Anyone suffered a miscarriage? In process of one, need support

Elizabeth - posted on 12/31/2011 ( 28 moms have responded )

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Yesterday morning after making pancakes with my 20 month old little girl I went to potty & was bleeding. I spent several hours at the hospital. I am/was 11 weeks with our second child but the baby only measures 7-8 weeks they said. After being there for awhile my bleeding increased and I finally started to feel some cramping. They wouldn't give me a complete answer other than to come back in 3 days and they would check my progress. They said there was a small chance but I know there isn't, I'm bleeding more, cramping more, and the texture of the blood is changing. I think they were just trying to keep me from having a nervous breakdown in the middle of the emergancy room. Either way, I'm doing it at hom in hope I will pass everything naturally & on my own.

How do I cope with this while still being super full time mommy to my little girl? I'm so heartbroken and lost. I can't help but beat myself up mentally and I know it wasn't my fault but I still feel like it somehow was. Any advice?

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Katie - posted on 01/31/2012

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Take time out for yourself, it is ok to cry and be sad. Talk to your husband because he may be feeling the same and it will help you both to heal together. Most of all be patient and take a little extra care with your little one, she may feel the stress you are under right now. My heart goes out to you and your family - hang in there and things will feel better with time.

I lost our baby at 16 weeks - he measured 14 1/2 weeks. Things went so fast for us that I really didn't take the time to cope until around his due date.

Here is what we/I did for what would have been our 5th baby on his due date- the kids and I got ballons and wrote letters to our angel baby. We went to a big open field and let them go so that he would know that we love him.

I feel things happen for a reason. Our reason was concived around the same time as I was finally dealing with the loss of our baby. We now have another little boy who keeps me on my toes.

Brianna - posted on 01/03/2012

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im so sorry for your loss.
I have a 2 year old daughter and have had 2 miscarriages trying to have baby #2.. miscarriage #1 was at 10 weeks along jan 2011, miscarriage #2 was dec 1,2011 at 6 weeks. I just found out acouple days ago that im expecting again which was a shock because i havent even had a period since my last miscarriage. I know its really hard to be going threw this and im very sorry. It very important to know its NOT YOU FAULT. these things happen and you would be surprised how many people it happens to. my prayers are with u and your family in the hard time.

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Janae - posted on 02/04/2013

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I found out I was 4 weeks pregnant last January. I was really scared but I had my boyfriend right by my side. I became excited, we painted the nursery set the crib up we bought baby stuff and I had been really sick I was in and out of the hospital i had sever morning sickness i had to have a home IV but that baby was going strong. We had been planning baby names and thinking about our family, We talked to the baby we wrote letters, I had a doctors app to here the babys heartbeat I was so excited driving there im laying there and the lady is searching for the heart beat and they couldnt hear it and thinking maybe the baby was small so we did an ultrasound and found out the babys heart stopped. It didnt register in my mind what happened until i looked over at my boyfriend to see him crying. That day is still a nightmare. I still cry over that. I had to have a D&C and ended up in the hospital because of that. Its not easy losing a baby at all. I was 3 months pregnant. I wish sometimes I had someone to actually talk to about it because it is a sensitive subject.

Brandy - posted on 02/08/2012

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Carol I truly am sorry for all the meanness and cruelty you had to endure from your doctor- I hope for other woman he is no longer practicing - but he probably is-

But I do have to say your friend being I think you stated 6 months pregnant- that is totally different than being pregnant 8 weeks .... In the sense of having a baby or fetus to burial - I know a baby is a baby - 6 months along to go almost into your final trimester - it's devastating- I am not saying woman only within the first 2 months of being pregnant shouldnt value it enough or have sad ness for the loss - I was asking or pointing out what my doctor( who mind you I don't even see anylonger) has told me - and also being thru 8 myself all at different varies of time frames - 10 weeks verse 5-6 months is totally different and takes on a whole new wave of emotions - because normally by the that time the female is set and ready feeling a STRONG heartbeat and flutters - that I am sorry but 8 weeks along no female can feel those kinda feelings in her body - the fetus isn't at that point-

I never once in my first post was suggesting a baby is not a baby in mother - nor suggesting anything like that - I think I have delt with enough to know what goes on with body when I miscarry and every women is different

Carol - posted on 02/07/2012

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Sorry for any confusion. I wasn't even able to look into burial because my doctor lied to me and took what little remains I had. There are cemeteries that bury babies that have miscarried (a friend of mine had her baby buried a couple of years ago - she was 6-7 months along). I always assumed that it didn't matter how far along you were - a baby is a baby.

