Behavior issue in toddler

Barb - posted on 01/22/2012

My son did this too at that age. It was very frustrating for me a it was impossible to figure out what he was upset about. Often I'd be doing what I thought he wanted and he'd scream no so I'd do the opposite and he'd scream no. I remember telling people that no didn't always mean no with him and you couldn't trust him. :) Sometimes is have it right but he'd scream no two or three times before he'd receive it and be satisfied. So I learned to ignore his 'no's sometimes.



Walking away was never an option because he'd never stop the tantrum without some action on my part. It was often exasperating! BUT the good news is that he has gotten over this... or grown out of it. We no longer have these sort of tantrums. He will be three in two months. So it does come to an end. Treat them with as much love and nurturing care as you can amid the frustration so that you will feel good about how you performed under pressure. :) It won't last forever, thank God.

Stifler's - posted on 01/22/2012

Sounds like the terrible 2s. My kid is the same. You just have to walk away. Arguing with them is useless and then they start hitting you and carrying on and screaming more because you're playing along with it. Reward them when they do something good and it will encourage them to be good.

Summer - posted on 01/20/2012

Sorry, I should have clarified! I was referring to the other commenters who say they just walk away. I think of how I like to be treated when I'm upset, and then try to do that to them.

If my husband just ignored me while I laid on the bed and sobbed just because he didn't understand why I was crying I would be so hurt. I'm hoping to teach my sons how to behave towards people who are upset by how I react to them when they are upset. I don't think we need to always understand why or be able to fix our children's upset (they may just need US which is very reasonable for a two year old) but we should treat them with empathy. When my son is upset and tantruming I scoop him up in my arms and speak calmly to him. I don't give him the thing he wants or fix the problem, I just try to connect with him and give him permission to be upset about whatever it was that upset him. We all feel upset when experiencing loss, whether it's having someone steal our parking spot or loosing our job, I hope to teach my sons how to discharge that upsetness in healthy ways.

Candice - posted on 01/20/2012

i never said i "walk away" from my 2 year old son. but when i'm doing dishes in the kitchen and he's on the other side of the gate and he won't let me console him. i let him have his tantrum. i don't lock him in his room because obviously that doesn't help his situation. but when i continue to do dishes and he keeps on crying, he does eventually stop and when he does, i come in there and try to pick him up again.

Summer - posted on 01/19/2012

I disagree with walking away and abandoning them! He's two! They don't know what "normal" is or why they are doing what they are doing. They need you to guide them back to being ok. You model calm and kindness and give them the space to be upset. There emotions are real, we have to teach them how go express them. Locking them in their rooms won't accomplish that.



There is a right way and a wrong way to act when you are upset, just like there is a right and wrong way to sit at the dinner table and talk to people, etc. I really love Patty Wipfler and Hand in Hand Parenting. She is amazing and her strategies have transformed my boys into amazingly mellow little guys. My son will say, "Mommy I'm upset. Can you hold me?" and the storm will pass.

Ripleigh - posted on 01/19/2012

They all go through this. He is testing limits. Just walk away. He is frustrated because he can't express himself and you can't understand him. I wouldn't worry too much. It is frustrating but really normal.

Candice - posted on 01/19/2012

my 25 month old son is very sensitive when he first wakes up in the morning or from a nap. i think it's totally normal that they throw fits at this age at what seems like to us, over absolutely nothing. i will get what my son wants and then he throws it when i give it to him when i thought that was what he wanted. only 2 things work for me. i get his blanket and passy (i'm working on getting rid of that now!) and hold him and give him cuddles and rub his hair til he's calmed down. i've noticed that he does it for attention so i just scoop him up and give him some love, maybe put on a movie or something distracting. the other thing... if refuses me, i just let him have it out. i don't give him the attention and i tell him i won't give you anything until you stop crying first! and then i ignore him. i really think it's the age. i have two other kids and i don't think they had terrible two's as bad as my son, but really, they all go through it whether it be horrible or not. they might have it at 3 or 4 or 1. but 2 is a hard age. i can only compare it to progressing from a regular kid into an emotional teenager. there are so many changes happening at 2, changing from a baby into a kid. they don't understand what's going on and neither does a fresh brand new teenager. i hope this helps at least a little bit.

Tiziana - posted on 01/19/2012

Thank you everyone. I'm starting to think this are just tantrums versus a moreserious behavior issue. This is my first child so everything is new to me. He does it at random times. Right after he gets up from a 3 hour nap or in the middle of the afternoon after his snack. So I don't think it as anything to do with being tired or hungry either. This morning he was up @ 6 and has 2 episodes by 9. I just get so stressed cause nothing I do works. Putting him in his room or redirecting him. This too shall pass

Katelyn - posted on 01/19/2012

My son turned two in september. He speaks very well and can communicate his needs. He does this whenever its bedtime. He'll tell me he wants his sippy cup. I give it to him so that he can take a drink and he'll take it and throw it and tells me he doesn't want it. So i pick it up and take it with me then he wants me to bring it back. He does this with many different things other than his sippy cup. I know he does it because he is trying to avoid the dreaded "nuh night time". He will do this also when he is tired. Before I tell him it is bedtime or nap time. So its a sign for me that he is cranky and doesn't know what he wants. That is just him though. I don't know if it is a phase that some two year olds normally go through or not. My son likes to argue for the sake of arguing. He knows his colors, numbers, and most of the alphabet. If I tell him a crayon is blue, he will tell me its red. If I ask him to tell me what color it is he will tell me that it is blue. If I tell him no, he will tell me yes. He just likes to argue...it turns into a tantrum when he is tired. This might not have been much help, but your not alone.

Tasha - posted on 01/19/2012

I agree with Kyleigh. My almost 3 yr old at times will do this and it's not that she really needs anything just just wants you to pull everything off the shelves so she can see what looks the most fun lol. (Granted she doesn't cry and yell at me anymore) but it's like she wants to see whats there and is bored.

Medic - posted on 01/18/2012

My dd will be 2 in a week and she does this...I just send her to her room until she is ready to be normal again.

Sally - posted on 01/18/2012

He's starting to be his own person instead of part of you and he doesn't know how yet. Try to be patient. They do outgrow it, but it can come back if they are tired or not feeling well.

Good luck

Kyleigh - posted on 01/18/2012

My dd does this too (have an attitude) and says "nooooooo, gooooo! and points the opposite direction! lol, I just leave her on the floor standing (putting her down from carrying her) she 'll cry and want me to "pick her back up," then she will lay her head down on me, like she is telling me by her hug im sorry mommy! (really its too cute)

Kyleigh - posted on 01/18/2012

Yeah perhaps the nap wasn't long enough?

Tiziana - posted on 01/18/2012

Thanks Kyleigh. I do try to redirect him but he will not calm down and just throws everything. I'd think he was tired too but he does it right when he gets up from his nap at times.

Kyleigh - posted on 01/18/2012

My DD does this she is almost 2 yrs old (tomorrow) , she can't "make up her mind," I just try and find her comfy zone, whether i get out the crayons and drawing paper, or one of her new toys etc... its re directing then really they forget about what they were crying and throwing a fit about. Or she must be tired lol