anyone else's husband being hard on them about being a stay at home moms isn't work?

Erica - posted on 07/20/2011

My husband tells me I am lucky that I get to just sit around the house all day. I say yeah because the just magically cleans itself, the laundry fairy does all the laundry, the garden gnome cooks, and the unicorn teaches our son his ABC's 123's and colors!

My husband has even said I should go back to school to get my degree in something that would pay a lot so I could go back to work. But yet he wants me to homeschool!

Danielle - posted on 03/06/2010

I have got to tell EVERYONE you guys are awsome!! ty so much for the stories and complaining. i know it is stupid to say but some of the comments make me smile!! i look forward to hearing more. its encouraging to hear. if you all are strong enough to deal w this crap for your kids then dang it i can take it too!! WOOO HOOO! Bring it on. lol.

Jenn - posted on 02/26/2010

Oh My, NO but my first husband was and now my second is the 100%j opposite. He loves seeing the kids face when they come home for lunch and afterschool and seeing me home to raise them. He is 'old school' when I left my business I decided to do inhome child care for some extra income and also that fact that I love it!!! I hope he gets better for you, I've cried many a tear with my first husband!! Be strong, talk , show him the upside do research...... I wish you the best on this one!!!

Nancy - posted on 02/26/2010

that is vert ttrue .. they get payed for what they do ..lol

Nancy - posted on 02/26/2010

He thinks I do nothing all day .. we have it made ... The house is clean , supper always on the table and our daughter very well taking care of .. he works so many hours a day .. but we never stop working .. it goes on and on and on .. ..

Martina - posted on 02/26/2010

i am a stay at hme mom wud nt give it up my hubby missis out on al the little things... and half the time he does b 2 tired 2 do stuff with them i am a 1000% with ya we do twice the work and dont get anything 4 it

Ashlie - posted on 02/26/2010

yeah he tells me to get a job and he don't care if i like it or not he said you work one day in my shoes and see how hard it is.... and it causes an argument then he turns around and tell me how great im doin and he could never do everything i do and im such a great mom....its confusing!

Tammylinn - posted on 02/26/2010

When we are having money problems yes but he is glad their not in daycare. I think sometimes he excepts me to be supermom and work plus take the kids with me. Not may people will hire a mom where she can take her kids. Its frustrating i agree. Im happy as long as he is working. He knows nothing on taking care of these kids with patience.

Felicia - posted on 02/26/2010

I'm betting he's a pretty controlling guy?

Felicia - posted on 02/26/2010

My EX-husband pulled that all the time. That's one of the many reasons he's my ex

Allison - posted on 02/26/2010

WORD! seriously if i got paid for all the hours i worked up in here i'd totally be rakin it in. . . haha. what are our hours again? OH YEAH! ALL HOURS!!!

days evenings nights weekends. . . duties? hmmmm everything!

LAWDY! the nerve of some menz

Allison - posted on 02/26/2010

mine said that once. . . then i stopped doing my 'non work at home' he quickly learned his lesson when he had no clean clothes and no dinner. it only too him a couple of days to apologize to me whole heartedly. I kept up with my own stuff and that of the kids i didn't let the place go to hell or anything, but he noticed that it wasn't nothing that i was doing at home every day. I would 'clock out' when he got home and let him do all the evening shit with the kids.

maybe you should try that.

Jessica - posted on 02/26/2010

My hasband used to do things of this nature too, took quite a few years then he stopped saying stuff about it. Also to make so money to help us out I babysit some kids occasionally at my home, give my kids playmates I get to stay at home and make a little bit of money, I can give a better rate because I am at home anyways with my kids so its more than I would have and my hubby cant say I dont make any money haha!

Stephanie - posted on 02/26/2010

I completely understand! Unfortunately, my situation is a LIL bit different. My husband works a full week away from home. So the week he is at home, he just wants to spend time w/me & the kids. He could care less if the house was clean or not. But, if we're expecting company, he'll do his part & help. I just get TIRED of cleaning ALL day EVERY day. It gets boring. And he understands that. It's just like their job... they get tired of it, doing the SAME thing EVERYday! Most men just don't see it that way. If we were to get paid, we'd make more money than they do, because of ALL of our JOBS. Not just for being a Stay At Home Mom. They don't think about how many roles we actually have! If money was brought into the picture, they'd definitely be threatened!! Haha

Karen - posted on 02/26/2010

sorry girls, i have a fantastic husband. show him a bit of appreciation (for missing out on seeing his kids growing up, to earn the money for it) and he might show it back. i know alot of you might not like my post, but you get what you give. my husband is in the army, so he doesn't miss typical work hours, but months at a time. so he appreciates that im always here for the kids. it isn't so important that the house work is done, rather that the kids are cared for and had a fun and productive day.