Brandy - posted on 02/07/2012

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I have suffered 8 miscarriages and the last was an ectopic pregnancy and that was absolutely the worse I was being told by my fertility dr that at my levels their was just no way that this was a heathy pregnancy and then my OB/gyn was giving me hope all along until I Had a scan then we knew and I had to have surgery- anyways- going thru all these miscarriages time after time has made me appreciate the little ones I do have - but i do know time was the only healing factor and a lot of prayer - take every day one day at a time- and slowly it'll get better -

I will say I am a bit confused by the posts of woman commenting on being 8,9,10 .. And having a d/c and passing so much blood and things of this nature... My o/bGYN has given me info of having to be father along for a d/c - their is the sack - not very much to pass - I know every woman is different - in all mine ( and I really have gone thru many) I did not bleed a lot only in 2 - but i was over 5 months and a d/c was involved- and I certainly was never given the option of burial at such early weeks in the pregnancy - nothing is left after it miscarries to bury- in those early months.

Tiffany - posted on 02/02/2012

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I'm in the process of one and do need support! I was/ am about 2-3 weeks prego and my doctor said I have a threatened MAB. I had my blood tested for the HCG on Sat Jan 28th and Monday Jan 30th and feb 2 and my HCG's all came back with 27. they are sending me for more blood work tomorrow.

Katrina - posted on 01/31/2012

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i recently kinda went through they same thing i went in on december 27 for cramping and bleeding after having what i though was my period the week before it lasted four days and was light on the morning of that day i woke up with severe cramps and bleeding so i went to the er they told me i was two to three weeks along but nothing showed up in my sonogram so they gave me papers on threatned misscarriage and said to come back in two days well i did and they denied seeing me so i waited eight more days and went to a pregnancy clinc the test results was negative but four days before the test i saw clumps in the toliet after i peed my man said that was the misscarriage passing i bleed heavy for several days but im handleing as best as i can and still careing for my two year old it helps me to think it was rejected cuz something was wrong with it and that my two year old is still alive so i should b happy that im blessed with her good luck and let ur family know whats going on so they can help u

Cynthia - posted on 01/31/2012

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Carol...I did not know I couldve requested to bury my baby...I wish I couldve known to get a picture of the sonogram...I think about that too much..I had my miscarriage in a strange hospital where I knew no one and was in excrutiating pain and it took them forever to see me and here I am screaming climbing the walls cuz I did not kno how to handle the pain...I felt weird being there like they took my baby on purpose..I'm from L.A. but we were in Washington state visiting my mom...it's been 4 months now and I'm still obssesing over sonogram pic and if those Drs did all they could...i'm not sure if it's normal to obsess like this but I do...

Claire - posted on 01/29/2012

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i understand how you feel hun and to be honest there is no way of not feeling how you do. i had a 19month old when i m/c but i found out something was wrong at my 12 weeks scan when there was only a 4-5week sac (baby hadnt continued to grow) a day before my follow up early scan i started to bleed. 3 days later i had a scan (docotor had already confirmed miscarriage) i opted to go home but ended up bk in a&e with awful pain worse than labour. i spent nearly a whole week at my mums for support (my partner was there too) and writing in a diary helps . having a child already i just put all my energy into looking after him x

Carol - posted on 01/12/2012

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So sorry for your loss. I hope that you're physically feeling better. Family and friends are the best bet to coping mentally. It takes just as long to feel almost better as when anyone else you love so much dies. I had a miscarriage at only 8 weeks and the pain was soo much worse than either of my 2 boys. I think the mental pain enhances the physical. I'd only had my oldest son and he was just about 2 at the time. I scared him by crying right when it happened, but explained it and hugged him a lot (for me as much or more than for him). He's 11 now and just remembers that I was really sad. His little brother was born less than a year later. They both know they have a brother or sister that died and we'll see him and find out why when we go to heaven. I found that I coped when I shared it with my playgroup. I was so shocked when I found out that half of them had gone through the same thing. According to the worst doctor of all time, 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. He told me that right after he told me to stop crying. I wasn't even loud. He also lied about the sonogram picture (I wanted the one taken the day before the miscarriage - it was the only picture ever taken of the baby) He said to wait 3 months for it to get into their computers and then get a copy. I waited and was told that the hospital deletes the images after 3 months. If you have an image you want, call right away until you get it. I was also told by the same doctor that if I wanted to find out what happened, I'd need to give them the remains. When I called to ask for results, I was told that they don't check unless it is the third miscarriage. My baby was thrown in the trash. I could have had her/him buried. Some doctors just suck. If you get one that is not straightforward or outright cruel, demand another one right away.

Sarah - posted on 01/11/2012

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Oh Elizabeth, my heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how difficult this is for you right now. Do you have anyone who can come help you, a friend, neighbour, family member. I hope your husband can also be a support. Ask your doctor if there are any support groups you can attend, perhaps talking to other people who have been through the loss of a pregnancy might be able to help. I will pray for quick healing for you, emotionally and physically.

