Anyone out there have a crazy Mother-in-law?

Brandi - posted on 02/11/2010 ( 41 moms have responded )

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My husband is an only child. Need I say more? I need to vent my anger and frustration to someone other than him! I know there must be some other crazies out there! I would love to hear how you deal with it...

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Kristina - posted on 02/13/2010

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I f$%&*ing hate her!!! She acts nice -nice but is a manipulative self-centered, half-witted idiot. I was not allowed to put together a rocking horse she bought for our son this past Christmas because it was "something for her husband and son(my husband) to do together." Well, the thing is still sitting here in February in a box next to the fridge in the basement. She thought it was cute to teach my daughter to play hide and seek and climb the shelves in Walmart. She babysat her once while I was at work and didn't give her dinner, nor did she clean her bloody knee from whence she fell on the sidewalk. She encouraged my daughter to go play in the front of the church while pictures were being taken for a baptism, then tried to hold me back as i went to retrieve her from playing in Holy water! I could go on. HOw do I deal with her? I used to get raging mad at her idiocy and complete lack of consideration and internalize it all. The one day I exploded and now my husband is aware of how much i can't stand her. Currently, in the shower, I tell myself, "Her manipulative, disrespectful, irrational and idiotic behavior is not welcome in my heart, my home, or in my family." Words are a powerful thing. They work magic.

Renae - posted on 02/12/2010

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Ok, you are asking for stories. Sorry to anyone who has read my MIL posts before, I may repeat some of the most annoying things she does!



Here goes:



-Uses spare key to let herself in any time she likes

-I have walked out of the shower in only undies to run into her in my kitchen, I had no idea she was coming over

-Any attempt to talk to her is met with "I'm not interferring, I'm helping" argh!!!

-150 questions every time I see her about size of nappies, nappy cream, bathing (how, when, where, what time), feeding, sorts of food, amount of food, every last little detail she has to know EVERYTHING!

-Everything I do is wrong and she has a better way.

-She actually writes down everything I put on my calendar so she knows when I will be home (I started putting fake things on there about 6 months ago)

-Rearranged my ENTIRE house while I was in hospital having our baby

-Was waiting in my house when we got home from hospital

-Is full of WRONG advice like that it is ok for a baby's temperature to go to 42 or 43 degrees (that's 107 or 109 F)

-Insists on taking my baby into another room where he cant see me and when he cries she says "no you are not going back to your mother you have to get used to me" (I always go and take him off her and she hates it)

-refused to believe he had reflux, thinks I am doing everything wrong and I am the reason he screamed when he fed

-she stays over at her daughters house a couple of nights a week to help with babies who are now 2 and 3 years old, has been staying over since first one was born (note SIL now lives 5 min away from MIL and she STILL stays over)

-she wants a bedroom here, NEVER going to happen!

-ignores everything I say and so I will not allow her to babysit but for the record she ignores SIL too, so its not just me, but SIL lets her do what she wants

-bought a cot and change table while I was pregnant, expensive ones I might add, for my baby to stay overnight at her house

-constantly asks when my 11mo will be staying the night, has been asking since he was a few weeks old (nevermind that he is unable to suck on a bottle so had to be exclusively breastfed - not by choice but by necessity - but she doesn't believe that either, I am apparently making it up)

-thinks she has the right to rearrange my cupboards, throw things away, put ugly floral covers on my couches, do whatever she wants in my house



Gee Cecile, I wish I could move across the world! Needless to say I have been distancing her as much as possible. She is now only allowed to visit once a week. That is more than enough - it is completely unnecessary for any grandparent to see their grandchild every day, plus I was going to strangle her if I had to keep seeing her every day. I dont know how SIL puts up with her.



I know that one day I will be a MIL, but I know for a fact I wont be so downright disrepectful and invasive.

Terry - posted on 02/13/2010

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Hi Brandi,



I am a wife of 8 years, a wife of an only child. Over the years I can certainly say that I have dealt with my fair share of drama. Hurtful comments, snide phone calls, and vicious lies, all of which can easily drive a wedge in any relationship. I need not go into further details, but will give you a bit of my advice.



As a mother, your children will always be dear to your heart and in my opinion; this is the problem with many “in-law” relationships. Often a wife is seen as a threat. It seems that sometimes it is difficult for a mother to share the attention of her son with another woman.



I realize that when we raise our children, we do so with the expectation that they will marry and begin a family of their own. But in some cases, a wife is seen negatively because the mother does not want to share.



When you married your husband, everything became final. More than likely, before you came into the picture, he turned to his mother in times of trouble. Now he turns to you, his wife. He comes to you with a problem. He shares his thoughts and makes decisions with you, as it should be. However it sounds like she is having trouble letting go.



