Because you're a stay at home mom does your husband think you dont do anything all day?

Christi - posted on 08/09/2009 ( 191 moms have responded )

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When my husband come home i want him to take the baby for a while but he thinks because he worked all day he should have to. Your thoughts?

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Adrienne - posted on 08/16/2009

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I actually had another stay-home mom of multiple kids criticize me as a stay-home mom of an only child. What she didn't consider was my child is autistic. It was almost discouraging until I considered the source. Let's just say she's got issues! Anywho, I've gotten over the criticisms from so many directions: people w/o kids having all sorts of suggestions, professionals w/ expensive ideas, & even my own relatives in denial of my son's diagnosis. I had him at 37 after trying for 6 years. I'm thankful to have him (w/o any medical assistance). No one can take the joy of motherhood away from me (not even hubby) because I've come to far by much faith! Hubby knows this & knows he better think twice before implying his job is harder or more challenging than full-time parenting.

Adrienne - posted on 08/16/2009

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I'm looking at the date & wondering if he's still alive? (LOL) I haven't read anyone else's comments, but I'm sure other mother's have said this repeatedly. Being a parent is not being a babysitter. Your husband is STILL a father. I don't understand why parents behave like they're babysitting for their spouses & opting out on parenting their kids. Gently remind your husband his job (no matter how many hours) is part-time while being a Father is full-time (even while at work). He's also a full-time husband & your a full-time wife. The only OTHER thing that should come ahead is God...& I don't mean church! If you need more explanation on that, feel free to request.

Michelle - posted on 08/16/2009

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Yeah I get that too. In fact, my sister in law said the other day I was a Lady of Leisure!

[deleted account]

Men will never understand what our day is like until they stay home with the kids for a month everday. My husband would never think to give me an attitude about parenting our kids. He now works 3rd shift for the past 2 years. I do get the little breaks here and there...and every other weekend I get a half of a day to do what I want. I think that if maybe instead of saying can you watch the kids, maybe say I am leaving in an hour to go do-----fill in the blank. They are their kids too and I feel that they should be a parent also. We don't use the word "babysit" it is only parenting in our household. The Grandmas babysit. My husband has always been a different kind of guy though. He loves spending time with our kids as they do with him. The way I look at it is that if I fell off of the face of earth I would want him tobe able to pick up where I left off with no questions asked, so my kids would still be comfortable in their routines.

Heather - posted on 08/16/2009

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these are funny posts. i dont think men know what they are talking about. i mean thats why God gave women the ability to have kids, not men. they cant handle it lol

User - posted on 08/16/2009

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Quoting Jessica:

My husband and I have the same arguement... which is pretty hilarious since we have FOUR kids with the oldest being 4 1/2. Some days I think he believes the laundry washes itself, dinner cooks itself and the kids fend for themselves. Our biggest fight though is that even when he gets home, he still thinks the kids are my job. Don't get me wrong, he is a very active dad... but if something rolls around that he doesn't feel like doing, he plays the "well you're the stay at home mom" card. I then remind him that
I work MORE hours then he does, with no pay, no vacation time, and I can't retire anytime soon!!


OMG, you said it, my husband thinks he can do anything he wants at anytime and I have a job to do which isn't and never will be as hard as his is.  Ugh, it makes me sick.  I complain and you know what he does, goes to the bar, then before I know it:  he meets someone at the bar who is a pathetic woman who still lives at home, her parents take care of her son, and has the nerve to sleep with her because he didn't want to hear my crap anymore.  So. now I'm walking on eggshells when he is home.

User - posted on 08/16/2009

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My husband (who technically hasn't married me but we have been together for the better part of 18 yrs) who currently cheats on me thinks the same thing. He thinks he has the right to go golfing every weekend, the whole deal. He thinks I do nothing all day because when he does call our house when he is at work, I sound so tired. Well, no wonder....I'm running after three kids all day (ages 7,5, and 2) so no wonder i'm so tired. Point is, he has the nerve to put his attention else where and don't get me wrong, I'm sure he works hard, but so do I. I would do anything to find someone who not only loves kids but who understands that taking care of them 24/7 is a ball busting job.

Dayna - posted on 08/16/2009

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My husband is kindaa the same!! You need too let him know that he only works like what 8 hours a day and you work 24!! So when you need a break you should totally be entitled too one! I can't EVER have a minute alone too my self cause my husband plays the but he dosent want me he wants you card!! pfffft.. I can't figure out what he wants you just tell him that he better figure it out real fast or els he's gonna have a pretty big head ache!

Kassie - posted on 08/16/2009

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Quoting melissa:

My husband does the same thing he thinks that i do nothing all day but sit and watch tv, the only down time i have is when the kids are naping, when he comes home i ask him to take the kids so i can relax for a little bit he has the "idont want to but i will" attitude. I think it is just a guy thing.