Cynthia - posted on 01/04/2012

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Thank you Brianna it is sad but it helped me to accept it wasn't my fault and my baby is with God looking down and helping us thru tough times...my two yr old is always pointing where there's nothing and says...Baby...so I kno our baby is close..Congratulations on your pregnancy...Dr. Told me to wait till after my 2nd period and start taking folic acid vitamins...just had my second period so I hope were blessed with a cute silly baby soon...

Jade - posted on 01/03/2012

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I am so sorry for what you are going through. I went through the same situation 3 weeks ago. 2 weeks before Christmas, I started bleeding in the morning...It never got worse, but never stopped, so I went in to the Doctor two days early for my 10 week appointment. The sac was only measuring 6 weeks and there was no heartbeat. The waiting began....bloodtests, ultrasounds, and more waiting for two weeks, I decided on a D&C. I could not wait any longer. I have a wonderful, energetic two year old little boy and everyday was spent waiting, wondering, when will it happen? It was a very difficult decision, and I swayed for days. I still feel heartbroken, but for me, it was a way to move on. My heart goes out to you, and just please, allow yourself time to heal in whatever way you need to. Some people say to reach out, my way is to be quiet at home with my husband and son. It will get better, I feel better everyday, although it's still hard to even believe. I feel it's my fault, but it my heart, I know it's not, and you must know it's not yours. Stare into the eyes of your little girl each time you feel your heart sink. :) :)

Faith - posted on 01/03/2012

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My name is Faith and I have had 3 miscarriages and 2 healthy children ages 5 and 6 , it has been a long hard road but I have come to realize how wonderful the good Lord made our bodies , it knows when something is wrong and takes care of it , as hard as it was to go through , it was a blessing. Have faith and keep trying but give yourself time to grieve before trying again , your in my prayers.

Denise - posted on 01/02/2012

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I also miscarried at 11 weeks back in 2006. We had a 4 year old at the time. She knew we were sad and we had to tell her why. I got through it with her help. We spent alot of time together in the next few days. It happened naturally for me the next day. As hard as it is please believe that you did nothing wrong. I had to believe that in order to move on and we were blessed with our second in 2008.

Collette - posted on 01/02/2012

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Hi Elizabeth, my name is Collette, I have three kids and a little over a year ago, I was pregnant again. I was in my third month, and had no morning sickness! My husband and I were excited that, that pregnancy would be one that we could enjoy fully. Then i started spotting, i never spotted before, then the cramping started..by the time i got to the doctor, i was bleeding heavily. I ended up loosing the baby in the doctor's office. When i got home i had to tell my three kids what had happened..my daughter was 13 and my son was 5 and my youngest(too young to understand, was 2. There just arent any words to describe how devastating it was. I spent the rest of the day in bed, and felt numb and lost and heartbroken for months. What made me feel better, is knowing that my baby will be waiting for me. The doctor told me that the baby wasn't developing properly, and so, I told myself that even though i craved to hold my little baby so badly, it was better off with God, and not having to suffer just so I can hold her...Well, anyways, I just wanted to say that its ok to cry and mourn, even months later, a year later. even as i write this i am full of tears, but it does get easier. Just keep telling yourself that it isnt your fault, and everything happens for a reason, even the most devastating things happen for a reason and we sometimes don't know what that reason is until years later.

Christy - posted on 01/02/2012

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So sorry! I had a M/C at approx 10-11 weeks as well. Hang in there and know that you will get through this. I would also suggest going back to the DR to be safe anyway. I ended up getting a D and C because I was in danger of infection. I would hate for that to happen to you. HUGS to you, hon.

Carmen - posted on 01/02/2012

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i am so sorry, i had the same thing happen a few times. i have a 4 month old now and its hard to greive when you have a baby to care for. ask a family member to take care of your daughter and take time to grieve your loss and remember the baby your loosing

Sandi - posted on 01/02/2012

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I went through this loss twice in the late 90's. First time I let it come out natural - was quite bloody at one point and I felt very sick, and went to the ER but dr. said everything looked ok. Second time, I opted for the D&C bc. I had horrible morning sickness again.
Give yourself time to grieve. It is a very painful loss. Let others know you are grieving, and let them help if they offer. Just know that there are many other women who have gone through this - you are not alone. I am sorry for your loss. One co-worker who was 20 years older said in the old days they didn't know for sure - she had a heavy period after guessing she was pregnant for 2-3 months. Someone told me 30-50% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. There must have been something wrong, and you would not have had a healthy baby, in all likelihood. The doctors don't seem to have a kind attitude towards women going through this, in my experience.
Don't be supermom. Show your child that it is ok to be sad for a while. Let her offer you a stuffed animal.
The lady's poem is nice but it makes me more sad - it made me cry. We eventually adopted 2 girls. I still wish it hadn't happened to me, but over time you need to move on, and my life is very busy with my girls now. Again - you have my deepest sympathies.