My suggestion to you would be to find ways to involve your “mother-in-law” in your life, but on your terms. Avoiding a relationship with her will only hurt everyone and in the long run cause tension between you and your husband. Try to put her at ease. Maybe get her input on certain topics to try and make her feel more needed. Good Luck! If you would like more input, I’d be glad to help.

Shannintipton - posted on 09/05/2011

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Hey Maria, thanks for your response but this tread is a little old so I am going to close it. thanks :)

Chelsea - posted on 09/04/2011

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I really thought I was the only one with this issue for years. @ Terry, I wish I could say thats what my mil issue was. She liked me when we first met, then after I got pregnant with my oldest daughter and she found out it wasnt a boy that was the end of it. My husband is in between his older brother (the perfect son) and his younger sister ( their sympathy trip). He has always come last to his parents and I say this because I was around him and his family growing up. We all seen it first hand.
My mil tells everyone I keep her from her grandkids, but the thing is we have always lived in places that were between her work place and our home. Did she ever stop to see them NO instead we were always suppose to go to her place.
I just wish mil would just let you be, you, and let you do the things as you see fit, and not have to be in your business over everything. This lady thinks she should know my whole personal information. I just dont understand why, I wouldnt want to know what my son does or his wife on thier own time. To me its a bit too much.
No she begs to keep the other grandkids, but wont even think about asking to keep them for a few hrs. If we ask her to keep them we have to tell her exactly where we are going and when we will be back, and if we arent there exactly at the time we give her you dont hear the end of it for almost a yr.
My daughter is a yr old and she is not aloud to sit in the high chair because her cousin who is also a yr has to be in it no matter what even if she isnt there my daughter still cant be in it. The sad part is my sister is the one who gave her the highchair.
I thought for a long time it was just me being crazy, but its definitely not me. If my sister-in-law ( my husbands sil really) isnt there she will talk to me to an extent, but if she is there we dont none speak to each other unless we are going off on one another, because I see things in my own perspective and they see things in theirs and they always have each others backs. Which is because my sil always does everything lil my mother in law. Its one of those situations where they have to do what pleases each other its crazy.

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Yes i have the worst mother in law in the world. Actually my guys whole family is messed up. When my daughter was born no one on his side even called him or cared no one was there. No one in his family even knows when our daughters birthday is and she just turned one on July 24th. The first time his mother even saw her was about two or three months after she was born. And in total she has only see our baby 3 times. She says that my daughter his not my guys baby. . . she just talks a lot shit. also she is a terrible mother to my guy could care less about him has done him wrong so many times and uses him. I really hate her. and we just never go to his family gatherings. if he chooses to go on his own then im completely fine with that but we as a family can go no where near them. They are so bad we want to move out of our state just to get away from all their drama and bullshit. But yea his family his ghetto and trashy and just ridiculous. and she has never liked me from day!! I think its cuz i come from money. However she loves her other daughter in law who is just as ghetto as her. Me and my mother n law have fought before and really i have no regrets. i fuckin hate that Biatch and pretty much everyone else from my guys family. it sucks. . . .



@Sheree I dealt with it in exactly the same way!

Nicole - posted on 09/04/2011

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I really don't feel like i'm the only one with a maniupalitive mother in law. I'm dating the oldest child out of 4. She constantly baby's them ( i might add, my boyfriend is 20. ) and she CONSTANTLY complains about her finances and her boyfriend situation and NEVER does anything about it. She tries to tell me what to do with my oldest and makes so much noise and invites ANYONE over to see my newborn. She sits there and tries to make her two boys feel bad for her so they'll give her money and anything she asks for. But doesn't realize that my bf has two children he needs to supply for and she doesn't think anything of it. I honestly think she is jelous of me because I have her son and she doesn't. She is always trying to compete with me when it comes to buy my bf gifts and wants to take him out just "him and her" for his birthday. It really bugs me how she thinks that she's better than me. (I make more money than her, have nicer things than her and am doing better in my life than her ). The thing that gets on my nerves the most is she complains about my mother ALL the time about how she always had my oldest, BUT not once has she offered to take either children over night.