Janina - posted on 02/26/2010

wow this must be soo upsetting and frustrating. im pretty lucky with my partner when it comes to things like this!! my mum was a stay at home mum for me and my sister and i think its just so important! i hope ur husband turns around and sees how much u actually do. as for what u said about if u were to leave the kids with him, and him not taking proper care of them.. thats worrying... is he not hands on??

Larah - posted on 02/26/2010

my fiance goes out at 9 in the morning and doesn't get back from work till 6 in the afternoon and i don't have time to sit down till all day till quarter to 6, but he still says that all i do is sit in front of the tele all day. he must think the house keeps itself clean and he must also think that our 5 1/2 month old baby looks after his-self. it really peeves me off.

Alex - posted on 02/26/2010

yea i get that sometimes i tell him ill leave him 2have the baby all day and see how he does! that usually makes him realise being a full time mum is 1 of the hardest jobs

Ellen - posted on 02/25/2010

Leah, I feel for you. There are times when my hubby starts heading in the same direction as your does, but I have learned to notice the signs. When we are frustrated because a big bill is due, new clothes are needed, or maybe there's a holiday around the corner is when my husband starts getting worked up about money. I am fortunate in that he has never told me that I don't work, nor are they "his" things like many moms face, however he does get worried and stressed. My husband works in sales so that is especially hard when he works on comission and we live one sale to the next with only a small cushion (just paid major med. bills with our savings.) When I start noticing the signs, I have done the following things at diferent times. I've been proactive and sugested that I go to work, maybe he should start looking into daycare, or I'd work a late swing shift. This usually stops it in his tracks, as much as he worries about money he wants me home caring for our kids. The other thing I do is remind him how much my brothers pay for day care (1 pays 1900 per month for 2 kids and the other 1700/ month for 1 kid). Realistically can we afford that? That usually ends the conversation. So good luck and maybe next time you can look beyond, or be prepared for what he is saying, and hopefully you'll end up less hurt. The bottom line that's how we feel when this is thrown in our faces, we are hurt because money is becoming more important than everything else we do, and the sacrifices we make. Good luck!

Kyle - posted on 02/25/2010

I would tell him that if he really wants to get technical you may not bring home an income but you do help pay the bills because you save money on a baby sitter, save money on gas for transportation to and from work and the sitter, have less maintenance on your vehicles because you don't have to drive to and from work and sitter all the time, save money on lunch while at work, and you don't have to feel guilty about paying someone else to raise your children. You get the joys of doing it yourself.

Andrea - posted on 02/25/2010

Yeah it can be very fustrating to here that everyday. But if you know you have a good husband just let him vent sometime they need to vent to. Work work can be real stressful too so cut the guy some slack. My husband nags me sometimes but he knows all that I do and he appreciates it even if he acts out sometime. Just remember to keep talking to each other and I think it will work out fine.

Ashae - posted on 02/25/2010

Hey leave him at home with the baby all day. That what I had to do to gt my finacee to see how hard it is. it wasnt even the whole day and he respects me way more now. I even told him I wanted to get a jib and he now says I do have a job.Its sometimes I do have easy days but theres days I dont sit down at all and at the end of the day after 8 hours he comes home and sits down. my job is 24 hours even when hes sleeping.

Leah - posted on 02/25/2010

I am sorry you have to be talked down to because you are not being paid money for the job you do. Your rewards will come in many other ways. Seeing the joy on your children's faces, ect. Just remember, there is no job in the world more important than molding and shaping the life of another individual.

Ailen - posted on 02/25/2010

im new in the club...as a stay at home mum..it drives me crazy!!!!

Cara - posted on 02/25/2010

My husband does say things like that occasionally, but usually only when he's feeling unappreciated himself. He always ends up apologizing and usually admits that my job is actually harder than his. Sometimes I think that husbands are actually a little resentful that we get to stay home and spend time with our kids. They do miss a lot while they're out working sometimes. I've found that I get a lot more appreciation when I make sure he knows that his sacrifices are appreciated as well. But then, of course some men are just ignorant jackasses.

Amanda - posted on 02/25/2010

Im not marred but i do live with my boyfriend my sons father and i get told all the time that i need to get a job i dont bring home money. Not only am i taking care of my 13 month old son but i am also taking care of my 24 year old boyfriend who works night shift. I get so frustraed by him telling me that i have an additued well it is exhusting taking care of your child and everything else. MEN NEED TO EPREATE THE THINGS THAT STAY AT HOME MOTHERS DO.....