Cynthia - posted on 01/01/2012

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I'm so sorry for your loss..I miscarried at 11weeks o started bleeding one evening Dr told me if I soak up two pads go to emergency rm...I did..it was the most awful pain and emotionally harder my husband and I both lost it we were in shock never thought it would happen to us..it was Gods will you did nothing wrong mama I'm going to share this poem that another circle of mom shared with me..it helped me..."Precious Little One"...I'm just a precious little one who didn't make it there.I went straight to be with Jesus but I'm waiting here for you.many dwelling here where I live, waited years to enter in. Struggled thru a world of sorrow, a world marred with pain and sin..Thank you for the life you gave me, it was brief but don't complain. I have all Heavens Glory, suffered none of earths great pain. Thank you for the name you gave me. I'd have love to bring it fame. But if I lingered in earths shadows, I would have suffered just the same. So sweet family don't you sorrow. Wipe those tears and chace the gloom. I went straight to Jesus arms from my loving mothers womb...God Bless You mama....

Bethany - posted on 01/01/2012

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I'm sorry you're going through this. It's awful and the waiting is agony. I should be 10 weeks now, and believe I still am until proven otherwise. I started bleeding very lightly, like a really light period, 10 days ago. Still going. No pain at all, and just one light pad a day, and only changing that for hygene.



I have had two scans, one at 9 weeks and one at 8 weeks, and no heart beat at either, the foetus measuring 5mm which is right on the borderline for a heartbeat. Slightly enlarged yolk sac. No size change in that week, My hcg levels have continued to rise suitably. I go for more blood tests and U/S this week.



Nice way to spend Christmas and New Year's, but at least I had lots of family around me to keep me occupied. I have a perfect little nearly-3 year old, so it's not as tragic as if it was my first, but it's still a pain waiting for offices to reopen after public holidays and waiting for week to week tests.



I'm trying to do other things to take my mind off it, having friends over, spending time with my daughter, etc. It is incovenient at times though, when I just want to lie down, or sit on the toilet or in the shower and she needs me.

Jodi - posted on 12/31/2011

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Before having my youngest, I had two miscarriages, both of which I had at home. The first of those was a miscarriage at 13 weeks, and unfortunately, 2 days after the actually miscarriage, I started to hemorrhage and had to go to the ER for an emergency D&C because the placenta hadn't entirely passed. I found the entire thing very traumatic, and then when I lost the next one a few months later, I found it really difficult to cope with emotionally.

However, I then went on to have my daughter, and she was perfect :) I am still sad sometimes when I think about those babies I lost, but I also know that if that hadn't happened, I wouldn't have my daughter either, so this lessens the sadness in some ways.

All I can say is keep an eye on your bleeding and if it becomes excessively heavy and clotted, it is best to get it checked out. Other than that, allow yourself the space to grieve your loss, but don't blame yourself. It's ok to be sad.

Michelle - posted on 12/31/2011

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I had exactly the same back in 2000. It was my first and I was supposed to be 11 weeks but when I had an ultrasound done there wasn't a fetus, just the amniotic sac and that was measuring about 7 weeks.

I was given the choice of letting nature take it's course or get a D&C done. I opted for the D&C because my body had already taken 4 weeks to start bleeding and I didn't want to drag it out.

My advice would be to just get through 1 day at a time. Enjoy the little one you have and give yourself time to heal.

I fell pregnant again 3 months later and have a very headstrong and entertaining 10yo now.

Jenna - posted on 12/31/2011

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I just lost a pregnancy beginning of November. Had to have a d & c even. It wasn't a miscarriage. It was a molar pregnancy. So I got a mass of cysts for a placenta instead of a placenta and they had to do the d & c because the body doesn't usually reject such a pregnancy on its own and it can turn into cancer. I have to wait a year before we can even try again and during that time, I've so far had to go in once a week for the last six weeks to get blood drawn to make sure my hcg levels are going down and that my mole didn't turn cancerous. I just got the news yesterday that I can finally go to having the blood draws once a month until the doctor gives her okay for us to try again. It has been a bit of a nightmare. But after I had a few days of crying, and about a week or so of feeling down in the dumps, I decided I had to keep my chin up and focus on the fact that we will be able to try again and hope for a better outcome next time. That's all I can really do because I have other children to care for who need my attention.

Jennifer - posted on 12/31/2011

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hi.. my name is jennifer i wanted throw the same thing last year july 17 2011 and i was prego i wanted to the doctors to see what we will be have but they told me agian in miscrarriage agian i been tiring since are son was 2 years and i have lost 2 before i got this baby so we where so happy we had everything but when found about we lost the baby i cry and cry cause i blame my self but i know i didnt do anything if you wanted to talk about i am here cause it a sad thing and i everything works out cause now we have a another baby boy..one thing i can tell you is to take care of yourself and take as much help you can:>

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