Kathy - posted on 09/03/2011

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That's awesome! I won't let mine watch my kids either. Never! I did once and I caught her putting beer in my kids bottle to make her sleep. Effing beotch. At least there won't be a next time cause the next time I see her snooping around here, I'm getting a restraining order :)

Kathy - posted on 09/03/2011

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Oh I cut her out and she ain't coming back. I wrote her a letter stating everything her family has done to humiliate me, lie to the cops about me, to accusing me and telling me how badly I am doing as a mother. She would buy all this stuff and give it to us forcingly thinking she was doing a favor, cause she thought we needed it. She would use my daughter and my hubby and I, to make up for how badly she screwed up in her past. Then again that's what u get from a crazy alcoholic that thinks urine and dog feces everywhere in a smoke infested, never cleaned, no window open dump. then goes threw my 4 year old daughter for permission to stay at her home alone without us. Over my dead body beotch. But I cut her out and I have never been happier. I am no longer angry and I feel like I'm on anti depressants again even though I'm not :) I'm free. Don't think just cause u married into the family, that u have to push your values, beliefs, confidences etc aside. If you do the beotch is not worth it. Your hubby can go see her Alone. people who constantly bring u down aren't worth it. F them. you chose your family. Xo

Sarah - posted on 02/22/2011

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I have also been through many issues with mother in law...we are moving back to the same state as them soon, and i am stressed out ;O

Raychel - posted on 02/18/2011

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Mines crazy...i totally thought all MILs were like my grandma bc she is great and my mom loves her and she loves my mom...I thought that until I got engaged to my husband...My MIL loved me up until that point. And then she became crazy. My husband is the first born of 3. And his family was really close and then i came. We got married and 2 months later i was pregnant and she started talking about how i wasn't eating enough for the baby and how my baby was going to be unhealthy and all that...i might add that my MIL is overweight and besides my husband (thanks to me) his whole family is big. Nothing wrong with that but I had a problem with her telling me i was unhealthy. She also takes care of his sisters two little girls when i had my son there was just one and she made the girl so dependant on her that her mother was unable to take care of the child. SO when I had my son she wanted to take care of him when i was working...yeah that would have never happened...I wont ever let her watch any of my children. I am thankful that we moved across the country and I know that they will never come and see us.

Laura - posted on 02/18/2011

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I actually have a very helpful MIL who sometimes oversteps her bounds but I let her know when she does and she takes it well. My FIL is the one who is crazy, he is sexist and doesn't like when anyone's opinion is different than his. That's the least of it. I just had baby boy #3 10 days ago and MIL has been awesome helping with the oldest. Also both of my parents got along awesome with my grandmothers so there are MIL relationships that do work out. Sorry yours is crazy.

Samantha - posted on 02/18/2011

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My husband bought a house 8years ago, we now have a 1 1/2 yr daughter. His crazy mother moved out when i got prego's, but let me tell ya she did some unhealthly thing with her son, as she raised, naked pictures etc.. we wanted to get her name off the house, but my husband couldn't get approved so we were going to let the house go! About 2 wks ago she called him an told him we had to move out,bc she was moving in an got pre-approved for a loan mod. What i dont understand is how she got an we didn't??? I wonder what is on her hardship letter? Help we just want no connection with her, my husband told her to get the f$%^# out of his life, so i know she has other motivies!!!! any help plsssss desperate

Leigh - posted on 02/22/2010

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My mother in law has yet to meet her granchildren! My husband & I decided to get married abroad 5yrs ago and she went ballistic, wrote a horrible letter and basically disowned her son! We went ahead with the wedding and invited them to the reception on our return but she didnt want to know. She claims to be a "white witch" which I find highly amusing but because I am so close to my own mum I feel for my husband but he says its her loss not his and at the end of the day its him I'm married to, so if he's happy, I'm happy!

Jennifer - posted on 02/19/2010

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Crazy is an understatement. Seriously. She lived with us for about 10 months right around the time that I had Noah. The only reason she left was because we got into a fight (physical) and I told my husband that if she didn't leave I was not coming home. She tried to act like a mother to my step-son and didn't even pay half as much attention to my child. She also tried to tell me how to raise my kids and told me that I "abused" Ian just cause I gave him spankings. She didn't even raise 3 of her kids and the 4th one got kidnapped by her father. I mean, did she really think that I was going to take parenting advice from her? Not to mention that she really is mentally off and has been in prison....not just jail but hard core women's prison. She smokes around the kids even tho she knows I don't like it. She is always tryin to get my husband to say stuff about me that she could possibly use against me. She is also the type of person that thinks she knows everything and always has to be right. I will never, never NEVER leave my child with her alone. She talks about my SIL's husband like he is a useless piece of crap so I can only imagin what she says about me. She would also put down my husband (her son) when he was at work sayin that he never spends time with his kids. He works every day so that I can stay home and take care of them. He spends as much time with them as he can....and believe me I have told her that.

