Because you're a stay at home mom does your husband think you dont do anything all day?

Jamie - posted on 08/11/2009

My husband is the exact same way, doesn't drive you mad! They have no clue!

Jessica - posted on 08/11/2009

Those first few months are so hard. I went through similar things with each child. My husband would complain about the house. And ask me what I have done all day. Those first few months all you are doing is changing diapers, feeding, trying to find rest because you didn't sleep at all during the night.

He just doesn't think he should pitch in with house work. That really bugs me.

I feel like if I am out of commission so to speak he should step up and help out. This is why our 4th child is our last. I just can't do this anymore. Those first few months kill me. And to get the what did you do all day during that time really is hurtful. I don't think our marriage could take it.

He isn't as bad now about things though that the kids are older. He takes the kids outside and helps a bit in the house. But once in a while still complains about housework.

I have left him home for a week with the kids while I went a few different trips for different reasons. For a short time he really appreciates the things I do. But it soon wears off and it all goes back. UGH anyway you aren't alone (((hugs)))

Felicia - posted on 08/11/2009

Um yeah sometimes,,, But next week i will be going back to work in the evenings so he will have them all night about 3 days a week so he will have to give them baths and put them to bed so we will see how he likes that!!

Laura - posted on 08/11/2009

my son's BD thought I did nothing all day. If I asked him to take care of the baby for a little bit he'd put up a fight with me.

Brittany - posted on 08/11/2009

Forgot to meantion: Slings are great for using if your baby demands to be held while you do chores! It might take you a little longer to finish the chore but your baby will be happy being next to you.

Brittany - posted on 08/11/2009

I remember arguing with my husband when we first had our son. Arguing doesn't help and yes he does need to help with the baby. But if the baby is only one month old, give your husband time to adjust to being a father. He might have had a tough day at work and just needs 20 minutes to himself before he is ok to watch the baby. Sit down and talk to him (once the baby is asleep for the night) and tell him that a new baby is harder than you thought. Set aside a time in the evening that he watches the baby so that you can unwind too. If it's decided by both of you, he will be more willing to help. Also when the baby is napping in the mornings, you need to take your shower/bath, eat a hearty meal and/or take a nap yourself. Let the house work go until the baby is awake again. Once the baby is awake, feed and change it's diaper and do some house chores. Your baby will be fine for 30 minutes or so in a baby pen or swing while you are doing one household chore. If I were you, I would do one chore for 30 minutes and then go back to the baby and repeat this during the day(ex. Monday sweeping floors, Tuesday is laundry, Wednesday is cleaning the kitchen extra, Thursday is bathrooms, Friday is making shopping lists). I would recommend setting a time on Saturdays that you have your hubby or a close trusting friend (or if close to family) to have them watch the baby while you get out and get errands done. It's surprising how much grocery shopping will feel like a break to you! Don't worry about your husband thinking the house isn't clean enough, he'll understand with time. If your house is suffering terribly though, you might need to ask some one close to you for help. Don't ever feel ashamed to ask for help. The advice I always give pregnant mothers is to never feel bad about asking for help. If you just need a friend or family member to come over and wash your dishes once a week or to just fold laundry for you, ask for that help. You can't put it all on your husband though (that is the mistake I made). If you are the one staying home, you do need to eventually be able to do it all while he is at work but right now get another woman's help until you feel you can do it all. Remember that it takes a community to raise a child-SO TRUE!

Tina - posted on 08/11/2009

I agree totally--even 20-30 min just to acclimate to home from work is beneficial!

Marcie - posted on 08/11/2009

In spite of all the work I do withe the kids, with him, and the family, when he comes home midday and I lucked up to get a nap, he says, " You really have it good. I wish my life was so easy." He acts as if he doesn't have a clue. I find that hard to believe because he is not willing to switch roles with me, not even for one day.

Claudine - posted on 08/11/2009

My husband is the same way he thinks just because he has a job that he gets paid for that I don't work. He thinks that all I do is sit at home watch tv, eat, and sleep all day. But little does he realize that being a stay at home mom isn't an easy job. You never get a sick day, holiday off, bath by yourself, eat whenever you feel like, and get a vacation. It is a 24/7 job that doesn't end. At least he gets a lunch break and vacation. The minute he walks in the door he takes a shower and sits in front of the tv and plays his video games, complains if the kids bother him while he's playing, yells at me because the kids are not leaving him alone and to do something about it, gets mad if he doesn't have anything to eat, that his laundry for work isn't done when he wanted it, and that the house isn't clean.

