Anyone get heat for being a stay at home mom?

Ashley - posted on 04/14/2010 ( 31 moms have responded )

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I was just wonding if anyone else out there got any heat from being a stay at home mom. It seems that I always get the "look" when people ask me what I do for a living...I have heard family members comment that stay at home moms are lazy and just don't want to work but need to in order to support their family better and to give their children more...I believe that I am giving my child the best thing possible by staying at home with them. If my husband and I can make it on just his income fine, then what is the big deal?
Just curious what everyones intake on this is!

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Ashley - posted on 04/14/2010

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It makes me so irritated! Esp. since I used to be a nursing student and decided that I was spending to much time away from my child...school got hard and I started doing poorly because I just wanted to give all my attention to my daughter..depression set in and I just followed my heart and am now staying home and I LOVE IT! I get a lot of "look what you could have had if you just stayed in school...your kid won't remember you being gone.." I just say..well look what "I do have now? Its WONDERFUL and I wouldn't take it back!" It is a lot of hard work..you don't get breaks..and most people that are not stay at home moms and havent stayed at home before dont understand!

Victoria - posted on 05/06/2010

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I am also a stay at home mom and I haven't yet heard anyone say anything except "be fortunate that you get too, it is amazing to watch them grow." My son will be 9 months old in one week and I will be going back to work in June, I wanna stay home but at the same time I am going stirr crazy because I have worked since I was 15yrs old and I wanna go back to work for me..I know that it is good to stay with them and believe me there is NO WAY that stay at home mommys are lazy, we don't get a chance to be, unless our child is a newborn because they sleep so often and it is still new to us...But once they get older there is absolutely no way it is possible to just sit around...I think the reason I don't hear anything for it because everyone around here knows that I will give them a piece of my mind if they say anything..So Ashley, I think it is awesome that you are staying home with your child because if you can make it with just one income that shows you guys are doing something right...Maybe you should just tell those judgemental people that they must be jealous because deep down they wanna stay home and can't afford it and you can so back off!! I mean good lord, just because you don't get paid for your hard work doesn't mean you are lazy!! Oooh this topic just drives me crazy, the people that are saying this to you must not have children and if they do they are obvisously jealous that you get to stay home with your precious one...Why else would they say anything to someone that care so much for their child....I gotta quit talking because I will go on forever...Anyway, Ashley, like I said tell them what is on your mind...and definitely don't let them get you down because I think it is a very noble thing that you are doing!!!

Rebecca - posted on 05/06/2010

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i get creave about it but i just take it in my stride you and your partner knows whats best for your family my son is 10month old and i quit work when i was 7month pregnant im not saying i dont want to go back to work has i get board sat in the house but it wont be till his nearly one and in a good nursery so just smile and politely say ''well that is your choice not to spend time with your kids''

Lily - posted on 04/24/2010

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Hi there Ashley,
yip i got the heat, the eyes, the shaking of the heads and ya know what i said...STUFF YOU!...i have time for my kids...do you??? hehehe, i think your doing a great job, THE BEST TEACHERS FOR YOUR CHILDREN IS YOU :) remember that :)
its really none of their business anyways, when people ask me where do i work, i say at home with my kids IM A PROFESSIONAL MUMMY hehehe!...
so there is nothing wrong with it girl ok :)

JUNE - posted on 04/24/2010

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YES I DO PEOPLE ROLL THERE EYES WHEN I TELL THEM I STAY HOME WITH MY 6 KIDS WHY HUSBAND WORKS.ONE LADY SAID YOU SHOULD BE HELPING HIM I TURN AROUND SAID HE SHOULD HELPING ME CUZ BEING A MOM IS FULL TIME JOB IF PEOPLE THINK WE SIT AROUND ALL DAY THERE NUTS.WE STRESS SO MUCH BECAUSE THEY HAVE TO WORK.THATS WHY ASKING THIS QUESTION AT 3 IN MORNING CUZ I DON'T BE LAZY AND I CAN HAVE ME TIME FOR ME

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Jacky - posted on 10/24/2012

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I am not yet a mother (my husband and I are have been trying for a year) and I have made it clear to my family that I want to be a stay at home mom. I have already received disapproval from my youngest sister and my mother and some of my friends. My other sister, who is currently expecting and due anytime, supports me completely as do my husbands parents. My mother in law was a stay at home mom. She raised 6 children and home schooled all of them. They are all, very intelligent, well mannered, and kind people.