Moni - posted on 02/18/2010

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I've had my fair share of issues with my MIL. We're at a good place right now, but it's always subject to change. I agree with Terry, she gave some great advice. I had to come to a place where I accepted my MIL for who she was and see everything for what it was, her insecurity about losing her son. In the process she almost pushed my husband and his brother completely away. It took a lot of swallowing my own pride with what happened in our past and choosing to move on to get to the good place we are now.
It's amazing what happened once I started letting her into our lives more. We live in 2 different countries with an ocean separating us, so it was very easy for her to feel as if she had lost her son. I now make an effort to email her updates on our lives and my LOs milestones and remind my husband to call every 2 weeks. At their last visit my MIL took me aside and complimented me on my mothering....it was shocking and wonderful and not what I would have expected even a year earlier!
My BIL girlfriend has taken a different route that is making most everyone in the family miserable. Is my MIL sane? Not all the time, but in changing how I reacted to her, the whole dynamic of our relationship has changed for the better.

Jessica - posted on 02/18/2010

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I have a crazy one and so does my husband. Both of our mothers are crazy!!
Mine used to tell me how I "stole" her baby boy away from her. (My husband moved 1600 miles to be with me!) One day my husband told her to get over it and he didn't want her to ever say that to me again and she hasn't. It helps that I only see her once a year at the most and never talk to her on the phone.
My own mother annoys my husband too, but he has to see her more ofter as she's only an hour away from us.
I think it's natural not to love our in-laws ( I like very few of mine) but we have to make it work. At least my husband and I know that our mothers are crazy and don't expect the other one to put up with it for very long.
Stand up for yourself it there is a serious issue going on, but sometimes we have to just deal with it.
Someday we might be that crazy MIL!
But I still don't like my mother-in-law or father-in-law!!!!

Melissa - posted on 02/16/2010

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I've only had wonderful Mother-in-laws, 2 as a matter of fact. I have, however encountered a "Nutzoid" Daughter-in-law that thinks she needs to compete with me for my son's affection, then turns it all around as though I'm the nut. Hope you're not one of them!

Jocelyn - posted on 02/14/2010

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We see my ex MIL more then we see my ex. We have a difference in religion which causes 99% of the tention between us. (I am Christian and she is Jehova Witness) She used to see the boys every other weekend (sounds like a custody arrangement huh?) but a few years ago she told the boys there was no Santa Claus (3 and 5 at the time) I was SO angry with her I stopped all communication with her for 4 months (She couldn't see the boys either) . I just couldn't even talk to her for fear of blowing up. When I finally talked to her about the issue she said "Well what did you want me to do, lie to them?" Everything is centered around religion for her. There is no respect for how I want to raise my children, it is all about what she thinks is right. I have gotton into it more times then I can count with her. Everything from not cutting their hair, to not going to the school and having a conference with their teachers. So she now sees them once a month and has been informed that if she oversteps her boundries as their grandmother she will not see them at all. So all in all I don't have an answer for you on how to handle your MIL. I don't even know what to do with my own :(

Maria - posted on 02/14/2010

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I actually love my MIL. She's very helpful and nurturing, and I've learned a lot from her. There are times she oversteps her boundaries, but I feel comfortable just saying to her, "I appreciate that you are trying to help, but I really need you to not do that, because I need to deal with my child my own way."

Even with people who have a difficult time respecting your boundaries, you essentially have to lay down the law that it's your baby and your home, in a kind but firm way. And change your locks if you have to!

Theresa - posted on 02/14/2010

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Most of these are just gripe sessions, which I understand. But I thought Terry's advice was very good. I've been married for 14 years. He 's not an only child, but one of two. However his mom was very pushy at first. Always giving her opinion as if it were gold. I learned to just nicely say back why I didn't agree, and would have things to back up my opinion. I didn't do it argumentatively, just matter of fact. You don't want to make an enemy of her. That makes your husband have to choose sides. Though he would most likely choose you, he will resent that it came to that which can put a lot of unneeded stress on a marriage. I also learned over the years that a lot of times when she said something she didn't mean it as judgemental or harsh as it seemed. I remember the first time I cooked a turkey at my house. She said I was doing it wrong and that it would never brown. I exlpained that that was the way my family had done it for years and it always turned out. What she meant was more that she couldn't see how it would cook right, but it came out nasty. Of course the turkey turned out great and nice and browned. She now makes her turkeys the same way. The other big thing that came up early in our marriage was the baptism of our son. I believe in adult baptism, not infant. She believes in infant (though she doesn't go to church). My husband didn't have an opinion one way or the other. So I wanted to do it my way since I did have a strong opinion about it. My husband was fine with that, my MIL was not. She was telling me that I had to do it. I explained why I felt the way I felt and why I believed what I believed. She admitted that what I said made sense. Then I said, nicely, that she had the chance to raise her kids the way she wanted, now it was our turn to raise ours. If we made mistakes it would be OK, our kids would survive through it. I think that was when she realized she was not going to be able to walk over me and our relationship changed. She had always been used to everyone doing what she wanted. I wasn't going to compromise my beliefs and my opinions just to make her happy. But again, you have to be careful how you say things so that you don't come across as the know it all, stubborn one. Sorry this turned into such a long post. Just give it some time and try to see things through her eyes some, maybe she doesn't mean to be as bad as she comes off.

