Anyone else jealous of their husband??

Lynda - posted on 02/11/2009 ( 36 moms have responded )

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My husband works out of town and in the evenings he gets to go to friends, movies and just relax. Sometimes I get jealous of him because before I got married I was hardly ever home. I was always out and about doing stuff. I have 2 boys, 5 yrs old and 3 yrs old. My 5 yr old is in kindergarten 4 full days a week and my 3yr old is in playschool 4 times a week, so I'm starting to get time to myself, but the evenings are still tough. I started to volunteer at the school with the Parent Advisory Committee (like a PTA) and it's hard to find babysitters, while he gets to go willy nilly all over at night and not worry about anything.



Don't get me wrong I love my husband and kids and my husband works hard at his job, but there are days I wish I could just go to a movie or out for coffee with friends and not have to take the kids or worry about getting someone to look after them.



Does anyone else feel that way? Am I the only one?

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Jennifer - posted on 02/12/2009

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I remember while I was pregnant with my twins, my husband used to say that kids weren't going to change what we enjoyed doing, we would just have to incorporate them in everything we like to do. Well that was eaisier said then done, he still gets to play hockey (he's on 2 teams), golf and play ball in the summer, he gets to sleep in on his days off (Which all of us moms know there is no such thing as a day off when you are a mother) he also gets sick days. Right now as I speak my hubby is over at our friends house while I'm at home because the babies are in bed. ARRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! I wish he would just get that maybe his life didn't need to stop but mine has done a complete 360. Now don't get me wrong I love being a mom and I love my hubby, but I wish he would just open his beautiful green eyes and put himself in my shoes for a day. I feel as though I'm having a identity crisis because I now longer know what I enjoy doing. I feel as though I have to refind myself and what I enjoy doing, but how can I when all of my time and energy is spent on my kids and husband. So don't worry Lynda because I'm pretty sure most moms feel the same way, we all appreciate our husbands for what they do but at the same time we are jealous that they can put the family on the side while they do things they enjoy or while they work, whereas we live and breath for our children and constantly think and worry for them.



 

Kristin - posted on 02/12/2009

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I do, but I'm just always mad at my husband. I have a  13 month old son. And since he's been born It seems me and my husband have gone in two different directions. Don't get me wrong I love my husband and my son to death. But I'm home all day everyday and he goes to work. And when he gets home from work its Kristin whats for dinner?  what did you do today?? He sits on the couch and takes his socks off  on the floor. And here I am trying to make dinner and take care of my son. I don't remember the last time me and my husband kissed. But Saturday is Valentines day and well see what happenes.  So yes Lynda there are others out there. We just need to take it one day at a time and just help each other out. Good luck.

Jamie - posted on 02/12/2009

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i fixed that problem about a week after our second was born. My hubby was gone at work all day from 6am to 3pm he got home about 4pm,  our daughter was 1 1/2 and had been screaming all day (she's a daddys girl). I could do nothing to settle her and was losing my mind. Jon came home and I handed our son over to him, showed him where our daughter was and walked out the door to go for coffee with my mom. Shortly after that I was diagnosed with depression, so when he gets home from work -nights now- If there's a problem with one of the kids he takes over and on his days off I'm free to whatever I please, wheather it be just hang out at home or go shopping or whatever. I quit lettin him decide when he was gonna be a daddy and made the decision for him. If I have to stay home with the kids or haul the double stroller around town just to get things done, then he could deal with it when he's not working. I love my babies and my hunny, but when enough is enough...got no other choice but to change things. I still have problems gettin him to the most easy BASIC things like dishes or bathtime or bedtime, but he can change a diaper like a pro and make a bottle in less than 30secs hahaha.  I hope this helps some of you....and I apologize if I seem like I'm bragging.



 



~Jamie~

Donielle - posted on 02/12/2009

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I can't tell u how good this post makes me feel. Not to say I like to see others unhappy but to know I'm not alone....wow, it just makes a world of a difference to know others understand where I am coming from!

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36 Comments

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Alatoru - posted on 04/09/2014

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Wow, am so relived dat I v like-minds and people dat feel wat am feeling rgt now. Am a mom of 2 ages 3 & 1, am nt tired of bin a mom n wif but smtyms I fel d world ll com crashin on me. I go 4 my biz in d mornin jus d same tym as hubby, got back same tym in d evening n he xpects me 2 Mak dinner, bath d kids, clean d hous n attend 2 his everi needs while sit around his pc in chat wit frds. I jus wish I could go out wit frds or with him n catch som fun.