Elizabeth - posted on 05/06/2010

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I had a day when I was SO frustrated about the crap you get staying at home, I wrote an article about it. LOL. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article...

It made me feel a little better Associated Content bought it for $4, and to get it off my chest in case other Moms felt that way too. I decided if people are going to think I sit and eat bon-bons all day whether I do or not, then I'm going to make sure I take a little time each day for me. Might as well, even my husband thinks I have it easy. So I make sure I get an hour or two of relax time during the day with my daughter, because when he gets home, I'm still "on the clock" making dinner and getting little one in bed. My husband does help, but right now he is working and getting a Master's so there is more on my shoulders.

Jeanine - posted on 05/03/2010

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The only person that has given me any crap is my mother! She said it was a waste of an education (college).

Ashley - posted on 04/26/2010

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Thanks everyone for your posts! I love reading them! Its nice to know there are others out there who feel the same way I do! I would rather not pay someone to experience all the firsts and the fun and laughs and cuddles with my child, when I can experience it all myself! I LOVE being a stay at home mommy!

[deleted account]

I've been home raising my kids for a long time. I think that women and men(sometimes family can be the most judging in this area) forget that a woman who stays home has a full time job...24/7. You don't get breaks, you don't get vacation, benefits are going to school to volunteer, running around chasing your kids, scheduling vacations wrapped around what will be best for your kids......in other words, it isn't like any full-time job out there. I have had a little bit of that judgemental stuff from outside my family but have sisters who have stayed home...but I've got to tell you that I have had kids comment to my kids about having a mom home when they come home from school...a mom who can come to the school....a mom who is highly available. I did realize how important that was until my kids got to high school. So, when they say things to you, just remember...you are not paying someone else to have the time, opportunity and experience with your children. You are doing the job you bore children to do.

[deleted account]

Well i did the math, even though I am on a good average wage (far from minimum) by the time i took out all the expenses of working (like childcare) i would be getting only $20 a day - tell me is that worth having someone else bring up your kids from 6:30am to 6pm??? I didn't think so.
I am not overly excited I am a stay at home mum, dont get me wrong I love being with my kids but sometimes i want something from myself. So I have started studying at night. Its great all days for my kids and something for me when they are asleep. Also means that I will be able to get a good job that I enjoy when they start school and even better I am studying to be a teacher so I will get school holidays off to spend with the kids!!!! I just laugh at people who think i should be doing it differently

Yvonne - posted on 04/23/2010

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Hey ladies, I always get how lucky I am to be at home, cause all my friends work. I love the fact that I am always home if my child gets sick from school, get to enjoy having lunch with them when ever I want, or volenteer at the school cause I am able to stay home and not work. It is not easy being home, we all know this, but it all has it ups and downs. It may seem nice to some, but we do alot of work, and we are far from being lazy moms. It would be nice to work, I always tell my friends that, cause it is hard with one income, and espiecally with as many kids we got. My husband works hard, and never tells me to find a job, he supports anything I do. It is sad when others tryto get involve in your life, when it is your life, and if your happy, and things work for you, then it don't matter what others think, I know , easyer said than done.

By the way, with my 5 older kids, I did work. I miss out on lunch dates with my kids, didn't get to go to field trips, miss football games, school programs, even just waking up in the morning to brush my only daughters hair, I miss out on all that cause I did work. I sometimes cry , cause she is gonna be 21 in two months, my oldest son is 18, soon to join the USAF, and my 15yr don't need me as much anymore like he once did when he was little. They grow before your eyes. So if you have that chance to be home, take it, and enjoy every minute of it, even when it is over spelled milk, or his looking at me , the messy bedroom you just clean up yesterday, the dirty dish that has sat thier for the past 4 days. Love it ! Cause these days are those you will never get back !