I agree 100% with you and my husband does the exact attitude thing as yours I think.My husband does the whole I will but I don't want to .I hate that. I think he really thinks our son watches and feeds himself all day long. Ha ha yeah right! I want him to be happy about helping me out and not make me feel guilty for even asking him to take the baby which is exactly how that attitude makes me feel. And I don't know about you but nap time being downtime is usually used to try to grab something myself to eat or to cook dinner or clean which is a break from the baby, but not really a super relaxing moment.

Melissa - posted on 08/16/2009

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i tell him my job is 24 7 no holidays no lunch break no smoko !!!! and worst of all its unpaid so unless he wants 2 start payin me 4 raising or kids he can help !!!!!

Colleen - posted on 08/16/2009

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My husband is the same way. He thinks that because he works all day and I stay home taking care of our children that I do nothing all day. If we do nothing all day being a stay at home mom then how does the house get cleaned,supper get cooked,and the laundry get done!!!! We do just as much work as they do!!!!!

Maureen - posted on 08/16/2009

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My husband is wonderful. He comes home from work and does the household chores - dishwashing and cooking. He spends time with our baby every night and usually gives her the last feed for the night. ~~"HE WORKED ALL DAY"~ Taking care of a baby is work too. The only difference is, he can have lunch and breaks on his schedule while yours totally depends on the baby. Most of the time, you eat your lunch cold because your baby demands for you attention as you're about to take a bite. He works 8-9 hours a day, 5 days a week and you on-call 24/7. ~~"HE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO"~~ The point of a father spending time with the baby is to build that 'bond'. A father's affection is a crucial part of a child's emotional development. Same goes the other way - a good father fulfills his essence by knowing, understanding and fulfilling the needs of his own child.

Kathryn - posted on 08/16/2009

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Post a reply!my husband is the same he thinks just because he has been doing a paid job all day that he deserves to put his feet up and watch t.v. what about the unpaid job i have been doing all day, ahhhhh it drives me mad!

Kay - posted on 08/16/2009

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My husband is appreciative of all that I do, when it gets done. When it dosn't get done and he comes home from "work" he can be pretty uptight.

[deleted account]

There is a magic window to give hubby the baby. Not as they step in the door (Think if it was you coming back) but also not to wait too long. When my husband came from work I let him calm down from the day and usually it would take 15 to 20 mins. Most of the times I didn't even have to ask for a break as he took over naturally. Hope it helped. Osnat http://maaslife.blogspot.com/

TARA - posted on 08/15/2009

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my husband knows what a handful our kids are and he's usually happy to leave me home with the kids and go to work, but sometimes he forgets. so i usually remind him by letting him watch them half the day or so while i get groceries and run errands. he's always so so so happy when i get back.

i don't mean he can't handle them, but sometimes he thinks that we just have a play day all day b/c of all the things we get to tell him about when he gets home. he sometimes thinks that my day is just a breeze but in truth, i don't really get a break until he comes home. even nap time is busy time for me. thats when i do laundry and dishes and vacuming if it needs it. but when he comes in the mood changes and the girls mellow out and i actually get to sit back and relax in the recliner. i'm not complaining but sometimes i want him to see what i've been dealing with all day.

Kristina - posted on 08/15/2009

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My hubby would never do that to me or assume for one minute that I do nothing... Our roles are 50-50. He works and I stay home. He works nights, which makes it especially hard sometimes, cause not only do I have the little one to look after, I feel as though I am also missing out on time w/ him. He is supportive in just about everything I do and everyway I can imagine. I am truly blessed to have such an amazing husband!

Leslie - posted on 08/15/2009

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My hubby used to think that he could do the same thing. That I sit around and do nothing. Of course, my two boys are older now but, when our first one was born and he would come home and we would fight about the apartment not being clean. I was breastfeeding then. I had to return to work part-time. He learned quickly what I dealt with all day and why all the chores were left undone. He said that you are truly the greatest woman that ever lived. He still pitches in as much as he can. I truly hope that you're husband starts helping with the baby otherwise the bond between Dad and Baby won't be that strong.

Kristi - posted on 08/15/2009

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My husband is that way at times although the day that we got married he had all the responsibilties of the children and he was ready to pull his hair out( I'm just happy he still was waiting for me at the alter after the day with them, LOL). Since that day he has made a point to make sure that I get a break, even if it is to go to the store to shop for needed supplies. Maybe leave the kids with him and give him a lil taste of your day.

Jessica - posted on 08/15/2009

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My husband does the same thing, just because he works at a job during the day he thinks he don't have to help do anything when he gets home including taking care of our 8 month daughter for even 30 mins he says its t he womans job, and he wont even help me claen up the house a little on saturdays.