Chesnie - posted on 06/21/2010

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I understand, my hubby gets to travel out of town, sometimes fun places like Vegas, Ca and Orlando. I can't go with him like I used to since we have a child now. He calls me telling me he is out drinking with his buddies/co workers..When he gets off work other times, he goes straight to bar with his buddies and wont even tell me where he is til I ask him. I never go anywhere, or if I do I have to find someone to watch Peyton or ask him if he will watch her while I go out. Of course though I dont stay out long becuase I am always thinking about P and wondering if she is getting fed, crying or missing her mommy (me..lol)

Brandy - posted on 06/15/2010

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Lynda,

I totally understand I am a mom to four kidos ages 10,7,5 and 3 don't get my wrong I love being a mom but moms need breaks too. I also work at home while going all the mom things as well when my husband get home from work I understand he needsn to realx cause he works in the heat all day but when you go from work to softball that is not a break and I am stuck at home 24/7 with no break so I understand everything you are saying you not alone.

so Two weeks ago I started playing softball and let me tell you he doesn't like it cause he has to deal with the kids. I play three nights a week now and one of the nights is with him.

Lisa - posted on 06/15/2010

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I'm jealous of my husband because he owns his own business and is his own boss. He could take our son to work with him (9 months old now) but doesn't. He owns a store so he does have set hours to work, but also has staff so he has some flexibility as needed. However the store doesn't pay that well and offers no benefits so I have to work full time to get the income and health insurance that we need and have all the stress of a schedule and boss and not seeing our son except after work while he gets to do what he wants.

Sarah - posted on 06/15/2010

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oh, it is so wonderful to hear that other people feel this way, too! I've started feeling like I'm being unfair to him, but seeing that others have the same frustrations has given me the peace that this is a genuine issue. We have 3 kids, 3, 21 months, and 3 months. I NEED some me time, and the kids needs some Daddy time! these are OUR kids and OUR responsibility. NOT my kids that you are oh, so nice enough to help out with on occasion, DH!

Barb - posted on 02/14/2009

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hi. you are definetly not alone in that department. my husband works overseas and i'm home alone with 3 boys. it gets very lonley. we just moved to a new city and i cant even get out to make friends. i love my family but also seriously need some me time. so if there are any women in the Spruce Grove Alberta area  send me an email. maybe we can hang out or what ever. would be nice to know some people.. my email is barb_stump@hotmail.com.

Dawn - posted on 02/14/2009

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My husband is great - he helps out with the kids (we take turns putting them to sleep at night, since we both feel he needs bonding time with them too) we helps with look after them - most times anyway. But I know wat u mean! When he feels tired, he just lies down and takes a nap, or gets going on his computer. And the weird thing is - the kids won't bug him while he's at it! But me ..!! The kids, esp my younger one, will go 'mama'!! and hunt me down! And forget about even noticing that the whole floor is littered with 'kid-debris' (toys) or any other kinds of mess (even if he contributed to it!) He leaves me to clean up.



And its like you gals said -suffering from singular lack of me-time. Alone time is like after they sleep (and they sleep pretty late) when i prob just plonk myself infront of the tv. (after cleaning the place and whatever up) My younger one does nap in the afternoon, my older one too on weekends. But that time is like cooking and household chore time. And they are way too young to leave alone at home anyway.

Kijah - posted on 02/13/2009

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My husband is good with the kids, he help all the time he does all the grocery and he cooks too but his problem he doen't like the idea of me going out with friends or do anything without him he can't stand me being away,,,if for something that i must have to attend then he won't sleep untill i get home OMG that bother me. I wish i could go out to the pub with my friends.

Melanie - posted on 02/12/2009

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Honestly you need time for yourself , i have 5 kids i love my husband but sometimes when i am overwhelmed i tell him, im going out friday havin a cocktail and chillin lol. i know some men have that complex that you stay at home i work and we had those problems i finally snapped to make him undersstand i am human and need adult time too when im on the founds talking like the baby to my friends on the phone i know its bad... please talk snap agree on something you are a mother wife and woman you need that time to wind and remember you are human too!!

Sarah - posted on 02/12/2009

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I completely agree. Especially with Jolene about being resentful. It's so much easier for them because they get to leave, go to work, have lunch breaks, do something they (hopefully) enjoy and then come home and spend a few hours with the kids before they go to bed. I have a 2 yr old and a 9 month old and my biggest fantasy right now is to go to the store WITHOUT having to pull the double stroller out of the back of the car, strap both kids in (one of which is usually screaming at this point), rush in and out and then get everyone back IN the car. I swear by the end of a trip to the convenience store for milk I feel like I ran a marathon! And my husband is usually supportive but he sometimes I think he thinks I sit on the couch all day eating bon bons!