Danielle - posted on 04/23/2010

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my mil is always telling me i need to get a job. she wasn't happy being a stay at home mother, so i'm not sure she understands it. my husband & i are happy with the arrangement we have. he works & i take care of the kid & the house. just because you don't get paid for being a stay at home mom, doesn't mean it's not a job. a full time job at that! most people get to clock off & go home. not us. no holidays either. ;) as long as you & your husband are happy with the way things are, there's no need to worry about what other people think. (:

Amber - posted on 04/23/2010

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I was once told that being a stay at home mom was nothing more than "glorified prostitution" My response was that if I'm a prostitute I should get sex a lot more often than once or twice a week :)
I have had other people react negatively to my being a stay at home mom, but I generally ignore it. I took a course in women's studies and was told being a stay at home mom is "anti-feminism" But they soon changed their mind when I made the argument that femisms is about women having the CHOICE to do whatevery makes them happy. This is my choice, my son is happy and thriving because of my choice and his dad loves coming home to us at night. That is all the reinforcement that I need to know that I'm doing what I need to be doing.

Cassie - posted on 04/21/2010

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Most of my family and friends are supportive of staying home but, and this is interesting, when I am having a rough day or week with the kids and I need a break, often family and friends suggest getting a job. Why do I have to get a job to get a break, I want my nails done, send me to a spa. Anyway, got to love it!

Amanda - posted on 04/21/2010

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I love being a stay at home mom. I've tried working a couple times since I had my son, but it drives me crazy and I miss him, and the money just isn't worth having to put him in someone else's care all day when my family can afford for me to watch our son. My husband is in the military and we do just fine, we own our house, albeit it's not a mansion by any means lol, and we never go without anything neccessity-wise. I hate when people try to give you crap for being a stay at home mom, it's not for everyone, I realize this, but I love it, and I do plan on going to school and getting a good job; as soon as I'm done having children and the youngest one is in first grade(or if they happen to do kindergarten all day wherever we are at the time lol).

I think that if you can afford to be a stay at home mom(or dad) it is awesome, and it definately benefits your relationship with your kids. I also understand not everyone can afford to do this, and not everyone wants to. I just don't understand why people think you're lazy when you decide to be a stay at home mom, just like I don't understand why people seem to think full time working moms don't love their kids as much as stay at home moms.

Dawn - posted on 04/21/2010

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i believe that a lot of people think that you MUST be rich and that you MUST own a home and you MUST have a ton of money in the bank in order to be a stay at home mom. so not true. my family does not have a ton of money in the bank and we rent a 3 br apartment. obviously we are nowhere near wealthy, but we are able to clothe, feed, and provide entertainment for our little ones and i am in a way glad that i do not own a home. the responsibilities of owning and taking care of a home would be way overwhelming for us. the point is that if a couple is willing to sacrifice luxuries to raise a family in a one income mannor then what's wrong with it?

Karen - posted on 04/21/2010

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What works for one family doesn't always for the next. I worked when I had my first child and put him in daycare and it was a wonderful daycare he loved being w/the other kids, his teachers were great, but I felt like I missed every big milestone as a baby because most of his "firsts" happened in someone elses care. When I had my 2nd and 3rd (11 mos apart) I soo wanted to stay home and after my 3rd child I did just that. I wouldn't take this time back for anything & I don't care who likes it or doesn't like it, you only have a few years before your babies aren't babies anymore and I cherish every moment. My advice, be happy w/your decisions and don't let anyone make u feel like it's wrong to follow your heart.

Veasna - posted on 04/21/2010

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Some time i do get the look but who's care!, my family is supporting me and most of the mothers i know they are also a full time mum.

Mandy - posted on 04/21/2010

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Not really. Most of my family is very supportive of me being a SAHM. Although sometimes on the rare occasion that I get together with some of my friends I feel a little out of place, not because they give me a hard time, but because they are all career moms and spend a lot of time talking about work.....what do I have to add to the conversation...talk about diapers and play dates? But I wouldn't change it for anything, I figure I get 5 years before they go off to school all day and I don't want them to spend that time at a daycare. Have you joined a stay at home moms play group? I just joined one and am really looking forward to meeting some other stay at home moms.

[deleted account]

I am preg now and my last day at work is April 30th .. I am a hairstylist when I started telling my clients I was leaving they all said "for a while you'll be back in a few months" I responded with "NO I am leaving quitting not maternity leave quitting I am going to be a stay at home mom." I got looks and are you sure and can you afford that and blah blah blah I even got "oh let me guess your husband wants you to stay home and be a housewife right?" Yes my husband does want that but If I wanted to go to work he would support me 1000% I have always wanted to be a s@hm whenI was little and people would ask what do you want to be when you grow up I would say a mom or a teacher(pretty close) so now when people look at me or shun me for my decision or ask if I can afford it I tell them I can't afford not to and now I get to be what I have always wanted to be and now I get to follow in my mothers footsteps(she is passed) and hopefully I will be half the women she is I say these things with a smile and proudly! WE SHOULD BE PROUD we are blessed that we get to do this just like the women who can work and still be a wonderful mother and wife are blessed just in a different way !