Natalie - posted on 08/15/2009

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my husband knows I am very busy during the day the house is always clean, supper is made and the kids are taken care of. However he does remind me that because he works that is what allows me to stay home. He never wants me to work because he enjoys everything being taken care of and myself not being stressed (at least not all the time).

Kelley - posted on 08/15/2009

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Wait until they are a bit older and go away on a scrapbook weekend. Then he'll get the picture. Mine are 8 1/2 and 11 now but they were a bit younger when I did it the first time. He was rather surprised at what he had to do for them and how he didn't have time to clean the house of their mess ( and his ) as well. Hmm, I still manage to do it somehow.

[deleted account]

my husband has never even changed a diaper but 1 time and we have 3 kids and know they are all in school...i work hard everyday on keeping things up and going around here and never get any comments on anything i do, and still," get well ur home everday what do u do?" my husband doesn't help with the kids and if I ask its why can't u take'em with ya?

Louise - posted on 08/15/2009

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i am a childminder and sometimes i have three two year olds to look after and nothing annoys me more when he says i sit on my arse all day. one of the children did not go home until late the other day and he moaned there was no tea ready he had only been home since three!!!!

[deleted account]

seems to be a problem across the world..... one the one hand my husband says he knows i work hard, then on the other he ( infurinatingly) says that what i do is easy, when he has the kids all day. What he seems to look over is the fact it isn't just looking after the kids that i do, its all the jobs inbetween. He is just very lucky that he hasn't said that when i have a frying pan in my hand yet!!!

Jennifer - posted on 08/14/2009

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yes i happen to think all husbands think that way when the truth is our job is alot harder we cook clean take care of all the kids, we take care of them, and we have to remember to take care of ourselves too plus we dont even get paid to do all the things we do. sincerley jennifer flowers wife and mother of 4

Meagan - posted on 08/14/2009

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Yes mine did. But after him being home on the weekends he realized that I work my butt off going back and forth making bottles changing diaper giving baths changing clothes washing laundry folding it putting it up...cooking cleaning...you know what you do! But changed after awhile and don't throw that in my face anymore when I ask for a little help.

Liz - posted on 08/14/2009

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My husband is the same way!! He comes home from work and wants to relax....Sometimes he likes to play with her, but God forbid I want to go to the store without the baby. He doesn't understand how much work it takes to go buya gallon of milk when you have to buckle the car seat, take her in and out of the car and put the cart protector on the cart with one hand while holding the baby in the other. Takes 100 times long to buy the milk!! LOL I don't ask for much help with the baby, so when I do, I wish he'd be more willing.

Jessica - posted on 08/14/2009

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My husband and I have the same arguement... which is pretty hilarious since we have FOUR kids with the oldest being 4 1/2. Some days I think he believes the laundry washes itself, dinner cooks itself and the kids fend for themselves. Our biggest fight though is that even when he gets home, he still thinks the kids are my job. Don't get me wrong, he is a very active dad... but if something rolls around that he doesn't feel like doing, he plays the "well you're the stay at home mom" card. I then remind him that

I work MORE hours then he does, with no pay, no vacation time, and I can't retire anytime soon!!

Brie - posted on 08/14/2009

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wow reading all these posts!!!

i have a nine mth old breast fed (and 3 solid meals a day) daughter and am a stay at home mum. hubby works full time and the hours seem to get longer and longer....

when he comes home dinner is being done, house is clean, washing done, dishes, groceries etc etc.

I leave our daughter with him for half a day come home and the house looks like a BOMB has hit it. i spend more time cleaning up after him sometimes than i do our daughter..... empty coffee cups, towels dropped on the floor, missing bloody remote controls etc

one day after he comented about how i was off galavanting during the day, and why wasn't bubs and i home when he got home, and had it easy..... i made a "To DO" list for my day - crossing off once i had done them and left it lying around for him to find. gave him a bit of a wake up call.

But no they don;t get it. i think we need to harden up about what we need, what we do and what we are worth, we all are superwoman, but even superwoman needs some time out and a bit of respect for what she achieves.

APPRECIATION is the word!

Maryann - posted on 08/13/2009

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I have 5 children and I made a point from day one that we share responsibility. And most of the time his nights off unless he's really beat he takes the baby the whole night!! Wonderful!! He takes them to the park and I just rest or clean but with no interruptions!! He cooks sometimes but I give my kids chores to help out since they r 99% of the mess!! It goes by age. The young ones pick up thier toys help set the table. My oldest does dishes helps with the kids and sometimes cooks dinner. It helps me and dad and gives my kids a good sense of pride that they contribute. When all is said and done everyone is helping out ~~then thiers less conflict~!!!!!!!!