Joy - posted on 02/25/2010

I know how you feel. My husband is the same way - except when I did get a job(at his request) and he stayed home with the kids for about 3 or 4 hours a day. He acted like it was the hardest thing in the world and he didn't even do any housework or go to doctor visits. I was also the one getting up during the night if they woke up - still am.
He acted as though I was having fun at work and would complain about how tough his day was. When I had to quit my job and was staying back at home taking care of everything again, he suddenly forgot how hard it had been for him and now acts like I'm crazy for being exhausted. I guess whatever he's doing is always going to be the worthiest, hardest task.

Kristina - posted on 02/25/2010

yes! My husband and I get into fights about the same thing..He thinks because he works hard all week, its ok to be out the whole weekend weekends partying with his friends! I am left at home with the kids and miss him terribly and also worry because he refuses to answer his cell when he is out...When I get angry, he gets mad that I dont respect his need to let off steam...

Cassidy - posted on 02/25/2010

I think that men in general dont really appreciate the role of the mom. I know its not all men, but most of them. When i was working while my husband was laid off, I would work all day, and then when I got home, because he had been watching the baby, it was now my turn ( like i wouldnt love to lay down and rest for a while. But now that the rolls are reversed, he doesnt think that it should be the same he thinks that since he worked all day, he shouldnt have to come home and deal with the kids while i take a brake. men dont realize that a womans job is never done, and that is truely exhausting. they say sleep while the baby sleeps, but who can really do that? while your kids are sleeping, your trying to pick up, or do laundry, or cook dinner, or pay bills, and a million other things.

Maysa - posted on 02/25/2010

My husband used to do the same thing. I agree with Jessica. But instead of the weekend, I left him with the 2 boys for about 2 hours and turned off my cell phone. When I came home, he wondered how I did it all.
They don't understand that it is a 24/7 job.
He never brought it up again.

Maryabsa - posted on 02/25/2010

You are not alone on this one. I am a stay at home mom. I worked since I was 19 years old. I had my first child at the age of 29 years old. When my daughter was 3, I decided to become a stay-at-home mom. My husband didn't seem to mind at first then three years later, I start to hear those "beautiful" word, "When are you going back to work." I agree with Leah, being a stay-at-home mom is great. Yes, we might not bring in the money. But we provide everything else. The food, wash the cloths, take care of the house, even help sort/pay the bills in our own way. After the last big fight, my husband doesn't mention it again. He just realizes that I am a strong provider as he is. And I also show him that I am looking. It is a matter of being able to get one.
Leah, good luck with trying to let your husband understand that you do support him physically and mentally. Financially, that's his domain for now ;-) Stay strong. We at Circle of Moms support you 100%

Kandice - posted on 02/25/2010

I get that also, and the best part is that he complains that Im not doing as good a job as he thinks should be done. It's wonderful how they think they are superdads but we know we are super moms. On a good day he tells me that he knows it's hard and he could never do my job as a SAHM, then on a bad day why didnt i do this or that and i dont know what its like to be up early and bust my butt all day. He comes home and puts his feet up while I am still going strong all the way to bed time...for me. His 8 hours end at 5 and mine go till midnight!

Bronwyn - posted on 02/25/2010

I hear the samething from my husband when we have a little argument. I think that it is the only thing he can say that he knows will fire me up. I do everything around the house and I take care of the kids, there really is nothing for him to complain about other than I don't bring in any income. I started brushing it off, so he does not get me fired up. Now that he sees it doesn't bother me when he tells me I don't have a job, he stopped :) he knows I'm going to keep being a SAHM, so get use to it ;) good luck

Diane - posted on 02/25/2010

I so hear your. Unfortunately leaving my daughter alone with my husband just doesn't seem to work.

I have tried leaving our two year old with him for a full day before just so I can have some me time, but when I get home the kitchen sink is full of dishes, you have to clear a path through the toys and my husband is sitting at his computer playing a video game.

When I ask how his day went? "Just fine, Charlotte played by herself out front all day. Never bothered me at all. I can't understand why you think this is so hard. By the way....what's for dinner?"

Clairisa - posted on 02/25/2010

I know just how you feel. My husband tells me all the time he is the only one bringing in money. But what he seems to forget is that his job ends at the end of the day and mine never does. The job that we do is everyday and all day long. We may not get paid for it but I'd like to see them do it and keep thier sanity. Personaly we deserve more credit than we get.

