Laney - posted on 09/14/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )
I feel bad for the way i'm feeling. Don't get me wrong, i love my son. Hes two and while i know this is a difficult time period, i am overwhelmingly frustrated to the point of depression. My boyfriend (yes hes also the father) works 45 minutes away from home and i am home with my son all day, all night, everyday, all week. All of our family lives in the same area, 45 minutes away (we had to move far away because it was the only place available at the time we had to move. Our landlord foreclosed on the apartment we were in. This happened about a week after my son was born and the landlord actually moved to Florida and sent someone to the house everyday to tell us to get out. I was trying so hard to find a place we could afford and in the end, we ended up here.) . So i rarely see family and never see my friends. i cant even remember the last time i talked to my best friend. I've tried every game in the book to play during the day and my son is just not interested. I try to go for walks whenever i can, but my son refuses to let me go for walks with him. He will sit in the stroller and scream bloody murder until i turn around and take him back. (we live in the middle of nowhere so i cant blame him, there's really nothing to look at). But the other problem is that he wont play outside. in the summer our yard is plagued with horseflies, deer flies, massive spiders (which i'm terrified of), nats, bees, and an assortment or other things that will chase you to the ends of the earth if you don't run inside immediately. So its hard to go out in the summer. In this time hes become obsessed with the TV, its all he wants to do. if i take him out he immediately runs to the door and cries until i let him in, then runs to the tv and wants me to turn it on. I'm trying so hard to keep his attention on other things, but i'm also about four months pregnant with our second baby and its been a very rough pregnancy. I find even so early on in it that i become exhausted very quickly. I feel like i'm losing my mind here and its making me depressed and angry. I don't want to be like this around my son, but at the same time i cant help but feel like whats happening isn't very fair to me either. I feel a little selfish in this way and it makes me feel like a bad parent.