Pauline - posted on 02/14/2010

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Immature, mentally unstable, obnoxious, loud, referred to her 3 month old granddaughter (1st grandchild too!) as "bitchy" and she has done this a bunch of times beginning when my baby was only 2 days old. I'm soooooooooooo done with her.

Molly - posted on 02/13/2010

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I think mine is pretty close. Then comes alcohol. It is quite sad. I have decided I am not the one losing out.

Suzette - posted on 02/12/2010

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My hubby is an only child as well. I can tell you ALL about my MIL, just write me. :)

Sheree - posted on 02/12/2010

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Crazy, irrational, uncaring. You name it my inlaws fit into the category. How did i deal with it, cut them out of my life and my daughters life completely. My husband still sees them when he wants to, but chooses not to as they dont make him feel wanted or needed. I could write a novel of everything they have done to try and ruin our marriage, so if you ever need to vent, im always here. Just message me :)

Alicia - posted on 02/11/2010

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Crazy is an understatement! My husband is an only child too and I know exactly what you are talking about!!!! She is older, pretty much just sits home and talks on the phone ALL day (about her grandson I am sure!). She used to call daily, luckily not anymore. And all I can say is, "thank goodness for caller ID." I never pick up. I have an unspoken rule...I talk to my parents; he talks to his!!!

Andrea - posted on 02/11/2010

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my soon to be mother in laws not crazy she just has to put her 2 cents into everything we do with our son with how we punish him and the toys he has to the clothes he wears and she still hates that he was bottle fed.... she even went as far as coming in the room when i was in labor and telling the doctor she had every right to be in there cuz it was her grandson! and then after we made her leave she sat behind the curtin with her head poking through....shes always over at our house criticizing how its not clean theres always dishes and how my son is way to independent for an 8 month old ...my boyfriend has 4 other siblings in his family but 2 of us live in town and of course its the 2 boy that live in town and we both have kids...i just sit back on most of the stuff and let her have her say because it doesnt matter what she wants its our son and were going to do what we want and whats best for him...

Ashlie - posted on 02/11/2010

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my mother in law sent me emails after emails commanding me to get a annullment were military so no family attended..i was pregnant and she told police shed run me over if i didnt live so far away.. told my husband hed get her house if he divoriced me



there italians im not and he has sisters but there 10yr old twins she hates im not italian



so i know how it feels we live away but are getting stationed where shes at (pray for me and my son) to long island NY lol

[deleted account]

mines crazy.... she doesn't like redheads or ppl who stand up for themselves, she just doesn't like anything she doesn't wanna like at the moment she's a drama queen. My kids aren't allowed to use spill proof sippy cups in her house (no cups away from the table) no running no yelling no jumping.... I really miss my fatherinlaw. He loved my oldest daughter she was a pawpaws girl and he made my motherinlaw be nice.

Cecile - posted on 02/11/2010

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My mother-in-law is crazy also. There are 4 in his family, he is the second. He has always been second-best to the first son and the first son's wife and kids are the best of the family by the same reasoning.

She makes the most ridiculous, outrageous comments and everyone just nods in agreement. For a long time, I thought I was the crazy one. We moved across the world and they came to visit us about three years after we moved and after that amount of time/distance/disconnection, I finally came to the conclusion that, no, I'm not crazy, she is. And best of all, my husband was able to see my point and got clarity on the whole situation.

Now, I realize that not everyone can move across the world, so that is not what I am suggesting. It might be really hard to do, but can you try to pull back and look at her and the reasons she acts that way, without emotional entanglement? Hard to do. But the thing is, one day you will be in the situation of mother-in-law, and how will you want to be treated? And, one day, she won't be around, and do you really want your husband and child/dren to have bad memories of her from bad relationships because of you? Remembering that one day you will be in the mother-in-law category?

However, there is crazy in the mother-in-law section and crazy in the dangerous section, so if she is part of the latter, don't ever leave your kids with her!

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