Kijah - posted on 02/12/2009

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I have three kids 9, 6. and 9 months old my husband works monday to friday 2pm to 10 pm by the tme he gets home i want to sleep but i can't because he always wanted to spend time with me, we been together for longtime but he doesn't seems that he gets enought of me i never have time alone i can't even hang with friends only he wanted is to be with me, go out and do other things with me or the kids mmmmh ilove my husband so much that i dont want upset him but i real wish to have time for my self.

Tamara - posted on 02/12/2009

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No you are not, before my man would leave for work at 3 am then offf at 3 pm home by 4pm. He goes to bed at 7pm so after that and in middle of night i am in charge. KIds are 3 and 4 nd ADHD. I use to look forward to the dentist --no kids only free time....lol

Lynda - posted on 02/12/2009

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Hi All, well I've taken a lot of what you guys have said and I'm hoping to put it in practice.  My husband got a job around home so he will be home every night.  I've talked to a friend of mine and we have decided that once a week we will be going out.  Even if it is for a walk or coffee or a movie (chick flicks here we come...where's the tissue?).  I haven't told my hubby this yet so it will be a big surprise, but once we discuss it I'm pretty sure he won't have a problem with it.  He's never had a problem with looking after the boys before.  When they were babies I used t have the "he can't do it the same as mom" fear, but now that they are 5 and 3, they are more independent and whenever I get that fear I CRUSH it!  I deserve my time and I have earned it!!!

Lori - posted on 02/12/2009

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Hi, yes I too feel like that. Everything I do I have to do with my baby. If I ask him to watch our baby it bothers him, because he cann't do want he whats to do. I really don't think guys understand that. So yes I do know how you feel.

Elizabeth - posted on 02/12/2009

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Wow. I feel like we are in the same boat. I feel like he comes and goes as he pleases. Like going to the gym( for 3+ hours), going here and there etc. Some days Im like I wish I can just pick up and do whatever I want without even discussing with him what I have to do or have planned for the day. And like you said I love being a mom, and I live him too, but sometimes we need time to ourselves. And when i go to the gym, I wait til she is in bed and I could never stay there for 3 hours, just thinking man what if she wakes up, is he going to call telling me hurry up and get home I can get her back to sleep ( its happened a few times). I just feel like the men depend on us too much, and its not fair. I feel as if we did this together, we should work together. Its only fair!!!

Donielle - posted on 02/12/2009

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I am right there with you guys. I have to say, my husband is great and he is a great father. With that being said, it seems like what husbands do is voluntary. They can choose to take a afternoon nap on the weekends or even run to the store alone. I on the other hand, can do NOTHING alone. I go to the bathroom with the door open, never get to listen to music anymore (one of my favorite relaxing thins to do) and taking a shower..HA, forget about it!! When my husband comes home from work, I get a little upset that he doesn't swoop in and give me an hour break. I'm on the clock 24/7 and it gets very frustrating at times. The only time I get alone is when I need to take a shower or when I have to make some jewelry for my customers. even then, it's not complete alone time because I can here the kids crying or whatever and my mommy radar stays up! I have started to take time for me by getting my hair and nails done alone, going to Zumba class with my mom (which lets me dance my  heart out and listen to great music). It may sound silly but I also do my makeup every now and then to feel better!

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OMG, YES!! I totally know how you feel. It seems like when you become a mom  your whole life gets put on hold. Before I had my first, I was working full time and had my OWN money, career, paid my own bills. It was a hard adjustment having a child, staying home and getting comfortable in the "stay home mom" role. My husband works, travles and has band practice!! So, yes...I too feel that jealousy! I wish I could just go out and sometimes I want to put my kids in day care and get back in the workforce. BUT, then my mom ends up talking some sense into me....and I still stick it out. I think what makes some of it so hard is that my babies are still "babies" I think once they get old enough to put into activities and school....it will be funner :) Make sure all you stay home mommies get at least ONE NIGHT a week to take some time for you. I know it's hard and I'm guilty of not taking time out for myself but, it's so important! I try to even just take a drive to get out of the house, go see a movie, visit my mom or friends. I do put the kids down to sleep before I go of course (lol) but, it's okay would our husbands actually really understand how hard it is to do what we do? No. LOL I suppose it is part of our job to make it easier for them, blah.

Nicola - posted on 02/12/2009

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tell me about they always think they have it hard off 2 work i`d swap a week with 3 children any day with him.why is when they get in they think they have done for the day.if i ask my husband to do a job i get that look as if to say thats your job to wash up,bathing kids cook tea.i also fine as libby of 9 months wont sleep i always get her to sleep if she wakes back up its my job to settler her again.men dont get thats sometimes we would like to sit down and just be you thet get breakfast in peaceand dinner too.if its a weekend i need up nip for a few bit he wants me to take libbysome times we need time out even for half an hour would do me.i think we should leave them with kids for a whole day see how they like it.my husband is good with them but if they was at home all the time like us and given up what we have they could understand how it feels .i love my kids dearly but we still need time just to be you.its great i1am not the only one who thinks the same lol.