[deleted account]

There is no big deal! If they are making a big deal about it, it may just be that they are envious of you because they can't do it (speaking from a personal experience). You are doing what you think is BEST for your child, just like they are doing what is BEST for their child. Unfortunately not all moms can stay at home like us, they have to work to pay their bills and they may not understand why someone else doesn't. But as moms we shouldn't judge other moms on how they do things, we should commend them, because at the end of the day, we are all moms!

Dawn - posted on 04/19/2010

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i get heat for it all the time, but i do not feel like i have to explain myself to anybody and neither do you. i get a lot of crap from outsiders as well as from some family members, but i usually tell them that i feel that i am doing what is best for MY children and that it is not any of their business. any one gives you any crap about taking care of your children yourself just tell them where to stick their unwanted comments

Cindy - posted on 04/15/2010

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Kel, Dont sell yourself short! U know what I mean? You most definitely can get a job that pays more than minimum wage. My husband didn't even graduate high school and he makes alot more than minimum wage. Im not saying you should get a job lol please dont take it that way. Jusy saying that it is possible to get a job without any college or even graduating high school, also it depends on what kind of prior work experience you have. But yeah I commented earlier in this and I too Get heat from people and my inlaws! It sucks! :(

Erika - posted on 04/15/2010

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I do sometimes, but I don't let it bother me. Some of my Family Members think I do nothing all day. Some people just don't realize that it's not an easy task to be a Stay at Home Mom. Don't let it bother you! Only you and your Husband know what's best for your Family.

Hope this helps a bit.

Erika
http://www.4MyFamilyandMe.com

Carrie - posted on 04/15/2010

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You know what you should start telling them when they ask what you do for a living. You should say I am a maid, educator, chauffeur, babysitter, and chef, lol. Remember everyone has an opinion, but that doesn't make them right or wrong. It is your life and your decision what you do for a living. I know about looks, lol. I get looks for a different reason though. I get looks, because people assume I am younger than I am. When I was 29 we went to our state fair and I played the game, Guess My Age. The man guessed 19, lol. :-) I am now 31 years old, but still get looks. I just smile and be polite. Just do what works for you and your family. Take care and good luck. :-)

Alina - posted on 04/15/2010

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I get heat, too! For being a SAHM and a Black one, too? Boy do I get the looks, the mean comments, etc. People treat me like I'm uneducated, which I'm not. Sometimes people say I'm lazy and just want to stay home, put my feet up and be "taken care of." That one really cracks me up. I can't remember the last time I had enough time to sit still, let alone put my feet up! And sitting while folding laundry doesn't count :) And between all the housework (key word: WORK!), raising children and taking care of the hubby, I'm taking care of everything/everyone but me. LOLOL . . . . we are so misunderstood, but the world needs more SAHMs if you ask me . . .

Kel - posted on 04/15/2010

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I have explained to anyone who has criticized me for being a S@HM that maybe they haven't done the math... I am a high school graduate with some college but no degree. Therefore it is highly unlikely that I could find a job that would pay more than minimum wage. Between the high cost of quality childcare, rising gas prices, and the money I would need for a decent wardrobe to wear to work...I'm actually SAVING money by being a S@HM.

Jenna - posted on 04/15/2010

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lol my in-laws feel that since I am stay-at-home it means that I am the go-to babysitter ... NOT!

Drives my husband nuts when they try to take advantage of me, especially when they don't approve of the way we are raising our son. (If they don't like our parenting then why the heck are you trying drop your kids on me?? lol)

Cindy - posted on 04/14/2010

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I get heat for it too! And yes I get the "look" too when people ask me what I do for a living. At first I let it bother me but Now I try to just let it roll off my shoulders. I feel like if they dont like it or have a problem with it then they should tell me to my face.



Also, My in-laws talk to my husband behind my back asking him why I want to be a stay at home mom, (and yes he defends me) and they are always suggesting to me certain places I could work at. It's like UGGGH! Leave me alone!

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