Rachel - posted on 08/13/2009

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Well my husband of nine years was the same way he used to tell me he wished he could just stay at home with the kids all day and take a nap LOL was he in for a suprise. About two years ago we had to trade places because he had to have surgery after he healed he still couldnt go back to work fo awhile so I went to work and he became a stay at hoime dad it took 4 hours for him to call me and tell me he was sorry and please tell him how i did it all day long and after that he healed much quicker and went back to work now he comes home and takes the kids off my hands right away it is great my suggestion is that you take a weekend to yourself tell family and friends not to help him for at least 12 hours while you are gone let him get a taste of what you do for your family everyday!!

Felicia - posted on 08/13/2009

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you r rit,my husband thinks that because he do every thing,and i stay at home and watch the kids all day i must not b tired.I mean u love ur kids,but v mom need a rest time to

Jane - posted on 08/13/2009

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so the average job that our guys go to means that they get a 1) shower at the same time in the morning, 2) a breakfast on the way to work or at work, 3) a morning break, 4) a lunch break, 5) an afternoon break and 6) travel time which equals 2 bouts of "me" time for themselves. and a full day of adult conversations. what are they so tired and cranky from??? i barely get a chance to pee.

Amanda - posted on 08/13/2009

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my husband thinks the same way. and it annoys the crap out of me. he does not think he has to watch the kids so i can shower or even cook dinner. so one day i got up early before he did got dresses and as i was leaving the house to goaway and have mommy time i told him i was leaving and put out 16 month old literally on his face while he was in bed and left. i did not answer my phone all day and i came back at 7 pm when it was the baby's bed time and from then on he has been so much better at helping me when he is home oh and i left a list of things that i do durring a typical day that needed to be done before i got home as well. and not even half were done because he told me he had no idea how i do it all day everyday.

Amanda - posted on 08/13/2009

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my husband thinks the same way. and it annoys the crap out of me. he does not think he has to watch the kids so i can shower or even cook dinner. so one day i got up early before he did got dresses and as i was leaving the house to goaway and have mommy time i told him i was leaving and put out 16 month old literally on his face while he was in bed and left. i did not answer my phone all day and i came back at 7 pm when it was the baby's bed time and from then on he has been so much better at helping me when he is home oh and i left a list of things that i do durring a typical day that needed to be done before i got home as well. and not even half were done because he told me he had no idea how i do it all day everyday.

Kathy - posted on 08/13/2009

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My partner is in denial.

He is too self centred to admit how hard it is to look after two young kids and run the household.

Geri - posted on 08/13/2009

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Always. My son can fend for himself, but my daughter is only 6. But who does the laundry, wash dishes by hand and cook. Hardly ever ever gets a Thank You.

April - posted on 08/13/2009

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My husband says I work just as hard as he does, the only difference is I don't get paid

Rachel - posted on 08/13/2009

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Thats what my husband thought till i left our newly one year old with him, i left him setting up for her party so i could go get the ballons and when i got back he asked me how i got anything done with her around i just smiled and asked so know you knowwhy i want you to take her when you get home. lol

Jackie - posted on 08/13/2009

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Not married, but my Fiance acts the same way. I ask him to do something to help me put and he whines about how he shouldnt have to since he worked all day. He just wants to relax and rough-house with our 18 month old, leaving me with sole care of our 6 week old, plus Dinner!

Mystri - posted on 08/13/2009

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All I can say is on one of his days off leave the house a mess, don't set anything out for dinner, leave your child with him, and take off for about an hour. That should do it and then he'll see that you work just as hard as him if not harder!

Lorraine - posted on 08/13/2009

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my husband will not straight out and tell me that, but i do get that feeling. if he sees me getting frustrated, then he will definitely take the baby for a little bit. it might be me too though. when he comes home, i wan't to give him time to relax after work. later one though, i start thinking hey when do i get my turn!!

Amanda - posted on 08/13/2009

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My husband does the exact same thing. I have 4 kids and he thinks I just sit at home and watch tv all day. I tell him that I would love to switch places with him for one week and let him see that is not what I do.

Terri - posted on 08/13/2009

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My husband really tries to help me the best he can, the problem is it is just easier for me to do it all. He cant calm the baby she just screams louder when I hand her over. However on his days off he would prefer me do it all because he does feel like he needs more of a break than I do, If I could only get him to do my job for a day he would change his mind!!

Kathy - posted on 08/13/2009

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My partner thinks the same, though he works 3 days a week and then sits on his butt the rest of the time. I think he must be the most non-understanding person I know.

He sees what I do to look after our nearly two year old and his seven year old daughter, plus housework, pickingup/dropping off at school etc and doesn't lift a finger to help, and has a fit if I want him to pick up his daughter from school.

Leaving him with the two girls for an hour or two is like coming home to world war 3 when I walk in the door..

Is there an electrical "man-prod" out there to make him wake up and realise what us mothers do to run a household? As I desperately need one!

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