Caitlin - posted on 02/11/2009

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I feel like this alot. My husband doesn't usually go out without me, but he does get out of the house. We had two cars and got rid of one before he deployed, now that he is back and using the one car we have I am constantly stuck in the house and miserable. I'm jealous that he gets time away. Sometime I feel like I just need a day away with no kid. I have told him a couple times, but I don't think he's getting it.

Jacqui - posted on 02/11/2009

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I no exact;y how u feel and it isn't the best feeling is it?  My partner and i recently moved to the country and left our family and friends a good hour behind, he gets to go to work and socialise everyday and me and my daughter are left at home alone.  I'm extremely jealous of him, but i do also like the time to my self when my daughter has her nap threw the day.  And being with her and watching her grow is great aswell.  But don't feel like your the only person out there that feels this way, i'm sure most if not all stay at home mums feel like this, having the net is just a bonus as it gives us what we can get out of a social life :-)

Stephanie - posted on 02/11/2009

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Don't get me started...my hubby is out of town this week (this isn't the usual thing, just once in a while) and as I sit here, unable to sleep, waiting for him to call, he is undoubtedly having a few drinks with colleagues and I a have our 8 month old strapped to me waking up to breastfeed every so often.  Meanwhile, my other 3 kids know I am a little stressed and are pushing their luck.  I used to travel with my job (you know, the career I gave up to be home with our littlest addition to the family) and I definitely get jealous.  It's a weird place to be- I wouldn't want our LO in daycare, but I do sometimes resent the fact that my entire life has been uprooted while his has had a little hiccup!



~Stephanie



www.thesecretpays/manifestwealth2day



 

Lynda - posted on 02/11/2009

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I have to laugh reading all of your responses.  A friend of mine told me that we can cook, clean, care, be the taxi, and all the other things we do as moms and wives and maybe 1 day a year get a little recognition, but when the husband does the dishes 1 time he doesn't let you forget that 1 "good deed" he did!  And boy is it ever true with my hubby...it's kind of funny tho!!!



It's so nice to gripe and be understood here!  If I mentioned anything near what I have written my husband wouldn't understand....I know men and women are different and I like that, but sometimes it would be nice to be understood!



Thank you all for listening to me!!!

Anna - posted on 02/11/2009

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Absolutely. Don't say "Would you like me to bath the baby?" - just DO IT! Don't expect a medal for reading two bedtime stories - just DO IT!

Don't get me wrong - I love my husband and he is a truly great Dad BUT I have been a career girl and know what it is like to have a job. He has never spent a week being the primary carer of four children. I look back at my work days as being great (they weren't always) because I got to be a grown up! Motherhood is wonderful in so many ways but it is relentless, lonely, repetitive and (lets be honest) sometimes really dull! The grass does usually look greener for the man who wears a suit to and nice clean office and doesn't have to clean up spilled drinks all day!

But we wouldn't be without them, men or children, would we?!!!

[deleted account]

exactly! They drive, eat, talk, EVERYTHING, alone! Which is fine, I dont know that I'd want it any other way but when I ask to take a bubble bath why you do something with Michael dont make a big deal out if it ;) You have to love the men!

Jolene - posted on 02/11/2009

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I agree Sarah! Most men don't seem to realize that they go off to work in the mornings and still get to be an individual for the day!

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I always tell my boyfriend I wish I could get in the car and listen to the loud radio or just pee alone!! ;)

Jolene - posted on 02/11/2009

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I know what you mean. I wouldn't say jelous, but resentful would be more the word I guess. I don't feel this way all the time but there are the times like you said. He still gets weekends and holidays and to just lay on the couch and do nothing. He still gets to go out with friends and come back late because he knows he doesn't have to get up early with a baby!

Anna - posted on 02/11/2009

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I get frustrated that the 'default position' is that you look after the kids. I do go out - but always check my husband is in and happy to look after them whereas he will announce to me that he has plans.

My DH works really long hours and has a long commute so is, understandably very tired when he gets home, but I dream of two hours alone in the car listening to my music and radio and not endless High school musical and Hannah Montana!

Karen - posted on 02/11/2009

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hi,i too feel like this my husband works away during the week and we have two children age 6 and 3 and the evenings are the hardest, when my husband rings to say goodnight to our children, he is just on his way to his evening meal cooked for him and then for a drink with his colleagues, so when he comes home at at the weekend he wants to stay in and have a home cooked meal when all I wont to do is go out for a change.

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