Erin - posted on 02/25/2010

When my daughter was about 8 months old I left my husband home with her for one full day and with that I left a list of things to get done that I would have done. Sweep the floor after meals, put laundry away, the normal stuff..... He made it through half the day then called his mom to come help him. He never made a comment again after that.

Angie - posted on 02/25/2010

I think half the problem is that (and yes, I'm generalizing here), men don't seem to care about dirt or living in filth - my shoulder has been out of action for a good while now, and I was forbidden to do anything more strenuous than caring for my (8month old) baby for the past 6 weeks. We can't afford a helper (because, wait for it, I'm not working!), so the only other person available to do housework is my hubby. While he is doing the laundry and ironing (ie things that HAVE to be done), the floors only get vacuumed 1x a week (and then I do the mopping, because he just doesn't. We have 2 large indoor dogs who are very sweet, but do track in dirt and shed hair), and (please don't judge me!) the bathroom is growing HORRIBLE things in the corners of the bath and shower, because he hasn't cleaned it once since I stopped doing housework 6 weeks ago (despite me asking him 2x - I don't want to nag). When I pointed the icky things growing to him about 10 days ago, he said he honestly hadn't seen it before. And now I don't want to keep on at him, and am doing a little experiment to see exactly how bad it will get before he does clean the bath (the cleaning equipment and supplies are in the bathroom, so it really would be easy to just do it). It really is quite revolting (and I've never been the most houseproud of people!) So, what I'm trying to say, is that he honestly doesn't see the dirt (although he HATES clutter, and complains bitterly if it is lying about, or picks it up himself - is quite good about doing that, come to think of it, but still complains!). SO, when I DID clean before, I don't think he saw that things were clean either. He therefore just doesn't appreciate the work that is done. So then when I spend the day cleaning, he just doesn't see it as work, because he wouldn't have done it, and wouldn't have cared anyway! It doesn't really help me to point out how much I do do, and put a price to it, because he wouldn't have done it anyway (nor would he have paid someone to do it!). What men don't seem to understand (and again, I'm generalizing - sorry), is that once you have a baby in the house, (and also a woman, who doesn't like living like a stinky bachelor), things have got to be cleaner, just from a normal hygiene perspective. Am not sure how to educate him on that one. I guess all those sterotypes about bachelors living in pigsties had to come from somewhere! Anyway, that's my theory as to why he doesn't see what I do at home as work.

Roz - posted on 02/25/2010

My hubby wasn't real hard on me but every now and then about the house not being clean or dinner not ready. So very nicely and respectfully I would go through my day with him and tell him how I was cleaning the whole day new messes my daughter made lol, so I could never go to the other parts of the house that needed to be cleaned. Some days are better than others.

I also have a work at home business so to help him understand everything I do at home I went through my typical day and how IT DOESN"T EVER END until I go to sleep. I nicely mention how he gets to come home and sit on the couch if he wants to but I don't have that option. I happily accept that because my hubby does help out now that we have two kiddos and it's been really great..but I think it's really educating them on what you do so they see it is really work. Ask them if they want to stay at home all day with the kids while you go for a spa day :). I'm sure he'll say no lol.

But it may help that if this argument keeps coming up then he needs to spend an entire day (better if it's a week lol so he gets the picture) doing everything you do. Leave a general schedule of what you do and make sure he knows and does them to the extent he can. If you can get him to do this then he will understand that your full time job is so much more than playing with the kids all day. I think there is even a calculator somewhere of how much we would make if we were paid for what we do lol. Show him that! Whatever you think will work for his personality and that won't get him mad. He needs to be educated so both of you can put this issue to rest for your sake :). HTH!

Tabitha - posted on 02/25/2010

every one of my our fights starts like this he says well i worked all day all u did was sit at home yea sit right? what a laugh

Erin - posted on 02/25/2010

He is a man...which is a poor excuse. My husband in one breathe tells me he could never do what I do, but once we start to argue it gets thrown in my face that I don't work. I'm finally realizing that he is not doing it to be a jerk, he has his 2 almost 3 little girls to take care of plus me. That itself is ALOT of stress.

Jessica - posted on 02/25/2010

Yea I know how you feel it is all the time I stay at home and do nothing. BULL SHIT !!!! I do everything this house would be a disaster. I think about going back to work every once and awhile But I can't imagen anything getting done. They dont relize how trying staying at home is. It is the HARDEST job I have ever had and I woked 13 hour days 8 months pregnant and on my feet. I think if they could trade us spots for a week and see how they feel. I LOVE being home it is the greatest joy but if you r not a stay at home mom or dad you just don't get it.