Melissa - posted on 08/10/2009

I too want a break when my husband comes home, but he says he just got home from work, he wants a break. He gets the weekends off, I never get a day off. I cook & clean daily, it never ever ends. I always say I am going to go on vacation, by myself! Every once in a while he will ask me why I am mad/not talking to him, I just say I am too tired from all that I do, then he will offer to take on more duties at home, but that only lasts for a few days....Ughhhh

Stormi - posted on 08/10/2009

mine always says it and when i tell him i need a break he will tell me to go to the store that i like the most. Joann's fabric store, meanwhile they close at 9 and he usually tells me to go at 830. its aggravating to say the least.

Desaree - posted on 08/10/2009

He should do his part. Let him settle in for a while first though. I understand being at home with your kids feels like a full time job. My husband never wanted to help either and was totally ungrateful until the tables turned and he had to stay home with the kids because he lost his job. I found a job first with in a week I got flowers and a full appology for how he had taken me for granted.

Aleecia - posted on 08/10/2009

My husband honestly thinks all I do is sit around and watch TV too! We only have one child and she is two but I also have three dogs and two cats. So I am running around cleaning up after them all day too. Some days are better than others. Some times I actually get the house clean and some days I don't. Some days I have dinner ready and some days I don't. But on the days I don't he gets so upset and doesn't understand why everyday can't be the same. I have tried leaving him in charge of it all, and that doesn't work. I even got a job and was working full time second shift as a nurses aid and he still expected me to be able to keep the house clean. Now that he works second shift asking him to be up before ten is impossible even though he is always in bed by one thirty, and I was up every day by nine and didn't get to bed till two or three in the morning when I was working second. If I try to just hand her to him and walk away he will put her down and watch TV. Then she comes to find me because dad is ignoring her. Even when she was to little to move around he would put her down and she would cry and he would either let her cry or would ask me to do something. He is a great dad and a wonderful husband its just that subject we have problems with.

Rachel - posted on 08/10/2009

No my husband is very good about not saying something like that to me which i am so thankful for becuase truly our job as mothers is a never ending job. we do it 24 hours a day. housework never ends. men need to understand that being a housewife and mother is as equally as much or if more work than what they think. Children take so much and we pour ourselves into them. I am glad that my husband would not say insensitive things to me. I think he likes the idea that I am taking care of him and his child and following the role of a wonderful wife and mother and i dont mean to say this to get certain woman going about woman being to good for this cause i think being a mother is one of the most rewarding things you can do. so thats just my opinion.

Kathleen - posted on 08/10/2009

just leave the baby with him for a whole day while you go out and enjoy yourself.. he will soon realize what you have to do all day and understand!!

Crissy - posted on 08/10/2009

My hubby was the same exact way!! It drove me nuts. He eventually got hurt in a mining accident and has been home ever since, so he gets to see how my days go. Let me tell you, he sees things a little differently now! I don't think they think that what we do is a job! You are going to have to tell him, that in order for you to be happy (and him too for that matter), he needs to help you by giving you some free time. Do like Brittany says, and just hand him the baby and walk away.

Anita - posted on 08/10/2009

ask him if he got to pee by himself today!!! hehehe

Anita - posted on 08/10/2009

I was recently laid off so am a stay at home mom indefinitely. My hubby just got a promotion so is super busy at the moment. I try to have everything taken care of at home so he won't have stress here. I just wish sometimes he would be more aware of what I do. I know he works hard for us, but I am working too. Some days, he gets it. Others he doesn't. I think the strategy of leaving him with my daughter for a few hours has worked the best. LOL

Alicia - posted on 08/10/2009

My boyfriend thinks he does more at work...

A lot of people think that it's easy being a stay at home mom and that we don't do anything.

I get really annoyed hearing it

Anna - posted on 08/10/2009

Not in the least! We had that talk once I got pregnant.

Erica - posted on 08/10/2009

My husband completely understands how much it takes for me to take care of the kids and the house. He is wonderful most of the time, although he has his days when work has just been too much for him and he can't handle the kids as soon as he gets home. I try to give him a little bit of time each evening to decompress before I start in on what I need.
I think what helps my husband though is the fact that he just returned from a 15 month deployment to Iraq where he couldn't see or play with his children at all. It really puts it into perspective as to how much they miss during the day, and what they gain from spending time with their family. Try letting him know that you appreciate what he does at work all day, but that you need a little help. Try having something special that only your husband and child do together. Like reading before dinner. Gives them time to bond, you time for a breather, and space for everyone.

