Becoming resentful...

Danielle - posted on 07/17/2011 ( 14 moms have responded )

605

13

21

I'm married with two children. I don't have a job outside the home due to the fact that it would cost us more to put the kids in daycare. I use to love being a SAHM but here lately I'm not liking it at all. I'm stuck in the house 7 days a week 24 hours a day. The last time I had a couple of hours without the kids was about two mnths ago. It would prlly be different if the kids would go outside and play but due to the heat they go out for five minutes and come in and are right back under me saying "I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, I want ice cream, Mom can I have ice cream?" This goes on ALL day. I'm so angry right now b/c I had planned to go to an amusement park today with my brother & his girlfriend but my FIL is sick so I didn't a bby sitter & my husband tells me he has to work today but yet at this moment he's laid up on the couch. Turns out he didn't have to work at all. All I want is a few hours to just be an adult and not have to worry about wiping noses or answering a million questions. It's making me resent my husband every time he walks out the door to go to work. I feel horrible b/c I feel like I'm being selfish, but I'm at the point now where that's all I feel.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Bobbi - posted on 08/13/2011

29

11

1

Thanks Brandy. I have. He's a great provider and he's a good dad in other ways. It's better than being a lone :) I am disabled and don't work a receive only a small monthly check from ss. I need him. I just hope Danielle can work something out with her hubby. I was just venting too, I guess. Thanks for listening :)

Bobbi - posted on 08/05/2011

29

11

1

I have a similar problem myself. Every one says the same to me "they're his kids too...don't feel bad." Unfortunately it's not him I feel bad for. I know how the kids get ignored and yelled at when they 'bother' him. ie: ask for a drink while he's playing video games. also, IF I do got out or just even take a nap the house is disgusting and destroyed when I return. It also does not matter when I return, it could be 9 or 11 pm (my kids bedtime is 7:30-8ish) my kids are still up or allowed to fall asleep wherever they are dirty and without jammies or pull-ups. I hope you can work this issue out with your husband...I really do but so far it has not worked for me .
I am sorry you're going through this.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

14 Comments

View replies by

Kyleigh - posted on 08/13/2011

54,671

39

254

iknow the feeling danielle about being a SAHM and being cooped up 24hours 7 days a week!

Brandy - posted on 08/13/2011

553

23

84

i dont think i would want to be married to someone who was so mean to my children that i felt uncomfortable leaving them alone with him, maybe thats something you should give some serious thought to bobbi

Montana - posted on 08/05/2011

290

33

37

I rarely get time away from my home n kids either. My hubby is gone 12-13 hours a day and we dont have help from family and all of the babysitters we have used in the past have real jobs now and dont babysit anymore. I use a tv show as an excuse to get out. Every Thursday night, I go to my girlfriends house for Greys Anatomy. In the off season we can change it to whatever day we want. My hubby isnt home til 7/8 c'clock so the kids are pretty much in bed when he gets home so I dont ever miss a thing but I enjoy getting out even if its only 3-4 hours a week.

Sarah - posted on 08/05/2011

203

26

10

Don't feel guilty about wanting a break - all mommies need one once in awhile. I'm a SAHM as well & I'm always grateful to have extra hands around to help out on my husband's day off. In my opinion, I think moms need a little break every now and then and not feel guilty about it. Your kids aren't going to resent you for it & they aren't going to grow up thinking, 'My mom was never there for me.' I would suggest sitting down with your husband & talking to him about it. If he isn't open to it, tell him he needs to be open about it. If he tries to tell you that being a SAHM isn't hard, leave for a few days and let him see how difficult it can be at times. Don't feel guilty about leaving your kids with him - they are his kids too.

Rachel - posted on 07/17/2011

170

23

14

Wow I feel for you and it definitely sounds like you need to get out more. Are there any other SAHM's nearby that you can have playdates with or swap babysitting? Check out www.meetup.com. If you live in or near a big city chances are there will be a meetup group nearby that you can join. It has really been a lifesaver for me especially since we've moved a couple times in the past few years. I have a toddler and another baby on the way and we live in a small apartment so getting out of the house and being around other mom's and little ones is a must to keep your sanity. Also talk to your husband and just let him know straight out that you need time for yourself occasionally in the evenings or weekends when he is home. Even just to go to the grocery store or go shopping or just go out and have a drink. Let him know that this will help you to be happier and all around a better person. Set a day/time maybe once a week or every other week or at least once a month so that he knows ahead of time and can be prepared to put the kids to bed without you.

Danielle - posted on 07/17/2011

605

13

21

This has been an ongoing problem for a while. At one time I would go to our local bar once a mnth just to get a break but it caused so much strife in my marriage that it just wasn't worth it. So I don't go anywhere. Most of the time I'm happy just sitting home and spending time with my family but after a mnth or so I start getting this itch to just do something completely random and for myself. I also have a problem with making my husband stay with the kids while I go and do something. It makes me feel so guilty b/c I know what it's like to have to miss out on doing something b/c I don't have a bbysitter. All he does is work, he never goes and does anything so I in my mind I can't justify leaving him home. So that makes me even more angry lol. But when I get like this I get snappy. Any little thing pisses me off and so at the moment my husband and I are not even speaking.

Brandy - posted on 07/17/2011

553

23

84

i feel like that alot, and i agree with melissa if your husband cant give you time then you should make time, he cant expect you to stay home all the time its not fair, and if he's at home you should just leave. thats what i did, my husband had invited company over without telling me until the last minute and i had been working my butt off in the house all day and was expected to make a birthday dinner and cake for this friend so i cleaned up and said ill be back i have to take a break and i left. of course it made everyone mad but who cares! and my husband ended up having to take care of everything that night, which is probably why he asks me if i need help or if i need to go anywhere from now on lol

Melissa - posted on 07/17/2011

797

19

86

Oh no not cool...why are hubby's so annoying...I feel like I am on the verge of a divorce all the time because of this same exact problem! It is imparative that your husband steps up in this matter....I would have just left and let him figure it out! In fact next time he is on the couch you just leave!!!! 1st and foremost you are not being selfish...your husband is! What I have learned to do is take matters into my own hands....plan something and do it and I have left my hubby going wtf so many times he has even had to cancel plans but it worked he got it! Now we have egual time, well most weeks he is still a bit selfish....
Also fource yourself to find something else outside of the kids and home...I say force yourself because it is so easy when you are depressed to find reasons why you can't. I have found a small very part time job...only a few hours on the weekend mornings. This way I get to socialize, which I have completely forgotten how to do, and I still get to be home with my son to do fun things!
Everything has to be equal! You are not a babysitter, or a maid! You are a wife and mother and we need to be treated that way!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms