tihin on all of us. This year he decided that no matter what WE the whole family need a break and is planning a trip for all. It sound to me like your hub hasn't decided to be part of his family (you and the kids) first then with his friends and other family. Take a vacation with the kids..... they need the get away too sometimes. Aside from that if he doesn't come on board...... figure out your own vacation either with kids or without. Save up for it, plan it. It doesn''t need to be expensive just a change of pace.

[deleted account]

I grew up in a family of girls. About 7 years ago all of my sisters and I started to feel the way you do. So we take a destination trip every year (our destination is where ever we can get the cheapest plane tickets) and we are gone for about four days. Dad has to play Mom and the kids are his for the days I am gone.. you go, girl!! Give yourself a break and you will come back refreshed.

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