Erin - posted on 08/10/2009

see my hubby is great with our son but he thinks im his maid.. im his wife not his mom.lol even though we stay home and they go to work dosent mean they shouldnt help around the house and with the baby.. no one is asking them to scrub the bathroom but a few minutes to your self and the curdisy of picking up after himself is all i ask..

Nicole - posted on 08/10/2009

Quoting Tiffany:

My husband is the same way he thinks I just sit around and watch TV all day. However, even when I leave him with the baby to remind him how hard I work. His attitude is changes back to "you don't go to work everyday" in about 24 hours. Sometimes I think I want to go back to work just so I don't have to hear it anymore.

I totally am with you Tiffany!  My husband is exactly the same, plus I run our trucking company from home!  I have to dispatch trucks deal with brokers, clean and play/teach our 18 month old daughter I told him how hard it is getting because the baby is so curious and starting to speak sentences now so I am teaching her a lot now.  Im starting to potty train on top of it because she is telling me I peed after she wets and is holding it a lot longer now,  I have left the baby with him on weekends before to go to the store and when I come home the house is a disaster and they are both usually asleep,so he gets a hint of what I go through but he has no idea and like Tiffany he usually "forgets" within 24 hrs how hard it is!  I guess thats why women carry and birth the babies because we can deal with a lot more stress than men!

I had him ask his mother about raising him because she was a single mother (hes gone 5 days a week in the semi truck) and after listining to his mom he had some more respect for me:) Maybe you could try a approach similar to that.  Hope you figure something out because I know how frustrating it is!

Evonne - posted on 08/10/2009

My DH used to be like that when our kids were younger, but now that we have fostered kids along with having two of our own..he is in awe at how the house can still run...and when I ask for a weekend away..he says "no problem...but call for backup...I might need it!!" LOL I think he understands now...

Rebecca Lynn - posted on 08/10/2009

I have the same problem :( He gets home from owrk at 7pm and I beg him please watch the baby so I can have a nap or a bath etc... His answer is always the same WHY you didn't do anything today :(

Anita - posted on 08/10/2009

lol....i think u should leave ur husband with the baby for a weekend without u there and see what he thinks then..if a weekend is too long then 24 hours will do...

partners who think we do nothing at home all day is a joke...

Carrie - posted on 08/10/2009

Hello I find if you just let him get in and have a brew first it saves an hour of arguing about it. My husband is a teacher and with kids all day so he needs 10 mins to aclimatise!

Jane - posted on 08/10/2009

your baby is only a month old! it's a crazy time! my breaking point is around 4pm for some reason. i usually get a pit in my stomach and lots of anxiety. probably b/c i need sleep and a shower and food. you need a break, he gets a lunch break at work, we don't get an automatic lunch break or bathroom break, etc.

you both are soooooo new at this. you're both adjusting. hand him the baby about half an hour after he comes home and go lay down or drive to your mother's house and take a nap. physically, you need a break from taking care of your newborn. as my sister-in-law told me, "it's no good to be a tired mom".

recently my husband wanted to know why our house isn't as organized and clean as his mother's house b/c she had four kids and we only have two - well, they're all adults w/their own homes now. thankfully, my mother-in-law spoke up and told him that when she had two little kids, her house wasn't clean and organized and he shouldn't expect ours to be right now.

you can take the "the baby missed you" approach and make it "their time" when he gets home. and he could help out by ordering take out and you can go pick it up so you get a break. nobody is making homemade meals or cleaning at this early stage of being parents. (i still don't but as my kids get older i will.) even just going to the drug store to read trashy magazines off the rack or b'day cards for 10 minutes, that helps refresh my brain.

most importantly, working all day has nothing to do w/bonding w/his baby. he needs to do both. maybe he's anxious about being a new dad. seriously, husbands are somewhat useless for the first 6 months of a baby's life. during that time, they best serve us by running errands and folding laundry. he may just feel useless and neglected. if it's dinner he wants, then just order out for now. he's gonna have to learn how your family all fits together and he's a very important part of it although he may not feel that way. my husband became very stressed out after our 2 year old was born b/c he felt the weight of the world on his shoulders - he was responsible for her and me and our lives and our health and her education and her safety, etc (i know i'm rambling but it's 4am). his part is just as important and just as hard and he needs to feel that he matters and know that you're just as overwhelmed as he is. being a parent is an awesome responsibility, it consumes you. but he does need his own time w/his son.

