Are you a "MEAN MOM"?

Kara - posted on 11/13/2008

7th garde politics-nerds, geeks, jocks...it never ends...

I'm a hockey mom and a dance mom and yes, we are a clique, it just happens, the football/cheerleader moms stick together, the soccer moms group together and the karate moms go together...at dance a few weeks ago one of the moms was recounting her story of picking up her daughter from school and realizing she was standing in a group of loser moms ( I didn't ask who because I know who she is talking about, the moms who stay in their sweats and don't "do" their hair or makeup" whose kids don't look like a gap ad at all times) I am also one of those moms (on more than a few occasions) I don't work so I don't need to get "dressed up" just to pick up and drop off the kids at school-but some moms do morph into stepford wives 15 minutes before school twice a day.

don't get me wrong-i'm not totally a loser mom-I work out, i like to look "pretty" I own designer shoes and handbags and on occasion wear them out (if we are going out to dinner or somewhere special) but most days its jeans, tshirt, flats...however most moms judge one another based on how they dress, what kind of car they drive, what sports or activities their kids play and especially on their kids behaviors, if your child is wild and unruly other moms think its your fault...we are women, superficial beings and catty bitches at the core. if you disagree, whatever, you know at some point you have gossiped and your "mom group" consists of people you share hobbies with, you have judged and you are being judged by someone you know.

Giulia - posted on 11/13/2008

So, I'm kind of a bitch; whatever. When I was working I had to be to get respect and get stuff done. It's unfortunate, but that's the postion women in authority are often put in. You tell yourself you have a job to do and that's what's important and you are not there to make friends. Flash forward to "Mom" being my job, that is even MORE important, so I care even less what you think or if you like me very much. Add to that the basic human condition and that women aren't always very nice to each other...you see my point. So, if I try and befriend someone not only will we have to (by some stroke of luck) like each other and live close enough to make it worth it; THEN you have to worry about the most important part: the kids. Do they like each other, do you like her kids, does she like your kids, ect. Why force it? If the pieces don't aline, I'll cut bait pretty quick.

Wen - posted on 11/12/2008

I think as you grow and your children grow you come across other Mothers you may not other wise be friends with if it were'nt for your kids. I have 3 kids so I exsperienced both sides of being "shunned". I have a VERY active 5 year old boy and some Mom's don't want their child to play with mine. That's fine I really don't care either way. My kids make friends very easily. WHat kind of bothers me is that Moms of only girls don't want to play with us because I have 2 boys and 1 girl. As if boys are discusting or something. My kids are homeschooled and have never been put in day care or anything like that. They are mostly sweet they are not perfect but they are kids. I have also have met some people that were great friends and people but their kids didn't have that great of influence on my kids. Mostly I try to over look most of their bad behaviors because they are kids but some times I would just rather not deal with the drama of other peoples kids too. I think it's good to have and be friends to some of your kids friends but it's also good to have your own friends and to get out, with out kids sometimes too. Just my 2 cents :)



Wenddie

Heather - posted on 11/11/2008

I think that we are unfortunately to quick to judge each other based on our children's behavior. I once had a dear friend say to me "You are so nice to hang out with her, I just can't stand her kids, so I limit my time with all of them." On another phone call with a different friend- "I'm going to torture myself and visit with 'this friend' today, her kids are just so whiney I can only handle so much." I have found that it's not worth being lonesome for friends so I really try to overlook the 'cooky' things about friends that could drive you crazy. Instead I try to be respectful of their choices as moms/dads and expect that they'll do the same. I hold my kids to pretty high standards and when other kids are here I try to help them abide too. This way my kids don't feel like 'life's not fair.' I just figure I'm not perfect and I need others to like me just like I am and support me in trying to do better...I can do that for someone else too!
Not that every parent I try to befriend becomes a lifelong pal. But I can think of quite a few who appreciate me! ;0)

Krysta - posted on 11/10/2008

When the bond of women is based entirely on having children, it doesn't last. Kids grow up. Life changes. Families become involved in different activities that take people in opposite directions. I am a part of a church that is full of mother's of all ages. When we all had our first child, we spent a lot of time together...encouraging one another. Now that many of us have three or more kids and are pulled every which a way with school, sports and other activities; children are not the "tie that binds". I am a homeschooling mother and don't have time to just hang out and talk during the day or visit other women. Sometimes it's hard for people to understand that I'm busy; not snobby. Having three kids at home, one on the way, a husband to take care of and house to run are my priorities. I feel bad when other mother's ask if they can stop by for a visit and I have to say, "no". I'm not shunning anyone; just trying to be a good wife and mom. The women I am more closely bonded with are the ones who understand, "we're moms, we're busy; we may not always converse and talk but when we finally get together (most of the time WITHOUT our children), our discussions will be more about marriage, religion, politics and how we are surviving rather than if our kids can read, pee in the pot or tie their own shoes."

Sandy - posted on 11/04/2008

Personally, it's not so much a "mean" thing, but a lack of anything in common beyond children. I'm upwards of 15 yrs older than many moms in playgroups available in my area. I have very little in common with a 19 year old besides the baby thing. She doesn't much care to talk about the economic impact of a dropping foreign exchange rate, nor do I care which celebrity is in rehab again. We talk about our babies... Bonding does indeed require more than the ability to procreate.

Heather - posted on 11/03/2008

In my experience in getting to know other mothers, the thing i have had a hard time with is other mothers competing with me , with the kids. I really don't like to hear much about there kids if that is what the other mother is doing. I also have a hard time with other mothers just for the simple fact that , i am with my kids 24/7 that hanging out and doing the "mom" thing just isn't for me. I'm not one of the mom's who wants to do play dates and things like that. i wouldn't mind telling you more if you wanna hear more.

Tara - posted on 11/03/2008

I experienced this when trying to join a national mom's group. Although it is a church based group, they would not let me join because I do not live in the chapter town. There is not a group where I live and I am not interested in starting one (which was their suggestion). I am still not sure why if I am willing to drive 15 minutes to join them, I cannot do so. But, if that is the way they are, then I really don't want to be a part of their organization anyway.



I am a new SAHM and just want other people to talk to and possible play groups for my daughter. It really is typical of how women are in general. Sad, but true.