Zatonda - posted on 02/25/2010

well I gave my job to my husband , needless to say he handed it back very quick, he messed up the clothes, the kids were late, homework was not done, the entire house was a mess, I enjoyed watching him do it, he no longer complains. if he does I will give him the job with lots of overtime. while I give myself some time. He ask me to stay home with our last, so he watch his tone.I must say I miss work seems I got more done I feel more tired at home, but it work for us now.

Kristin - posted on 02/24/2010

You're not alone. My husband says the same thing and he has no idea what I do when it comes to taking care of the kids, laundry, dinner, cleaning and so on. So you're not alone. I just ignore him since he has no idea how hard a stay at home mom works. Maybe I should make him stay at home and I go to work. Then I'm sure he'll be crying and wanting to trade again. lol

Shannon - posted on 02/24/2010

I absolutely agree that you need to take a "girls weekend out", and leave him with the Kids for the entire weekend. Definitely give him detailed list,start to finish, ( outlining kids am,pm routines, house chores, meal prep, playtime, etc...don't leave out the tiniest details!
by the end of the weekend I sure he will have a new and improve attitude towards you! if not, then give him a good verbal thrashing!!
I am very thankful to have not gone through this and had a very supportive partner who did everything to provide for me and our child when I was at home. It makes me so angry reading most of these posts, I just in shock at the lack of respect these men have!! Don't put up with it! Put your foot down and demand respect! better yet make some drastic changes so he see's you mean business, even if that means he get no meals, the house will be untidy, the kids will stay up later than normal etc...after he see all that you do, I am sure he will change his tune !!

Toni - posted on 02/24/2010

my ex and his family all ways talk about me being a stay home mother .they funny thing about them they would allways ask me for money and do thing for them but when i wanted to good back to work they would never want to help me with the kids.

Nichole - posted on 02/24/2010

my husband does it too. im so tired of it too. they have no idea what we do or anything. he asks me all the time if i would like to go to work for him and he'll stay at home. i don't mind being a stay at home mom. i love my kids and spending time with them. they grow so fast as it is. but im getting tired of him saying that i don't make the money and blah blah blah. so i applied to college and am getting a degree to try and better my job options and hopefullly make more money then him. even when i made money he would say stuff like he made more money so he should make the decisions when we fought. so i want to better myself. by the time i finish my kids should be in school

Lori - posted on 02/24/2010

I am glad to hear I am not alone. I am currently unemployed, my husband gets up at 4 AM for work. When he gets home between 4-5 PM he goes and takes a nap. Which means I am busy taking care of the baby and cooking dinner. He gets so mad when I ask him to help or watch the baby so I can get some things done and complains that I am home all day and do nothing. I repeatedly tell him to walk in myshoes for one day and he will quickly loose that attitude. I've attempted to leave the house to get a haircut, or get my nails done and no kidding if I am gone more than 90 minutes the cell phone is going off with messages asking how much longer I am going to be. I don't know why it is that men can sleep through a screaming baby as well. I am greatful for the unemployment checks and truly wonder how we'd survive without them but honestly I keep pointing out how much we are saving on childcare, dr bills, gas for me to go to/from work etc. I truly don't think the men understand what we go through every day. I keep a log of feedings, diapers, dressings, baths etc. When he pisses me off enough I throw it back in his face how long it has been since HE has changed a diaper etc. I love my husband dearly but I think he is the way he is because that is how his father was and so forth. I am trying to break that generation non-sense!!!!

Tracy - posted on 02/24/2010

Your not alone Leah, my husband does the same thing and I just want to rip his head off when he throws it in my face!! It was a mutual agreement that I stay home, daycare was and is NOT affordable! I have on a couple of occasions stopped "working" and he was not happy about it. In the end he loves his dinner on the table when he gets home, he loves his clean close and healthy children, I just go on "strike" more often now, especially when he thinks he can hold that over my head!! Hang in there....fight for what you know is best for you, HIM and your children!! Good Luck!

Sandy - posted on 02/24/2010

My husband doesn't put what i do down,but he doesn't acknowledge what i do either.He always refers to everything as his and not ours because he is the one that works.I do take care of everything except bringing the check home.Im happy to be a stay at home mom no matter my sacrifices.

Lonzetta - posted on 02/24/2010

tell me about it, the funny thing is, we do work, hard and don't get paid for it......they couldn't half of what we do, i've learned to tell my husband where he can go and i also do passion parties to bring in income, it's fun and i'm making money so he can't tell me that i don't have any money....you can call me if you would like to talk 785-408-0038