Being a stay at home mum

Rachael - posted on 11/10/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hello,



Im a stay at home mum and have been since my daughter was born in March 2008. When i found out i was pregnant i knew i wanted to stay at home with my daughter for as long as possible, so that i could have that time with her while she was young and not miss out on anything. I have always felt pressure from some other working mums, some family and some of society in general to go back to work like being a stay at home mum makes me lazy. I am responsible for all house hold duties, meal, sleep preperation, play and learning activities, doctor appointments, playgroup and play time outing ect ect ect!! Im tired most the day to be honest! I feel like alot of the joy of being a mum has been taken away through being undervalued and through deciding not to go back to work yet. I hardly spent time for myself, with friends, at the hairdresser or any other beauty therepy for that matter. But still i feel like a horrible mum becuse i havent used this time to study or on my career. I dont nock any mums who work out side the house its just not what i have wanted for myself yet. It actually make sme feel really bad about myself and like a failure. Does anyone ever feel like this sometimes?

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4 Comments

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Miriam - posted on 11/11/2009

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That was a lovely reply Tina.
I sometimes feel that I am copping out cos I am a SAHM.
I even said so to my mum just the other day.
I love being a saty at home mum because I love being there for my children. I find it quite easy, in that it is straight forward. No office politics, gurning customers etcetc.
Isaid to mum that I was only too happy to get off the career track, I was never destined to be a career girl anyway.
But when having said it like that, to her, I defo feel like I am copping out and taking and easy route.
but I am not, am I.
Being a SAHM mum is tough.
In comparison, going to work is easier, in some respects.
Yikes, not wanting to offend either party here.

Like you Rachael, I sometimes feel that I ought to go back to work to 'contribute' to the house.
I think I am enjoying it so much I feel guilty that hubby has to go out and miss all that I get.

Ridiculous, isn't it?

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Hi Rachael,

So often I felt like that when my kids were just babies and I had people, mostly friends, asking the same thing. In hind site I realise they speak from ignorance.I went to work when my first child was 2 and I hated every minute of it. I found a way to stay with him and still contribute financially. I agree with Sylvia and Bethany... If you are comfortable with your choice then don't let other peoples' opinions take away from your experiencing joy.

I work with many stay at home mums that work from home because they do not want to miss their childrens' milestones and they are motivated by the desire to NEVER have to put their child in daycare. We love helping others, but we want to be there for our families first. You stick to your decision so long as you feel it is right for you. Be strong in knowing what you want and why you want it. Focus on seeing evidence of your decision being right for you, like seeing your child do something for the first time, etc. Enjoy the experience of parenthood and find other like-minded people to connect with. Value yourself and see how important you truely are to the people in your life. If you value who you are then other's opinions of you won't matter. Something my husband used to always say to me was, "what others think of you is none of your business". What YOU think of you is of utmost importance!

Bethany - posted on 11/11/2009

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the only person who can make you feel inferior is yourself. If you know you are doing a good job, then that is enough. I am sure noone has actually said to your face you are undervalued, and are not doing a good job. We often put words in people's mouths, when others are actually wishing they had the same opportunity.

If you can afford to stay at home and raise your own kids instead of a heap of other people raising them, then good on you. You hold your head up and you hold that position of Stay At Home Mother with pride. As long as you know you are doing your best, that is enough.

I get asked when I am going back to work all the time, like it is normal to have a child then run off to work like nothing happened, like nothing changed. "Of course not", I say, "I have a child to raise and a household to run"

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You shouldn't feel like a failure. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be able to see the progression your child(ren) is doing! Just know that once you do start working again, you won't see your kid(s) as much & then you may start missing them. That's good too cause you may need that break but you'll have something to look forward to when you come home...

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