Stephenie - posted on 08/09/2009

My husband is appreciative. He stays with our son for a few hours on the weekends sometimes while I do errands or other activities and it makes him realize what a handful a 7 month old is. Our son is extremely active and cries a lot if you don't keep him active so my husband realizes what a task it is. He often tells me that there is no way he could do what I do and that he would much rather be the one to go to work. LOL Maybe your husband just needs to take a week of vacation and babysit the baby all day to realize how much work it takes.

Amanda - posted on 08/09/2009

My husband ask me what I have being doing. Because, my daughter is 2 now and she love putting things on the floor. I told him we need to teach her about putting things on the floor. So now I am trying to find a job, but I am a college student online and take care of our child.

Tiffany - posted on 08/09/2009

My husband is the same way he thinks I just sit around and watch TV all day. However, even when I leave him with the baby to remind him how hard I work. His attitude is changes back to "you don't go to work everyday" in about 24 hours. Sometimes I think I want to go back to work just so I don't have to hear it anymore.

Rebecca - posted on 08/09/2009

my partner think i sit on my bum all day and dont do anything.

last night i told him that my job is way more important than any other job a woman can have, i told him i cook/clean/raise our child and do every thing inbetween while hes at work then wen he comes home its like im looking after another child.

my partner went out for a drink with a few of his mates on saturday night, as he was walking out the door i said to him "so when can i have a night off and go have a drink with the girls?" his response "you go out for lunch with the girls all the time so why do you want to go out and have a drink?", i was glad he shut the door behind him because i was so angry

Porscha - posted on 08/09/2009

Mine is the same too. I got so tired of him saying I had all day to relax while he was at work that I decided to do just that for a few days. All I did after I had showered was play with the baby. The house looked like a disaster zone, even tho our baby was only about 9mths old at the time (I'd hate to see what would happen if I did this again now that we have 3 kids lol). I didn't even bother organising dinner til after he got home, so dinner was pretty boring for those few days. He realised after a few days that I didn't sit around drinking coffee all day...and he was begging for me to wash his clothes and make a proper dinner again lol



You are definatly not alone. Maybe you should go on strike for a few days lol worked for me :)

Ashlye - posted on 08/09/2009

My husband is the same too, he thinks he works all day so he should come home nad relax, but when do we get time to relax, if the baby is asleep, we have house work to keep up with. i usually just hand her to him, and walk off to take a bath or something, then he has no choce but to take care of her

Melissa - posted on 08/09/2009

My husband does the same thing he thinks that i do nothing all day but sit and watch tv, the only down time i have is when the kids are naping, when he comes home i ask him to take the kids so i can relax for a little bit he has the "idont want to but i will" attitude. I think it is just a guy thing.

Martha - posted on 08/09/2009

OH NO, NOT AT ALL!!!!!! my hubby is AMAZING.
he knows how hard it is to be a stay-home-mom and supports me in everything.
ofcourse I make sure to remind l him often hehhehe AND he LIVED it once I left on a trip for 2 days on school days!!!! hehehehe......THEN HE REALIZED!!!! hehehe :)

Jane - posted on 08/09/2009

make an appointment for anything - ob is a good one, who can argue w/that? he'll adjust quickly and/or be grateful for all you do. i left my husband w/our two gilrs one day and when i came in he said in desperation, "i love you...how do you do this all day?!"

Tara - posted on 08/09/2009

My husband used to think that way - at least until I left him with the baby for several hours one day because I had to do some errands that he wasn't able to take care of - he's never had a problem with taking our daughter for a while since then. Although I expect he's going to have even more of a wakeup call when we have our 2nd one in September LOL.

Christi - posted on 08/09/2009

thats should be shouldnt* have to help w/ the baby

Heather - posted on 08/09/2009

My husband knows better than to tell me i don't do nothing all day.

Brittany - posted on 08/09/2009

My husband is the same way. I just hand him the baby and walk away. After about fifteen minutes of my husband trying to calm our baby while he screamed down I ask him if he still thinks I did nothing all day. He usually apologizes and tells me that I can have a break if I need it.