Victoria - posted on 11/06/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )
Ever since I became a stay at home mom I've been feeling like a complete failure. Some days I feel like there's no hope. That I have to give up everything I ever dreamed of before my son (14 months) was conceived. I am 22. My husband works full time at a medical office. I quit my old job in June which wasn't much (hostess at a Japanese restaurant), but working and contributing financially made me feel important and i was able to be out of the house part of the day. At the time it seemed like the right thing to do. He was having to commute an hour 30. So we decided to move out of my house that I shared with my brothers into his parents house. I was happy we would have savings since he wasn't spending $20/day on gas anymore. But now all i do is sit at home with the baby and I am so depressed. I want to go back to school, but I have no babysitter. His mother works full time and his father is retired so i don't dare ask him for help because hes busy playing tennis or fixing things around the ect. I only ask him to watch him so i can shower. I just hate this hopeless feeling. When my husband comes home i seldom ask for help because hes home from a full day of work and wants to go to the gym, relax, or work on hobbies. If I do try to ask him for time to do things i like he complains and says he never has time for things he wants to do anymore. I hate what my life has become. I used to be a technical theatre major working in my field at just 19-20 yrs old. Then I got pregnant. I saw many of my friends have babies and were still able to go to school and work. A lot of them are working in the medical field. So i figured i can handle this. ill just have to work hard. but i cant even work or go to school. theyre moms and they work full time. Seeing that makes me feel like such a failure. Why can't I go back to school? My husband has two younger siblings that live at home. his sister 21 who goes to community college and works. and his brother 18 who is a full time student at San Francisco State. I feel like everyone in his family looks down on me like im a lazy failure. That I dont fo anything except take care of my son. I hate when friends and family ask me what i do all day. why arent I working. It is the most uncomfortable question. Ijust want to die when it comes up. I told my husband my biggest fear is dying without accomplishing anything significant besides having a son. I feel like the only thing I have to look forward to is my son becoming successful. Any other stay at home moms feeling what I'm feeling?